Struggling with rescue

[fairymouse]

Hi I'm just posting here for a bit of bolstering really.

I adopted a rescue 9 weeks ago. I've found it so hard and I wish I hadn't done it but I would never return him now . He is lovely

He freezes a lot on walks, this was getting better but yesterday he just freaked out completely and scarily when an off lead dog came up so was super nervous again today.

I have struggled a lot with being unable to leave him. I'm a single parent with a 14 year old son so I can leave him with him at weekends for errands. I had got the leaving up to an hour but I do need to get to 3-4 hours to visit family who I would usually see all the time and haven't been able to as much. I haven't practiced for a week and today I just went out and sat around the corner in my car expecting to get to an easy 45 mins and after ten mins he was worse than I'd ever seen him , really crying and throwing himself at the door and leaping at the window. He's never done more than the odd whine before and I've always come back quickly.
So this has scared me as now I think he will hurt himself if I did have to leave him.

I have to take my DS to an urgent GP appt on Fri for worsening asthma but I'm going to have to change it as I can't leave him doing that - hoping if I postpone the appt a week I can improve the leaving esp if I train late pm when the apt will be . But what a rubbish parent moving an urgent medical appt. I have no one at all to ask to sit with him. I asked a neighbour once but she thinks I'm nuts for not just going out ! I do book sitters for afternoons sometimes but they won't be available at that time . Plus it's fireworks night so I'm loathe to go out.

I'm just really miserable and feel more lonely and stressed than ever . I know it's early days but right now it's just so hard and I can't bear it. I think if it was just me I might send him back but DS adores him. When I have said I'm not sure I can do this he's got really upset about the idea of sending him back. As do I really, I'm just finding it hard, but I'm not sure I could really send him back now.

He also won't come in from the garden at night which is driving me demented. And now I'll have to put a lead on him for a week or so in case of a firework going off and spooking him so I'll have to stand out there freezing !

Sorry for the moan. Thought there might be some on here who had been through this journey and had a happy ending . I thought I had done my research but I don't think I understood what a massive thing adopting a rescue would be. It's also affecting my work with all the separation training

I did contact a trainer a while back who gave me helpful advice for free so I was thinking about booking him. He did say it was so early days. But it's £100 and I'm already spending so much on sitters. But maybe some obedience training would help? I just don't know what I'm doing !

This was me back in March. Spent a year discussing getting a rescue then it took 14 months to actually get one. Thought I was fully prepared for taking on a rescue. But the first month was horrendous. If DH hadn’t been so besotted I’d quite happily have returned her to rescue. Second month was still not good (neighbour came round to find me in tears often) but from month 3 I’ve gradually bonded with her and now I quite honestly couldn’t imagine her not being a part of our family.

It was like going back to having a demanding toddler (albeit hairier and smellier!) - she was a nightmare walking, reactive to people and other dogs so I absolutely dreaded walks, they were so stressful.
I did have a couple of 1-on-1 sessions and go weekly to dog training which we both enjoy. Have worked on leaving her which is a work in progress but have a good dog boarder on hand if necessary.
It does get better once the shock wears off!!

@Reasonistreason thank you so much! We've just had a really good walk. I'm just sticking to the same pavement walk as she freaks out with offlead dogs and anything running - just gets overloaded I think. First time I've done a second walk for a while and I did exactly the same as this morning and it was fine.

I think I keep pushing her too fast. I'm actually quite happy just plodding up and down the same bit of pavement twice a day I think. We can save the more exciting walks for when we meet friends as she walks better with other dogs or even just other people.

I'm pondering just falling on my pride and asking my neighbour to sit on friday. They have a dog but there are more of them so I am hoping one of them would sit with mine for 30 mins in return for me owing them a favour (they have multiple pets so bound to need one one day!)

How do you transport him in the car? Does he have a secure crate that you can partially cover?
I don't think there is anything wrong in having the dog securely in the car whilst you are close by - doctors or family for example.
You can pop out and check on him, leave a blanket and hot water bottle & chew in there.
Now we're out of the hot weather, it isn't dangerous.

Sorry I don't know why I just called him she the whole time in my last post, I'm losing my mind today . My cat was a she (I miss her! )He's a he!

He's great driving in the car but has a harness on the back seat. I have tried leaving him for a c

Posted too soon- have tried leaving for a few mins to drop ds somewhere but when I came back he was really agitated .

Can you fit a crate in the boot? Is he of a small/medium size?

I think the garden thing - yep put him on a lead, outside last thing for a wee and leg stretch with him, just a couple of mins, then lots of praise and positive vibes when it's time to come back in.
The separation anxiety needs building up very slowly, no quick fix for that I'm afraid.
Sitters will work in the short term but for long-term resilience then behaviour training will pay more dividends. It's a slow job building dog confidence - it's about him but also your management, choosing quiet times to walk etc, training on focus on a walk.
Can he not come with you to visit family?

My family are not dog friendly!

Night time garden - I already put him on a lead as he eats slugs . So he does his wee and then stands near the door and won't come in. I used to get him in with a biscuit and then he'd dash out again! So then I grabbed his collar and even then he managed to get back out again. Now he won't come near me after his wee. So I now take his lead off leave him to it (as he just stands looking at the door at this point ) but don't want to with fireworks risk as worried he could jump the fence if spooked (it's 6ft, but it has happened to others!)

Big dog no I can't fit a crate for him in my small car!

OK I would say then that obedience training is a priority.
If he is better trained and more secure with you around that should help with managing him in the garden and help with his confidence when you are around and when you're not.
You will also be able to take him on walks and things more easily.
It is also vital for effective separation training.

Ok yes I was beginning to feel that.
I'll investigate some trainers . If he's nervous of other breeds (sighthound) is it pointless joining a class? Would one or two 121 sessions be enough to get me on the right track do you think?

With the coming in from the garden the treat needs to be much better than a biscuit. At the moment the garden > biscuit. You need something better than the garden (cheese/sausage/chicken) for a few months. After the first few times he’ll come all the way in and can make him sit down and wait while you shut the door before giving him the treat.

Something like squeezy cheese or Arden Grange liver paste in a squeezy tube would be great for luring him in as you could start letting him lick it when he comes to you in the garden then walk inside while he keeps licking away at it.

our rescue is now 4 years old, and I could leave him for hours as long as he has had a walk, he is so chill (I don't but just in terms of relaxed)

But when we first got him, he was really anxious to be left. It was as he built up a relationship with us, and relaxed into our house that it improved. That took time. Even after a year, we still saw changes in him.

Get a trainer, but also try the classes, it might work for him to learn tobe less anxious around other dogs, as it is quite controlled. But it might not work for him.

@JewelleryBox I tried a snuffle box this week, it does work as long as I step away so he knows I won't grab him. But yesterday he came in and I went wide and went to close the door and he ran out. I've tried squeezy cheese cubes of cheese squeezy liver pâté to lure him in but he's interested but won't move. And with fireworks I think he has to be on a fairly short lead out there at night for a bit now .

Will try chicken again - gives him loose poo but he does love it !

You shouldn’t need to grab him. Do lots of training indoors of your touching his collar/lead and rewarding him for letting you do so. Eventually he’ll link you going for his collar with rewards. I’m sure you’re not but don’t pull him either: lure and encourage only (unless he’s in danger or something obviously).

@steppemum thank you that helps and makes sense. I think he has become more unsettled this week after his scare. Also it was a different time I left him today as I used to give him lunch then go out. But having lunch meant he harassed me all morning for food so now I give him a small snack after his walk to try and make him settle (he's lost a lot of weight hence the lunch for a bit but looks ok atm). I'm still changing his routine to work out what works best so guess once it's fixed he will be more settled - he seems incredibly routine driven . Morning and lunchtime walks seem good. Then I'm working in my office door closed for a couple of hours after each walk. Hopefully when that sticks I can transfer it to leaving the house for short durations ?

He sounds scared and still not bonded with you. That's understandable, he has been through a lot. I would do as much as you can with him in terms of getting out and about, meeting other dogs, classes etc. It will v quickly become less of a big deal for him. Make sure you are always his safe place, lots of treats/strokes/toys, whatever he likes. It's really early days. I am sure you will get there. How about a couple of 1 on 1 sessions with a local trainer. They could probably give you some 'homework' that will speed your progress along. Could you have support from a trainer st the rescue he came from?

@JewelleryBox I've held his collar but then he's pulled against me to get out again so presumably that's same effect. So that's what has made this worse.

He also won't go out for last wee without ds. At the weekend ds was out and it took so long to a) get him out to wee and b) get him in from wee

Tonight I will bundle myself up and wait it out there with him with lures. Not sure if he should be coated or not - don't want him to hate going out but at same time if he's cold maybe he will go in!

He won't get out the car either but during day I just leave him with a biscuit on the mat (it's secure), and he comes in eventually.

The rescue haven't helped , they're just not interested as he was deemed an easy dog (and I'm sure he is ). I've found that very upsetting , hence posting on here now and trying to find my own way. I had thought I would get support so it's been a shock especially as I don't have any friends or family with a dog, and have recently moved to new area as a single parent after my divorce so had thought dog ownership would help me feel less lonely. However I am seeing the same people on our daily walk and that's been nice as we say hello now.

Will contact the trainer I spoke to previously as he was so nice he made me cry (not that difficult at the moment!)

Hi
I think you are great to keep at this.
A few things:

8 weeks is such a short period - just go slower than you are.

I think you are trying to do all at once, break up what you want to achieve into small steps. Its all new to him.

I would only walk where I am not going to meet an off lead dog - maybe just work at home for now? This could be just moving too fast for him.

Treats need to be applied for everything - every positive reaction, coming in from garden etc needs reward.

Get a crate for the car and one for the house. A kong ball with treats inside will give him interest in there while getting used to it.

I have done a lot of rescue and the thing I see a lot is wellmeaning progression but its too fast for the dog.

Theres a great guy on you Tube - Schutzhund Kevin - Performance GSD but the principles are the same. Start sloooooooooow. THe more tense you are the more tense he is.

@fairymouse

My family are not dog friendly!

Night time garden - I already put him on a lead as he eats slugs . So he does his wee and then stands near the door and won't come in. I used to get him in with a biscuit and then he'd dash out again! So then I grabbed his collar and even then he managed to get back out again. Now he won't come near me after his wee. So I now take his lead off leave him to it (as he just stands looking at the door at this point ) but don't want to with fireworks risk as worried he could jump the fence if spooked (it's 6ft, but it has happened to others!)

Big dog no I can't fit a crate for him in my small car!

Would you use a long trace lead with him so he is always 'on lead' but can wander and them slowly bring him back to you. I would also feed late to give him a reason to return - he should be really excited by food if hungry. There has to be a point/ reward to taking the risk that over rides his fear.

@Colin56 thank you that is super helpful and makes absolute sense. I need to constantly have treats in my pocket .

@fairymouse you are so welcome. Treats - they need to be high value treats tho - chicken or sausage. Sometimes just this side of hungry keeps him keen to get your result and then big tea last thing at night. You don't want any fights re garden/ lead etc - his adrenaline will be all over the place for weeks. Someone mentioned above that he should be walked & see other dogs - I personally would not do this - he needs consistency & safety first.
The last dog I worked wirth that was like yours took 6 months to finally bond but it was always about SLOW consistency. Theres no rush. Think of it as you are his therapist and he is telling you the story of his trauma - his story does not come out in one go.
Crating is essential.

I have a crate in my office and he sits in it when I work if my door is open. I've never shut the door of it though. When I go out / at night he sleeps on the sofa - that's his place he likes . I'd be worried he would freak out in the crate if I shut the door and went out ? It's literally only when I work that he goes in it to be close to me (I was going to take it down post fireworks). I can try shutting him in during the day while I'm here I guess ?

@fairymouse Yes I think I would try but very slowly and for short periods of time. If he gets very upset then reward for sitting in the crate if you can before he gets really agitated. You want him to be able to relax there. Definitely cover with blanket. I would try to get him sleeping in there over time. Daytime first. Ideally once you get to training you get to tell him to go to his bed and he goes there. That will take time.
Feed in the crate if you need to with door open and progress to close.
If he panics SLOW everything down and dont rush.
This will be so rewarding for you and you will get there.

What breed/mix is he?