Post puppy depression?

[opalescent]

Hi all. I’m looking for a bit of support/reassurance I think.
I have a ten week old puppy- she’s been with us for ten days now.
She is adorable, and a completely normal, clever little pup. She is doing all the normal things- peeing, waking at night, chewing/biting. All to be expected. On the whole she has actually been amazingly well behaved, and grasped things like overnight crating really well. My kids love her to bits.

I honestly feel though, exactly the same as I did when I had post natal depression. A strange sort of anxiety, and a feeling of regularly wanting to go into a corner and cry (and actually doing it sometimes).
It doesn’t feel like it’s the day to day workload, more to do with the new and forever responsibility, and all of the unknowns. It’s hard at the moment to imagine her NOT creating constant chaos. I am struggling to remember why I thought this would be fine, amongst all the other graft of family life.

I can’t really discuss this with my Dh, as I am known for being an anxious type, and this will really add to that.

I’m really just hoping for a handhold, and reminders that this hard bit will pass quickly. Thank you

Totally normal and yes it will pass. I always wanted a dog for over 20 years and when ours finally arrived I spent a long time regretting him and thinking WTF had I done. He is now a wonderful adult dog.

It's ok to feel overwhelmed with the responsibility of a peeing pooing demanding biting ball of fluff. Keep putting one foot in front of the other and eventually things will get easier when you start to see the adult dog they will eventually be.

Thank you @BiteyShark

Puppy blues is a real thing.

There's all the anticipation and excitement. You bring this cute little thing into your life and then suddenly reality hits. Puppy is still cute but needs so much time and attention and it can be wearing and overwhelming.

Like with a small baby, you get caught up in all the worry about doing everything correctly, and whether they'll be all right.

I'm a worrier too and it can make it difficult to relax around a puppy and just enjoy it. I think a lot of people feel like that. But the heavy responsibility of it will pass.

Puppy will grow and become easier to look after.

Spend time training, five minutes or so a few times throughout the day. It will help you to bond and it's a great feeling of achievement when you actually manage to get the puppy to sit or give a paw. And make time to play with your puppy, rather than focusing on what's hard, try to focus on the cute.

As BiteyShark says, keep putting one foot in front of the other. Take each day slowly and try not to put too much pressure on yourself.

Thank you @pigsDOfly, I really appreciate the response 😊

So so so normal! It can take a few weeks or months to get past it.

I found it got easier when I could take my pup out for walks. Not long ones, but the new sights and scents knackered her out so she didn’t have such a mad hour at 6.

I remember spending an hour trying to get her to sleep on the couch without me so I could go somewhere else in the house without her right next to me.

Have you got someone who could come and puppy sit for an hour to give you a break.
We’ve done this for close relatives, who’s puppies were going to be in our lives too. It gave us a chance to know the pup and them a break.

We got our much wanted puppy the day before I broke up for the summer holidays after the most stressful 18 months of our lives (bereavement, terrible house move and unbelievable work stress ON TOP of covid) DS is now 9 and just starting to be really independent and I feel like I’m back to having a toddler when trying to have a shower and clean the house etc.

Things that have helped:
Crate training for bedtime and having a pen. The crate is in the pen, and I use the pen to put her in when she’s extra bitey or getting under my feet or going mental and have bought a Kong and one of those lick mats as well as pigs ears and loads of other toys and she will play in there quite happily. Means I can get stuff out the dishwasher 🤣

Stair gates to keep her contained.

Puppy proofed the garden as best we can so she can run around to her hearts content

Doggy daycare for two days a week. DH and I both work full time, albeit his hours are on shift, so she needs to be able to go to other places to be looked after. Every tues and Thursday she goes to an amazing place where they do dog agility and she has the most fab time. I started that at 12 weeks for her, her socialisation skills are really coming on and she has such a happy time. It also means that DS and I get to spend some dog-free time together - it’s been a big adjustment for us all!

I also suffered from PND and am currently on sertraline for anxiety, I feel your sentiments exactly! At 15 weeks I can already see that things are getting easier, so try to keep positive. It’s such a huge adjustment.

@Whattodo121 thank you so much for this. I can't tell you how much better it's made me feel.

@Ostryga yes I really think that getting out and about will help, there is a definite feeling of claustrophobia!

@Beebumble2 I am not sure that I have any friends or family who I could ask that if right now, but perhaps I should look into doggy daycare over the coming weeks. Thank you

Totally normal. I remember feeling sick when we brought her home and it was the exact same feeling as when I brought my baby home from the hospital. I loved her so much instantly but I also had this dreaded feeling inside of what have I done !!! It does pass. As the puppy stage goes and it all slots into place it all settled down just fine. Could not ever be without a dog now !

Perfectly normal.

It took me nearly 3 years to talk DH into a second dog, and when we finally got her, about 3 weeks in I was tearful, exhausted and thinking what the hell have I done. I felt really low and down with the relentless toilet breaks and "oh god what's she chewing now".

She's the best dog ever...... really kind and gentle, and with a very quirky personality. I feel so bad that I ever thought like that about her now.

It's hard isn't it. Our garden is too big to puppy proof (sorry not a stesth boast) and it's all so full on.
We don't have a den, he doesn't have a collar as they make me worried. We have crated trained and toilet trained, it's wonderful I love it but I'm so tired and I worry he's bored or sad. My kids love him but they want to do other stuff too and I'm WFH.
It's full on! He's currently napping and I'm creeping around. Feels so much like having a baby again.

Stealth

Very real the puppy blues. It does get easier when they can go out for a walk.

We hired a local teenager who liked dogs to look after ours for a few hours a couple of times a week so we could get out an do things.

It's better when they are housetrained.

I'd have happily given ours back at about 10 weeks. Now she's 2, sleeps a lot, good on walks, comes back when called, potters about, can be left and is utterly adorable.

@opalescent I'm so glad you posted this. I had PND and definitely feel like this with the new puppy. I got divorced earlier in the year and life was just settling down. Why on earth did I get a puppy?! I love him but feel he's taken my independence and energy! I know it will get easier but I hear you! X

@Heretherenow I'm happy to chat anytime 💐. Have you got kids at home with you during the summer holidays?
I only ask because I actually had a day without my kids today- they were at grandparents, and I can't tell you the difference it made. My puppy has spent the whole day either napping, or playing- but with a LOT less biting or over-exuberance. She has been lovely. It does make me feel hopeful that life will be easier once the kids are back at their normal school/childcare arrangements.
I know that sounds awful, but bored kids plus puppy has been a hellish combination here!!

Thank you to everyone who has posted, for your lovely and reassuring replies ❤️

Oh my god the bored kids plus bonkers puppy combo is exhausting. DS is completely driving me mad at the moment.

Yes! I felt like this. Taking on responsibility for another creature's life is huge! Before we got our pup I thought and planned in a very practical way but then it really hit me on an emotional level when we got her home. Those first few weeks/ months are exhausting on every level. It does get better!

Op I am new on here . Been lurking at posts for a while but as soon as I read your thread I had to sign up . My pup is 17 weeks and I feel exactly like you . I too had pnd and I feel like I have it now . I have times where I don't even want to go home when I'm finishing work because of how anxious I'm feeling . I really hope this will pass soon for both of us ❤️

Totally normal. I remember hitting a low and wondering why on earth I’d brought this chaos/responsibility into the house. But it does get better.
Pup will get easier, and you won’t have to be constantly thinking about what you need to do with it. It’s a baby, it still needs a mum for now.

I have also just read everyone else's replies . I'm shocked so many people feel the same . I'm in 200 mg for sertraline for anxiety , beta blockers and Valium when it gets too much and I think back to the days when I wasn't on these and I really don't think my pup would still be with us . I know it's awful to say but I feel a lot better right now that I am not the only one feeling this way . Please can we all stay in contact on here . When things are getting tough with our pups at least we have each other to rant too and also get support because my husband is crap at anything like this . I have not mentioned how I'm feeling because he will either get his hair off and say I told you so 😴 or to get over it . Men and dogs 😂 arghhhh

@peardropsonarainyday I am always happy to chat to you, I sympathise so much and also have anxiety as a long term issue. I have been on and off sertraline over the last few years.
What kind of dog do you have? Do you have help with him/her at home?

Also- same with my husband. He will see it as an example of how I can never cope with anything! So I would prefer not to talk to him about it. (That makes him sound unkind- he's not, but I appreciate it is hard work being married to someone with chronic anxiety).