Living with puppy making me anxious and miserable

[RainDanceMaggie]

We got a gorgeous maltipoo boy end of last year. He is simply amazing. Very clever, slept through the night from the first night. Chilled out, confident and very friendly. We had done all our research before getting him and I was up for the waking up and the walks. We also had a trainer who started with him in January and now takes him for walks every week with other dogs. We are working from home and the pup is the best. For his breed, does not bark, whines a bit if he is alone/we leave him to go to another room, but settles down quickly. He is almost house trained, doesn’t need to go overnight (last outing at 10:45pm and then at 7am), no more chewing of everything under the sun, no more biting, walks well (lots of sniffing and staring but no more jumping unless someone wants to play), happy with other humans and dogs. Been to the groomer for a puppy groom. Ok with household and outside noises. In short, he is brilliant. We have now had him for 2 months. He is 4 months old. My partner and DC enjoy having him around. The problem is I don’t. His presence in the house fills me with dread and anxiety. I go out for walks and dread coming home. He obviously doesn’t know. Always come to sit by me.
Will this go away? I am unable to sleep at night at the prospect of living with this sense of dread for the next 15 years. We have booked him to go to day care from next month to help break up the day and so I can get on with my work. Day care was always the plan.
Anyone who has been in this position and has it got better? I can’t blame the pup; he is amazing. He is not destructive. He is friendly and very sweet natured.
I have actually started thinking maybe I should look to re-home him. I haven’t discussed with my partner and daughter. My daughter would be upset but I think my partner may be able to understand given my nature. I am a worrier and tend to overthink things.
Any suggestions on how to deal with this? I feel guilty that he will be living with someone who doesn’t enjoy him or want to be with him. If rehoming is the best thing to do for the pup, what is the best way to do it? I can speak to the breeder but I suspect they will happily sell him on.
Thank you for reading.

You’re welcome.

Bless your dog Walker. We had a similar offer from a few people of respite but I knew once she had gone, I wouldn’t want her back. Be interesting to hear how you get on. Hopefully you feel better knowing there are options. I hated the feeling of being trapped and the responsibility, once I knew returning her was an option, I felt so much better.

You’ve had some great advice already here but I just wanted to say please don’t be too hard on yourself for feeling like this. I have anxiety and have found CBT very useful. It might be worth seeing if your GP can refer you for this. I also do a lot of yoga which certainly seems to help me with the physical symptoms of my anxiety (nausea, appetite issues, sleep issues etc) Please be kind to yourself and don’t let guilt eat away at you. Make sure you put yourself first. It sounds like you are doing a fab job with your pup! Just to reassure you, my anxiety has reared its ugly head each time I have added a new pet to my household. I always feel like they are a little intruder messing up our lovely calm life but it does get better! New routines kick in and then one day you wake up and it starts to feel normal again. You don’t need to ‘love’ your dog in the human emotion sense, just meet their needs, do your best and they will learn to fit in to their place in the family. Look after yourself OP

Honestly we have had our dog for six years and I don't love them.
I think that they are good for our dcs who definitely love them.
I don't dislike them, we rub along ok.
But dog ownership wasn't really what I had expected and the boundless affection I expected to feel for the dog never arrived.
This dog should see out our dc leaving home and I won't have another one.
The one we have has a good life and seems very content.

Thank you everyone. Going to therapy and working on my anxiety was on my list pre-pandemic. I considered getting some help online last year as work was offering that. I am not very good at prioritising myself when it comes to time and me. So between work, DC, DH, home and then later in the year, the pup, nothing happened. I clearly need to work on it for my sake and my family’s sake. No one likes or wants to be with stressed out unhappy (sometimes snappy) people. If I need more time for me, I need to do that and not take on more, be it at work or in life. Not fair on me and not fair on others. This week has been something else. Cried a lot, worried a lot, did not sleep or eat much, still managed to stay on top of everything at home and work, pup is happy and healthy, you guys have been amazing, and my lovely dog Walker made my evening. Thank you again.

Lots of good advice here, but I didn't notice this one. It sounds daft, but it's actually science. Try to gaze into his eyes. Not for ever. Just a few minutes whenever the opportunity arises such as cuddles. Open your eyes wide, try to not blink too much, and as soon as he looks away then stop. Gaze, not stare! Humans and dogs have exactly the same chemical reaction as parents and babies. That gaze creates a bond. On both sides! You couldn't give away something that you have that bond with. And yes, it really is science.

I thought you shouldn’t stare at dogs, they don’t like it and perceive it as a threat...

@Nettleskeins

I think it is the anxiety, not the dog. Dogs are very restrictive, and like babies, there are so many things you have to "give up" once you have them, however much you organise things. It doesn't matter if babies sleep, if people have help with housekeeping, childcare, lots of financial security, it is fact that plenty of mothers feel depressed and anxious despite all these mitigating factors. Because your emotions go through the spin cycle, you are thinking 24/7 about the welfare of a small vulnerable creature. I found I very much disassociated for the first few weeks, I knew my job was to look after the puppy and defend him from danger, but I couldn't really see how adorable and what fun he was. But as spring came, and I took him out more, enjoyed sitting with him on the sofa, saw all his energy and reactions to things, his trust, my heart melted, and I was at last besotted with him. It takes a while, I would stop thinking of puppy as a task but start thinking what he adds, even if it just to make your DD happy? I think kids learn so much from having animals in the house even if they don't technically look after them, and I speak from bitter experience (DD doesn't walk our two year old poodle mix small breed, but she still just loves him)

Have you checked on your own health? I was hypothyroid, and vitamin D deficient for years without realising it, and suffered from tiredness and anxiety as a result. It was a simple to treat, and I was so cross to think for years I had had pyschological issues relating to a easily remediable underlying HEALTH problem. Being out for walks and getting fresh air and sunshine is medicine for me now on many levels.

What a cute dog!