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The doghouse

If you're worried about your pet's health, please speak to a vet or qualified professional.

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Original poster

Desperately in need of advice

27 replies

SoapAndFury · 16/12/2020 17:03

Please be kind, I know this is a problem of my own making but I have been in tears most of the day and need some help.

I recently moved in with my boyfriend. I have a cat and a dog (staffy x, very strong and fit for his age), both 12 years old. I moved in to the new house first to acclimatise my pets for a couple of weeks and last weekend my boyfriend moved in with his dog.

Due to it being a long distance relationship the dogs have not been able to meet before.

I knew there would be an adjustment period and it is early days but it has been so bad. My dog hates the other dog and will lunge bark and try to attack if he catches site of him even from a safe distance.

We have been keeping them in separate parts of the house , trying to give them a glimpse of each other and rewarding with treats and praise if there is no reaction but this has been hardly at all due to my dogs response.

I have had a consult with a behaviourist who has said they need to be introduced slowly via walks at a distance etc which is good advice, however my boyfriend is out at work all day until really late so we don't have much opportunity to do this.

I am currently working from home and doing 4 walks a day (2 each for them both, separately). And trying to divide my time within the house with them, however my dog has now started barking as soon as I leave the room even if it's to go to the bathroom. He hasn't had separation anxiety before. I'm at my wits end and am happy to follow advice but just dont know how to implement it as I am on my own the majority of the time and cant safely control them both.

Please help.

OP posts:

Bluntness100 · 16/12/2020 17:07

Is your dog usually aggressive with other dogs?

You need to do the walks morning and night before and after his work, and they need to be introduced on the lead.

I have a relative this happened to snd it ended up they actually had to live in seperate parts of the house, it was awful. They could not be allowed together at all. It never resolved its self, so you need to do the work now.

Original poster

SoapAndFury · 16/12/2020 17:13

My dog isn't generally keen on other dogs but this is a whole new level. I am worried it won't be resolved and am losing sleep. My boyfriend and I have hardly seen each other since he moved in as we have had to keep to separate parts of the house (3 bed semi so not a big house) with our respective dogs and have been sleeping and eating separately 😪

OP posts:

RatherBeRiding · 16/12/2020 17:21

Some dogs just don't like other dogs in their territory at all. And if he's a dog that isn't generally sociable with other dogs in the first place, and has been unsettled by a move, then this is going to be difficult. Do you have crates? If your dog has his safe space in a crate then maybe you could move forward that way but honestly it sounds as though it's not an easy one to resolve.

The advice to walk them 'together' and let them socialise that way is good advice - can you walk them very early and very late - at least they will get some kind of introduction.

Original poster

SoapAndFury · 16/12/2020 18:42

Neither of then have been crate trained, and so far my boy just isn't even happy when hes in another room on a different floor

OP posts:

FippertyGibbett · 16/12/2020 18:47

What breed/s is the other dog ?

vanillandhoney · 16/12/2020 18:49

So the dogs didn't meet at all before you made them live together?

Dogs should ideally be introduced outside of the home on entirely neutral territory - unfortunately I'm really not sure if you can go back from what's happened. Your dog moved into a new house and just two weeks later, another dog he's never met moves in too - that's a huge amount of upheaval for an older dog.

I would keep them apart in the house completely and also continue to walk them separately for now to try and destress them as much as possible. After a couple of weeks, try again with them outside in a neutral space - a local park or secure field if possible and see how it goes from there.

Good luck.

JoeCalFuckingZaghe · 16/12/2020 18:54

Have your dogs ever met? Your dog probably sees the house as “his” territory. What sex are the dogs and are they neutered / spayed?

Honestly the behaviours advice is the best. It needed a very slow introduction on neutral ground first, especially as your dog doesn’t particularly like other dogs. They can probably smell each other which is possibly why your dog is whining when you leave the room, or at least contributing to it.

It’s going to be a long hard process op but something that needs doing as the separate living is going to be so hard on all of you.

suggestionsplease1 · 16/12/2020 18:56

I would try walking them together...you with your dog on lead, partner with his, about 20m apart in an open space....walk in same direction and converge closer together as long as dogs are unreactive to each other. Keep going until you can move closer together, always heading in same direction together.

PollyRoulson · 16/12/2020 18:59

OP you poor thing your stress levels must be through the roof.

I disagree with Vanilla dont write off the situation yet.

Your behaviourists advice is spot on. Parallel walk them with the distance between them so that there is no reaction. This might be the length of football field to start with. Gradually decrease the gap.

To make this work in your situation. Can you get a dog walker to walk the other dog whilst you walk one of the dogs? You will not need to do this forever. Also get back to the behaviourist and ask her for help. Usually behaviourists are mentoring other people and they may be able to help you.

Smell - this is really important and use it to your advantage. Get some bedding from each of the dogs, when your feed dog1 put dog 2 bedding next to the food, DO the same when your feed dog 2 put dog 1 bedding next to the food. Good old classical conditioning usually works a treat.

Also use smell a lot to your advantage so places that you relax in put the opposite dogs smell.

You are right to keep them separate for the time being. Hopefully you will see an improvement soon BUT do not hesitate to contact your behaviourist for advice when situations change.

I hope you can get time to spend with your partner soon - this does take social distancing to new heights

Veterinari · 16/12/2020 18:59

When you say your dog isn't keen on other dogs, what does this mean? How does he behave?

Unfortunately it's unlikely that there on any quick fixes. You have good behavioural advice already but if your dog doesn't like other dogs it's very unlikely that he'll suddenly transition into happily sharing his home and human with a strange dog

JoeCalFuckingZaghe · 16/12/2020 18:59

Sorry missed the part where you said they hadn’t met. I would really follow the professionals advise, there isn’t a quick fix. It’ll be hard unfortunately but it’s how it is unfortunately. I’m currently tearing my hair out with our rescue riddled with separation anxiety, I’ve had to change my entire life and mindset of “dog” unfortunately, so I sympathise with the stress levels. Try to relax and calm down too as the dogs can pick up on your anxiety which may also be contributing to your dogs anxiety.

vanillandhoney · 16/12/2020 19:08

I disagree with Vanilla dont write off the situation yet.

Sorry Polly, but I never said to write it off - I just said that I wasn't sure if it was something that they could come back from.

The rest of my post said to keep them apart for a couple of weeks and then try again :)

PollyRoulson · 16/12/2020 19:26

Vanilla Oh ok I read your post as being pessimistic and that the damage had been done - glad I was wrong because there is hope for a successful outcome .

vanillandhoney · 16/12/2020 19:28

@PollyRoulson

Vanilla Oh ok I read your post as being pessimistic and that the damage had been done - glad I was wrong because there is hope for a successful outcome .

Original poster

SoapAndFury · 16/12/2020 19:56

Thank you everyone for your advice so far. We have just discussed getting a dog Walker so I can do more walks together (distanced). My ex has also said he can take my dog over the xmas period and will help with more intro walks. I guess for me its more about knowing if it can work out eventually - I am prepared to put the work in just want to know its possible to fix.

To answer some more questions, my boyfriends dog is a un neutered spaniel and is quite chilled out and generally doesn't react to my dog which helps. My dog is neutered and generally anxious temperament.

my dog can deal with walking behind his dog but when its face to face (even from a distance) it seems too much.

Thank you everyone for your help and advice- I feel so bad that I have made my dog feel this way.

OP posts:

FippertyGibbett · 17/12/2020 07:11

So your boyfriend’s dog is ‘top dog’ as he’s entire, your dog isn’t entire so your dog is going to push against that. It’s a power struggle.
Not all dogs can live together. I hope yours can, but you might have to rehome one if they can’t.

Veterinari · 17/12/2020 07:14

@FippertyGibbett

So your boyfriend’s dog is ‘top dog’ as he’s entire, your dog isn’t entire so your dog is going to push against that. It’s a power struggle. Not all dogs can live together. I hope yours can, but you might have to rehome one if they can’t.

What a load of rubbish! Ignore this OP and speak to your behaviourist

FippertyGibbett · 17/12/2020 07:50

That’s your opinion. I am entitled to mine.

Veterinari · 17/12/2020 08:25

@FippertyGibbett

That’s your opinion. I am entitled to mine.

Sure - I'm happy to change my opinion if you can point me to any evidence published this side of 1950 that shows dogs form a linear dominance hierarchy, with a 'top dog'

The OP's dog is dog-reactive therefore finds the presence of other dogs stressful, and a strange dog at close quarters with access to his resources even more so.

The dogs have no relationship so no top dog/dominance hierarchy has had the chance to develop, even if it existed in dogs. Which it doesn't.

And it's not my opinion - it's scientific evidence.

FippertyGibbett · 17/12/2020 08:46

I’m not asking you to change you’re opinion, but I will ask you to stop berating me for mine.

Veterinari · 17/12/2020 09:06

@FippertyGibbett

I’m not asking you to change you’re opinion, but I will ask you to stop berating me for mine.

I haven't berated you. I've pointed out that there's no evidence to support top dog/dominance theories in dogs.

Giving advice based on flawed understanding of dog behaviour won't help the dog or the OP, so it's important to correct misinformation. If you wish to take that personally it's up to you.

FippertyGibbett · 17/12/2020 09:09

Yes you have, if I feel berated then I am.
I’m not interested in your opinion so I shall say goodbye and leave you to have the last word, as I get the feeling that you like it that way.
🎄

RatherBeRiding · 17/12/2020 09:47

You've had some excellent advice OP, and from your update it sounds as though you have a plan going forward.

You say your dog isn't overly keen on other dogs, and then mention him being an anxious sort - do you think he is slightly reactive with other dogs out of a feeling of anxiety? My greyhound is exactly the same - I have to be so careful introducing her to other dogs, or have other dogs come into her 'space' as she is likely to react aggressively but I know it's simply anxiety as she is not an aggressive dog. I have come up with strategies to deal with this, and have been able to very successfully introduce another rescue into the household - they are now best friends!

Give it time and lots of patience, and keep referring back to the behaviourist.

Original poster

SoapAndFury · 17/12/2020 12:53

Hi ratherbe I am 100% sure his actions are from fear around other dogs. I just feel that if I can get him to see there is nothing really to be scared of he would be ok. It's just getting to that point!

OP posts:

Derbee · 17/12/2020 13:03

The dogs have no relationship so no top dog/dominance hierarchy has had the chance to develop, even if it existed in dogs. Which it doesn't

@Veterinari genuine question, when we had 2 dogs, one was definitely in charge. He followed the her around, would let her other eat out of his bowl but would never touch hers, would give his chews/toys up for her but wouldn’t try and take hers, wouldn’t go in the shared basket until she’d given some signal it was ok etc etc.

Is this not dominance? Surely there is some hierarchy, otherwise how do puppies know to respect older dogs etc?

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