Finding dog owning a bit relentless

[Blueberrywitch]

We’ve just returned from holiday and had our lovely dog returned to us.

She’s honestly a treasure, is such a good girl and absolutely no complaints about her, but I just found that the day we arrived back before she was collected from her doggy sitters was so relaxing, and having her back feels like this endless list of chores and life admin stretching ahead of me.

I’m getting a bit panicked!! I honestly wonder if I should even have children if the prospect of walking and feeding and organising care for a perfect dog is too much for me.

I guess I just miss having the house to myself and DP and that 1:1 energy, with her here we just spend most of our time talking to the dog or patting her instead of each other! We used to be such a tactile couple, constantly canoodling, and now she gets 100% of both of our cuddles.

I don’t even know if there is any advice I am seeking, just needed to vent really. It might just be holiday blues as well and needing to get back into that rhythm of life again. Or maybe I need to get some doggy sitting for a break even if we aren’t on holiday.

Completely terrible but sometimes I imagine adopting her out to a lovely retired couple beside the sea so she could live her best doggy life and I could sleep in again 💔😭

I have no idea how all you wonderful people with reactive dogs and dogs with other issues deal with life, you must be absolute saints and full of so much energy.

I looked at my gorgeous boy this morning. While I love him, having a dog is such a huge commitment. It's more demanding in time and energy than the cat and chickens and much harder to find people to help care for him when we want to go away.

I actually find the kids easier.

But over and above that I love him. He gets us out, his friendship is unconditional, and he is such a sweetheart. I really do love having him, I'm just not sure I'd have another when the day comes that he's not with us anymore.

@CrazyGerbil I completely know what you mean

If you didn't have her you'd miss her beyond anything, that's the problem, I considered rehoming when my Ddog was a puppy because it was awful, but DH kept telling me to imagine Ddog driving off with someone and me saying goodbye, fills me with despair, I'd rather have all the hard work than to ever say goodbye

Dogs can be hard work - a bit like horses, they're more of a lifestyle choice than a pet. They need daily exercise, feeding, company and care - and yes, that can be really bloody draining when you're shattered and the weather is foul and you just can't be arsed 🤣

I think blips are normal - I work with dogs too and honestly, some days I feel my boy is a nightmare and he drives me insane, but in reality that makes up such a small proportion of dog ownership. The cuddles, the love and the benefits to my mental health all hugely outweigh the days he's being an utter pain

Do you not walk the dog together at weekends? Many cafes etc allow dogs in, so can go for a walk and then have a nice lunch

I felt like that too when Ddog came back after a weekend at dog walkers, that I insisted upon as DH had gone away.

He was the one who wanted the dog - ironically just as DS was 12 and getting to the age where he needed much less hands on care.

It was lovely when ddog was away - I gutted the living room and it didn't get dirty or start smelling of dog again within 5 minutes.

But then he's our dog and I do love him. I guess it's just enjoy the breaks you do get.

We are also a childless couple and having a dog really brings us together. Love.pottering around on walks and laughing at his antics. He is an older and calmer dog rescue too, which helps a ot, so not stressed by his behaviour at all. We enjoy the short time we have with him and it gives us something to talk about every day even when we've got our own stuff going on. I love our little family unit

I have had dogs all my life. All photos of me as a baby and child are with various dogs. I have worked with dogs all my life too. I am 63 and now dog free and OMG! Don't get me wrong. I love dogs and look at videos of them all the time as I miss them so much but I'm not going back to dog ownership now. I hadn't realised how much effort dog ownership actually is. That and vet bills now that are truly insane numbers - it's a no from now on.

I adore dogs, we grew up fostering rescues. Buuuut after living with my inlaws and their badly trained lapdogs, dog hair in the house, the smell, the noise etc it has put me off dog ownership until I live somewhere like I grew up, with acres of land, kennels outside and no need to leash exercise a dog. My childhood dogs had lovely lives as farm dogs and spoiled, but we’re definitely dogs and not treated like surrogate children.

I’m pregnant and also very nervous about the upheaved in my life headed my way in approx 5 months, but I think a baby will be different as I birthed it (hopefully 😂)

I remember getting my first dog with my then-boyfriend who'd grown up with dogs, loved dogs, couldn't wait to get his own dog as an adult, it's easy, they're no bother, you'll love it, will make our house a home, etc, etc.

What he remembered from his childhood was his dad producing the puppy with a huge ta-da!!!! on his birthday. What he didn't remember was the next twelve years of his mother thinking about the dog, feeding the dog, taking the dog to the vets, booking the dog into kennels, and generally adding the dog to her mental checklist of Living Things to Deal With.

When he told her we'd adopted a dog, she just looked at me and her eyes said, 'And so it begins.'

The thing that I find most difficult is I can't switch off. Even if she's at the dog boarders I'm not relaxed, still thinking/worrying about her.

You miss having the house to yourself? In what way? On the rare occasion our dogs aren't in the house (if I get home for eg and DP has taken them for a walk) the house seems really quiet and empty without them. I can't imagine enjoying the house without them in it. How long have you had your dog for? If it's recently then you might still be adjusting to the big life change that having a dog entails?

I feel the same. Love my 11-year-old sweet, cooperative dog but having the care of him tells me I would have been miserable having kids. Big bullet dodged.

Can you put this one AIBU so I can vote YABU for using the word canoodling! 🤮 I had no idea that word had such a physical effect on my stomach until just now 😂

I find having a dog harder than having the 3 kids! He’s totally adorable and pretty easy & the kids love him too but it does feel hard sometimes. He’s only young so how knows how I’ll feel in the future but currently he will be our last dog. Cats & chickens are just as adorable to me and much easier!

I think your thread is useful, as too many people get a dog because they love dogs and had dogs as a child - but when you were a child, it was your parents who had the responsibility!

If you don't want to be tied, do not get a dog. They are far more tying than a child.

People comparing dogs with children are so wide of the mark, that is bonkers.

You should have got a cat, much less work , money and stress than a lot of animals!

I was thinking something like this earlier this morning... Why the hell do we have dogs? I feel bad when they aren't as well-behaved as they ought to be, we get woken up by them, they are a lot of hassle...

And now of course they're snoozing next to me and I wouldn't be without them.

As with anything that takes up a large chunk of your energy, now and then you think, 'Sod it, why did I take this on?' There were times when the DC were little (and that was MUCH more relentless than the dogs) when I'd be making the dinner and fantasising about running off to Rio with the contents of the bank account.

Then I'd finally get them all ready for bed and they'd be cute and adorable and I'd get that warm fuzzy glow.

You just need a sense of perspective. Young dogs calm down. DC grow up and slowly take more and more control of their own lives. But when the dogs are frenetic and the DC demanding, time to yourself is a double-edged sword as it makes you realise just how much of your energy they take.

The expenditure of energy is worth it in the end, though.

Tortoises are the perfect pets! They do not care for attention, they mooch around by themselves, they eat dandelions, they go in a box in a fridge for 6 months of the year, people are usually happy to have them for the novelty factor for holidays although mine can just be left in garden for weekend trips, they have regular hiding places so you always know where to find them 😁

They do bite your toes though especially when you are sunbathing or otherwise relaxing in bare feet and so that is annoying!

The expenditure of energy is worth it in the end, though.

For me it's not the energy required that's the issue, I don't mind the training or the walks. I just don't find that a dog adds much joy to my life. Walks and days out are not more fun with a dog just more work. I don't particularly enjoy dog cuddling up to me on the sofa. Then there's the guilt, she loves me absolutely unconditionally, but the feeling isn't likewise.

Like children, I should have stuck to admiring other people's.

I looked after a friend’s dog for a week whilst they went on holiday. Loved it! Looked after him again for 2 weeks and couldn’t wait to give him back by the end. I already had a 5yo so knew the feeling of relentless care and responsibility but the dog was something else. I’d happily have him again for a week but anything longer would be too much. It’s also made me realise that maybe I don’t want my own dog as much as I thought.

@MsMarvellous that’s a relief to hear that kids are easier. By the way, if you’re in the UK definitely give Borrow my doggy a go! We have lots of options of wonderful dog lovers for holiday care now.

Agree that children are easier. They grow up for starters. Having a dog is like permanently having a toddler.