Visiting Christmas dog

[PiglingBlonde]

I am doing the family Christmas this year which at the moment means hosting for 20 people of which 2 are babies (one walking, one crawling), someone in a wheelchair and someone on sticks who is wobbly.

My brother came to visit last weekend and brought his new ££££ cavapoo with him which is about 3 months old. My brother is not an experienced dog owner, and the dog pooed in the house every time it needed to go - just to the left of his puppy pad, played tug of war with a baby's sock and chased our anxious rescue cat who has only just come back. My brother is insisting on bringing the dog with him for Christmas as it is cruel to ask him to stay in either kennels or his AirBnB on his own while he is out. He also doesn't believe in crating.

I suggested that the dog should not be in the house during Christmas due to the poo with moving babies and being very easy to trip over and that it should be put in the enclosed garden with a crate borrowed from a friend with a blanket / toys / food etc. This is also cruel and the dog should be treated as part of the family.

I'm getting quite stressed about this and wondered if that really is cruel and if it is, whether anyone has any suggestions for how to manage Christmas Eve and Christmas Day if crating and kennels are also off the table.

Just to be clear, I have no issue with the dog itself. My brother on the other hand...

Your brother needs crating OP!

God, I bloody wish! I'm so fucked off with him I nearly posted in AIBU about whether I could club him to death with a turkey leg but was told by my dear mum that we needed to be positive about seeing him!

Crate training is a gradual process, he couldn't just do it on the day, he'd need to commit to it as a longer term thing. Even if the dog was crate trained it couldn't spend all its time in there, and it wouldn't really be fair to leave it in the garden.

How about he keeps the puppy on a lead by him at all times so he can monitor for poo etc and the dog won't be getting tangled up with babies etc.

There's been quite a few threads like this lately. I just can't get over how entitled some dog owners can be about bringing their pets to other peoples houses!

If it was my house with a small baby and rescue cat there's no chance thd dog would have been in last weekend, let alone a return visit after what happened!

It’s unfair on your poor cat to be scared in its own home - I don’t see how any animal lover could argue otherwise and still feel entitled to bring the dog!

Trouble is may well not be able to find kennels or a dog sitter this close to Xmas

@squee123

Crate training is a gradual process, he couldn't just do it on the day, he'd need to commit to it as a longer term thing. Even if the dog was crate trained it couldn't spend all its time in there, and it wouldn't really be fair to leave it in the garden.

How about he keeps the puppy on a lead by him at all times so he can monitor for poo etc and the dog won't be getting tangled up with babies etc.

thank you very much - I didn't realise this. The problem with having the puppy on the lead is that there is one room everyone will be sitting in, and it would be difficult to clean up poo quickly enough before it's either trodden into the carpet or crawled over by babies. I'm also a bit worried about the dog's food in case it gets hold of something it shouldn't when chocolate is given as a gift or left around by one of the teenagers -or- -their- -grandfather-.

@Haus1234

It’s unfair on your poor cat to be scared in its own home - I don’t see how any animal lover could argue otherwise and still feel entitled to bring the dog!

It was a problem. My poor boy had to have his food moved up high as well so the puppy didn't eat it which hugely stressed him out. He is not good at jumping.

In terms of toilet training, I’d hope that would be sorted by Christmas so you shouldn’t have the poo issue but that’s beside the point. If you don’t want the dog in your house (and I don’t blame you!) you shouldn’t have to.
I’d ask brother to find a dog sitter or not come but the lead option could be a compromise if you’re feeling very generous.

It’s cruel to let a dog in a house for a visit when there’s an anxious cat, the Christmas you’re describing sounds stressful enough for him... and tbh, that sort of Christmas sounds like it’ll be stressful for the dog too.

That makes it sound like I’m judging your Christmas as chaotic, lol, but what for people is a large busy fun family gathering is just a load of strange people doing strange things in a strange place to a dog.

@TheLovleyChebbyMcGee

There's been quite a few threads like this lately. I just can't get over how entitled some dog owners can be about bringing their pets to other peoples houses!

If it was my house with a small baby and rescue cat there's no chance thd dog would have been in last weekend, let alone a return visit after what happened!

Agree with this - it is weird and rude

Your brother shouldn't bring the dog and if he doesn't want to use kennels or a sitter then he'll need to stay at home with the dog.

You can't just put a dog in a crate btw - crate training can take weeks and if the puppy isn't used to it he could become incredibly distressed. Some dogs don't take to crates and will physically injure themselves in their panic to escape.

Your brother needs to get a grip. You’re hosting for 20 people ffs!! His dogs preferences do not come above 20 peoples xmases, especially when he’s not the one hosting it. Given the age of the dog I think you need to put your foot down now, before a precedent gets set of him demanding to get his own way and ruining every family get together with his twatty dog. You don’t need to be nasty about it, but you do need to be blunt. ‘I’m really sorry x, but I’m stressed out enough catering for 20 people including babies and oaps. I can’t physically and mentally deal with your dog messing on the floor, getting in the way and chasing the cat, it’s making me really unhappy about hosting Xmas and this isn’t fair. I’m not being cruel in any way, but your dog is your responsibility and I’m not able to cater for it over Xmas’.

It wouldn't be right to insist DDog is left outside, far too cold. Ddog should be housetrained by Xmas but with all those people likely to be overexcited so pee is your most likely concern. It would be better for ddog to go in kennels only option I can see.

Sometimes families need to choose between someone coming with their dog or not coming, depending on distance from each other and ability to leave dog in kennels etc. I would not leave my dog at Christmas and if he couldn’t come, I wouldn’t come. I wouldn’t insist he came to the house of someone who said they didn’t want him though, that’s really not on. I’m just saying it’s not as easy as just don’t bring the dog and it sounds like your mum is leaning on you to say it can come so your brother comes. Your choices are to say no to your mum and brother, or to let the dog come. I would consider it very cruel to leave a house dog shut outside in December - I’m in Scotland though so it may not be potentially snowing where you are. However, is there a utility room/spare bedroom the dog could be in while you’re preparing food/opening presents/eating? The dog could perhaps come and sit with you when things have calmed down and everyone’s sitting watching tv, if you felt inclined. If it fussed then the brother would need to go and play with it in the other room.

I think the house training might have improved massively by Christmas given the dog is only 3 months old now so the poo thing hopefully won’t be an issue!

What do the parents of the babies/toddlers think? Surely they wouldn't want a loose dog of any kind near their children, never mind a young not-necessarily-housetrained one with an entitled and inexperienced owner?

Just say no. Your house, your rules. You have plenty of reasons, not least of which is you don't want a dog shitting in your house, babies or no babies. You don't need to suggest any solutions, that's for your brother to figure out. I wouldn't suggest offering your garden though, if dog barks incessantly, you'll end up having to bring it indoors for both the sake of your neighbours and the dog itself.

The dog doesn’t need to enter your house at all. You have a pet and bringing a dog into the house is just cruel.

Then add the Christmas chaos.

Part of being a responsible dog owner is finding a good dog sitter when traveling.

I love dogs and wouldn’t stay anywhere at Christmas where my dog wasn’t welcome…

That being said, I take full responsibility for my dog (and he doesn’t poo everywhere!).

The dog simply can’t be allowed free reign with a crawling baby. If your feeling generous, I’d offer to let your brother keep the dog on a short lead. Otherwise it’s his problem to solve not yours. He can always choose not to come.

Just say no!

Anyone who takes on responsibility for an animal needs to recognise that it may place limits on what you can do, that's part and parcel of it. Your brother chose to have a dog and that might mean he can't do all the things he did pre-dog. You don't have to accommodate his choice, and it would be incredibly unfair and unkind to your cat.

That just sounds painful. When ddog was a 14 week old at Christmas we just stayed at home.

@candycane222

What do the parents of the babies/toddlers think? Surely they wouldn't want a loose dog of any kind near their children, never mind a young not-necessarily-housetrained one with an entitled and inexperienced owner?

They are very unhappy about the dog and very worried about how it is going to work so it would be good to be able to say we've exhausted every option!

The puppy will be 5 months by Xmas, and the housetraining should have improved enormously by then.

But the dog will probably find it tough being in a strange, busy house, and at that age 'basket' (ie lie down and stay) training is pretty unlikely to be reliable. Unless the layout of you house means you can have one quieter room (which can be gated off) where the dog won't be over stimulated, but can still have some company, I think thus has disaster written all over it from the dog's POV. It's just not fair to put a young puppy into a situation that they probably won't be able to cope with.

Difficukt one from the human relationships POV though, as a Christmas clan gathering is an important social event, and I can see why people would want your DBro there. In his shoes, I would be looking to make a short visit, keeping hold of the dog (on lead or in arms), rather than spending the full day.

Thank you all very much. It is all very complicated as brother lives at the other end of the country to the rest of us and has been feeling very left out over the last 18 months particularly as mum (wheelchair) and other siblings (babies and injury requiring sticks) have needed lots of support.

Mum is really desperate to have all her babies with her for Christmas and would rather put up with almost anything to make sure that can happen and as she is now fairly immobile and in poor health, I don't want to make a big point about excluding even my PITA brother if it is potentially her last Christmas.

We're in the SE so it isn't usually too cold at Christmas and never snows - last year it was 10 degrees! but I think what I will say is that the dog can go in the utility room but with a stair gate in front of the door as it is very easy to leave a door open but less so for a stairgate. It can have blanket, dog basket and food etc, but if it comes out it goes on the lead and not into the living room or kitchen until everything has been cleared up after lunch and the floor hoovered (for the dog's sake! I don't want it eating chocolate!)

Does that sound reasonable?

Also, I just wanted to say thank you very much for the sympathy! I've been feeling annoyed about this for most of the week, but also feeling that I shouldn't really be annoyed because of the clan thing... and this is not unusual behaviour from DB.

If the solution works, I will set it up, prepare the food as far as possible the day before and get stuck into the Bucks Fizz as soon as the oven is on but just having strangers on the internet tell me I am not unreasonable to be a bit stressed about it is very helpful!