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The doghouse

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Original poster

Leaving dog alone, help!

43 replies

cheeseisthebest · 11/02/2022 18:25

I have an 8 and a half month old shih tzu, he's mostly good as gold and we all love him to bits. I've tried several times to leave him alone but he just barks.
I enlisted the help of a behaviourist just before Christmas who said she would work with me to implement a proper plan, kept saying she was busy now saying she hasn't got time which is annoying as I've wasted several months waiting for her.
I've tried leaving him for just a couple of minutes, he jumps up to the window and barks. We did recently have to leave him for half an hour and he barked on and off, jumped up to the window and back down again.
I've tried a very gradual approach, he's ok in a room on his own but doesn't like the door being shut, quite happy if doors are open.
I don't know what to do but I'm thinking I will just leave him for 5 to ten minutes every day and build it up. He won't be massively happy but would he get used to it? Any other ideas? I want him to be happy on his own and not distressed but that just feels impossible at the moment.

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Original poster
cheeseisthebest · 11/02/2022 18:28

We have a camera so that's how I.know and can talk through the camera too.

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CMOTDibbler · 11/02/2022 18:33

You are on the right track. Have you tried a baby gate to keep him in one room - he might prefer that to a shut door. Then flit in and out, start at 30 seconds (or something he is absolutely fine with) and come in with no comments, then go out after a minute, out for 30s and so on. Try and do a couple of sets a day. Then do a 30s out, back in, 1 minute out, back in. Slowly build it up, and if he's worried, back up and do that for a few more days. Then start going out the door, or randomly round the house. This way you are teaching him that you'll be back soon, no stress, no fuss. It just takes time.

fairylightsandwaxmelts · 11/02/2022 18:34

Unfortunately, you can't just go out and leave him and expect him to just get used to it because as soon as he's distressed, you've left him too long.

When you leave him and he gets upset, you're reinforcing the idea that you leaving is a big, scary thing. He needs to never be left long enough to get upset so he learns that you leaving isn't scary.

You need to literally start with seconds, not minutes. 5 seconds, 10 seconds...and just build up. Slowly, slowly. It will take a long time. It took a year for us to get our beagle happy on his own for an hour, but it was worth it.

There was a recent episode of It's Me or the Dog where she dealt with separation anxiety. It's on Discovery+ but you might be able to find it elsewhere for free.

Original poster
cheeseisthebest · 11/02/2022 18:35

Thank you that's really helpful. I can't use a stairgate unfortunately if i don't shut the door he follows me. He sleeps in my sons room and there is a stairgate there which he's fine with.

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Original poster
cheeseisthebest · 11/02/2022 18:37

I have tried the flitting, few seconds etc, he tends to just follow me! On his terms he will be happy in a room on his own, with the door open! I can leave doors open and go out. So shall I just stand outside front door few seconds and build up? I feel like I've been sort of doing that for months!!

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Wolfiefan · 11/02/2022 18:41

Have a look at the site dog training advice and support on FB. They have files on that. Never leave him for longer than he’s happy with.

Original poster
cheeseisthebest · 11/02/2022 18:42

Also it's me he follows. Not in the day when it's only me here but in the evenings he will follow me constantly even though he is really attached to everyone else too.

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Original poster
cheeseisthebest · 11/02/2022 18:42

@Wolfiefan

Have a look at the site dog training advice and support on FB. They have files on that. Never leave him for longer than he’s happy with.
I'm not on Facebook
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fairylightsandwaxmelts · 11/02/2022 18:44

What happens when you move rooms indoors and close the door behind you, shutting him in?

Original poster
cheeseisthebest · 11/02/2022 18:44

What I've started trying to is say stay in your bed and leave him in another room but he just followed and then got wise to it and panicked!
It feels totally impossible and I'm worried we will never get there.

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Wolfiefan · 11/02/2022 18:45

Honestly I would join FB just for that site! You can always delete it afterwards. My eldest dog had such awful separation anxiety that she once chewed through a wall. The advice there turned that around.
Where does he sleep at night? Is he following you because he’s worried you will go out or leave him to go to bed?

Original poster
cheeseisthebest · 11/02/2022 18:45

@fairylightsandwaxmelts

What happens when you move rooms indoors and close the door behind you, shutting him in?
He barks. But if I don't shut the door he's fine, in the daytime! Not in the evenings! Everyone I know is saying just leave him he will be fine but that just doesn't feel right to me.
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Original poster
cheeseisthebest · 11/02/2022 18:46

I just wished I'd left him from earlier and then he might have been fine.

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fairylightsandwaxmelts · 11/02/2022 18:47

Does he bark as soon as you shut the door or is there a tiny pause where you could go back so you're rewarding the calm?

Original poster
cheeseisthebest · 11/02/2022 18:47

@Wolfiefan

Honestly I would join FB just for that site! You can always delete it afterwards. My eldest dog had such awful separation anxiety that she once chewed through a wall. The advice there turned that around. Where does he sleep at night? Is he following you because he’s worried you will go out or leave him to go to bed?
I'm.not sure why he follows me in the evening and not in the day. I guess I am more likely to go out when everyone else is here. He goes up to bed when I go or my husband goes and sleeps in my sons room. He never slept downstairs on his own, we did try.
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Wolfiefan · 11/02/2022 18:48

If you leave a puppy that isn’t happy they are more likely to develop proper separation anxiety.

Original poster
cheeseisthebest · 11/02/2022 18:48

@fairylightsandwaxmelts

Does he bark as soon as you shut the door or is there a tiny pause where you could go back so you're rewarding the calm?
It's pretty immediate.
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Original poster
cheeseisthebest · 11/02/2022 18:50

Just left him with door open and he hasn't followed me!

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NeedAHoliday2021 · 11/02/2022 18:50

When he follows you ignore him so it’s boring. Walk from room to room pretending to do stuff but ignoring him. This helps build up independence. Never respond immediately to a bark - pretend you can’t hear- that teaches it’s not how to communicate. 8 months is young. He’ll get there.

fairylightsandwaxmelts · 11/02/2022 18:50

I would start by going out, shutting the door and immediately re-opening it again so he doesn't have the chance to bark.

De-sensitise him to the door being closed and then start building up the time he can be left after the door is shut.

Wolfiefan · 11/02/2022 18:52

Don’t shut the door.

KeepingAnOpenMind · 11/02/2022 18:56

I’d get another dog so he has a pal.
Dogs are pack animals and need company.

Wolfiefan · 11/02/2022 18:57

@KeepingAnOpenMind that’s not great advice. You can end up with two dogs with this issue.

Original poster
cheeseisthebest · 11/02/2022 18:58

I can't get another dog!

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TerrierOrTerror · 12/02/2022 12:52

We have been working with a behaviourist for separation anxiety, you need to start really slowly. We picked up that our dog started to get anxious when we stood up from the sofa, it took two weeks to us getting out of the room to the other side of the stairgate. We are only now hitting ten minutes outside of the house and this has taken four months, so starting at five minutes is often too much for some dogs.

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