Grief for my dog

[Cannothandletheheat]

12 weeks ago we had to have our 9 yr old Yorkie put to sleep. She had an inoperable liver tumour which had grown to a massive size within a week of diagnosis. She also had pancreatitis, anaemia and had begun to have seizures. We were absolutely devastated but took the decision to euthanise rather than run the risk of a major rupture at home and her be in so much pain.

I am still crying nearly every day about her. My mother in law died last year of pancreatic cancer and we cared for her in the hospice for a few days before she died. Yet, my grief for my dog is in a different league. I’m guessing that as we had a year to get used to the idea of losing my MIL and we saw her passing as a blessing for her in the end, that is why the grief isn’t as bad. Plus she didn’t live with us so i didn’t notice the big hole left by her dying.

My DH is missing our dog, my kids talk about the happy memories they have of her, but I’m the only one who seems to still be devastated. We won’t be having another dog, we want to be free to go out on day trips etc without worrying about dog friendly places or a dog sitter. I really can’t see us being able to face having another dog for quite a while anyway.

All I’m posting for really is to find reassurance that the way I’m feeling is quite normal. For context, I’m a SAHM and my dog was my constant companion and she was very much my dog. I was the one she sought out for company, she would look for me if I’d been upstairs too long or if I went in the garden. I feel I’ve lost my shadow. How long will it take start thinking of her without crying??

All of these posts are just heartbreaking. I’ve just booked my darling boy (12 yo Whippet) to be PTS on Weds. I feel physically sick because I know what’s ahead - but I’m trying to think of him and not me. He’s had Cushings for 3 years now but his appetite has waned, his coat is starey, his hips hurt and he doesn’t even look up when you say ‘treats’. He’s stopped talking to me too. He was so vocal, now he’s so silent.

Please someone tell me I’m doing the right thing as I’m swaying from absolute guilt to utter despair. I just can’t watch him wither away any longer. 😢

@FoodieToo. Oh I’m so sorry about your loss. Take comfort that she was surrounded by those who love her and she slipped away hearing your voices from her favourite spot. Take time to remember her, look at old photos and reminisce about her life. It does get easier but I’m 13 weeks on and I was still crying this morning about my dog. It comes out of nowhere and knocks you down again. But loving a dog comes with the knowledge that you will feel like this when they’re gone. No regrets. Take care xx

Thank you, Cannothandletheheat . That means a lot to me. I just can't stop crying . Luckily I am a teacher and we are off for the summer( Dublin ). I am so sorry about your dog too.
I suppose we are still in shock . We knew she was deteriorating but we thought extra medications would help her.
Beautiful girl .
DraughtyWindow you ARE doing the right thing but I absolutely feel your sadness/ guilt/ horror/ terror.
I think it is one of the hardest things in the world anyone can do .
Thinking of you all xxxxx

@DraughtyWindow You are doing the right thing. My parents had their beloved spanador pts a month ago, he had Cushings too. He had lost the use of his legs and the joy had gone from his eyes. He wouldn’t eat and was ready to go. No matter how ill they are, having them put to sleep does leave you with guilt. But take comfort that the vet would not do it if they do not believe it is in the best interests of the dog.

After my Maisy was pts, I trawled the Internet for confirmation that we had taken the right step. I found a page about dog grief that helped me come to terms with the choice we made. It said that dogs do not count the days they are alive, they aren’t aware of how old they are, they will not mourn the loss of their future. They are simply happy to be by your side, loved and cared for. The number of years is irrelevant to the dog. This brought me comfort. Knowing that keeping them alive for another few months would not benefit the dog helps you to make the right decision for them.

Sending for Wednesday. I hope your vets are compassionate and allow you to be with your dog. Take care xx

[quote Cannothandletheheat]@DraughtyWindow You are doing the right thing. My parents had their beloved spanador pts a month ago, he had Cushings too. He had lost the use of his legs and the joy had gone from his eyes. He wouldn’t eat and was ready to go. No matter how ill they are, having them put to sleep does leave you with guilt. But take comfort that the vet would not do it if they do not believe it is in the best interests of the dog.

After my Maisy was pts, I trawled the Internet for confirmation that we had taken the right step. I found a page about dog grief that helped me come to terms with the choice we made. It said that dogs do not count the days they are alive, they aren’t aware of how old they are, they will not mourn the loss of their future. They are simply happy to be by your side, loved and cared for. The number of years is irrelevant to the dog. This brought me comfort. Knowing that keeping them alive for another few months would not benefit the dog helps you to make the right decision for them.

Sending for Wednesday. I hope your vets are compassionate and allow you to be with your dog. Take care xx[/quote]
Thank you so much for your kind words. You’re so right that they have no concept of tomorrow. I think we are guilty of maybe humanising them.

I also think the medication has just stopped working. The vets did say he’s outlived their expectations by a year. He’ll only eat sausages now and he can’t survive on those alone. He’s being put to sleep in the garden at the vets, rather than the boot of my car as Covid is restricting home visits presently.

Thank you once again.

@FoodieTwo

It’s just rotten and I’m sorry for us all going through it. I never imagined it’d be this hard. Thinking if you.

Draughty I will be thinking of you all day tomorrow. You are doing the best thing for your lovely pal. Utterly unselfish xxx

@DraughtyWindow

All of these posts are just heartbreaking. I’ve just booked my darling boy (12 yo Whippet) to be PTS on Weds. I feel physically sick because I know what’s ahead - but I’m trying to think of him and not me. He’s had Cushings for 3 years now but his appetite has waned, his coat is starey, his hips hurt and he doesn’t even look up when you say ‘treats’. He’s stopped talking to me too. He was so vocal, now he’s so silent.

Please someone tell me I’m doing the right thing as I’m swaying from absolute guilt to utter despair. I just can’t watch him wither away any longer. 😢

@DraughtyWindow I will be thinking of you and your lovely boy tomorrow Sending strength and love your way.

Am so sorry. I really do understand how sad you are feeling. I lost my partner in crime two years ago Millie Moo was a Jack Russell and my best friend . I cried more about her loss than my darling Mum . I genuinely think it was because I had to make the decision whereas my darling Mum died suddenly so I had absolutely no control over her death…I love and miss my lovely Mum ever day but also accept she died in the best way possible.💐💐

@DraughtyWindow Thinking of you today

Olidora I am sorry for your losses. Millie Moo is a very cute name . Did you consider another dog ?

@olidora63 I’m the same, my grief for my dog is not on the same scale as for my dear mil who passed away last year. So sorry that you lost your dog. Jack Russells are fab dogs and I’m sure she was loved to bits! For the first time last night I dreamt about not having my dog and we were getting a puppy. But the puppy looked exactly like my dog and I got very upset in my dream.

Sending to anyone in the same boat at the moment.