Coming to terms with putting to sleep my 12 year olds dog to sleep tomorrow

[Lorddenning1]

My 12 year older Jack Russell has Lymphoma, she has been having Chemo for around 2 months, she has had her good days and bad days, but more recently she has been really ill. For a round a week she has had really bad diarrhoea and sickness and hasn't eaten for a week. She has been staying at the vets all day for 4 days hooked up to IV antibiotics, she was really sad and down and the vet says we may need to talk about putting her to sleep if she doesn't improve, since then she has perked up a bit and started eating again and seems better, not fully herself though. Tomorrow is the day where he will run her bloods and then advise me if she is better. During the chemo journey I made a promise that I would not keep her alive if she is suffering, I constantly worry over her and it's making me really sad, I had no idea it was going to be like this, I was really positive. At this point it's not the cancer that's making her sick, as it's gone, it's the affects of the chemo and her immune system, as it's low due to the chemo, so she is prone to pick up more illnesses. But we cannot stop the chemo as the cancer will return. Seeing her this week has made me realise that we maybe coming to the end and I can't stop crying, I have tried my best and I can't enjoy life as I'm constantly worried about her, it's like a dark cloud hanging over me. Not sure what I am asking really, just a handhold and maybe some good advice. There is a small part of me that is hoping her bloods have improved and she will be ok again.

Sorry about the title not making sense

You sound like a very dedicated and loving dog owner.

You poor thing. It's so very difficult knowing when to let go. I went through similar 18 months ago with our 12 year old Labrador. It's one thing having to cope with losing a much loved pet but I was totally unprepared for the responsibility of having to decide if/when it should happen. Part of me used to hope I'd get up and find she'd died peacefully her sleep so I wouldn't have to make the decision. Sadly she didn't and I still beat myself up over not letting go sooner.

I hope the vet is able to help you decide what is best.

Thank you for your responses, well she has turned it around again, her blood came back really good and in actual fact she is in the best health wise (as she can be) since she was diagnosed. She is back to eating, tail wagging and has been sent home with around 5 different meds. I'm going to take it day by day with her but I'm so thankful she is here with me still and I didn't have to make the decision today. Maybe I was a little naive at the start of this, but she keeps proving me and the vet wrong every time, maybe I need to have more faith in her. I know at some point she will get to the point where I will have to, as the chemo isn't a cure and the cancer will return, but for now I will enjoy the time I have left with her. If the blood work came back that she was really unwell I would of definitely of done the right thing for her as I don't believe keeping a dog alive even when they are suffering is the right thing to do. Thank you all and an early is in order as I haven't slept properly for the last week.

im really glad she is home OP

But i am going to go against the grain here, I would let her go now while shes happy, else you will be waiting for her to go downhill again and that may be too late before shes suffering again

Better a week too early, than a day too late

I have been there, its awful. I let one of mine go at the right time while happy, before they suffered (also cancer)

@Llorddenning1 > paw hold for you here, but I agree with @GettingItOutthere. Our beloved boy had lymphoma. We chose not to go down the chemotherapy route, as our vet said that it could prolong life, but maybe not for long. In the end things happened quickly, but we were able to have our baby leave us on the sofa in our living room, with the help of our vet.

You are right, she has taken a turn for the worst and the vet is stopping chemo as it's not working, she has weeks left and she is already bad now, won't eat, diarrhoea, sickness, no energy and she has lost so much weight, she is due to be put to sleep tomorrow, I can't sleep, so it's our last night and I'm lied on the couch with my blanket cuddled up to her, I can't believe I have to say goodbye to her tomorrow, my mind is there but my heart isn't. I know she is going to get worst and I can't bare to watch her suffer anymore. This is so hard, she is the first pet I have ever had and I brought her home at 8 weeks old and she is now 12 and half, she has loved both my babies and has been there for me during the highs and lows, this is the hardest part of having a pet, I'm heart broken. I do have another dog who is also 12, who is keeping out of the way, I guess I'm trying to add human emotions onto a pet that has no idea, it's 1am and I want to spend every minute I have with her, why is this so hard.

She’s absolutely gorgeous. ❤️

It is definitely the hardest part of having a pet but this is the final and kindest thing that she needs you to do for her. I’m actually crying reading your last post as I know the sadness you feel. We went through this not too long ago. Our boy had very aggressive cancer and went from seemingly perfect health to having to be pts in a very short time.

For tonight, just lie with her and cuddle as you are. But I know how broken you feel. Honestly, I didn’t want to be here anymore, I just felt like it was too much. I couldn’t sleep or eat.

We have other dogs, like you do and they will help you get through. I actually felt some relief after our boy was gone as he wasn’t suffering anymore. Our pain as a family was overwhelming, but knowing he was not in pain, felt ‘better’. We all still cried, we still do to be honest. It still hits me, almost a year later and overwhelms me all over again. But he’s at peace and we’re ok. I hope you find that too.

I don’t know you but I will think of you and your beautiful girl tomorrow. I’m so sorry. ❤️❤️❤️

So sorry to read your update op. Nothing prepares you for such overwhelming grief, I know only too well. I'll also be thinking of you today X

I'm so sorry about your girl.
I've had to make the choice for two of mine over the last 10 months.
First one was 12 and riddled with cancer, second was 16 and just not having a good quality of life anymore.
It was incredibly tough at the time, its the last kindness we do for them.
You have loved your girl, and her you. Hold her paw, give her as much comfort as you can and know you have made the right choice to end her suffering.

Unmumsnetter hug for you.
Its crap, it really is. X

Thank you everyone, we took her in this morning and she has now gone, I'm so upset but I know she was ready, she didn't even fight it, it was so peaceful, she doesn't have to suffer anymore. I know it may sound silly to some people but I asked her to look after my 2 cats that are in heaven and to make sure she is at the front waiting for me when I get there. Sometimes the hardest thing is also the right thing to do. I'm glad she is at peace now and free, Rest in peace my beautiful girl

Sorry for your loss op.. We had our 10 yo rotty pts last year.. So difficult..

So sorry for your loss . She was a beautiful girl and had a loving home. Hope you can take comfort from the loving memories 💐

So sorry for your loss

Take care of yourself.

🐾 ❤️

Four paw holds for you @Lorddenning1 x

Thank you for your kind words, I'm absolutely heartbroken and so sad, I miss her like crazy. I keep tricking my brain into thinking she is at the vets still and they will ring me and say she has had her meds and she is ready for you to come and get her 😢

Does anyone have any advice on how to help the other dog come to terms with the loss too. My dog that has passed away was my first dog, and the dog I have at home, I got her later on, so she has always had her here, any tips or advice would be great.

Vet told us to get a dpuppy. We had gotten 1 a few weeks before ddog 1 was pts... It certainly helped our other 3 ddogs.

I think a puppy would be a bit full on for an older dog. We ended up with a puppy a few weeks before we lost our 12 year old. I still feel guilty about that as the old dog was quite frankly horrified by the puppy. (But the owner couldn't cope with the puppy and asked us to take it or it would go to a rescue.)

The dog who inherited the mantle of oldest dog is now 11 and to be honest he's not interested in our younger two - other than to tell them off when they're being too rowdy.

I think all you can do for your remaining dog op is to make sure they have lots of fuss. Remember she won't understand the finality of what has happened and will enjoy getting all your love and attention.

Our oldest existing ddogs were 7. Ddogs do get depression sadly. Maybe when you are ready you could enquire about rescuing an adult ddog. Sorry for your loss op...

I am so sorry to see your update @Lorddenning1
I lost my beautiful girl yesterday too and haven't stopped crying since. Perhaps speak to your vet about what to do about your other dog. What is her behaviour like? Is she looking for her?

How are you doing today OP?

I don't think getting a new dog is the answer, she hates other dogs, I stopped today on our walk to stroke a 4 month old puppy and she went mad and barked really loud. My partner was shocked as he has never seen her do that before, she is so gentle and laid back, she loves people but hates dogs, she only liked her sister. It's weird today as I started the day really sad, I had a heavy heart and I did cry a few times as I miss her so much, but as the day went on I kind of remembered the good times and not thinking about her being sick over the last couple of months, my friend said something really sweet today, she said you know she loved you just as much as you loved her and I said do you think she did, and she goes, she always used to climb on your knee, panting with her tongue out just staring at you and she always looked like she was smiling at the same time. She did do this all the time and I had forgotten, so when I'm sad I remember this and it makes me smile. It's just adjusting to life with 1 dog now, like for example on a walk before I turned round to check where she was, and then I remembered she isn't here anymore or my other dog was barking outside before and it sounded weird to hear one bark, it's like bitter sweet moments like that really, I know I will be ok but I'm just giving myself time to grieve for her and be sad. I have never loved a dog poor than her 😢 my other dog has been a bit down today and has been quiet and keeps walking around the house so I think she is looking for her, I have tried to make a big fuss of her today and give her loads of attention and kisses, it seems to have worked as she keeps following me around the house, my fella is fuming as she is his dog. Thank you for asking about me.

What a lovely thing for your friend to say, I’m glad that made you smile. Of course she loved you, you were her whole world and showed her kindness right to the end. ❤️

It’s very early days for you and your other dog. But you will find a new ‘normal’ and you will get used to it. I used to struggle with seeing one less bowl at meal times, just the little things.

When we lost our dog, the vet said that behaviour changes in our other dogs were to be expected and it may take months for them to get back to normal. We just kept them really busy, lots of walks, extra treats, playing in the garden, making more time to sit with them and cuddle. Our vet was lovely and said, ‘but it’s ok for you all to feel sad together too, because it’s sad’, which I found both upsetting and lovely at the same time. I was just a mess!

One of our dogs became (and has stayed) much more affectionate. The dog we lost always wanted to be cuddled and I think this dog knew he needed that attention and so let him have it. 🤣 But now she has stepped in and loves all the cuddles. So try to enjoy your other dogs love and attention and her following you around, she sounds lovely ....and the best medicine you could ask for.

I still get upset, I’ve cried reading your posts, for you and your girl, and the reminder that it gave me of that awful time around losing our boy. Not a day goes by where I don’t think about him, but I rarely think about the sadness and the difficult last days anymore, now it’s the funny things he did, the way he slept, the way he snored, the fact that he was never full even after a big meal, how he loved his walks but couldn’t wait to get back home to cuddle me and sleep. Lovely memories...and you’ll have lots of those too. I felt relief when we got his ashes. Are you doing that?
I also got some jewellery made of his paw print and a special box for all his favourite things, his brush, his chew toy, his blanket. Maybe something like that may help you. Just be kind to yourself and give yourself time to grieve. Sometimes a good cry is what’s needed. ❤️