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The doghouse

If you're worried about your pet's health, please speak to a vet or qualified professional.

Sometimes I wish my dog was dead

55 replies

DandelionWars · 01/01/2022 03:00

I don't ever show it. I never push him away. Ever. In fact I spend more time with him than I ever have. He sleeps in my room now. It took six months to convince him he was allowed upstairs and he can only be up there when I am or he gets upset but we managed it despite the dementia.

I live in a semi detached house and my neighbour is very sensitive to noise, and um, raspberries, but that's another story. In short she is not a reasonable human bean.

Sometimes, when we leave the dog he forgets how long we have been gone and calls for us (I assume). His barks last a few minutes. I know this. I have recorded him. So has the neighbour and sent the recordings to my LL who has admitted he has no grounds for eviction but is watching. He admitted the same thing when she photographed my raspberry bushes and complained about my daughter playing in the garden.

Her complaints are causing me anxiety. I daren't leave the dog alone even to go to the corner shop. My kids daren't watch their TV in their rooms. We can't have people around. All of this is ruining the last few months I have with my dog.

It's to a point now where I am too anxious to leave the dog at home for a few hours in case he barks for a few minutes. I sometimes wish he was dead. I wanted to enjoy the last few months of his life instead I am spending Christmas and New year alone because I daren't join my family.

I don't need advice. I am a qualified dog behaviourist. My dog does not have separation anxiety and cannot be helped with training. He does not bark incessantly and I cannot find a suitable property to move to.

I just wanted to share my thoughts because I am alone, lonely and at the end of my patience.

OP posts:
GrimDamnFanjo · 01/01/2022 03:03

You seem to be indicating that your dog is at the end of his life? If so, would it be kinder to,let him go?

Zeflyinghelmetandzevetcelery · 01/01/2022 03:07

I think you're wishing the wrong one dead! Hug your dog and save the bad thoughts for your neighbour.

LondonQueen · 01/01/2022 03:08

It's worth remembering that it's not your dog's fault, he is innocent. It's your neighbour who you should be wishing dead. I'm sure your landlord can see that the complaints are malicious.

OnTheHillNotOverIt · 01/01/2022 03:08

I’m sorry to read about your horrible neighbour and about your old dog.
I have an old dog who is getting confused and is sometimes very unsettled. He’s been a bit better since being on pain meds as these have helped his anxiety but it’s still worrying and upsetting and tiring and I don’t have a horrible neighbour making it so much worse.
I’m sorry.

DandelionWars · 01/01/2022 03:09

I have wondered that. He is 15 - 16. He was caught straying 14 years ago and was presumed to be 1 to 2 years old. It was hard to pin down his age due to his health issues when he was found.

He enjoys his walks still and still plays with his house mate. Though, he spends around 90% of the day sleeping and another 5% pretending to be dead.

I am talking with his vet. He has regular check ups and I have told her I would rather let him go a day too early than a day too late. At the moment we are both unsure, as, other than his mind and the usual slowing down physically, he is healthy for his age.

OP posts:
RobertSmithsLipstick · 01/01/2022 03:09

Are you on speaking terms with your neighbour, or is that a daft question?
I was thinking you may be able to appeal to her better nature if you explained about your dog.

WinterDeWinter · 01/01/2022 03:13

Contact the ll and explain that this is a time limited situation. Send the same letter to the nn. And then relax with your lovely boy. I’m really sorry you’re coming to the end, I can hear how much you love him.

DandelionWars · 01/01/2022 03:19

We pretend to be on speaking terms as in she speaks, I listen and do my best to act and then she complains to my LL anyway.

My options thus far are commercial soundproofing for the entire house, moving or killing my dog. Options one and two are the only feasible options, especially as since my dog is now supervised 100% of the time she has started complaining about my daughter. Last I checked euthanising your child on behavioural grounds was frowned upon Grin Wink

I can't find a suitable property and am saving for soundproofing so it's a case of what happens first atm - being able to soundproof, move or the dog leaving us of natural or necessary reasons.

I just wanted to unload as all my family are celebrating together and I am alone and sad (the dog is currently pretending to be dead and will growl at me if I wake him).

OP posts:
RobertSmithsLipstick · 01/01/2022 03:23

How about buying a nice card, a box of chocs, and writing in the card that you're sure she will forgive your dog and be patient when he barks as he is old and blah blah...
A preemptive strike, type of thing?

Joinedforthis2021 · 01/01/2022 03:33

Please please change the subject line it's breaks my heart. It should be "how can I make my dog more comfortable with my neighbour complaining"

F*for your neighbour.....if its not your dog it will be child's noise....if not child's noise it will be a bouncing ball..if not a bouncing ball...it would be a raspberry Bush...do you get my drift....

Seriously though isn't 2022 they year to start sticking up for yourself and your beautiful pooch?

DandelionWars · 01/01/2022 03:34

@RobertSmithsLipstick - I think I may have done similar earlier tonight. I am generally a kill them with kindness kind of person. She left her dog alone while fireworks were going off so I pretended to not realise she was out and offered her a high quality raw beef knuckle to help distract her dog from the noise.

She declined and it's not the first time she has made noise and I have tried to demonstrate a live and let live demeanour to normal family noise on her behalf.

I may try the card but might wait a few weeks as we have just had a "talk" i.e she talks, I listen and act and she complains anyway. My daughter now only watches tictok in the kitchen or via headphones. I am 90% certain my LL will call after NY re the noise my daughter makes.

Or maybe I should be mean and start recording her regular, everyday life noise and report her to her LL....

The latter is more tempting. I'm just not sure I have the energy or time.

OP posts:
Namu82 · 01/01/2022 03:37

Wait so she has a dog as well and is still that unreasonable?!

Joinedforthis2021 · 01/01/2022 03:37

Phoenix from the ashes..record everything even sounds.. fight for.your family x

DandelionWars · 01/01/2022 03:39

@Joinedforthis2021 My eldest dog is literally my life and soul. I would never harm him. He was only ever supposed to be here while he was rehabbed for rehoming while I was training with a rescue I volunteered at while qualifying.

We taught each other and I owe him my life as it is now.

OP posts:
PermanentlyDizzy · 01/01/2022 03:40

It sounds incredibly hard. Obviously you know it’s the neighbour who is the problem and even if you did everything you could to placate them they would find something else to complain about, but I do understand how you can end up feeling trapped and wishing things were different.

I think the advice to contact the LL yourself and explain the situation, that you are doing everything you can and that you record the dog yourself, so know it’s not a genuine noise nuisance issue.

I have been there with a neighbour complaining about one of my dogs barking, when I was only out for 10 minutes for the school run (rescue with separation anxiety and he was only barking for less than 5 of the 10 minutes) and even though I knew they hadn’t a leg to stand on legally, the situation was so stressful. You end up living on pins, trying desperately not to alert and upset the neighbours and it can wear you down. We ended up like you, virtual prisoners in our own home, as if the dog couldn’t go somewhere with us, we couldn’t go either. I even ended up paying a fortune to park in an air conditioned underground carpark with 24 hour security and monitored CCTV so that I could take my ds to essential hospital appointments and safely leave the dog in the car with a boot bolt to lock the tailgate open and if it was a different hospital (we spend a lot of time at hospitals) we had a dog sitter who would stay at our house or if they were unavailable, either my dm or my PIL’s would come over and sit with him. Keeping both the dog and the neighbour happy took so much brain space and involved lots of forward and emergency/contingency planning.. I think it can be very hard for people who haven’t been there to understand just how much it takes over your life. So I completely get you feeling the need to unload.

Fwiw, I now have a very elderly dog (just turned 16 last month) with some cognitive decline. I was very sceptical when the vet suggested trying him on Zylkene, but it has made a massive difference to how relaxed he is. Before he was on it he had started getting anxious if left alone in a room even for a few minutes, so I couldn’t even go and have a bath or pop upstairs if dh was working. Now he happily sleeps through us going in and out of the room, as he’s not alert to every single noise or ‘leaving signals’ like he was. The other day he slept happily in the front room while dh was on the drive washing the cars and he slept in the kitchen on his own while my parents visited for an hour on Christmas morning, which would have been unthinkable a month ago. Just a thought, as it’s easily available to buy over the counter and might be worth a try.

RobertSmithsLipstick · 01/01/2022 03:44

I lived above a neighbour like yours and it made me a nervous wreck.
I used to childmind straight from school, at the child's home.

The first time I didnt, and came home, she was knocking at my door telling me her nerves couldn't stand listening to my daughter "thundering around". My daughter had walked from living room to her bedroom to get changed.

PermanentlyDizzy · 01/01/2022 03:44

Just read your update. Shock Definitely start recording her! Not sure what recording device would be best. We bought a high quality digital dictaphone to record our dog, that picked up even tiny noises.

Your neighbour doesn’t have a leg to stand on and if your LL does contact you re dd or the dog you will have evidence to prove that she makes as much, if not more noise than you do. To be honest, I would probably pre-empt the landlord as well, so that when she contacts him he has some perspective.

Joinedforthis2021 · 01/01/2022 03:45

I believe with every fibre in your body you would never harm him (I'm.on your side

What I meant it..your neighbour will always find something to pick on.

Give fido the best possible time.you have with him/her.

2022 is the time.to go..ACTUALLY...NEIGHBOUR...WHO THE F*CK ARE YOU...

Joinedforthis2021 · 01/01/2022 03:47

Or sent the LL this thread...

Hi Landlord..

DandelionWars · 01/01/2022 03:52

You are all making tonight so much easier just by being here to "listen".

Thank you.

I work from home now so usually the dog is not an issue. A few months ago he would not have been an issue at all as he would have come with me but I took him on Christmas day to my mam's and he had forgotten who my my family's dogs were and we both spent the night on edge while he pretended he could fight large bull breeds (he is a westie cross).

OP posts:
Joinedforthis2021 · 01/01/2022 03:55

Get some rest and believe it not a issue dxd

Joinedforthis2021 · 01/01/2022 03:55

Meant to say xxx but my hand slipped

RobertSmithsLipstick · 01/01/2022 04:01

I think it's an idea to perhaps have a bit of ammunition up your sleeve as back up.
Some people just can't seem to accept that they will hear their neighbours at times.
I hear mine fart, literally. I hear everything if I choose to spend all day focusing on it, but I never would, because I live in a downstairs flat.

Mummyoflittledragon · 01/01/2022 06:18

I think you’re giving way too much power away. You should be allowed to make normal family noises. Please explain to your landlord the lengths you have been going to to get this neighbour off your back. And explain you cannot do it anymore.

bcc89 · 01/01/2022 08:09

With all due respect, now is the time to step up and say something to your neighbour. You can't have them ruining your precious last time with your dog.

If it was me, I'd knock on and say something as blunt as: my dog is in his last stages of life. He will bark when he's confused. We don't have long left with him. If you report it to my landlord again, you will just be ignored as there is nothing I can do and I'm enjoying what time we have left as quietly as possible, but he is unwell and it's tough. Ps, your dog was barking lots last night when you went out.

Something along those lines and I would walk away. My pets are family and no one would be walking over me during this difficult time.

Best of luck.