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The doghouse

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Original poster

Can a puppy/dog be raised in two houses?

56 replies

Kione · 15/12/2021 17:47

My husband and I are separated, and have two DC. One of them is quite little so they spend 48 hours at each house more or less.
We got a puppy and my idea was that it would move between households with the kids.

Now I am being told by some people that this will confuse the dog and not to do this.

I would like to know your thoughts please, there is so much contradictory information out there!

Thanks.

OP posts:
tabulahrasa · 16/12/2021 21:53

I don’t know that you do need to be that consistent tbh, I mean... you do if you want the same behaviours.

But, my DP is quite frankly a PITA, he used commands wrong, adds random words, allows behaviour I don’t - I’d love to train him better, but it’s been 25 years, that ship has sailed, lol. What we always end up with is a dog who behaves differently with me than with him, they cope fine with that though.

MandyMotherOfBrian · 16/12/2021 22:03

As with most things, it depends entirely on the individual dog. This wouldn’t have been an issue with any of my Labradors, but there’s no way on Earth my greyhound could have coped with it. And that’s not because of the breed btw, but the temperament.

Woeismethischristmas · 16/12/2021 22:19

I share a dog with my ex along with the dc. She’d much rather be in the middle of a group of children than at home with the single grown up. Friendly Labrador who loves being the centre of attention. I think it’s quite dog dependant but it works for us. Like the children she has her own stuff in both houses so comfy bed, toys, water bowl.

Original poster
Kione · 17/12/2021 09:20

The alternative would be the dog in one house full time. This would be me because I have more experience and I am more assertive, there is a history there but might he too ling to explain, in short, this is not it is not fair because it was XH who wanted to get the dog for my eldest child. He has been a dick through the process buying dog stuff, visiting dogs, giving hopes and then saying no! hurting her quite a bit so I pushed getting it in the end. I work part time and can absolutely handle it, but that is not what we agreed and my daughter would like the dog to
move houses with her, she is very responsible and after a crappy tear would do her the world of good.

OP posts:
Original poster
Kione · 17/12/2021 09:20

@Woeismethischristmas

I share a dog with my ex along with the dc. She’d much rather be in the middle of a group of children than at home with the single grown up. Friendly Labrador who loves being the centre of attention. I think it’s quite dog dependant but it works for us. Like the children she has her own stuff in both houses so comfy bed, toys, water bowl.
Yeah this is my plan. Thanks for explaining your experience.
OP posts:
Original poster
Kione · 17/12/2021 09:21

Crappy year. Sorry the random spelling, I am not great at writing on the phone.

OP posts:
Original poster
Kione · 17/12/2021 10:38

To not be accused of drip feeding DD is in high school, she is not a little kid.

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AwkwardPaws27 · 17/12/2021 11:15

He has been a dick through the process buying dog stuff, visiting dogs, giving hopes and then saying no

He sounds like an arse. Sorry you've had to deal with that!

It sounds like the dog is predominantly for your DD. Obviously she can't be fully responsible for it, but she can get v involved in training and day-to-day care which is great.
I'd suggest getting her a good dog training book (Easy Peasy Puppy Squeezy is great. Terrible name, but good methods) & getting her really on-board with that.

I'd also, in your shoes, want the dog in my name (microchip, vets, insurance) so he can't change his mind again and rehome it.

icedcoffees · 17/12/2021 12:59

@Kione

The alternative would be the dog in one house full time. This would be me because I have more experience and I am more assertive, there is a history there but might he too ling to explain, in short, this is not it is not fair because it was XH who wanted to get the dog for my eldest child. He has been a dick through the process buying dog stuff, visiting dogs, giving hopes and then saying no! hurting her quite a bit so I pushed getting it in the end. I work part time and can absolutely handle it, but that is not what we agreed and my daughter would like the dog to move houses with her, she is very responsible and after a crappy tear would do her the world of good.
Do you trust your ex to care for the dog properly though? Because it sounds to me like he may not bother, in which case it would be incredibly unfair on him/her.

Your DD may be older but she can't look after a dog if she's out at school all day, and what happens to it when she's off to uni/college/work? Who cares for it then?

Original poster
Kione · 17/12/2021 13:08

Hi is a bit of an arse but he will look after it. He lacks confidence when things are difficult, new, etc. but he is not a bad person. He kept my pet rabbit when I left because it gave him company and gas been looking after him very well.
He is not a bad person at all and wouldn't harm an animal, he is just not so good with people. Again he is good with the kids, he just has 0 drive for things outside his box. Once things enter the box, he is alright. Unfortunately I grew out of that box and left because I want to enjoy life and it's challenges, including helping DD with raising and keeping a dog.
Got a bit philosophical there. But I am not stupid, I know our limitations.

OP posts:
AwkwardPaws27 · 17/12/2021 18:05

Hi is a bit of an arse but he will look after it. He lacks confidence when things are difficult, new, etc.

Personally I wouldn't want my dog with someone like that for half the week. Puppies are difficult, adolescent dogs are difficult. I wouldn't want someone half-arsing it and undoing all my training. But that's me Smile

icedcoffees · 17/12/2021 18:08

My main concern with sharing a dog is what happens with training if one of you decides to do something different?

I would also worry about who takes care of the dog when DD goes off to university?

Original poster
Kione · 17/12/2021 18:49

@icedcoffees

My main concern with sharing a dog is what happens with training if one of you decides to do something different?

I would also worry about who takes care of the dog when DD goes off to university?

When DD goes to Uni and dog is already part of the family xdh and I would carry on as usual plus DS who is a lot smaller is bonding to him too.

Look the worst thing that can happen and is not even bad is that one of us keeps him full time and kids will miss out half the time.

XDH only needs a bit of reassurance that he'll be ok with the dog, again, once all the puppy and teenage stages are done, he'll be fine.

OP posts:
AwkwardPaws27 · 17/12/2021 19:14

Look the worst thing that can happen and is not even bad is that one of us keeps him full time and kids will miss out half the time

I don't mean this unkindly and you know your ex and whether he will train the dig or not, but worst case scenario is more that you end up with issues like resource guarding cos he gets frustrated and takes things out of its mouth, or a foreign body because he isn't on board with keeping socks out of reach.

icedcoffees · 17/12/2021 19:26

Look the worst thing that can happen and is not even bad is that one of us keeps him full time and kids will miss out half the time.

With the greatest respect, it's really not the worst thing that could happen.

The worst thing that can happen is you have totally different approaches to dealing with (for example) the puppy stealing things. You may have the approach of swapping the item for treats, but if your ex decides the best approach is to grab the item off the dog, you could end up in a situation where your son goes to get something near the dog, and the dog resource guards and someone gets bitten.

On paper you may agree, but you won't know what happens at his house and he won't know what's happening at yours.

icedcoffees · 17/12/2021 19:27

Oops, great minds think alike @AwkwardPaws27 Grin

Puppalicious · 17/12/2021 20:13

So to summarise this thread, those who have seen this being done say it’s doable, and those who haven’t say it will be a disaster ?

AwkwardPaws27 · 17/12/2021 20:26

@Puppalicious

So to summarise this thread, those who have seen this being done say it’s doable, and those who haven’t say it will be a disaster ?
I'm not saying it will be a disaster. I'm saying that the other adult needs to be onboard and that an agreement should be made about training methods. The success stories appear to be where shared care is agreed and planned for. It's a bit different if the other adult doesn't like change and kept changing their mind about getting the dog.
icedcoffees · 17/12/2021 20:40

@Puppalicious

So to summarise this thread, those who have seen this being done say it’s doable, and those who haven’t say it will be a disaster ?
I don't think anyone has said it will be a disaster, just that you really need to be on the same page when it comes to training puppies as you don't want behavioural issues to develop.

OP's ex keeps chopping and changing his mind about even getting the dog - he doesn't sound particularly trustworthy to me when it comes to caring for a dog, tbh.

Original poster
Kione · 17/12/2021 20:55

@Puppalicious

So to summarise this thread, those who have seen this being done say it’s doable, and those who haven’t say it will be a disaster ?
Thanks for the redirection
OP posts:
Original poster
Kione · 17/12/2021 21:00

When we were caring for our children he was, again, not very confident and followed my parenting methods and there were no issues there; so I expect once he gets confident he will follow up with the training. I am working on this with DD.

Now, what's this swapping stolen thing with a treat? Will not this reinforce the stealing? Because at the moment I too take things off his mouth Shock

OP posts:
AwkwardPaws27 · 17/12/2021 21:08

Taking things out of their mouths can encourage resource guarding, so really not advisable. Practising a good swap is much better and shouldn't encourage stealing - but better to have a dog that brings you items unharmed & swaps for a treat, than a dog that runs off with things and bites if you try to remove them.
This group is fantastic and was so helpful with training our dog (cocker spaniel so prone to resource guarding): www.facebook.com/groups/374160792599484/?ref=share

Goawayangryman · 17/12/2021 21:12

This is a hard one but can I just say well bloody done that you are even considering shared responsibility for the dog, alongside your child. That is very grown up.

If your ex is responsible and listens, and you can agree on training, then I personally think it might work (and I know a few seoerated couples who do this).

Mine and kids' dog post-dated the separation and isn't allowed across ex's threshold. Ever. To the point of it being extremely inconvenient at times.

The sodding dog loves the ex so much despite this, the little traitor. Every time the dog licks him I will her the slightly nip my ex in ,"enthusiasm" .....Grin

Original poster
Kione · 17/12/2021 21:38

[quote AwkwardPaws27]Taking things out of their mouths can encourage resource guarding, so really not advisable. Practising a good swap is much better and shouldn't encourage stealing - but better to have a dog that brings you items unharmed & swaps for a treat, than a dog that runs off with things and bites if you try to remove them.
This group is fantastic and was so helpful with training our dog (cocker spaniel so prone to resource guarding): www.facebook.com/groups/374160792599484/?ref=share[/quote]
Fab. Thank you!

OP posts:
Original poster
Kione · 18/12/2021 07:11

@Goawayangryman

This is a hard one but can I just say well bloody done that you are even considering shared responsibility for the dog, alongside your child. That is very grown up.

If your ex is responsible and listens, and you can agree on training, then I personally think it might work (and I know a few seoerated couples who do this).

Mine and kids' dog post-dated the separation and isn't allowed across ex's threshold. Ever. To the point of it being extremely inconvenient at times.

The sodding dog loves the ex so much despite this, the little traitor. Every time the dog licks him I will her the slightly nip my ex in ,"enthusiasm" .....Grin

The little traitor Grin

Thank you. We really are trying to be civil.

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