Help me find the courage

[NoIdontwanttoseeyourknob]

I think my old boy needs to go to his rest but I can’t do it. It’s been just me and him since 2013. How do I find the strength and how do I carry on without him?

Please don’t tell me I’m being over-dramatic, if you think that please just move on without posting.

Just un mumsnetty hugs. I cried more over my dog than my parent. However, the most loving thing you can do is set him free.

No one here will tell you you’re being over dramatic.

I have no words of advice on how to find the strength to let him go, or on how to carry on, but I’m sure others will.

Just wanted to give you a virtual handhold.

Could you plan one wonderful last day/weekend of all his favourite things (according to what he’s capable of) and take lots and lots of photos, have snuggles and cosiness and then let him rest? I think that’s what I would do. Just as much for you as for him, to leave you with the memories.

Do the kindest thing and set him free, reward his loyalty with this final loving act.

It is always heartbreaking. But it is honestly the bravest most selfless thing you can do for them. A last act of love. Hold strong. X

I know this heartbreak too well. My darling boy was 14 when he had to go and i had him since he was 8 weeks.

It is the hardest and most heart-wrenching decision you will ever make, but I know it will hurt your far more to know he suffered. That was the clincher for me - I couldn’t let him suffer.

Plan a special day, and get the vet to come to you if yours will do house calls. It was so relaxed having him in the sitting room rather than stressing him out going to the vet.

Sending you love and strength

I have an appointment at a pain clinic next week for him but I don’t know if that will just string things out

Sending you love - I’m writing this sitting on the sofa with my lovely boy’s head on my knee - he’s going to the vet for the last time in the morning and I need to hold it together and stay calm for him.

He’s 14 1/2, arthritic and wonky, but about a week ago his mobility suddenly deteriorated. Bloods were inconclusive but the vet thinks it’s either lymphoma or some other cancer, we took the decision not to put him through invasive treatment or stressful medical stuff, but they increased his pain meds for his last few days and he’s been spoiled rotten. His meds have been pushed into chunks of brie, he can’t believe his luck - which makes me feel more guilty. Of course with the pain meds he’s perked up a bit, and I’m questioning if I’m acting too early, but he needs to be carried outside to toilet and often isn’t making it, and can’t do any of the things he enjoys - he needs help to lay down or stand up. We love him so much, it hurts to see out active independent boy only being able to lay and watch and not to join in. He’s been with us since he was ten weeks old.

It’s so hard, I’m looking at him and wondering about postponing because I can’t imagine sitting on the sofa without him tomorrow night. But he’s on the maximum amount of painkillers and I don’t want to see him suffer and deteriorate, I want him to have a calm and dignified and loving passing.

My heart hurts. It’s the worst, but I love him too much to make him stay. I don’t envy you your decision at all - this sucks.

for you both, Hostess Your love for him shows in every word.

Well going to pain clinic may even help if you process it raising the discussion with them by having confirmation its definitely time & nothing further to be done.

I had to make the decision a month ago for my old boy. It was the worst thing in the world for me, but absolutely the best thing I could do for him at that point. That helped get me through as I knew I was taking the pain so he didn't have to

Oh OP ((((()))))

My darling girl was nearly 18. They say you'll know, but I just didn't. I begged the vet to guide me as it was so hard as her condition fluctuated so much and I didn't want my selfish needs to over ride her best interests.

One morning I had decided that was the day, took her out for a 'last walk' ( the absolute agony of it) - let her off the lead and she trotted briskly off into the distance !

In the end she had a bad fit and that was the deciding factor. The vet came to my house with a nurse within a couple of hours and they were so incredibly kind.

My heart goes out to you love. Grief is the price we pay and the pain is a measure of the depth of our love for them. X

I had to send two of my gorgeous boys over the Rainbow Bridge this year and I still have a little cry every day when I think of them. I have always believed that the greatest responsibility of a dog owner is sending them on their way when the time is right for them. not me. I also work on "better a week too soon than a day too late".

Thank you everyone. I am kicking the can slightly but I have a clear goal now for his clinic appointment - he is to be pain-free. And if that can’t be achieved by tweaking his prescription then it will have to be achieved by putting him to sleep. Now I need to be brave like all of you and stop crying! Because it will upset him and I want his last chapter to be happy.

@Words - I took him to the park this morning expecting just a potter and a sniff and he did the same, trotted off and scaled a small hill looking pleased as punch with himself. Hugs and kisses for your lovely girl who has gone ahead of you. Also thinking of @HostessTrolley today

I think the time is right when they no longer can do, or enjoy, whatever it was they truly loved. When they have more bad days than good. When they are obviously unhappy.

The day I took Ddog to the vet he was having a good day, but he'd had such a long stretch of bad days, no longer wanted a walk, and wasn't interested in sausage...I knew it was time. Doesn't make it easier though, 18 months on there is still a dog shaped hole in our lives (and still dog hair to be found!)

Holding your hand from afar. It is the absolute worst, but it's the last great gift of love you can give them - to take on their pain so that they don't have to carry it any more. It's destroyed me every time I've had to do it so I don't think you're being dramatic at all. Thinking of you and hoping for a good outcome from the pain clinic (friends of mine have had amazing results with a new medication called Librela, if that's any help).

It’s a terrible thing to have to do but you will know when it’s right for him. My beautiful old boy died at the age of 14 and a half last September. It truly was one of the worst days of my life and I experienced true grief for him as did the rest of my family, it’s the first time I’ve seen my 21 year old son sobbing since he was a child. I still think about my lovely dog every day. They’re part of your family, so I completely understand what you’re going through.

Thank you all for your kind thoughts. It was so bloody hard, we sat on the floor and cuddled him and chatted with the vet until he was relaxed and settled, but he went so quickly. I couldn’t take him for a last walk as he couldn’t get far, on the drive home from the vets we saw a few people walking their dogs in the sunshine which made it both better and worse - he loved sunny breezy days - but couldn’t manage a walk.

It was harder because once the meds settled in he was more ‘perky’ in himself than he has been for ages - presumably because he had no pain and was less stressed, but it made us second guess our decision and feel more guilty and wonder if we were acting too soon. But his mobility was terrible, he had no independence and the vet said afterwards that the effectiveness of the meds would have declined and the cancer would have progressed rapidly, that we would have got up one morning to find him immobilised, in pain, and distressed. He went in a peaceful and calm room, with no pain and with people who loved him, he had a lovely life. He was the best boy and I feel broken, but I would rather have this pain than inflict it on him x

My lovely boy

What a beauty, Hostess
Hope you're ok, op.

We had our 10 yo rotty pts last year. Suspected brain tumour. I took lots of pics in the last few weeks. One pic in particular told me I was doing the right thing.. Her face absolutely said she had had enough. She looked miserable and in pain. I remember actually apologising to her and that it would be over soon.

@HostessTrolley

What a handsome boy . So sorry. His face shows a dog who knew how much he was and will always be loved

Sat here having a little cry for you. 💐🌈♥️

He's so gorgeous, @HostessTrolley. Thinking of you - it is so bloody hard :(

@hostesstrolley what a beautiful boy. His little face is so full of love, you must have given him a wonderful life. I know exactly how you feel and send you love and strength to remember the good times x

https://www.bluecross.org.uk/pet-bereavement-and-pet-loss

The kindest thing you can do is let them go. It's a brave decision.
Please call the blue cross on the link above