I'm feeling full of regret since getting puppy and don't know what to do.

[wcsdilemma]

I am feeling fully of regret and wish I had never got our puppy. He's 8 months old and we collected him at 3 months. He's a working cocker spaniel but very different from our elderly dog of 13 who's also a WCS. This one is so driven, he literally never stops despite getting lots of exercise and stimulation. To be honest, I sometimes feel he's better when he's had less exercise! I've done obedience training classes with him and he's a good little chap but I think the problem is more me - I regret the impact he's having on me and my other 2 dogs. And I realise it's not his fault at all, entirely mine, but it's all so difficult.

I wish I had been firmer and said no but I was persuaded by my (grown up) family and now I feel it's just all out of control. I have been having some very real thoughts about rehoming him but I fear the backlash from my family would be too awful. The needs of my elderly dog are taking a back seat because I am so pre-occupied with the puppy. I don't know what to do, and wondered if anyone else has been in a similar position and could offer me any advice? I do know one thing for sure, I will never do this again and I would advise anyone with an elderly dog who's thinking of getting a puppy, not to. I feel very upset about the whole situation.

We've just got a puppy and have an older dog. It can work, I promise. Train a decent settle and reward calm behaviour in the house.

Is your older dog of a temperament where you can leave him to train the puppy how to behave around him? I take a backseat when mine are interacting and the older will give a warning snap when the pup gets out of hand. The pup soon learned what the older one would tolerate.

Crate training will help too. And be sure not to give too much exercise. Over stimulated dogs are worse than under stimulated ones. The fact you think he's better when he gets less interaction points to over stimulation. Set a schedule which includes plenty of crate/calm time.

To be honest, I sometimes feel he's better when he's had less exercise!

This could very well be the case. If you walk a dog for hours and hours, all you get is a super fit dog who is impossible to tire out.

What do you to stimulate his brain? Does he get chew toys, puzzle feeders, stuffed kongs and scent games to keep him occupied?

I'm a dog walker and every single working spaniel I walk (cockers, sprockers and springers) ALL have some kind of "job" to do. One does water retrieving, some do cani-cross, some do agility - but they all do something outside of normal walks.

At eight months he may be too young for cani-cross or agility but you could certainly do scent games with him - so take a ball on walks, hide it in long grass and get him to find it, scatter his kibble in the grass and get him to sniff it out. Ditch the bowl and feed him all his food via puzzle feeders, kongs or training games.

On walks, practise sit/stays, practise recall, teach him tricks - get him to sit and ask him to go around objects to the left/the right, teach him to jump over a log or go under a branch etc. Work his brain, not just his muscles.

I have a working breed (beagle, not cocker) - he's three and he does best on 60-90 minutes exercise a day. Anything more and he gets over-stimulated and silly. Any less, and the same applies. 60-90 minutes appears to his "golden" amount where it tires him out but doesn't make him giddy

He also gets a nice, low-fat natural chew everyday after walks, which helps keep him busy and it calms him down as well.

Best of luck! Remember, you're bang in the middle of the teenage years and it's really tough at this age - it DOES get better.

Agree with icedcoffee I sometimes feel he's better when he's had less exercise! you are soooooo right!

I have wcs and collies (wcs are way more hard work than the collies!). It is so tempting with the spaniesl to chuck balls to "tire them out" but all it does is drive up their adrenalin and they are wired for hours.

Get them scenting for the ball and after 20 mins they will be knackered (not for the rest of the day but enough to give you break)

See if there are any scentwork classes near you and give your puppy his scentwork class a week, scatter feed him all his meals, and short walk incorporating scent work then he needs to chill.

He may need to learn this but give him a chew put him in a quiet place and give your oldie some time.

It will get better though as this is a tiring age for any owner (but even worse for wcs owners- this too will pass I promise).

Also some dogs will really push the boundaries to be needy all the time and generous loving caring owners feel they need to give all to these dogs. You are giving your dog a favour by allowing them to be independent and rest - do not feel bad about making him chill. He needs it.

How much responsibility are your family taking for caring for the dog?

Every dog is different, but from experience I have always found around 6months to 2.5years to easily be the most challenging stage. It's easy to forget this as our dogs grow older, so a puppy probably feels like a total shock to the system but it will get better.

Thank you for all the replies and the YouTube links.

He doesn’t have a “job” to do as such and I don’t feel I’ve got the time to commit to that. Our older dog is my main priority and I find I’m pretty exhausted walking the puppy then coming back to do a gentle walk for my older dog and the middle dog (a rescue) who needs very little exercise and is happy to sleep most of the day. Plus all the rest of the jobs in the house which fall to me. I’ve been a SAHM and for the past 20 years or so I’ve done all the home stuff. DH works ridiculously long hours and that’s just how it’s been.

On the positive, he has chews and loves his squeaky toys and I do lots of training when I’m out with him - walking to heel, recall with voice and whistle, lovely walks where there’s lots to explore - rivers and woods - and I’m currently getting him used to cows and sheep so that he’s not tempted to chase them. I haven’t tried scattering his food as I feel that would upset the older dog who was never bothered about food but is suffering from dementia and has literally become food obsessed. I think having the puppy around has really contributed to that. The puppy really is an excellent little dog, he learns super fast and is eager to please - as all WCS are!

I think the problem lies much more with me. I’ve sacrificed a lot of my independence over the years by being the main carer for our children and dogs and just at the time when I can see a window of freedom ahead (now that the children are off to university) I’ve committed myself to another 15 or so years of being a dog owner. I must sound very selfish but the reality of it all makes me want to cry. I should’ve let there be a break and I’m just not sure I can do it again. I know that it’s my fault for being persuaded to do it. At the time it seemed like a good idea but it doesn’t feel good now.

I don’t know how I’d even go about rehoming him, I love him but I’m just not feeling that bond. All I feel is exhaustion and dread which is horrible as I should be feeling so lucky to have him. It was a big mistake on my part, I should’ve been firmer and said no. Sorry for such a depressing post.

There are lots of homes who would love to take on your puppy I’m sure. If you feel like this, and it really is going to be a slog that, for whatever reason you are not prepared to commit to, I think reforming is a good idea. You have tried and it hasn’t worked. Look into rehoming soon. You can then relax with your other dogs and know that your puppy will be well looked after, loved and ,are another family very happy.

Thank you 123fushia, that’s kind advice. I’m just so worried about the reaction of family members - they wouldn’t forgive me and I fear it would cause a massive upset.

I just wanted to come in here to say I know how you feel. I also allowed myself to be persuaded to get a puppy and I now have that dread when I consider how long this commitment is. I am also a sahm and all the responsibilities lie with me. My children are younger and I feel they would be less understanding of any rehoming ideas. I really feel I need to make a commitment to puppy now.
I think as your children are adult they should understand more. It is your life that it is affecting day to day for the next 15 years, not theirs.
It sounds like you have done a great job with the pup so would not be difficult to rehome?

I think it's time you put yourself and your own needs and feelings first. It sounds like you've dedicated the last 20+ years of your life to your family and I think the way you're feeling now is perfectly understandable. Your DC will get over it, they're adults and they need realise that your world doesn't resolve around their wants anymore. If you sat them down ans explained what you're going through then I'm sure they'd 'forgive' you (not that there's anything to forgive IMO). We all make mistakes, better to resolve things sooner rather than later, it doesn't make you a bad person. You sound burnt out, I think we all know that feeling and puppies are exhausting. You've got adolescence to get through yet too. I wouldnt dwell on this for too long. Speak to your DH, make the decision and tell the DC. Be firm about it, don't pander to any guilt trips. I'm sure you'll be able to find your pup a wonderful new home, it sounds like you've given him a great foundation for new owners to build on and he'll be fantastic in the right setting. Best of luck.

First port of call for rehoming should be the breeder you got him from. Failing that then Spaniel aid will help.

I think having 3 dogs may be the cause of some of the problems, I have had to consult a behaviourist twice in the last 18 months after I introduced a third dog, having had dogs for over 30 years with no problems. The behaviourist said that she often sees pack like behaviour going from 2 to 3 dogs.

You mention that the older dog has become obsessed with food, and I would say food became an issue in our house, they have improved somewhat but if I were to just put food down there would be a fight.

I wouldn’t blame you for rehoming, my youngest dog was 10 months when he joined the household and the whole thing has been really hard work. I have reached a point now where he is 3 in November and things have improved enough that I feel I can keep going until we are back to two dogs again. Mine are all small breeds as well.

I think with such a young high energy dog and so many more years ahead, if you can ensure a first class home then only you should have input into that decision as you seem to be doing all the work. Our youngest DC is leaving home this year and I think it is natural that you are seeing the commitment of dogs differently as you will have more freedom in other ways.

If you are considering rescue the following ma hel but not sure what area you are in :-

Nessr is a fab resuce (although maily springers it does take in other spaniels if it can) They rehome usually to working homes and even organisations that may want scentwork dogs.

Dogs Trust also have contacts with organisations that may work the dogs.

Battersea also sometimes rehomes to organisations that need working dogs, maybe medical assistant dogs or hearing dogs or police etc

Northern English Springer Spaniel Rescue
Tel 01670 760346

English Springer Spaniel Welfare
Tel 01752 691579

The Field Spaniel Society
Tel 01825 840211

The Cocker Rescue Scheme
Tel 01273 890701

Sussex Spaniel Association
Tel 01933 665562

Many of the above rescues will not kennel the dogs and may even ask you to keep the dog until a suitable home is found.

following may help!

This one is so driven, he literally never stops despite getting lots of exercise and stimulation. To be honest, I sometimes feel he's better when he's had less exercise!
I was going to say, you’re probably spot on and he’s over stimulated, but I see lots of PPs got there before me. But I just wanted to say, you would not believe how many miles I walked, ran, biked and even swam with our working Labrador (he passed aged 15 years, last month) when he was a young’un before I realised this was ‘a thing’ 😂.
OTOH
I’ve sacrificed a lot of my independence over the years by being the main carer for our children and dogs and just at the time when I can see a window of freedom ahead (now that the children are off to university) I’ve committed myself to another 15 or so years of being a dog owner. I must sound very selfish but the reality of it all makes me want to cry. I should’ve let there be a break and I’m just not sure I can do it again. I know that it’s my fault for being persuaded to do it. At the time it seemed like a good idea but it doesn’t feel good now
This is where I find myself now, family (two DDs will be at university next year) trying to get me to agree to a Labrador puppy (friend is a breeder of working Labs so I know exactly what the dog would be like) so I completely sympathise, but I’m not waivering yet. There’s no shame in it, it would have been ideal if you’d stuck to your guns, but it’s difficult when you’re being railroaded, I know. Though I would say, you’re at the most difficult stage, it will pass, and he’ll be a different dog. It sounds like you made a decision you regret but making the decision to rehome him now might also be something you’ll regret a few months down the line and you won’t be able to go back on that. Don’t rush the decision, maybe try the suggestions above for exercise that doesn’t overstimulate, see how it goes and don’t beat yourself up in the meantime. If after that you do decide to rehome him, do it the right way, through a reputable rescue like Dog’s Trust and not Gumtree et al and you can be reassured you did your best for him, and you.

I think he would be easy to rehome - it’s just the backlash I know I’ll get. Although the children are grown up we’re a close family and they see this puppy as very much a family dog - a replacement for our elderly dog. I was so foolish to be persuaded. Their attitude will be that we have dogs already so why not this one.

I feel for you Tuppity it’s a huge commitment. Sometimes I feel there’d be less upset if I left rather than the puppy!

Tell the DC they need to take on the work of the puppy as you aren't coping. If they won't then the puppy needs to go to a home where his needs are being catered to.

I totally understand how you feel ,I’m in the same situation ,I only just coping with one dog I got talked in to ,the adult daughter talked me in to taking her boyfriends dog ,who was free on Facebook,,I got sucked in to ,,but if we don’t have him ,anything could happen to him..this dog wees all over my house ,I’d only had him a year ,when a relative became ill ,had to go in to a nursing home ,and nursing homes don’t take dogs..and relative wants to see dog every week ,so I’ve got 3 dogs as well..
It’s so hard ,and I was only just coping with one ..luckily they get on super super well ,and are a real bonded pack ..
But I 100% know I will never take on another dog .
I think the guilt will be hard to live with op ,if you get rid of him ..it’s his home and his pack …honestly it will settle down .maybe try walking them all together somewhere you can safely let them all off ,then let the older 2 potter about ,while u use a ball thrower to tier out your puppy.that’s what I have to do as mine are 12 ,4 and 3
Good luck xxx

If he’s a family dog and the family pressured you into getting him then they need to take far more responsibility for caring for him if he’s to say.

I don’t think the problem lies with you but with others persuading you to get a puppy and then you doing the majority of things for him. If they’re upset at the thought of him being reformed then they either step up or he is rehomed. I think this was unfair of the family. Meeting the needs of this puppy sounds very full on if he’s to be a happy and integrated member of your household and I am struggling to understand why everyone feels that responsibility is yours.

If he’s to stay not say.

If you have adult family members who persuaded you to get a puppy, and would be upset if it was rehomed, those family members should be the ones walking and training him, not you if you never really wanted him. Tell them that.

Thank you for all the rescue links - if we do rehome him it will definitely be through a reputable and recognised rescue. Absolutely no way would I ever go via gumtree or such like. I’m hesitant to go back to the breeder, she was recommended to me by a friend and I don’t want to rock that boat so to speak.

Once DH is home (won’t be until the w/e) I’m going to have a very down to earth chat with him about it all. Deep down I know I can’t do this, it’s just finding the right way out of it all and being respected for my decision. The thing is none of them really know what it’s like day in day out - popping back for weekends/holidays is not the same. It’s the overwhelming feeling of being responsible for this dog for the next 15 years that I just don’t want. There, I’ve said it and I feel horrible but it’s the truth. My old dog has probably only months to live, the rescue dog loves going to our friends if ever we’re away and is much more like a cat than a dog - he’s 10 years old - and quietly content with life.

I’ve got an old dog and one approaching three. He has livened her up a little but they will never have the relationship I’d hoped because she has started to really age now in her joints etc (she’ll be 12 this autumn). I deliberately got a young dog before the older one passes to avoid that gap and empty house feeling as my children are just becoming independent and I think I’d prefer to have someone still there once they all move out but I’ve timed it so I’ll be just reaching my 60’s when he’s old. That means I won’t then have a dog when I’m too old and he will likely be my last puppy. If I got another after him I might consider an older rescue.

I think for me having a dog is company but it sounds like for you it’ll feel like your freedom being taken . Did you have children/dog free plans for the future? He will calm down in the next year, in your situation id concentrate on training him to be well behaved out and about so you could take him anywhere with you without him feeling a burden or work in the years to come.

Gets me so cross to read the family putting on the pressure but it’s muggins mum who does all the hard work! Pretty outrageous when you think about it. Are you their maid? Round me there are lots of families that want dogs so sure you could regime. If your teens are so keen for a new dig they can get one and be solely responsible for it themselves can’t they?

Gosh I understand how you feel. We have a -2 year old cocker ( not working ) who is the centre of our family life and so far this year I have resisted the offer of a lab puppy ( definitely not happening) and a Norfolk terrier ( was tempting ) . If you really don’t want to rehome have you thought about a specialist dog walker. Someone who would actually train and walk dog , we know someone who had their Labrador trained as a gun dog but he lives with them . He gets picked up by the trainer for shoots / competitions . It seems to work well