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Original poster

Etiquette with breeders

48 replies

checkedcloth · 27/02/2021 20:27

We contacted a breeder pre Christmas about a litter - following some questions we were placed as shortlisted. Since the puppies were born the breeder has Kindly shared lots of videos, pics and confirmed that we could have a bitch.

We went to see the puppy this weekend - met with breeder, everything was great and we agreed pick up dates and also payment process.

Later today they contacted me to say that they are not happy for us to have a puppy - they feel that we aren’t confident enough.

They mostly put the fact down to the fact that when we got there the mum was barking a lot - we were all mindful that we were strangers and she was protective of her litter and stood back. The breeder feedback that we should have stroked the mum to calm her down.

I thought this may have upset the mum further.

We completely respect the decision of course and know that a breeder must be happy with the homes that puppies are going to.

What I have found a little frustrating is that during the weeks that we have been in contact and given the number of pics / videos that they sent us - we have not pursued any other litters.

Was this a total mistake?
In terms of meeting future breeders, is there an expectation we will interact with the mum as well as the puppy?

Thank you

OP posts:
TeaPiglet · 27/02/2021 20:35

Why do you need a breeder? Isn't rescue an option? Also some breeders will pull out last minute with bizarre excuses which is within their right but frustrating. I think as frustrating as it is that you didn't pursue other litters you did the right thing as it would be worse to be a breeder and have someone back out because you were their second choice, if you get what I mean? Out of sheer curiosity, what breed are you looking for?

RoSEbuds6 · 27/02/2021 20:40

Crikey OP that’s a shame, you must have been so excited and the disappointed. Can you say what breed? Is it a breed that requires confident handling? In your position I wouldn’t have stoked a barking dog either. Maybe they just want to raise their prices to a new buyer?

Original poster
checkedcloth · 27/02/2021 20:40

We are looking for a lab.

Yes we would happily pursue a rescue dog, from
What I’ve seen local to me they don’t seem to allow for dogs to go to homes with children though? Although I may wrong here?

OP posts:
Original poster
checkedcloth · 27/02/2021 20:43

Yes we are very disappointed, our daughter (9) especially is hugely upset - as we came away with plans for picking up. (We bought some toys on the way home!)

I feel like I’ve let my children down really.

OP posts:
TeaPiglet · 27/02/2021 20:55

@checkedcloth some rescue centers do for primary school age and above, I'm struggling to find a rescue myself because I have 2 kids under primary school age

RoSEbuds6 · 27/02/2021 20:57

Well you could hardly have options on lots of other litters. It’s very unfortunate but I don’t think you could have done anything differently.

tabulahrasa · 27/02/2021 21:24

“In terms of meeting future breeders, is there an expectation we will interact with the mum as well as the puppy?”

It’s the only indication you have of what the puppies might be like, so it’s a mistake not to even just for that reason.

PeckyOwl · 27/02/2021 22:43

So didn't the breeder do anything to calm the bitch down? They should have been mindful of the need to reassure her you weren't a threat, not letting her get stressed as a sort of bizarre test.
Of course they want to see how you interact with the dogs but surely no one in their right mind would stroke a strange barking dog, let alone one with puppies to protect?

Wolfiefan · 27/02/2021 22:48

Are you after a working lab or show? Where did you find the breeder?

Corncorncorn · 27/02/2021 22:51

Seems weird to me to be honest. If Mum was being aggressive though, you may have had a lucky escape. Much better to have calm parents.

bridgertonian · 27/02/2021 22:56

Don’t feel like you were in the wrong, this sounds dodgy to me so I think you’ve had a lucky escape. Breeder as the owner of the mum and pups should have calmed her and given you instructions, as they know the dogs best. Hope you find another one, how you are in a strangers home with their dogs doesn’t reflect on how confident you’d be with your own pup at home.

Original poster
checkedcloth · 28/02/2021 05:05

Thank you for everyone’s responses.

The breeder did calm her down, she didn’t leave her barking. We stood and watched that. I was just so conscious that this is someone’s home and so like others say - wasn’t comfortable to just go along and start stroking someone’s dog.

We meet with breeder from Champdogs. They were very knowledgeable, the puppies were clearly well looked after.

The biggest issue was that the convention we had with the breeder was absolutely in line with us going back to get the puppy. So of course as a family (kids included) we are now so disappointed, especially our daughter.

OP posts:
GingerAndTheBiscuits · 28/02/2021 05:09

Did you explain to the breeder you were conscious of not upsetting mum further in her own home, as strangers etc, and that breeder was calming her? Seems a weird reason to refuse somebody, like an excuse for something else

GingerAndTheBiscuits · 28/02/2021 05:12

The advice we were given for a dog barking at visitors was for the visitors to ignore the dog completely until the dog approaches on her own terms. Not to launch in and start stroking the dog, especially one who has recently given birth.

Soubriquet · 28/02/2021 05:30

The fact they didn’t like you giving mum space and respect sends red flags to me

You did the right thing by respecting the mum.

They did the wrong thing by expecting you to stroke her to “calm her down”

Original poster
checkedcloth · 28/02/2021 05:31

That’s interesting. Yes I did explain that to the breeder.

My DH grew up with dogs. I didn’t - and so I’m really confused about the whole visit. The norms of going to a strangers house seem to do apply, do you just be more ‘out there’. They said that I didn’t reassure my DCs re the barking. I did say at the time to them that she is barking because we are strangers and that’s her litter she’s protecting.

What else should I have done/said?

OP posts:
GeorgiaGirl52 · 28/02/2021 05:39

@PeckyOwl

So didn't the breeder do anything to calm the bitch down? They should have been mindful of the need to reassure her you weren't a threat, not letting her get stressed as a sort of bizarre test. Of course they want to see how you interact with the dogs but surely no one in their right mind would stroke a strange barking dog, let alone one with puppies to protect?
From my view as a foster home placement person, you behaved correctly. It was the owners' responsibility to calm the mother down, reassure her that her puppies were safe, and introduce you to the mother, and then the puppies. Maybe they had another reason -- someone had offered more for a puppy than the price you were paying?
2021namechanger · 28/02/2021 05:42

I think there’s another reason and the breeder has just palmed you off with that one if I’m honest.

Sittinbythetree · 28/02/2021 05:45

You didn’t do anything wrong. Someone else has probably offered more money and they made an excuse. What kind of person would go and stroke an unknown barking dog protecting her puppies! Did you ask questions about the dogs. Is it possible you didn’t come across as knowing how to look after dogs?

catnidge · 28/02/2021 05:51

Hmmmm, I suspect she's been offered more money or decided to heep the bitch herself for breeding.

Sounds like you did nothing wrong. Your poor Dd

BlackSabbath · 28/02/2021 07:22

Yeah I bet someone offered a substantial amount more than you were going to pay.

blowinahoolie · 28/02/2021 07:42

You dodged a bullet. No one would stroke a barking dog they have never met before. You are looking for calm parents next time.

pipsqueakbollock · 28/02/2021 07:47

@BlackSabbath

Yeah I bet someone offered a substantial amount more than you were going to pay.
This sadly
sweetpotatopie12 · 28/02/2021 07:53

Just to letter you know as a dog breeder myself, you often" over subscribe" the litter just in case people back out and you're left with pups

This might be the case here

Saucery · 28/02/2021 07:55

I haven’t dealt with a barking Mum, but I did meet a barking older sibling, who I stood back from, spoke softly and reassuringly to while avoiding eye contact, let him come to me in his own time then patted him. Which is absolutely the right thing to do.

Agree that the breeder has probably realised they can get more money from that puppy. If they had any doubts about your hesitance, or young children in the house etc they should have told you straight away.