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The doghouse

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Original poster

DP struggling with puppyhood :(

51 replies

foreverinmyheart · 26/06/2022 18:27

Feel sad to type this out. We picked up our darling little puppy 3 weeks ago. Overall, he's really really good. He loves the crate and will sleep through the night. He's very trainable and so eager to please. He naps a lot in the day so it is manageable to have a break.

But. My DP really struggles with the intensity of having a puppy. Things like constantly having to watch them (for toilet training and also not chewing things). He struggles with the endless training journey we are now on. He really really hates the puppy biting and loses patience. We have techniques but he finds it draining. I do get it, it's hard work when puppy gets hyper. We put puppy to bed as we know he is tired but it can still be v painful when he tries to jump & nip & bite. Overall it doesn't happen too often as I manage it carefully but I can't stop it completely. I do all the training and he is honestly pretty good most the time.

DP does bond and enjoy moments with him. But when DP is tired he withdraws and finds it too much. We started this out together but I now have taken on the main caring role (which I am very happy to do for puppy because I adore him) but I do find it sad.

I know things will get better eventually as our little pup gets older.

Not sure if there is even any advice to be offered, but wanted to see if anyone else went through something similar I guess.

Maybe it is just puppy blues and it will pass. He does get quite down about it all.

OP posts:
HelpIneedsomebodywontyouplease · 26/06/2022 18:34

Blimey. Don’t have kids with him fgs!

No, I didn’t have this. We were equally very involved with training, toilet training, walking, clearing up etc. It’s a bit crap of him to leave it all for you because he’s tired. I’m sure you get tired too!

Original poster
foreverinmyheart · 26/06/2022 18:50

Yep fair comment re having kids... :(

He does help out but it's more like in bursts. So it overall ends up falling on me.

I'm hoping as puppy gets older he will find it easier... It is mostly the puppy nipping/biting and toilet training that is the issue that brings him down.

OP posts:
bishbashboshhhhh · 26/06/2022 20:56

Get rid of dp and enjoy a wonderful like with your ddog

bishbashboshhhhh · 26/06/2022 20:57

Personally lack of patience with an animal would be game over with me because ultimately I like animals more than people haha

Relationshipproblems1990 · 26/06/2022 21:00

My (now ex but unrelated) got the puppy blues pretty bad and similarly. He now loves the dog so much. We share him. He is also a fantastic father to our daughter.
it is just one of those things some people go through when getting a puppy. Realisation of the loss of freedom etc I guess.

Aquamarine1029 · 26/06/2022 21:02

Don't ever have children with this man child. Your eyes should be wide open now, and what you see is what you get. A man who can't handle responsibility and dumps it back onto you.

userxx · 26/06/2022 21:10

bishbashboshhhhh · 26/06/2022 20:57

Personally lack of patience with an animal would be game over with me because ultimately I like animals more than people haha

I'm with you on that.

bumpytrumpy · 26/06/2022 21:11

This is a great insight into how he would be as a father. Take it on board. Really, really see and listen to the person that he is. And never have kids with him expecting anything different.

justanotherlaura · 26/06/2022 21:19

This feels a bit mean to your partner. My husband was the same when we got our puppy, he had to go to some talk therapy where they worked out that as a chef his work life was so hectic and full of rules he needed to unwind at home and the new responsibilities with the puppy had taken that safe space with no responsibility away. It all got sorted after a couple of months and he ended up taking over the training and she's more his dog than mine now really!

easyday · 26/06/2022 21:28

Jeez you do all the training and he still finds the puppy exhausting?
I had two kids when we got a puppy and it was no issue. Puppies go through a chewing phase and they use their mouths alot, you have to BOTH be consistent but it's not hard for goodness sakes. What was he expecting?
@justanotherlaura your partner had specific issues and maybe that's the case here. But if not it's only been three weeks and if he can't cope with that then no way is he going to cope with years of childhood.

greywinds · 26/06/2022 21:32

It would worry me too that he can't cope after 3 weeks - a 'what have we done' blip 6 months in when you're tired, maybe.

AssignedSlytherinAtBirth · 26/06/2022 21:46

I really hope things improve as your DP gets used to having a puppy. But he doesn't sound very mature. (DP! We know Ddog isn't!)
Maybe your DP could take Ddog to puppy classes? They would have fun learning together, and DP would feel more in control.
I have to say that when Ddog was six months old was the most difficult time for us, as she was chewing everything, so be prepared for it not to be a gradual improvement.

floweringpoppies · 26/06/2022 22:30

Absolutely bollocks the whole kids thing. We had a dog before kids and I HATED the puppy stage. Had children who didn't sleep but was absolutely fine.

I remember being really depressed as a puppy is such hard work and a real pain as you can't just take it everywhere with you. At least a baby you can pop in the car and crack on.

It'll get better as the puppy gets bigger I'm sure

Jasminejoy · 26/06/2022 22:44

3 weeks is such early days and it's is exhausting but your puppy sounds pretty good, being crate and sleep trained already!

You'll see a progression over the next few months when the puppy matures and it gets easier. Expect a few phases when you feel like he's regressing e.g. entering 'teenage' and you might find the recall is not so good. My puppy is 10 months and SO much easier than those early days. Your DP will get to know him and grow to love him as its inevitable.

In the meantime he really should share the load and not leave it all to you though!

Tanfastic · 26/06/2022 22:51

My dh was a bit like this but our pup is now 12 months and he's obsessed! They've bonded big time and he shares the responsibility equally.

What made it worse for me was that he wasn't that bothered about getting another it was me that pushed for one so he used that as an excuse to withdraw when the going got tough.Those first months are bloody hard!

creamedcustard · 26/06/2022 23:20

My DP was like this. I did all the crate training, toilet training, initial tricks, lead training, feeding, cleaning, buying of food and equipment etc. But in his defense he was ill the first couple of weeks and really tired, he also struggles with changes in routine.
Now several months on he's like a changed man with the puppy and it's a real joint effort. We've got ourselves into a good routine which plays to both our strengths. I'm a morning person so I do wake up, first walk, breakfast, play etc. He takes over from lunchtime onwards then I do early evening before bed which is DPs downtime. DP has found aspects he's good at such as grooming, recall, and finding treats which puppy really likes.

Maybe try giving DP responsibility for small areas so he can build his confidence and enjoyment of the puppy? Even if it's as small as measuring and buying of first harness etc.

letsplanaholiday · 26/06/2022 23:33

I was like your DP. Those young puppy months are hard. I struggled to bond, I thought I was ready but no matter how much you read, I don't think anything can prepare you for how much work those first few months are.
Stick with it op. My DH was very patient with me when I had melt downs! Things got noticeably easier when puppy got to about 6 months. He's 2years now and is wonderful. Your DH will get there.

coffeecupsandfairylights · 27/06/2022 07:37

Wow - I think PP are being hugely unfair on your partner here.

Puppy blues are real - they're hard work and bloody intense but it will get better. Three weeks is nothing.

RubricEnemy · 27/06/2022 07:42

Hmm. I heard, "DP is a lazy misogynist who wants me to do all the work associated with having a puppy. Cuz that's my job as his service human."

Good luck with a man who is 'struggling' to do basic adulting.

RubricEnemy · 27/06/2022 07:44

Tanfastic · 26/06/2022 22:51

My dh was a bit like this but our pup is now 12 months and he's obsessed! They've bonded big time and he shares the responsibility equally.

What made it worse for me was that he wasn't that bothered about getting another it was me that pushed for one so he used that as an excuse to withdraw when the going got tough.Those first months are bloody hard!

Those first months are bloody hard, which is why your partner made you do all the work.

coffeecupsandfairylights · 27/06/2022 07:49

RubricEnemy · 27/06/2022 07:42

Hmm. I heard, "DP is a lazy misogynist who wants me to do all the work associated with having a puppy. Cuz that's my job as his service human."

Good luck with a man who is 'struggling' to do basic adulting.

Women post on here all the time saying how much they're struggling with their tiny puppy and they get nothing but sympathy and lots of comments about the puppy blues.

Men are allowed to find it hard too 🙄 puppy ownership is a huge shock to the system if you've never done it before.

Wolfiefan · 27/06/2022 07:57

Puppyhood can be bloody hard. Intense and tiring. Not leaving you able to think of much else. Also leaving you with holes in all your clothes and sometimes even bleeding.
I don’t blame him for finding it hard OP. It gets easier when you can spend more time training and walking and enjoying time together and less time feeling like a chew toy!

TrufflesForBreakfast · 27/06/2022 08:01

We're going through a similar scenario too op, I'm the more patient one and Dh less so. By the way, Dh has always been an amazing father to our daughters, who are now teenagers. He was completely smitten by them, less so by the pup, who bites and goes mental every evening.

Anyway, it's early days yet and I'm sure he will grow to love our new pup just as much as he does our older dog.

ElephantsFart · 27/06/2022 08:02

Some people can’t be bothered with puppies. It doesn’t necessarily make them bad people, but he should be willing to take on other tasks that you would normally do during this period to ease your burden a little.

RubricEnemy · 27/06/2022 08:02

coffeecupsandfairylights · 27/06/2022 07:49

Women post on here all the time saying how much they're struggling with their tiny puppy and they get nothing but sympathy and lots of comments about the puppy blues.

Men are allowed to find it hard too 🙄 puppy ownership is a huge shock to the system if you've never done it before.

Show quote history

They do, but let's find the many examples of women finding it tough... then leaving all the work to their partners. Just like women who come here struggling with small dc, drowning in housework... it's rarely because they are not trying hard enough. It's because their useless partners are 'struggling' and so the partners check out, leaving them to go it alone.

There's struggling, and then there's dumping the tough parts of life onto the woman.