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The doghouse

If you're worried about your pet's health, please speak to a vet or qualified professional.

Original poster

I lost my boy today

35 replies

winter12345 · 08/01/2022 15:59

He was 13. I knew it would be coming. But it is horrendous. He was my everything, genuinely my best friend in the world, the only one who has never let me down.

I've got the guilt about not being a good enough owner (I have an 18 month old who takes up most of my time these days), and not being as good as he deserved. I could have let him go on a bit but the vet said I made the right choice not to bring him round from sedation. I expected bad news, but I didn't expect to come home without him.

I don't know what I hope to achieve by this. I miss him so much. He saved me. He was my absolute world, and I can't imagine a life without him Sad

OP posts:
MintyGreenDream · 08/01/2022 16:03

Im so sorry x

FFSFFSFFS · 08/01/2022 16:03

Oh that made me cry. I dread the day. Try and focus on how lucky to have the thirteen years and he very clearly would have felt so loved

Tinsellittis · 08/01/2022 16:04

So very sorry Flowers

InFiveMins · 08/01/2022 16:14

So sorry OP Thanks my heart breaks for you as I feel the same about my boy who is 12 and dread the day when I have to say goodbye to him. You did do the right thing.

Your boy was a very lucky dog to have an owner that loved him so much and cared for him so well. What more could he have wanted. X

CeleriacOfTheNight · 08/01/2022 16:17

I'm so sorry.

Please don't dwell on any feelings of guilt, to him you were his whole world Flowers

wishingitwasspring · 08/01/2022 16:21

Oh I'm so sorry.. I dread this day too, and having to make such a brave decision.

I don't think anyone who hasn't owned and loved a dog can really understand the depth of that love.. I know I didn't. I have have experienced grief in spades. I know when my much adored dog leaves me I will experience it again.

Well done on making the bravest, kindest decision. X

AmberLynn1536 · 08/01/2022 16:27

I’m on very little borrowed time with my darling girl. even though I know the inevitable is coming I can’t actually can’t believe she is dying and won’t be with me soon, its inconceivable and the thought of the pain ahead is unbearable. I’m so sorry about your dog OP at least he slipped away quietly in his sleep and had no idea what was happening.

Letsnotargue · 08/01/2022 16:27

So sorry about your boy. We were in the same situation just before Christmas and it is awful, but it does get better.

I have the guilt as well, for all my dogs even though one of them died years ago. Did I always do the best for them? Could I have made them happier? I think it goes with the territory of loving a pet so much.

monarchoftheglen · 08/01/2022 16:29

I'm so sorry 🐾Thanks

Original poster
winter12345 · 08/01/2022 16:32

Thanks all. So lovely to have people who understand. He has quite literally been by my side for 13 years. I have had a hard life in many ways, and he has been my rock.

He had gone off his food mildly the last couple days and this morning ate very little. I thought it best to get him checked over. His bloods came back OK, but they did x rays and he had a mass on his spleen which the vet thought may be starting to bleed. He did a two mile walk no problems this morning and I chucked him in the bath after which he hates and I now feel so bad for. It would have been an awful death if it had suddenly ruptured or something. I couldn't have coped running the risk of that kind of death for him. They could technically have operated but I said straight away that I wasn't prepared to put him through that. When they rang me to tell me what they found I went to be with him whilst they put him to sleep.

My brother died a year ago next Saturday too. It's been really difficult lately anyway, Christmas, new year. But now losing my boy too Sad

OP posts:
Georgeskitchen · 08/01/2022 16:34

He knew you loved him
He's at peace now over the rainbow Bridge x

FlemishHorse · 08/01/2022 16:36

I’m so sorry - it’s the hardest thing.
Please don’t feel any guilt. Dogs live in the present and value every moment they feel happy, comfortable and loved. I’m sure your boy did. It’s the kindest thing for them to let them go peacefully when it’s time, the last and best thing we can do, however hard it is for us.
Flowers

Original poster
winter12345 · 08/01/2022 16:37

I'm sorry @AmberLynn1536 it's an awful time feeling as though you are waiting to lose them. I kind of expected some level of relief for stopping the worry about him, but as yet I don't feel any at all. Worrying about losing them makes it much harder to enjoy time with them too, doesn't it? I do think I've been 'lucky' with his death, it absolutely could have been worse. It's just awful having to say goodbye to them.

@Letsnotargue I'm so sorry you lost your dog too. It's horrendous. I'm glad it gets better. I lost another dog nearly three years ago. She was a rescue so I hadn't had her as long, and that was hard too. She had kidney failure and went downhill very quickly. My fear today was that they would find kidney failure. Not that he wouldn't come home.

OP posts:
Mindymomo · 08/01/2022 16:39

It’s never easy having to make the most awful decision, but take comfort that he had precious time with you, a lovely long walk and you were there at the end, he will know how much he was loved, so sorry for your loss.

certainshepherdpups · 08/01/2022 16:49

I’m so sorry. Nothing prepares us for the grief of losing a beloved dog. I am sure he knew how much you loved him.

My last dog was with me through the worst times in my life and I honestly don’t think I could have made it through without him. We also had to make the difficult decision to have him put to sleep. He was 14. I still miss him every day.

Hugs to you @winter12345.

Thatldo · 08/01/2022 17:33

I am so sorry you had to say farewell to your best mate.it is heartbraking isnt it.I felt the same when I lost my last Border Collie(13 years old).I cried every day for a whole month.But strangely,after every howl,I kind of felt calmer and more at peace.I think,it is the letting go with time.It will get better and one day you will be remembering him with laughs and appreciate how lucky you were to have had him by your side for a time in your life.For now,just remember,you gave him the very best of life and he was so thankful to you.the incredible pain is the price we have to pay for when the most beautiful connection with a pet is no longer.But the connection and love carry on in your heart,always!Flowers

LBF2020 · 08/01/2022 17:42

I'm so sorry Sad You gave him 13 years of love and a lovely long walk on his last day. He sounds very lucky to have had you x

BalladOfBarryAndFreda · 08/01/2022 17:46

I’m so sorry OP Flowers

Topseyt · 08/01/2022 17:58

I am so sorry. It is so difficult when the end comes for them. Even if you know it is likely to be soon, it is still really, really hard.

I had this with my Labrador back in 2019. He was 15 and had been getting creaky for some time. He had been my unfailingly loyal friend for all that time, and through some very, very dark times. I knew we were very much on borrowed time and I did my best. Then, one day he could simply go on no longer. I knew what had to be done and we were all there stroking him and talking to him as the vet put him to sleep.

I'm sure I cried for about a month after that and I can still get tearful now.

Same again when our 16 year old spaniel died last October.

Your boy will have known how much loved he was.

The decision to let them go is so awful, but it is the final kindness.

Now it is time to be gentle and kind to yourself. Think of all the wonderful memories you made together, the fun you had, the funny stories, the times he upstaged you and made you laugh.

ArblemarchTFruitbat · 08/01/2022 18:07

I'm so sorry. I lost my boy in 2020 - my husband and I still speak of him pretty much every day, but we remember the happy times now. The grief was raw and painful for several months but it eventually mellowed, and this will be so for you in time.

NeverEndingFireworks · 08/01/2022 22:35

I'm beginning to lose count of how many dogs I've had 14 ? 15? Currently got 3, but I could tell you tails about every one of the dogs I've had to let go, and tell you about their deaths. It's the last kindness we can give to them - to let them go peacefully and without pain. You absolutely made the right decision. You loved him and did the best for him.

Workinghardeveryday · 08/01/2022 22:38

I am so very sorry xxx

Yotrotro · 08/01/2022 22:44

I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost my old pup in September in a very similar situation and it was bloody hard. It sounds like you made the right choice for your best friend and so, did right by them when they needed you most Flowers

Cheeseandlobster · 08/01/2022 22:47

I am so sorry. I lost my beautiful border collie boy last month. He was 18 and I had had him for 12 years as he was a rescue. I loved him more than most people. He was wonderful.

But he was also reactive with other dogs and after he was attacked by another dog a few years ago, I used to dread taking him out as I found it so traumatising. I know he could probably have had a better life with someone who wasn't so scared to take him out ( he had much shorter walks than I would have liked though I always played with him in the garden and he used to go on holiday and to the beach) .

My beautiful boy had a problem with his back legs but we made the right decision and his death was so peaceful. He knew he was so very loved and I am certain your lovely boy knew he was too.

I am so very sorry for your loss

StillMedusa · 09/01/2022 00:55

So sorry for your loss. The grief that islosing a much loved family member is incredible... I cried more after losing my Morph, than I did over losing ,my Dad, because he was by my side every day and was pure love in a hairy shape.
It will get better but it takes time, and it's ok to be a mess. He was yours, he was loved. That's what matters xx

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