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Grief for my dog

37 replies

Cannothandletheheat · 28/06/2021 11:25

12 weeks ago we had to have our 9 yr old Yorkie put to sleep. She had an inoperable liver tumour which had grown to a massive size within a week of diagnosis. She also had pancreatitis, anaemia and had begun to have seizures. We were absolutely devastated but took the decision to euthanise rather than run the risk of a major rupture at home and her be in so much pain.

I am still crying nearly every day about her. My mother in law died last year of pancreatic cancer and we cared for her in the hospice for a few days before she died. Yet, my grief for my dog is in a different league. I’m guessing that as we had a year to get used to the idea of losing my MIL and we saw her passing as a blessing for her in the end, that is why the grief isn’t as bad. Plus she didn’t live with us so i didn’t notice the big hole left by her dying.

My DH is missing our dog, my kids talk about the happy memories they have of her, but I’m the only one who seems to still be devastated. We won’t be having another dog, we want to be free to go out on day trips etc without worrying about dog friendly places or a dog sitter. I really can’t see us being able to face having another dog for quite a while anyway.

All I’m posting for really is to find reassurance that the way I’m feeling is quite normal. For context, I’m a SAHM and my dog was my constant companion and she was very much my dog. I was the one she sought out for company, she would look for me if I’d been upstairs too long or if I went in the garden. I feel I’ve lost my shadow. How long will it take start thinking of her without crying??

OP posts:
PollyRoulson · 28/06/2021 13:34

Flowers I am so sorry.

This is totally normal although we all react in different ways, each way is fine. Our dogs are so much to us, our companions, our friends, our support systems, just great to have around. They leave a massive gap when they are gone.

You may find Blue cross Bereavement may help you or you may just need more time.

Be kind to yourself.

pet bereavement help

TheBobJog · 28/06/2021 14:23

So sorry for your loss Flowers

I was like you are. The grief when we lost our dog was like nothing I've ever experienced before (and I know that makes me fortunate). It really floored me. I know pets aren't our babies (I'd never compare the two) but I think because they rely on us for everything and we are their whole world, they are a little bit like our children.

I cried every day, every single car journey to and from work, I'd wake in the night and cry. And I felt so guilty, because DH and the kids got used to seeing me just put my cutlery down and have to leave the table because I'd remember something and start crying again!

It took six months before I stopped crying every day but it did eventually cease. And now when I think about him I smile, and we laugh about the daft things he did. You'll get there

Crappyfridays7 · 28/06/2021 14:26

It’ll take a while, my boy died last may, my sister lost her 2 yr old tragically recently and is still totally devastated.
Sorry for your loss op it’s heartbreaking losing your pet they are family
I hope things improve, I used to think what a lovely life our boy had, how much he was loved and cared for etc it did comfort me that he’s at peace and not in pain. I still miss him and we all talk about him loads.

SnuggledUpInABlanket · 28/06/2021 14:38

I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my beautiful girl a month ago and share your heartbreak Flowers

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GreyhoundG1rl · 28/06/2021 14:39

Sorry Flowers

alloalloallo · 28/06/2021 14:40

Sorry for your loss. I think it’s pretty normal

We lost our old boy 2 and a bit years ago and it was totally devastating. I was a SAHM for many years and then when I went back to work he came with me. He was my boy and I loved the bones of him. I hated that he wasn’t there. We had him cremated and having his ashes back home made me feel a lot better. The kids want to take his ashes and scatter them in all his favourite places, but I still won’t entertain the idea, although I know he’d love being up on the downs or the beach or the woods, he also loved just being with us.

We got our girl about 8 months after he died and although she made our house feel like “home” again, I still really, really miss him

NoProblem123 · 28/06/2021 21:54

I’m feeling the same and it’s worse than how I felt losing very close family members.
Take a day at a time. You don’t have to justify the way you feel, dogs are just the best Flowers

Cannothandletheheat · 29/06/2021 13:38

Thanks everyone. I’m finding some days are easier than others and I’m sure the good days will begin to outweigh the bad soon. I think a big part of my grief is the feeling of being cheated of many more years with her. We have a holiday booked which she’d have loved, my kids had planned lots of lovely summer walks for us to do during the school holidays and my future plans all involved her. The sense of loss is still present but I am forever grateful that she was in our lives and that we had the best time with her last year during lockdown. We had her from 7 weeks old, a rescue puppy, and she was our little mate for nearly 10 years. Trying to focus on all the fun times we had rather than the loss. Thank you to everyone who replied, so sorry we have all suffered the loss of our dogs but we were so lucky to have them in our lives xx

OP posts:
Topseyt · 29/06/2021 13:52

Your feelings are normal. Losing a much loved family dog absolutely does equate to losing a member of your close family.

My labrador had to be put to sleep back in November 2019. I can still well up and get tearful about it now as he was my boy and my very best friend all rolled into one. Right from the day I brought him home as an eight week old puppy until the day he died at the age of 15.

Be kind to yourself. It is very hard, but in time you do start to remember them more and more often with a smile and a chuckle. That is as you learn to live with it.

itsnotmeitsu · 29/06/2021 21:44

@cannothandletheheat > I really feel for you and yes, the idea that grief for a dog can hit you for six is not an experience that everyone will know. As you mentioned in your opening thread, the grief can be in 'a different league' to anything you'd expect. This happened to me and I'd already grieved other dogs' deaths, but this one grabbed me by the throat and shook me to pieces. I hope this doesn't make you feel worse, but it did take me about 18 months to get past that strong emotion. However, after that it eventually was no longer at the forefront of how I felt, so I did get through it, and you will too. I feel sorry for people who can't understand why an animal can be such an important part of someone's life. I now have another idiot slumbering behind the couch, but nothing will replace my boy. But honestly, it will get better.

I did think, 'I can't do this anymore', but all our dogs have been rescues, and after a few months I realised I could take on a eight years plus dog, who often wouldn't get a new home. He's a twerp, but I've come to love him. He'd never lived outside kennels until we got him. But yes, he's a twerp.

itsnotmeitsu · 29/06/2021 21:46

Oh and so sorry for everyone on here who's felt that awful grief, and not been able to have the understanding of it from others xx

Tanfastic · 29/06/2021 23:02

So sorry op, I lost my dog last week and the grief has been totally overwhelming. I can't stop crying. It's horrendous isn't it.

SnuggledUpInABlanket · 29/06/2021 23:48

How are you doing OP? And @Tanfastic. I am so sorry for your loss. Of course that extends to everyone on this thread. It's so awful. For me, 5 weeks on, the initial shock has passed and I feel so bloody sad all the time. Without my ball of energy life is so quiet and I don't know what to do with myself. I miss her so much and can't believe I won't see her again. Flowers for you all.

ZaraCarmichaelshighheels · 30/06/2021 00:12

Just wanted to say how sorry I am OP and everyone on here who are grieving, I will be in your position in the not too distant future, my beautiful darling girl is old now and the clock ticks louder each day, it haunts me the thought of agonising grief that awaits. I hope you all find some peace soon, what lucky dogs to have been so loved.

ErrolTheDragon · 30/06/2021 00:33

I was surprised too, when my last dog died it was a more visceral grief than when my dearly loved father had died a year or so before. I think it's in part because a dog is such a physical presence in your life, and so utterly dependent on you.

ChubbyLittleManInACampervan · 30/06/2021 07:40

So sorry she had to go before her time

Dogs are amazing companions, and their death marks the passing of time, the end of an era, the end of a part of your family’s life, if that makes sense. The dog’s passing marks the end of that era and it hurts

I spent days crying when my dig was attacked by another dog and had to fight for her life. She made it, and has come back stronger (and with massive scars) but I was surprised by how upset I felt

Just be kind to yourself Flowers

Tanfastic · 30/06/2021 08:00

@SnuggledUpInABlanket

How are you doing OP? And *@Tanfastic*. I am so sorry for your loss. Of course that extends to everyone on this thread. It's so awful. For me, 5 weeks on, the initial shock has passed and I feel so bloody sad all the time. Without my ball of energy life is so quiet and I don't know what to do with myself. I miss her so much and can't believe I won't see her again. Flowers for you all.

So sorry for your loss too. I didn't cry as much yesterday. Still feels very raw, I feel so empty and the house is so quiet. I'm trying to not cry as much as my dh and ds both seem so together but he was "my" dog really, I did everything for him so maybe they aren't as upset as me.

DinosaurDiana · 30/06/2021 08:05

You are allowed to be as upset as you want to be 💐
I dread the day that my little one is no longer here.

jacqelinedaniels · 05/07/2021 19:36

Sending hugs to everyone who is feeling or has felt this. Lost our almost 12yo lab last Easter and I still well up when I think of her. We recently got a rescue pup which was a total shock to the system after our dependable, wonderful, calm old girl, as new pup is nervous, reactive, high energy and exhausting but she has wormed her way into our hearts already and the house feels complete again. We will always mourn our wonderful girl and she could never be replaced but it is much less raw now thankfully xx

KimmyAndMe · 05/07/2021 19:49

YANBU 💐 Losing a much loved family member is hard 🥲 My two dogs are the reason I get up in the morning. Nobody else will ever appreciate the enormity of my losses when they go. RIP little dog 💙 🐶

FoodieToo · 12/07/2021 15:43

I lost my Cavalier last night after 11 and a half years. Her breathing was bad the past few days. The vet had said to increase her meds and we were hoping it would work.
But we found her 'gone' after the penalties last night.
She was in her favourite place - on the 'big' stair.

She brought us SO much joy. We are devastated. So sorry for all the other losses. I feel like someone has reached in and pulled my heart apart.

jacqelinedaniels · 12/07/2021 21:07

FoodieToo so sorry for your loss xxx

itsnotmeitsu · 12/07/2021 21:08

@FoodieToo - My heart's with you. At least it sounds like she died in her home > It WILL get better, eventually x

Lifeispassingby · 12/07/2021 21:17

@FoodieToo bought a tear to my eye. sounds like he passed peacefully in his favourite spot. So sorry for your loss xx

FoodieToo · 12/07/2021 22:02

Thank you everyone . We are so sad.

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