DP struggling with puppyhood :(

[foreverinmyheart]

Feel sad to type this out. We picked up our darling little puppy 3 weeks ago. Overall, he's really really good. He loves the crate and will sleep through the night. He's very trainable and so eager to please. He naps a lot in the day so it is manageable to have a break.

But. My DP really struggles with the intensity of having a puppy. Things like constantly having to watch them (for toilet training and also not chewing things). He struggles with the endless training journey we are now on. He really really hates the puppy biting and loses patience. We have techniques but he finds it draining. I do get it, it's hard work when puppy gets hyper. We put puppy to bed as we know he is tired but it can still be v painful when he tries to jump & nip & bite. Overall it doesn't happen too often as I manage it carefully but I can't stop it completely. I do all the training and he is honestly pretty good most the time.

DP does bond and enjoy moments with him. But when DP is tired he withdraws and finds it too much. We started this out together but I now have taken on the main caring role (which I am very happy to do for puppy because I adore him) but I do find it sad.

I know things will get better eventually as our little pup gets older.

Not sure if there is even any advice to be offered, but wanted to see if anyone else went through something similar I guess.

Maybe it is just puppy blues and it will pass. He does get quite down about it all.

They do, but let's find the many examples of women finding it tough... then leaving all the work to their partners.

There have been lots of posts on here over the years where women have struggled and have admitted to leaving the hard work to their husbands 🤷🏻‍♀️ many have ended up rehoming their puppies as they couldn't cope - and many of these were single mums - so no men to blame either!

Men are allowed to struggle with things without being useless women-haters 😉

I don’t agree. There is so much information online, people write blogs, there’s forums detailing life with a puppy, video diaries on YouTube etc. They all say it’s hard, so hard that some people who have waited years for a dog consider or do end up rehoming. People are very honest.

People choose your ignore this or say ‘but nothing can prepare you for it’ but it’s not true. It’s all there for you to read and see. They ignore it because they think it will be all cute and people cooing over them.

You don’t have to sign up to it. He can’t be arsed. He’s flaky and lazy. He needs to take responsibility and not just pass it all onto OP.

Very harsh those saying don’t have children with him! We both had puppy blues and major regrets with our dog who we both now absolute love. My DH is an awesome father so there’s absolutely no correlation there. It’s a very hard time having a puppy and a complete lifestyle change for many. It gets much easier though OP hang in there 😊

@LiarActressGoTheFuckOut - all the research in the world won't prepare you for the reality of it 🤷🏻‍♀️

I don't know anyone who hasn't struggled with the puppy stage.

What breed is it? Our frenchie was completely nuts as a puppy, he used to literally launch himself at people and hang off their clothing. He destroyed everything from doors to the sofa and used to piss in peoples shoes.

Absolute nightmare of a dog.

He calmed down at around 2 years old. Still pisses and shits everywhere though at the age of 6 but at least he isn’t psycho anymore

Exactly what I said people say.

Do people think that they’ll have the special puppy that doesn’t wake them at night, doesn’t bite, doesn’t needs lots of attention or chew things.
Or are they just incapable of putting themselves in the situation?

Od course having your sleep disturbed, having to watch the pup constantly, dealing with chewing, training, poo everywhere is hard. You talk about it, have a moan, have a laugh about yet more poo etc. But passing it off into someone else is just unacceptable to me if you’ve gone into it together. The other person doesn’t get a choice and has to just deal with it all. So yes, the research does prepare you, if you listen and watch. It tells you you won’t get a full nights sleep, you will be bitten etc, all the stuff he now can’t cope with.

It won’t prepare you for a dog that may not simply fall back to sleep after a wee break. Who may not even sleep without you there. It doesn’t tell you biting will maybe leave you bleeding and without a single item of clothing that doesn’t have holes. It doesn’t say how all consuming it can be.
Plus I don’t know how many people getting a puppy search blogs and video diaries for the nightmare stories.

Of course it does. Because plenty of people tell you this.

Plus I don’t know how many people getting a puppy search blogs and video diaries for the nightmare stories.

There you go. People are just all ‘cute puppy’. Stupid and pathetic. They do more research on a new car or vacuum.

Having a puppy is hard, no one can prepare you for the never ending nature of it. Puppies are fiends and - through no fault of their own - destroy furniture, pee and poo inside if not taken out quickly enough and tend to use their bitey little teeth for mouthing on humans.

DH was the one who wanted rookiedog. As a puppy I found it difficult until he was fully vaccinated and we were able to take him out for short -age appropriate - walks. I then found it easier once rookiedog hit 13 months and a lot of the more boisterous behaviour calmed down.

I would try and get him to do his bit, but not expect him to do it with a smile on his face.

@LiarActressGoTheFuckOut how very rude. It’s not stupid and pathetic at all.
People research a breed and breeder. They find out about insurance. They may read books. They talk to people who own puppies already. Decide on a vet and trainer.
Not everyone looks at blogs etc.
Puppies biting is described as mouthing. That doesn’t begin to explain it. Plus all pups are different. Some are a dream to toilet train. Others rarely chew or bite.

I couldn’t care less if you think I’m rude. People often say things are rude when they don’t like the truth.
People are silly if they don’t do proper research, worse case scenario type stuff into a living creature that could live for 15 ish years.

Yep, I had the same with DH when our pup came home- I think he totally underestimated how much work it was going to be so it was a bit of a shock to the system. I think he was also feeling guilty because he wanted the puppy (and is besotted) but wasn't enjoying the puppy as much as he thought.

I think the turning point for him was the day that puppy was relentless with his nipping and chewing of me and I lost MY patience and ended up taking myself to the bedroom to get away from the puppy and cry. Up till then, dh had assumed i was finding it all a breeze (erm, no!) so after that evening it felt more like we were in it together.

There has never been a moment that I've seriously thought he didn't want or love the dog, though.

It all gets marginally easier when the puppy teeth go, too!!!

@LiarActressGoTheFuckOut reading books and hearing from others who own pups IS research.
I don’t read blogs or watch video diaries. About anything. So they would never form part of my research.
I did plenty of research but just like having a baby the reality of having a puppy can’t easily be captured by words on a page or screen.
I did months and months of research.
Calling people stupid and pathetic is rude. That’s not a matter of opinion.

Well I'm sorry but I bloody struggled the first 18 months of owning our ddog!! Dh thought she was the best thing ever, I literally cried lots of days. It's really intense and in my opnion harder than having a baby _ I breezed through the baby stage with my 3 boys.

Just try to understand and know that it will get better and they will end up being best of friends.

The information is out there for those that want it. I’m not sure what other words there are to describe people that take on a pet that can live for 15 years and don’t find out everything they can.
Video diaries capture the biting, the bleeding, the ripped clothes, the chewed sofa, the wee everywhere, the madness of zoomies, the 5 times a night waking and howling, the eating things they shouldn’t. It’s literally all there. If you want it. If you choose not to look, what’s left to say.

It’s not the struggling with it that’s an issue. Being tired and dealing with a pup is difficult. It’s the passing it on to someone else that’s an issue. You can’t just give up on a living creature.

But if you’re genuinely struggling so much that it’s affecting your mental health like women struggle with post natal depression then see a GP and get help. You can’t moan, pass it onto someone else to deal with and not get help. That’s bullshit, lazy and flaky.

Bloody hell - this thread is a prime example of why I never, ever post on here for advice.

People are so lacking in any kind of empathy or understanding for other peoples struggles and just berate them for not being perfect dog owners 🙄

We planned our 2nd dog so carefully, but DH was beyond useless with her when she arrived. I did 100% of the training, feeding, walking, clearing up. Hence she's now 100% my dog (as is our other) and he doesn't get a look in and moans that he feels left out I usually say that's what happens when you're a disney dad.

Video diaries aren’t how I ever do research. Doesn’t mean I didn’t do any. 🙄

Blimey I had assumed this was going to be a short thread... How wrong I was!

Thank you everyone for your replies and perspectives! Main focus was really to understand if / when puppy blues pass or what has helped. I know it is a common thing and I'm trying to work out if anything can help it...!

I should add DP does do his part in other ways. I have to travel once or twice a week for work so he looks after puppy for 1-2 days. This is when he ends up most exhausted and I feel bad so take on more of the responsibility when I'm back. My current strategy is to really try hard on the training so puppy is learning quickly and hopefully the biting will ease. We did expect it but it is still so tiring..! My DP is a very organised person so the chaos of a puppy has taking its toll on him...

Also reassured by the puppy vs kids thing as it sounds like there isn't a correlation per se and they are quite different things. Appreciate the concern too on the role of partner and I do get the theme of women taking it all on... I think that's for a separate thread! :)

I wish I could reply properly to each of you... Just wanted to say thank you again to everyone who has shared personal stories.

I really think DP will be fine eventually and love him dearly but he really has become quite low from the initial shock of it! They absolutely do play and bond... Sorry if he sounded like he didn't like or empathise with animals. That isn't the case. It's simply he is a bit overwhelmed I think.

If anyone has found certain things helped get over puppy blues, I'm all ears x

A lot of people experience the puppy blues, especially during that limbo period before the puppies have been fully vaccinated. Has your DP ever had a dog before?

With my current pup (just turned a year old), I have definitely taken the lead in training. But my DH does his part too. For instance, he takes the pup to the park or for a swim every day. Maybe your DP could choose something like that which would help strengthen their bond?

Good luck, the biting/mouthing phase doesn't last long (though it may seem endless when it's going on!). Tell your DP to repeat to himself, "This too shall pass."

I presume he didn't have animals as a child ! As above he wouldn't be a great father if he can't cope with a puppy !

Almost everyone I know seemed to get a puppy between 2019 and 2021 and I don't know anyone who DIDN'T feel like your DP does! It's completely normal to have buyers' remorse when you get something you've been looking forward to and then it turns out to be massively exhausting. A lot of people feel like that when they have a baby too. It's a huge lifestyle change, it IS exhausting and irritating and frustrating. It all gets better with time, but pretending that everyone should just enjoy it is completely unrealistic.

@foreverinmyheart my DH and I wrote a list of all the things we were struggling with eg, puppy nipping kids feet, pulling on lead, not settling at night etc etc. We came up with a training plan and felt much more in control of things. We look at that list now and it seems crazy what we were worried about. We still struggle some days but we love her and she loves us and we've all got to know each other. I reckon it took me a full year though to get over the 'What on earth have we done" stage. All the best to you both