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The doghouse

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put a deposit down on a pup and now unsure

54 replies

lu9months · 08/08/2021 22:45

was so excited. have a 4 year old rescue dog. decided to get new puppy
teen boys ecstatic. 11 year old came home from camp today and we told her the exciting news- she burst into tears and said she doesnt want a puppy. she says its too hard work and the older dog wont like it. id been wobbling a bit about toilet training/ early mornings/broken nights but thought the children would be all delighted. now dont know what to do. husband also wobbling. have spent a fortune already though guess if breeder can sell pup we will get deposit back. help. so torn.

OP posts:
lu9months · 09/08/2021 07:53

@grumpymiddleagedwoman thank you! any tips on getting puppies to sleep through much appreciated.

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 09/08/2021 07:53

Honestly it sounds like it’s you who is the most unsure and trying to blame it on your husband and daughter.

Girlintheframe · 09/08/2021 08:04

Not all pups are nightmares.

Ours slept next to our bed and only got up during the night for about 4 nights then slept right through.

lu9months · 09/08/2021 08:05

i dont think blame is the right word @bluntness100 - im definitely wobbling, no doubt about it.

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Ducksurprise · 09/08/2021 08:12

I had a massive wobble at 33 weeks pregnant with a much wanted second baby. If I could have returned it there and then I would have done. I also spent the first night we got our second dog in tears certain we had done the wrong thing and planning on taking her back.

Both those decisions I'd really thought about before the wobble happened. If you have already gone through the pros and cons and it was a thought out decision then I think you should continue and get the puppy. If you purchased her on a whim then I think you should walk away.

Hekatestorch · 09/08/2021 08:15

It appears your kids seem to be the drivers, of this decision. And I think you and your dh need to the drivers instead.

Your 11 year old might might be right. But the decision can't be made on the basis of her opinion, when it's unlikely she has much puppy experience.

But then neither can you base it on 2 teenagers who won't be around much. The 19 year old, could do plenty of the puppy work before they go back. But are they willing to be in the house for the next few weeks? The 16 year old could do alot too.

But, their enthusiasm may wane. My 10 year old is very much involved with the dogs (not the night stuff, though he would if I allowed) and is happy to do what they need. He will jump up to feed them. Doesn't moan if they need something and he is on his xbox (will moan if its not for the dogs) The 16 year old is a bit more fair weather. As the 10 year old isn't capable of doing lots unsupervised and the 16 year old would just sleep instead of walking them, some days. Its mine and dps decision about wether we take another dog in.

About the crate training and over night, it was fairly consuming. But only for a few nights. I would take the dog out, before bed. Sit and stroke them, until they were sleepy. Put them in the crate, with a soft toy about the same size as them. Sit and stroke them til almost asleep and close the door. But stay sat there until they settle. Then slowly move away. Eye contact kept to a minimum.

They we would get up every 2 hours. Put them out, minimum engagement. Put them back in the crate and do the above again.

If they are as asleep we put getting up off by an hour. And before long they were sleeping from 10/11 - 6. Last night was the 10 week old first night. Another rescue, but she only got up that once and slept after that til 7.

We do sleep near the dogs though. Either have them in our room or sleep downstairs with them.

We currently have the puppy in her soft bed entertaining herself with my sons t-shirt he gave her and the middle one asleep on my bed about 3 feet away (she is currently refusing to acknowledge the new puppy 🤣) and the oldest downstairs asleep. She likes sleeping on the wood floors. I am sat on the bed watching TV relaxing.

We still have all the dogs crates, they are their safe spaces. But once they are older, we rarely close them. House rule for all our kids and visitors are, if the dogs choose to go in their crates or bed, they are left alone. It's a non negotiable.

Also, remember all dogs are different. I have no clue if we are really good at crate training. Or if we have just been lucky. There's every chance we have just been incredibly lucky. My experience is that most techniques work. But everyone in the house needs to be consistent with what technique you use.

JollyAndBright · 09/08/2021 08:17

We have a lab we’ve had since she was a puppy,
We adore her, she is our second child and if you asked me if I would get her again I’d say yes without even thinking.

But would we get another puppy?
Absolutely not.

We underestimated how much work it truly is,
It was definitely worse than having a newborn.

Our pupper was good as gold, she learned so well and truly was a pleasure to raise, but it was so much work, I swear I got less sleep when she was a pup than when DS was a newborn.

And let’s not mention the chewing of every piece of furniture 😶

Auntycorruption · 09/08/2021 08:18

Your 11yo opinion should count for far far more than a 19yo who's out at uni, and probably a 16yo too as they're off with their own life. Easy for 2 teens to love a cute puppy when their life isn't affected.

11yo on the other hand sounds the most sensible of all of you! Small house, existing dog etc.

She's the one going to be impacted by disrupted household... sorry we can't go out because can't leave puppy too long... holidays revolves 2 dogs etc.

Maybe she was looking forward to 6 years of having her parents attention once older ones move out and fears a new baby in the house will change that

JollyAndBright · 09/08/2021 08:19

Argh. Posted too soon….

Basically what I’m getting at is puppies are incredibly hard and as with children they are a lifelong commitment.
If you aren’t 100% certain definitely don’t do it.

Darkchocolateandcoffee · 09/08/2021 08:20

@LizziesTwin

I think an 11 year old who is probably exhausted from a week at camp is not in the best place to make a decision for the whole family.

Can you all talk about the decision tomorrow when she’s less tired?

I agree with this. If I made decisions based on what my 11 year old thought, our life would look very different, and not in a good way!
Chunkymenrock · 09/08/2021 08:23

You should only go ahead if you're 100% sure. It's a massive and completely unnecessary upheaval to your household. Fgs, just stop the whole thing and stop fretting. It really is pointless to complicate your whole home set up. Children will learn that serious thought is always required before taking on pets. That's no bad thing. Lead strongly and confidently by example.

Suzi888 · 09/08/2021 08:30

I would struggle to let an 11 year old’s opinion sway me on this. If YOU and your DH have doubts that’s entirely different.
There was a thread on this the other day, where the OP’s DH hated the dog and the overwhelming majority were telling the OP to keep the dog. Despite no support from any family members.
Your husband is home full time and you both have a dog and will exercise the dog. You know what to expect, I don’t understand the issue to be honest Confused. Everything two adults want us up in the air because of an 11 year old. At four, your existing dog is hardly over the hill, still a teenager!

MeredithMae · 09/08/2021 11:06

I agree with the above poster. An 11 year old shouldn't stop you getting what you and the other adults want! She will come around.

Also pups sleep well quickly. Ours was up twice in the night at first and now at 13 weeks is up around 5 for a wee then back asleep til 730.

Do YOU actually want the pup? If so go for it!

icedcoffees · 09/08/2021 13:25

This is a decision for the parents - it's not up to an 11yo or a 19yo to decide whether you get a puppy or not. They're not the ones paying for it, getting up in the night, sorting the insurance, the vet trips, the kennels while you're on holiday etc.

If you and DH both want the puppy, get the puppy. If you're having a significant wobble (a minor wobble is normal) then maybe you need to think twice about whether you really want to do this.

joystir59 · 09/08/2021 15:58

I wouldn't begin to consider what your teenagers want- they can have dogs of their own once they've left home. I live in a place where almost every household has a dog. Very rarely see teenagers out walking them!!!

lu9months · 14/08/2021 16:01

pupdate- we have a gorgeous pup and im totally smitten as are all the family. its going to be hard work but we are prepared. #PrePuppyPanic over

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RunningFromInsanity · 14/08/2021 20:14

Haha! Glad to see you went through with it!

We will see you in a couple of weeks when you hit the puppy blues Wink All completely normal with a new puppy.

RunningFromInsanity · 14/08/2021 20:14

Also, photos please!

lu9months · 14/08/2021 20:54

here she is . we've called her Eve.

put a deposit down on a pup and now unsure
OP posts:
dustofneptune · 14/08/2021 21:05

Haha, she's cute as fuck. You'll be fine ;) Have fun!

tizwozliz · 14/08/2021 21:22

Ah, cute tiny pup. Won't stay that way for long! Can't believe how much our lab has grown in the past 5 weeks

Viviennemary · 14/08/2021 22:34

Ooh ah cute. Hope you say the same in a years time. And it doesn't end up in a dog rescue centre.

Immaculatemisconception · 14/08/2021 22:37

I can’t really say what’s right for you but personally, I wouldn’t let my eleven year old make major decisions like this.

Immaculatemisconception · 14/08/2021 22:39

Note to self, read the fucking thread.

Lovely looking puppy. Congratulations 🦮

Indoctro · 14/08/2021 22:52

I've a 7 month old staffy

Day 1 he went to bed down stairs in cage I got up at 4am for him to pee
Day 2 I got up at 5am
Day 3 6am

There after 6.30/7am and I've never had a peep out of him

Now 7.30am is normal time we all get up including him

Not all puppies are a nightmare at nights some settled very well.