AIBU to think if someone tells you "my dog's nervous of other dogs", you listen?

[Clymene]

My dog is nervous of other dogs. I'm working really hard with him on his reactivity, and we try and walk where we don't see other people/dogs. But inevitably (lockdown), places are a lot busier than normal so we go places where there is a wide path and plenty of room for us to get off it and we can see people coming from a distance.

Today, we were having a nice potter in some quiet woods and I see a woman approaching with a dog on a flexible lead. As she gets nearer, I take my dog (who is on a short fixed lead) several meters off the path, into the trees and say 'my dog is nervous of other dogs, so we'll just wait here until you pass'. I'm watching her and her dog and trying to distract mine with bits of ham.

I expected her to say okay or something and walk past. But no, she decides to stop, smiling at me and extend her dog's lead so it's getting closer and closer. She laughs and says 'oh she's so friendly - she's going to crawl over to you on her belly'.

My dog is getting super tense at this point and is losing focus on me.

So I had to say firmly 'Please take your dog away. My dog doesn't like other dogs' and she huffily goes 'Oh! Okay then'. and pulls her dog away and disappears off into the distance.

Is there anything else I could have/should have done? How much clearer could I have been?

That does sound annoying but maybe 'my dog's nervous of other dogs' doesn't quite say 'please don't let your dog approach mine' in the way you think it does? Maybe start with that next time - she might have thought that if her dog was being submissive and gentle then it was ok.

We had this problem with our collie when we were doing reactivity training. She looks like a lovely soppy dog but was awful for a long time. The trick is to say your dog is aggressive rather than nervous (even if it's not). It makes people more likely to stay away.

Ime the other ddog owner always knows best..
I walk my Husky on lead always. Get sick of seeing the SAME woman who tries to give me off lead training tips...
She obviously doesn't see the ddogs I do have off lead.....

I would be explicit and say "please don't allow your dog to approach my dog".

Trouble is that many people (even dog owners) don’t understand dog behaviour. They don’t understand how a dog that’s nervous may behave. They may equate it with a nervous person who can be encouraged to join in.
I wouldn’t say your dog is aggressive. Just that you’re training or your dog is reactive. Worth getting a yellow lead or one that reads training?

I think you need to be very clear and concise about what you want the other owner to do. Mine has a couple of hated breeds, and I've found "my dog doesn't like GSDs, could you keep yours away from my dog please" fairly effective.

As Wolfie says, many don't understand that "nervous" translates to "will kick off and could bite"

Of course they should listen. I’m getting a puppy soon so am here trying to pick up as many tips as I can. I understand why you keep your dog away from others but does that not run the risk of enforcing the feeling and making them think that there is something to be afraid of? Or is it a case of little and often till they hopefully get used to other dogs?

I’ve skipped saying mine are nervous/training or whatever as people don’t listen.

I don’t want my dogs to socialise with other dogs and they don’t particularly want to either, two are indifferent and one is nervous.

I just says dog will bite your dog if it gets any closer. It gets people moving pretty quickly.

@Tulipvase if you’re on FB have a look at dog training advice and support. Lots of info about training and toilet training etc. Really useful stuff for a new owner.
If a dog is scared of other dogs then making them confront that fear simply reinforces that fear IYSWIM. OP is likely getting the dog to ignore others and needs space to enable the dog to feel comfortable enough to do so.

@Leonberger

I’ve skipped saying mine are nervous/training or whatever as people don’t listen.

I don’t want my dogs to socialise with other dogs and they don’t particularly want to either, two are indifferent and one is nervous.

I just says dog will bite your dog if it gets any closer. It gets people moving pretty quickly.

If I anyone has a dog that bites then they need to muzzle it.

@Suzi888 I don’t disagree and always muzzled my rescue one that actually did bite because I would have felt terrible if it injured another dog.

However, your dog should also not be in the vicinity of a strange dogs mouth without permission. It’s always a risk no matter how well trained any dog is.

My current dogs are indifferent to others. Does not mean I want random dogs in their faces when they are training or minding their own business.

People who don't want their dogs socialising with other dogs has become a massive problems for me since lockdown began.

Our regular walks involved my dogs meeting other off-lead dogs and having a play and a sniff then coming back to continue their walk.

Now I have hysterical owners shrieking "call your dog, my dog doesn't like other dogs" or picking their dog up. My dogs come back to me but ultimately it means I can't just relax and let my well-trained dogs enjoy being off lead.

Pisses me off so much that I am think we will need to drive to some deserted field for our walks.

Btw, I have three pugs. I feel so sorry so owners of bigger dogs because if we are getting this reaction, God only knows how they are coping. It's ridiculous!

[quote Wolfiefan]@Tulipvase if you’re on FB have a look at dog training advice and support. Lots of info about training and toilet training etc. Really useful stuff for a new owner.
If a dog is scared of other dogs then making them confront that fear simply reinforces that fear IYSWIM. OP is likely getting the dog to ignore others and needs space to enable the dog to feel comfortable enough to do so.[/quote]
Great, thank you. I’ll check it out.

@MrsBobDylan

People who don't want their dogs socialising with other dogs has become a massive problems for me since lockdown began.

Our regular walks involved my dogs meeting other off-lead dogs and having a play and a sniff then coming back to continue their walk.

Now I have hysterical owners shrieking "call your dog, my dog doesn't like other dogs" or picking their dog up. My dogs come back to me but ultimately it means I can't just relax and let my well-trained dogs enjoy being off lead.

Pisses me off so much that I am think we will need to drive to some deserted field for our walks.

Btw, I have three pugs. I feel so sorry so owners of bigger dogs because if we are getting this reaction, God only knows how they are coping. It's ridiculous!

What a strange post. If your off-lead dogs approach an on-lead reactive dog whose "hysterical" owner has asked you to keep away, are you ok with the potentially harmful consequences of that for your dogs? I wish my dog was comfortable around other dogs but he's not. We're working hard to change that but it's easy to end up with a massive set back because other owners want their dogs to approach anyone they like.

Their dogs are off lead too and mine wander over. It's worked fine for the last four years but there has been a noticeable difference in people's reactions since lock down.

If they had their dog on a lead I wouldn't allow mine to approach because it is accepted that an off lead dog will stress an in lead dog out.

It means that huge parts of the walking area is taken up by nervous off lead dogs and their nervous owners and basically is getting to the point where my dogs have to stay mostly in a lead - how is that fair?

It’s easier if you give no shits what people think tbh...

You need to say something blunter because - saying he’s nervous of other dogs is too easy for people to ignore or misinterpret.

He hates other dogs works ok, he bites (even if he doesn’t) works even better, he’s contagious works miraculously.

Weirdly no-one ever even asks what they’ve got that’s contagious...

MrsBobDylan
If your dog is going over to their dog then they are totally reasonable to challenge you.

If they're the type of dog owners who think that their preference means that no dog should be off lead in the vicinity of their dog, when vicinity means 'in the large open space that we are all walking in but nowhere near their dog' then you have my sympathy. I've encountered a couple of them in lockdown. I tend to politely reply "my dogs are nowhere near your dogs, have a good walk" and keep walking.

And actually, a dog owner yelling 'call your dogs' make mine nervous and they struggle to listen to my call. My walks were so much fun for years and now they are stressful and shit.

I'll need a fucking muzzle at this rate.

@MrsBobDylan

Their dogs are off lead too and mine wander over. It's worked fine for the last four years but there has been a noticeable difference in people's reactions since lock down.

If they had their dog on a lead I wouldn't allow mine to approach because it is accepted that an off lead dog will stress an in lead dog out.

It means that huge parts of the walking area is taken up by nervous off lead dogs and their nervous owners and basically is getting to the point where my dogs have to stay mostly in a lead - how is that fair?

My dog is never off a lead in those situations. He's only ever off lead when there are no other dogs around. If I see one even in the distance, he goes back on.

Thanks all. This has been helpful. I clearly need to be much more explicit in my language! He does have a yellow dog coat but a lot of people don't seem to realise what it means.

He was attacked by a pair of bigger dogs a couple of years ago which is what sparked the reactivity. Now he basically suffers from small man syndrome

@Tulipvase

Of course they should listen. I’m getting a puppy soon so am here trying to pick up as many tips as I can. I understand why you keep your dog away from others but does that not run the risk of enforcing the feeling and making them think that there is something to be afraid of? Or is it a case of little and often till they hopefully get used to other dogs?

No it doesn’t make them feel afraid of other dogs. It teaches them boundaries and to learn not to run up to other dogs without your permission. That keeps your dog and others safe. It means to can avert your dog from potential trouble with other dogs who may not appreciate the contact. Many dogs become aggressive or afraid due to previous bad experiences. It’s your duty to keep those sort of experiences to a minimum and stay a confident happy dog.

Sorry op, I went off on one because I have had a shit time during walks lately.

I don't disagree with what you've said at all and realise my rants weren't relevant or helpful!

I would not allow my dogs to approach yours on lead at all and I think that should be accepted good practise.

Maybe tell them that?

@MrsBobDylan

And actually, a dog owner yelling 'call your dogs' make mine nervous and they struggle to listen to my call. My walks were so much fun for years and now they are stressful and shit.

I'll need a fucking muzzle at this rate.

Or train your dogs. People shouldn’t have to be screaming get your dogs to you.

I’ve never had a problem being told ‘my dog’s nervous’ by dog owners. It’s like ‘she’s on heat.’ I just give that dog space. No big deal. It’s just having respect for the dog and owner. But so many new dog owners now think that everything is about them and their ‘baby’. I’m so sick of people thinking I want to spend my walks oohing and aaahing over their new dog. It’s relentless (too many dogs now where I live) and then they don’t understand why my 6 year old boy isn’t frolicking with their pup. My dog used to be the friendliest dog in the world. Too many attacks in the past year (never had one in his life until now), combined with age, have made him a timid boy.
Try a ‘nervous’ collar OP.

Or read what I wrote? My dogs are trained, they are wandering round a large field off lead and come when called. What more should they do, wear a clock of invisibility so other off lead dogs cant spot them and feel stressed?