Puppy crying when alone - follows constantly

[Zebracowfish]

Hi,

I’m just after some advice. We’ve got a little 12 week old puppy, had her about three weeks now. We’ve taken some time off and I’ve got another week left, so she hasn’t been left alone much yet.

She cries if we leave the room, go upstairs etc. So far we’ve tried leaving her while we go upstairs or literally stand outside the front door. We’ve installed a camera to check she’s okay.

I’ll be working from home for at least the next three months, but I’m very conscious about making sure she’s okay by herself for short periods of time, in case I’m ever asked to go back into the office.

Today I went upstairs and she started crying, so I decided to wait until she stopped so as not to give her the idea that every time she cries we will come back immediately. It took 30 minutes of crying before she stopped and then she seemed to settle in her bed.

I’m terrified we’re doing the wrong thing, unsure of how long to leave her for etc.

I just want to know about other people’s experiences, what they did and what worked!!

We really love her and it’s awful hearing her cry but we need to be able to go out sometimes.

She’s also fine at night in the crate (she’s been sleeping in our bedroom). But in the day she doesn’t like it so we’ve decided to give her the run of the hall.

She's still a tiny baby probably missing her mum. You are doing the right thing by extending the periods of time gradually and she will get better. Maybe take her a walk then leave her to have a snooze afterwards. That might help.

Today I went upstairs and she started crying, so I decided to wait until she stopped so as not to give her the idea that every time she cries we will come back immediately.

That isn't the most effective approach. You have to put yourself in your pup's place - when you disappear, she has no way of knowing that he hasn't been abandoned for good. The lesson you need to teach her is not that crying will or won't bring you back, but that when you disappear, you will always come back.

The best way to do this is with a very gradual build up - starting with a few seconds if need be. Leave her/come back, leave her/come back, gradually increasing the time she is left for, and taking a step back whenever you need to.

If she is comfortable sleeping in her crate at night, make sure she has access to it in the day as well so it can be a safe space for her. Move it downstairs if need be and pop her in it, with the door open. Our pup used his crate as a sleeping place day and night and usually settled in it when he was left alone.

My go to response for this type of problem is Facebook dog training advice and support. What you need to do is build up the time you leave her, starting with being inside and flitting from room to room. Being very boring. If she follows you, that's fine. She is only a baby. She needs to figure out that if you go then you come back and that there's no need for her to follow you / bother. Leaving her to cry won't do this.

Okay thanks for your advice. It’s hard to leave her for even a few seconds because she literally follows us everywhere.

We have a crate downstairs as well, she’s not afraid of the crate at all, it’s just if she’s in it and we even stood up she’s immediately awake and will start crying. If the door is open she will follow us.

I’m so nervous that if she gets used to us being with her every second it’s going to get worse. In the first week we had her we could walk into the kitchen without her following but now I can’t even stand up. So she seems to be getting worse if you know what I mean.

Thanks so much for your advice, well keep trying and hopefully she’ll get a bit more relaxed.

She is fine to be left crying for a bit. In fact very important to not respond to crying to stop it becoming ingrained. You came back. The world did not end. She has learnt you come back and that crying doesn't being you back.

Have you tried giving her a chew toy when you leave her, something to take her attention away from what you are doing?

If you can tire her out before leaving her, so she will want to sleep, that will help too.

Background noise - TV or radio left on - can also help the pup not to feel alone.

You will get there, it will just take time and lots of patience.

Ps I have had 5 very well adjusted dogs and did this with all of them

Another good tip is to used a stuff Kong when you leave so she associates being left with getting ace treats!

I dont like the fliting method as suggested in the dog advice facebook page it is slightly outdated. What it can do with some dogs is make them hyper vigilant and constantly alert wondering where you are going.

Much better to throw a few treats on the floor leave the room for a millisecond and return. The puppy may not even notice you leaving do this regularly and build up the time out of the room.

On my soap box a bit but this is really down to very poor socialsing from your breeder. Puppies should be getting used to being alone from the age of 5 weeks just for a short time away from their littermates. Maybe just being held by the breeder or just being in another room from their litler maes for seconds at at time. If this is started at 5 weeks the puppies will not have an issue when they go to their new homes.

I had a velcro pup..glued to my side, so I did what I did with my human babies.. they stayed by my side! I followed the FB Dog training Advice and Support group guides because it just didn't feel right to leave a tiny puppy to cry. She came with me.. to the loo, to bed, wherever I was. That way she felt secure.
As she matured she gradually stopped needing to follow me without me doing anything special. I started popping outside for 5 mins, then ten, and now I can leave her.. she looks sad but doesn't cry, and is just happy to see me when I'm back.
At home she still tends to follow me around because that's her breed's nature but that's fine. Mine came from an excellent breeder and the pups were well socialised, but she still likes to be with me as much as possible.
I did wonder if I'd ever be able to leave the house but she's a secure happy dog and I have never left her to cry in 19m of her her life so far, so I don't think it's necessary personally, tho we all have our own approaches.

I’m with StillMedusa. My first couldn’t be left. At all. So I didn’t. As she got older she gained in confidence and now couldn’t care less if we go out or not.
Leaving a pup to cry doesn’t teach it that it’s ok to be be alone. It just reinforces fear and anxiety.

Ddog is 7 and I still can't wee unsupervised...
Yabu to leave a dpuppy crying at all.

Zac George on YouTube has loads of videos and all this is covered. Highly recommend it was a godsend to me when my pups were small.

@Santaisironingwrappingpaper

Have you had your dog since it was a puppy? And they’re now 7 and still cannot be left alone at all?

That is my biggest concern. There is very conflicting advice online regarding training a puppy, a lot says to not go into the puppy when they’re crying etc as you are reinforcing the behaviour. I am more than happy to take alternative advice as we just want her to be happy- and part or that happiness is learning to be alone sometimes.

I have zero intentions of leaving her for prolonged periods of time, and I’m lucky to have supportive family and well send her to day care if necessary. But she needs to be able to manage while we nip out for an hour or whatever the case may be (obviously not now but I’m thinking about the future)

That’s really encouraging to hear!! Thankyou!

I’m just panicking that she’s getting worse as time goes on. Initially could be left to leave the room and now she can’t!

She will go into the garden on her own though actually. We’ve fitted a doggy door and obviously watch her through the window but she’ll go out and sit for five minutes on her own and then come back in. It’s just in the house she can’t bare it for one second!!

Ddog has been with us since birth - we have her dm also. She is just needy. Doesn't cry just likes being with me. We have dpuppy 14 months also. Non needy.. All are different but don't think you should be thinking about 'practising' separation just yet. How is it over night? All mine sleep together in the kitchen. Although Needy Nell would sleep on my pillow if offered..
*once post injury this actually happened. 6'4 dh slept on a 2 seater sofa - bullied from his bed!!

Following, as our 6 month old hasn't really been left much and cries when we do. It's hard to manufacture time to leave him on his own as with 2 adults and two young adults, in the house, there is always someone around.

Mine followed me about like a tiny little easy-to-accidentally-stand-on shadow for 2 or 3 months when I first got her. I used to let her off the lead in the big field and panic she'd gone missing when I scanned the vast area, but she was always right by my foot! She used to cry and cry when I left her in her crate to go and have my shower in the mornings, which was a right pain because I had to get up at 5am and she woke the house.

She's a very independent 7 year old now. It only took a short time before she stopped being such a whiner! Every time I go out I give her a treat; a ball with holes in filled with her kibble, or a kong-type thing filled with kibble and peanut butter, frozen. She only barks when I leave the house if I forget to give it to her, now.

Work out what your pup loves, and give them that when you leave. Pup will settle down. Crying is what baby things do. They grow out of it. Sounds like your pup has a lot of love; she'll be fine.

@Santaisironingwrappingpaper

She’s fine at night but she’s in a crate next to our bed. I intend on her sleeping in the bedroom out of the crate eventually, it’s just while she’s toilet training and gets up to mischief! She only cries in the night if she needs to go outside, so I take her straight out and put her back in afterwards.

I’m happy with her following me and her wanting to be with us. It’s more that she seems to be unsettled. Is clearly worried about us leaving the room so can never just relax if we’re moving around.

I also realise this is early days. I just don’t want months and months to go by and we’ve never left her for a second and then suddenly need to for some reason.

It’s also not that she’s desperate to be with us particularly, it’s just anyone. My sister has watched her for me while I’ve been at the shops and I’ve dropped her off at her house.

@Eckhart

Thanks so much!!!

Yeah I’ve been giving her little puppy chews if I walk out the room, she has so many toys etc

I’ve tried the Kong but she doesn’t really seem to “get it” at the moment. I’ll try again though.

That’s really reassuring to hear yours is fine now. We haven’t actually even left her if we’ve been showering as we’ve just timed it around each other haha.

Dpuppy joined us in Feb. Never had reason to be alone with covid we are all in.... Only now at 14 months is she OK to be left... She got used to us being in and stopped following as much. Personality depending ime... Still all home but she will stay in a room one now.. Needy Nell won't change now I suspect!!

@Santaisironingwrappingpaper

Okay, thanks that’s good to know!! Hopefully she’ll get better as time goes on.

You can even do it whilst you're in the house; shut puppy in the living room when you go upstairs for a pee, etc. The more practice she gets with you coming back, the more she'll start to realise that there's no need for any drama when you leave. I feel so sorry for them when they've just left their Mum. I can imagine how you'd be worried every time someone went out of your sight for a while, after that.

Yeah, mine sometimes goes in the other room now, even when I'm home. And I'm sure since lockdown, that when I go out without her, she must think 'OMG FINALLY!! House to myself!!'

Beware of closing doors... Ours ate wallpaper and flooring shut in... Can you baby gate and door open? We couldn't as dpuppy is pony sized....

@Eckhart

That’s a good idea. I’ll start just doing short trips around the house. So do you think it’s fine to come back moments later when she’s already crying? Because even if one of us starts to leave the room and the other one is in she starts to whine. She even cries when you literally step over the stair gate so she’s on the other side of it. Haha that’s how I want her to be eventually! Glad we’re out and having a nice time with all her toys and treats!

@Santaisironingwrappingpaper

Oh!! I didn’t even think of that! Yeah we could do baby gates instead! We’ve got one on the stairs but could have one leading to each room off the hall as well