put a deposit down on a pup and now unsure

[lu9months]

was so excited. have a 4 year old rescue dog. decided to get new puppy
teen boys ecstatic. 11 year old came home from camp today and we told her the exciting news- she burst into tears and said she doesnt want a puppy. she says its too hard work and the older dog wont like it. id been wobbling a bit about toilet training/ early mornings/broken nights but thought the children would be all delighted. now dont know what to do. husband also wobbling. have spent a fortune already though guess if breeder can sell pup we will get deposit back. help. so torn.

If you are in any doubt, don’t get the puppy.

I agree, if you're not 100% committed, don't do it.

An older rescue dog might be a better idea if you don't want the sleepless nights and so on.

Don't do it. Puppies break people even when the people concerned are 100% sure they want a puppy. If you are all having so much doubt this cannot be right for you. The breeder will be able to find another home, puppies are in high demand right now. Better for the puppy if you don't take it at all rather than take it, let it bond with you and then have to hand it back.

but teens will be devastated. ive messed this up so badly

@lu9months

but teens will be devastated. ive messed this up so badly

You're caught in a conflict because your teens want something different from your 11 year old - unfortunately, you can't please them all. That's not your fault - you are 100% doing the right thing by reconsidering rather than brushing your doubts under the carpet.

Any responsible breeder or rescue will tell you the whole family needs to be on board with a new dog. It sounds as though your DD has put a voice to doubts you had already.

Why not explore getting another, older, rescue? I often see rescue adverts that specify a home where there's already a resident dog. See what your DD would think of the idea.

I wouldn't. Husband isn't on board. Two dogs. Your whole life and decision making will revolve round dogs. No thanks.

OK, while I agree with other posters. You shouldn't get one if you arent sure. It's also normal to have a wobble.

Why does your 11 year old think it will be too hard? And why doesn't she automatically think the older dog won't like it? How much puppy experience does she have?

Surely these are 2 big issues that you have already thought out and decided it will be fine.

Yes, broken sleep is a killer and puppies are exhausting. But it's usually worth it and it's over fairly quickly, in the scheme of things. Were your wobbles serious wobbles or just a bit of anxiety about how much things will change. It's normal to just have doubts or second thoughts. You need to decide which they were.

Is husbands wobbles the same as yours? Again, you need to discover if its serious second thoughts or just apprehension.

Your older teens that are excited for the puppy, how much time have they committed and are they likely to stick to it?

They should be doing quite a bit.

Its really OK to disappoint your kids if you feel getting a puppy isn't right for your family. But it's also normal to have doubts.

You and your dh need to do alot of thinking and talking. And maybe discuss with the 11 year old, about why you don't think those things are going to be an issue (presuming at some point you didnt).

I think an 11 year old who is probably exhausted from a week at camp is not in the best place to make a decision for the whole family.

Can you all talk about the decision tomorrow when she’s less tired?

i think i didnt realise the amount of sleep deprivation/early starts with a puppy. out rescue dog was a year old when we got her and always slept well, though had issues with recall, walking without pulling etc. its since i have been researching and watching puppy training videos ive realised that it really is like having a baby. im 52! too old for another baby!! teens will definitely help but oldest is at uni .

Depends on the dog/puppy, some dogs are relaxed and easygoing, others, like mine are nuts.

Is the breed an easy to handle low energy breed?

As you already have one dog, a second, if it’s calm and doesn’t have crazy exercise requirements shouldn’t be that bad.

Once you have one dog, you lose your freedom anyway, you can’t just book a holiday, stay out late. Also your children are a good age to welcome a puppy.

That said, if your looking at buying something like a Siberian husky the impact on your life will be greater.

Puppy’s do (generally) just fit into your routine, training if your consistent isn’t that challenging. Some people go completely overboard and sleep downstairs/get up at 6:00am with the puppy but it’s just unnecessary.

@lu9months

i think i didnt realise the amount of sleep deprivation/early starts with a puppy. out rescue dog was a year old when we got her and always slept well, though had issues with recall, walking without pulling etc. its since i have been researching and watching puppy training videos ive realised that it really is like having a baby. im 52! too old for another baby!! teens will definitely help but oldest is at uni .

The last 2 puppies I had I didn't have sleep deprivation.

I crate train, the first one didn't wake up after night 4. The second was longer, because we fostered her and her sisters at 5 weeks. But by 10 weeks she was sleeping through.

Both cockers. I have another 10 week old asleep next to me now. Asleep from about 9. Went for a wee about half an hour ago, and she is back snoozing.

Are you concentrating more on the horror stories?

possibly i am. our 4 year old lab cross is super chilled and lies in - we are so lucky. weve put a deposit down on a 2nd labrador- i do love labs- but our house and garden are quite small and im worried her exercise needs will be huge - we are happy to walk twice a day though since we do anyway. my husband is home full time and the boys will help. how did u manage so well with getting puppies sleeoing overnight? planning on crate training but hear pups need to pee every hour or 2? still unsure though my teens sat up late into the night reassuring me.

How old are your teens? You can really get them involved in the early stages. Mine were great - they needed no excuse to stay up late/downstairs taking puppy out for a wee while I caught up on some sleep! I did 90% of it but it was great to have someone to share the load. You can also take them to the classes with you. Mine go to bed later than me anyway and I'm an early riser!

What would concern me more is your husband wobbling tbh!

To be honest, it's so much better that you're realising now that this might not be for you than later down the line and having to rehome or struggle.
It's better to lose some £ and make the right decision now to bow out than still spend the £ (plus loads more) and be in a difficult position of struggling with a new puppy.

Don’t do it unless you’re all completely on board. I love my dog to bits but in hindsight it wasn’t a good decision for us.

I know they all vary but puppies aren’t that bad. It’s not like a baby when sleepless nights last for months. We’ve had two puppies over the years and never had more than two nights of crying and then it’s just early wake ups for a couple of weeks. If you spent time weighing up the pros and cons before you put the deposit down don’t let your 11 year old decide for the whole family.

the teens are 19 and 16. they will def help but the 19 year old is at uni. i thought my 11 year old would be delighted but shes adamant its the wrong decision. we have paid £500 deposit- i guess we might get that back if the breeder could sell her on. shes 8 weeks so only tiny still. husband is on board and doesnt work and is home all day so will do most of the work but if i put brakes on he will accept that. up all night going to and fro.

There are so many unknowns.

Your older dog may not tolerate the puppy for a while and you do need to make sure the older one has puppy free time and space. Are you prepared to separate and give individual time to both.

Some puppies are a pain in the arse for sleeping and biting (looks at BiteyDog) but others aren't. You won't know until they are with you but at least it doesn't last long but you do need to be prepared for the worst and hope for the best.

Why did you want another dog and a puppy in the first place? Has that view changed or is it just a wobble?

Your teens won’t even be around. One already isn’t around. Cancel the puppy.

There will be a sleepless night phase but it can really vary how long it lasts - it can be anything from a week to months.

Your £500 is a sunk cost whether you go ahead or not (unless the breeder can return on cancellation). If you go ahead you will be in for more costs - vaccinations from scratch, insurance, presumably spaying, and then double the ongoing costs for your existing dog.

£500 deposit???

You must be a very wealthy family. Perhaps you could employ a dog nanny?

not wealthy but a labrador pup is expensive if you go to a kennel club breeder. she wanted 25% as a deposit and since id put aside the money and was sure we would proceed , i didnt see why not.

My puppy learned very quickly and we had no sleepless nights. Labs are very chilled (usually) and the older dog night relish having a pup around. We had two very established cats when we got the puppy. They took one look and left home. I worried for weeks that we had done the wrong thing but it didn't take long for the cats to rule the roost and a few years down the line we wouldn't be without the dog. Don't rely on the teenagers helping. I'm sure they believe it when they say they will, but this dries up very quickly.

@YoungWerther

£500 deposit???

You must be a very wealthy family. Perhaps you could employ a dog nanny?

I'm afraid that's standard for a pup these days - have a look at current prices, most go for at least £3000.

I very much doubt everyone buying a pup is 'wealthy' - it's something you'd save up for, or use existing savings.

People do tend to liken having a puppy to having a baby, but with puppies the baby stage is over a damn sight quicker than with small humans.

Our most recent puppy (and I'm older than you, OP, and I coped) was our hardest to date, but even she slept through pretty much straight away. She was tricky to house-train but she's turned out to be worth it.

I think you need to get some sleep, consider how your current dog is with other dogs (having an accepting resident dog really helps a puppy settle - they sometimes sleep together from the first night), and phone the breeder to see if you can get your deposit back if you feel you need to. Then think it through, with a clear head and a better idea of the consequences.