Desperately in need of advice

[SoapAndFury]

Please be kind, I know this is a problem of my own making but I have been in tears most of the day and need some help.

I recently moved in with my boyfriend. I have a cat and a dog (staffy x, very strong and fit for his age), both 12 years old. I moved in to the new house first to acclimatise my pets for a couple of weeks and last weekend my boyfriend moved in with his dog.

Due to it being a long distance relationship the dogs have not been able to meet before.

I knew there would be an adjustment period and it is early days but it has been so bad. My dog hates the other dog and will lunge bark and try to attack if he catches site of him even from a safe distance.

We have been keeping them in separate parts of the house , trying to give them a glimpse of each other and rewarding with treats and praise if there is no reaction but this has been hardly at all due to my dogs response.

I have had a consult with a behaviourist who has said they need to be introduced slowly via walks at a distance etc which is good advice, however my boyfriend is out at work all day until really late so we don't have much opportunity to do this.

I am currently working from home and doing 4 walks a day (2 each for them both, separately). And trying to divide my time within the house with them, however my dog has now started barking as soon as I leave the room even if it's to go to the bathroom. He hasn't had separation anxiety before. I'm at my wits end and am happy to follow advice but just dont know how to implement it as I am on my own the majority of the time and cant safely control them both.

Please help.

@Derbee

The dogs have no relationship so no top dog/dominance hierarchy has had the chance to develop, even if it existed in dogs. Which it doesn't

@Veterinari genuine question, when we had 2 dogs, one was definitely in charge. He followed the her around, would let her other eat out of his bowl but would never touch hers, would give his chews/toys up for her but wouldn’t try and take hers, wouldn’t go in the shared basket until she’d given some signal it was ok etc etc.

Is this not dominance? Surely there is some hierarchy, otherwise how do puppies know to respect older dogs etc?

@Derbee in animal behaviour we use the term dominance to describe relationships, not individuals - this is because in many species it changes depending on the resource in question, and varies between individuals - it's not fixed and so terms like top dog and alpha are inaccurate labels that don't acknowledge the anxiety that the OP's dog is likely experiencing. It's quite common for one dog to monopolise a particular resource but be happy to share another less important resource. The opposite may be true for a different dog - it will depend on their personal preferences and motivations. Hence there's no such thing as a top dog - because protection of a resource depends on the circumstances and individual preferences, not some imagined static dominance hierarchy where one dog is always in charge.

Studies in free roaming dogs show that they don't live in packs, don't have a fixed social structure and that dominance hierarchies don't exist.

It's very unusual for one dog to entirely control all resources but it can and does happen - especially if that dog has previously had to compete for resources e.g. on the street. It can be avoided/discouraged by providing ample resources of equal value for all dogs so that they learn that they don't need to be protective of food etc. It's also quite possible for some dogs to simply never try and share another dog's food - this can be due to previous learning experiences where they've come off worst or it can be a personal lack of interest/motivation for that particular resource.

The original studies that were done on dominance were done on unrelated wolves in a barren zoo with minimal resources. When you keep any group of animals in a sub-optimal situation that they cannot escape from, with minimal resources they'll be forced to compete, and when they do, the biggest and strongest will win. That's not a reflection of their natural social structure. It's a reflection of the situation they're living in.

@Veterinari interesting, thank you