AIBU to say I wish we'd never got our dog?

[Mygirlruby]

So...we always wanted a dog but as DH and I worked full time, we just dreamed of having a doggo and of all the lovely things we could do - going for long walks when we would talk to each other, have fun and laughs like it shows in pictures, enjoying a healthy, outdoorsy life, seeing our contented dog snoozing on the rug beside the fire....you get the picture. Now we've got one (bought well before lockdown) and the reality is very different. Walks are stressful because she chases squirrels, rabbits and cats and chews sticks as if her life depends on it, to the point of making her mouth bleed. We can't do anything without massive planning, even a meal out in the evening. She wakes up every night to be let out for a pee, sometimes twice and it's exhausting, vet says it's habitual, not medical. DH and I differ widely in our views on training, giving doggo treats, how long to leave her etc etc. and don't even start on nights away - doggo is registered with two boarders and both have sent out emails saying they're already more or less fully booked until the end of the year.
Please tell me I'm not alone in this? I wouldn't hurt a hair on dear doggo's back, but omg, I regret getting her.

Training and clear, consistent boundaries that you both adhere to. Dog needs to know what is acceptable/ not acceptable

Our dogs are labradoodles ( we’ve had 4 in total) and they are hard work. Puppy like behaviour until at least 4. Intelligent and definitely in need of brain training so I repeat: get a trainer in to help. Your dog is a lovely little thing and needs your help to learn how to behave. DH forgot how long it takes when we got our youngest and it was a bit of a shock

That sounds like life with a dog. They are a big commitment, and living breathing individuals with a mind of their own, not cute accessories.

Did you do research into the reality of owning a dog, or research what breed would be best suited to you?

We have a nearly 1 year old doodle and I don’t have any regrets but it’s hard work and harder still if you’re not on the same page as your DP!

Ddog is DP’s favourite thing in the world but he’s quite lax with reinforcing training (specifically around jumping!) and with brushing him daily so I’ve really had to stay on top of him to make sure it’s not all falling to me and it is paying off. We had some 1:1 and group training which helped massively as it wasn’t me nagging DP it was coming from a trainer. I also made him pick the dog up from the groomer so she could tell him what was needed with grooming so again it wasn’t just me nagging him!

Ours loves to chase wildlife and eat sticks too so we have had to teach leave it, drop and use high value treats for distractions. I was seriously considering a muzzle as he was making himself sick from eating twigs but the techniques are working really well. We do a lot of brain games before and on walks too. He doesn’t go off lead if there’s any hint of wildlife he may chase! We know a few safe places and book dog fields for mid walk occasionally.

Ours also went through phases of waking in the night we had to be strict because it was 100% behavioural - he can go 10 pm to 8 am without needing a wee. We just had to put up with the barking for a few days and it didn’t take long for him to learn, we have a camera so could still see he was ok.

We mostly go to dog friendly places and take him with us when away. Debating taking him to France with us next year... We haven’t yet but will be using boarding in the summer, I did make sure we booked well in advance. Maybe you could book him in and work a holiday around their availability if a break would help? Ours goes to daycare at the same place and he goes on a Friday which means we can leave him in the evening to go out for a meal as he’s always shattered and only ever sleeps after day care. We wfh so he only goes as he loves it but being able to go out on a Friday if we want is an added bonus!

@Mol22 thank you so much, this is all absolutely relevant to where we are. I think it's our approach that's all wrong, and I'm going to look for some grown up dog training lessons first, see where we get with that

Glad it’s relevant, I also wrote a list of what we wanted to achieve in terms of training and outcomes and we’re still working on things one by one.

Little things have made a huge difference when we’re consistent. We also walk him on a few leads and have two different ones for loose lead walking (one with a head halter and one with a collar) and a long lead for a bit of freedom when there’s no going off lead. If there’s anything to chase the head halter is great as it gives me much more control. We always try a new take two leads out so we can switch and find that makes him listen much better to us when we need him to.

It's routine. Mine are coming up to 11 and 13 and are still full of beans. One is very obedient the other not so much! So if one has to be kept on a leash when walking he's stays on.
I crate trained them and made sure they were used to being on their own for a few hours. The rest is routine. Up and out snd walk early after dropping off my daughter at 7.30. Then they have run of the garden and if weather fine another walk to the park mid afternoon (used to be to school to collect kids, a dog walker could do this if working but i wfh) then late evening walk for half an hour. I put them in kennels if we go away or a friend stays. That's it. Sure it's a tie, but that's the trade off.

I can't feel sorry for anyone who gets a high energy breed. Research, research, research. YABU.

I think DH and I both wish we did not get a dog

For years my DD really really wanted a dog but we resisted. Then last year she was really low with lockdown and I was desperate to make her happier. Plus DH started wfh and we got back into walking a lot in lockdown and it all seemed to point towards getting a dog. I thought we had researched it and were ready I really did but in reality we had no idea.

We got a rescue because it seemed the right thing to do but our mistakes were not to realise the influence of breeding and not realising that 6 months old is still very much a puppy. We thought he'd be happy with 2
Walks a day and a play in the garden at lunchtime and would settle in between but sadly he does not. We were not ready for the chewing, pulling, jumping up, humping, barking, digging, 6am wake ups and general bad behaviour that he gets up to if he's ever unsupervised and the level of consistency and effort that training requires.

Even the long country walks I looked forward to aren't always so lovely because he lunges at other dogs and jumps all over them if he gets half a chance so I spend the whole time apologising and getting dragged about. It's lovely if it's just the 2 of us but otherwise he kinda ruins a good walk.

I have found a boarder for our holiday at Easter and I feel guilty for thinking this but boy am I looking forward to having some time off.

Where are you based? There are heaps of sitters near me with availability!

If it's a mini schauzer I will take it from you 🤣

I agree you've been a bit naive about the commitment of a dog

Yes I feel the same way. We have a 6month old springer and he is lovely really, dh grew up with the breed. He has slept through from day one. Happy with one walk most days. Hates going out in the rain! Hardly ever still, but not bitey or barky. Significantly less mental than I had been led to believe about the breed. It’s really not him so much as dog ownership- I just wish we hadn’t got him. If he was someone else’s dog he’d be great! I would miss him if we didn’t have him and I am fond of him though.

Op I feel for you I really do . My perception of having a dog was a lot different to what I go through now 😂 I love my boy with all my heart but it is so hard work and tiring . He has the best life and it spoilt rotten but if you asked me a few months ago I would of said it was the biggest mistake of my life . I thought I would be helped looking after him but no one helps so I work 14 hour days . I go home twice in between that to spend time with him
And walk him . Then I get home at 7 and walk him for another hour . On weekend I would love to stay home and chill but I take him to the beach and Starbucks for his favourite puppachinos. I don't know weather I'm on my arse or head lately but I just know it will get easier . Your not alone op ❤️

[quote MartyrOf3]@Mygirlruby I could have written your post. I also thought about the ideal and that a puppy would slot right in to our lives. The reality is very different.

I’m now three years in and I’ve switched from the huge regret to worrying about how I’ll ever live without him when it’s time to say goodbye. He’s my best friend now.

There are still days where I do wish we hadn’t gotten a dog but that is due to having to constantly think about boarding, leaving him home alone for appointments etc. It is like having an extra child.

Even though he has had extensive training , he is still very hard work at times.

All is forgiven when he lays his head on my knee and looks at me like he loves me more than he loves himself [/quote]
This ❤️

"We can't do anything without massive planning, even a meal out in the evening."

Really? We're on our second dog and all we've ever done is settle them down, lock the front door and....go out.

What planning are you referring to?!

Good lord, the people on here who got a dog because of "how it looks in pictures", to cheer up their kids, or because they thought it might make them walk more

As with having kids, the only reason you should get a dog is because you desperately want one AND have done the research to choose the right breed for your lifestyle and understand what you're committing to.

I've been a dog owner for 12 years and don't recognise a single one of the complaints on here. For me having a dog is a total dream, but then I didn't get one for dumb reasons.

We're currently on holiday with our 2 dogs. The dream was long walks on the beach, tired dogs led by our feet while we soak in the hot tub. The reality has been nothing like it - it's taken until day 5 for them both to settle, and I've been up since 5am as the holiday let owner seems to think that blinds/curtains aren't needed in the open plan kitchen/living area so the dogs are up at 1st light. We've got blackout blinds at home for this reason.

Ours come to work with us, are around us both 24/7 and we've both said that we're booking some training when we get home and working on their anxiety as this just has to change. I adore them but our DC are now all young adults and it's like we've replaced them with 2 high octane demanding toddlers.

Take it to regular training sessions as an absolute bare minimum.

Labradoodles are a ridiculous cross for your average household - two working breeds with high drive, what were you thinking!

It's important to train her so she's not wildly out of control when you are out in public. If she's chasing squirrels she could just as easily chase livestock and end up being shot by the farmer.

Training really is your issue here. Some of the behaviors you describe like recall, up in the night could be managed with training.
Others things will hopefully come with maturity.
I'm not judging, our last dog was not nearly as well trained as he should have been and at times it was stressful! Mainly due to having children, work and lack of time. This time round we've put an awful lot into training and its definitely paid off. We can take dog into cafes, take him away for the night, nice walks, get him to settle when we want etc.

Something's however won't change like the planning needed to leave a dog but that's just part and parcel of dog ownership.

If you and your DH can get on the same page with training, be patient and consistent it will pay dividends and you will have a dog you can enjoy.

Good luck!

@Mygirlruby

She's a labradoodle, (NOT a lockdown dog, we got her before anyone had ever heard of Covid) and yes I know now that they can be very active but was blown away by her cuteness as a puppy. You live and learn eh?

Anything with "doodle" "poo" in its name avoid at all costs if you want a lifestyle you envisioned 🤣 Seriously though they are adorable and loveable and beautifully natured but hard work. I hope you get some tips from this thread and at least manage to omit the night time widdles. We have 3 dogs with the youngest being just 2 and boy it's been the hardest couple of years, I've been frazzled. Starting to settle and have calmer sessions in the house but no more puppies...

Until the next one 🤣🤣🤣

@ImplementingTheDennisSystem

"We can't do anything without massive planning, even a meal out in the evening."

Really? We're on our second dog and all we've ever done is settle them down, lock the front door and....go out.

What planning are you referring to?!

Lots of dogs who were raised during lockdown never got used to being left alone, and haven't had the training required to be taken along to restaurants either.

Another issue is that if you leave the dog during the day for work, many aren't happy to then be left again in the evening.

We got ours well before lockdown but I know if I've left him during the day he wouldn't be happy to be left for another chunk of time at night. Not an issue here as everywhere is dog-friendly so we just take him with us and he settles under the table but I can see why other owners struggle.

You can absolutely change your dog's behaviour, and make life better for everyone. We took on my SIL's dog when she died. He had always chased cats and squirrels - as we had cats (and a dog) this was a huge worry. Within a couple of weeks he had stopped chasing completely. It can be done.

@ImplementingTheDennisSystem our dog doesn't have 'proper' separation anxiety but she hates being left alone, the most we've ever managed is about 2 hours. She's a rescue and came to us age 3, and for whatever reason is very anxious if she can't be with us. We did all the right things, built up gradually to leaving her for longer and longer spells, tv or radio on, lots of kongs and other things to keep her occupied but regardless we could see on the camera that after a little while she starts to get distressed, she paces and whines, and on one occasion was rearing up on her hind legs and howling in distress, it was heartbreaking and we cut short our dinner out and rushed home.

So now the rule is an hour max as she seems to be ok with that, anything longer needs a sitter, and we have no family near so that can be difficult as she is very anxious of strangers and round here any kind of ad hoc dog care is like gold dust.. .she isnt the sort of dog where you could just pay a neighbour's teenager to watch her or something, it needs someone who understands dogs with behavioural issues.

We don't go out much together!