AIBU to say I wish we'd never got our dog?

[Mygirlruby]

So...we always wanted a dog but as DH and I worked full time, we just dreamed of having a doggo and of all the lovely things we could do - going for long walks when we would talk to each other, have fun and laughs like it shows in pictures, enjoying a healthy, outdoorsy life, seeing our contented dog snoozing on the rug beside the fire....you get the picture. Now we've got one (bought well before lockdown) and the reality is very different. Walks are stressful because she chases squirrels, rabbits and cats and chews sticks as if her life depends on it, to the point of making her mouth bleed. We can't do anything without massive planning, even a meal out in the evening. She wakes up every night to be let out for a pee, sometimes twice and it's exhausting, vet says it's habitual, not medical. DH and I differ widely in our views on training, giving doggo treats, how long to leave her etc etc. and don't even start on nights away - doggo is registered with two boarders and both have sent out emails saying they're already more or less fully booked until the end of the year.
Please tell me I'm not alone in this? I wouldn't hurt a hair on dear doggo's back, but omg, I regret getting her.

You were expecting a dog to be part of a lifestyle and naive to expect it to tick all those boxes for you. Dogs are individuals, and they need extensive training.. I am really annoyed at so many people getting dogs in lockdown because they just fancied it without thinking of the reality of having a dog.

That said I was extremely naive about having a child in all honesty and all the changes children would bring into your life. I was not prepared for ,the individual characters and was just expecting them to fit into my life a lot easier- so I sort of understanding how this happens.

Yep, sounds pretty much like life with a dog. Our dog was 7 before we had our children, by the time they were sleeping through the night, dog was old and constantly having us up in the night, we used to laugh and say if not not the kids it’s the dog. He also loved sticks and often made himself bleed chewing them, nuts isn’t it. And squirrels OMG he hated those. Sadly our dog was PTS at 13, we loved him to bits, but would never get another dog, I have told DH if I ever say about getting another dog, remind me of how heartbroken I was the day he was PTS. I never want to go through that again.

Owning a dog is such a commitment, they are truly lovely but also hard work too. It will get easier though and you will have a calm, loyal dog, as your dog matures. Good luck.

Dogs need training, training, training. And after that, you still have to allow for temperament and the fact that urban working lives just don't fit with what many dogs need.

On the bright side, as she gets older she may content herself with a threatening growl and feint at the squirrels.

Hi op
What kind of dog is it?

Can you find a behavioural trainer who can work with you and the dog to address the issues you have? We got one for our youngest dog last year because he'd spent so much time in lockdown without usual socialising he was a bit of a pain out and about ( we are experienced dog owners) and it was very helpful. She did a big walk with him, other dog and us plus a few hours in our home looking at behaviour and suggesting ways to change how he responds to stuff. It was expensive but with every penny. We did it over 2 sessions and use her tips daily with him

Totally understand. Our life revolves around the dog and sometimes it is extremely tiring as we have been doing this for 5 1/2 years now.

However, I couldn't treat him any other way as I adore him in equal measures but he will be our only dog.

I think this is just about having responsibility for another living creature in that sometimes the responsibility can be all consuming.

You need to tackle the behaviours that are making your lives difficult. Of course you love the dog and you have a responsibility, but it shouldn’t have a negative effect on your life. If my children were showing behaviours that (medical issues aside) were severely affecting our sleep or making outings unpleasant then we would have to find methods of dealing with the issues - not shrugging our shoulders and accepting it.

Love our dog but he developed a serious condition (immune mediated polyarthitis) at 9 months old.

We've spent the last 8 months managing the side effects of medication (including v high doses of steroids, he pees every hour so no choice but to use washable puppy pads overnight), back and forth to vets, two week-long hospital stays, multiple other minor conditions & injuries not healing due to him being on immunosuppressive medication (he's currently wearing a buster collar and a boot...).

£8,000 of vet bills thankfully covered by insurance, hoping we can get to renewal in August without using up the £1k he has left!

I thought having a dog would be beneficial for my mental health, a reason to get out for a walk every day & some unconditional live after miscarriages and fertility issues. I'm now 29 weeks pregnant and while I'm very grateful, it is hard to manage alongside his care.

While I was prepared for the puppy stage, I hadn't considered how difficult managing something like this could be. We can't have a dog walker or boarder as he can't currently be vaccinated (his immune system is suppressed so it wouldn't work) so no breaks.

We're reducing his medication at the moment so I'm really hoping we can get him vaccinated before baby arrives as I'm not sure what we are going to do while I'm in labour otherwise!

She's a labradoodle, (NOT a lockdown dog, we got her before anyone had ever heard of Covid) and yes I know now that they can be very active but was blown away by her cuteness as a puppy. You live and learn eh?

My life evolves around dogs -that is how I have lived my live for many years. Social life revolves around dogs, holidays are doing dog sports, work is dog based so dogs come too.

However if I had a social life away from dogs I do not know how people do it. Also having to come back from work in the dark and walk dogs everyday round the streets must be boring as hell. Trying to fit dogs around weekends away and boarding etc.

Owners who have dogs with issues have to make major sacrifices everyday to enable to dog has a good live and this has major impact on their own lives. I see it everyday in my work and I have huge respect for these owners.

Some dogs are hard work however much you train them. Some people are lucky and just get easier dogs.

It is very hard to imagine life with a dog if you do not have one and then you are committed. Many people have done what you have done (especially with labradoodles - it has now moved over to cockerpoos and they are stuck with SA and general anxiety with a bit of resource guarding thrown in as an extra!)

OP when you feel up to it can you set yourself time to get a decent empathic trainer to help get things working better for you. You need a trainer who looks at the whole picture and suggest methods that will work for you as a family. It would make your life so much better if walks could be enjoyable for you all.

Although dog boarders are booked up loads of people have moved into boarding so hopefully you can find one - you do need time and space from your dog at times. They can become oppresive if they are hard work dogs.

and hope today is a good day.

AwkwardPaws27 that sounds so hard too. Expensive but could you get a dog sitter in your house then you dog would not need vaccinations. If not I will have him when you are in labour!

Also check your insurance as they can cover for hospital stays - not sure if labour will count though but worth a look. Then if the house sitter is more money insurance may cover some of it.

Another thing owners with VIP dogs have to do is spend more money that "normal" owners.

Hear you OP it’s a massive commitment. We have a very active 9 month old Goldie. Holidays, work and days out are a nightmare trying to find reliable dog-care. The never ending walks and poos are a pain. And now just to top it off he has started chasing bicycles.
The DC love him though so he’s just about worth it.

Oh dear OP
You bought into the cuteness and supposed lovely lifestyle and to be fair you aren’t the only ones. Getting a dog is a major lifestyle change and it’s bloody hard at times.
Some more training might help and dogs do usually calm down a bit with age but I think it’s fine to have regrets as long as Ddog is still well loved and cared for.
Our dog is 5 now and I adore him, we almost lost him to illness last year and I was so upset. He’s no trouble really and is a major part of the family BUT if I could turn back the clock would I have got him?
Probably not

Well yes it’s a very high energetic breed.

How old?

Have you put much time into training?

I’ve got a Cavalier and honestly he was insane for about three years. Now he is wonderful and I can take him anywhere but my life still revolves around him and sometimes it’s a pain.

I think people often don’t realize that dogs are a huge commitment even if they don’t have behavioral issues.

You’re in it now so you either put the tile in or redone her to a good home

I can take mine out to restaurants and cafes etc so he can fit into my lifestyle a lot but it might be harder with a doodle? But if you can get her trained to do that wiuod
Help a lot I imaginr

Our much loved old boy died last year and i am being pressured by the dc to get a puppy or dog but i really, really don't want another one for lots of the reasons listed in your op. We got a cat and she is lovely, my dd is still heartbroken over the dog but i just can't commit to getting another one. Every time i feel myself starting to cave i will come back and read this thread. Sorry no help to you op but i feel for you.

YANBU.

I love my dog to bits, but once he’s gone I’ll never ever get another one.

DH and I differ widely in our views on training

I wonder if this is the key to your issues. If you have different approaches and ideas how to get there, then potentially the dog isn't clear on what you are expecting of them.

We adopted our dog when he was 4/5 yrs old - and had to start training from the beginning. It is possible, but you probably need someone to come in to train you and your DH on how to train the dog and eliminate the must destructive behaviours.

@Mygirlruby I could have written your post. I also thought about the ideal and that a puppy would slot right in to our lives. The reality is very different.

I’m now three years in and I’ve switched from the huge regret to worrying about how I’ll ever live without him when it’s time to say goodbye. He’s my best friend now.

There are still days where I do wish we hadn’t gotten a dog but that is due to having to constantly think about boarding, leaving him home alone for appointments etc. It is like having an extra child.

Even though he has had extensive training , he is still very hard work at times.

All is forgiven when he lays his head on my knee and looks at me like he loves me more than he loves himself

They are high energy dog its not going help that its left alone majority of the time because of your working pattern. I grow up with dogs. We are getting a pup but me and my husband work back to back to each other walks on the morning and evening. They require alot of exercise and lots of training.

I think a lot of people end up in your position because they don't look at all the work that goes into getting a calm, well-behaved adult dog.

As a dog walker I see it all the time. People book with me thinking their young pup will be fine on its own for 6+ hours as long as I take it out at lunchtime.

They claim they've done their research because they've organised a walker in advance but they don't seem to understand that a walker at lunchtime just isn't enough.

I also think a lot of people just don't listen to the negative ms.

Your dog needs to be properly trained. A well trained dog is absolute pleasure but you need to put the work in.

@fairylightsandwaxmelts

I think a lot of people end up in your position because they don't look at all the work that goes into getting a calm, well-behaved adult dog.

As a dog walker I see it all the time. People book with me thinking their young pup will be fine on its own for 6+ hours as long as I take it out at lunchtime.

They claim they've done their research because they've organised a walker in advance but they don't seem to understand that a walker at lunchtime just isn't enough.

I also think a lot of people just don't listen to the negative ms.

I have seen this too. We have just got a puppy and as she is only 4 months old we don't really leave her alone for more than say 20 minutes but when I say this to people they say that a couple of hours is ok to leave a puppy. I can't imagine how bored she would be alone all day other than for a walk, are people actually leaving puppies home all day?

@Pleasedontputthatthere yes they are :( then wondering why their house is destroyed, or selling the dog on as "circumstances changed", or handing the dog over to a rescue with long lasting behavioural problems the rescue now has to try and untangle (whilst being shouted at for having no kid friendly dogs). SIGH.

@Pleasedontputthatthere in my experience they try it then complain because the puppy is bored, having accidents and destroying their house

They then try extra visits and when that doesn't work, inevitably end up having to pay for daycare lol.

But yes, I've had a few clients whose plan has been to leave their pups 6+ hours a day. It never works!