AIBU considering getting a dog with no experience and living on my own?

[PizzaForOne]

Question in the title really.

Pros:

• I live on my own in a 3 bedroom house. I have room for a dog.
• I'm lonely, I want company and affection. A dog could offer that.
• I work from home (ever since the first lockdown). I have not been to an office since March. If I stay at my current employer, the mood/vibe/communications suggest we will be able to continue to do so longterm. Maybe the occasional day at an office for a big meeting or social event. So would be around most of the day for the dog.
• I go for a lunchtime walk most days unless the weather is atrocious. I wake up at 8am so could change waking time to get a morning dog walk in if needed.
• Estate I live has plenty of fields/woodlands/lakes for walks
• I have a family hatchback car, so room in back seat/boot for dog to travel to other areas
• Fairly certain I am not allergic
• I can afford to (both any initial outlay as well as ongoing insurance, food etc)

Cons

• I did not grow up with dogs in the house, only cats, I have never owned a dog. I have no real clue about training, dog behaviour, discipline etc.
• Experience is limited to the contact I have had with dogs at friends houses (which is really not very much!) and a handful of times where I have held the lead on dogwalks.
• Although my parents are 5 mins drive away, I doubt they would be keen to dogsit or check in regularly if I were away on holiday for example, nobody else really to rely on. Kennels are an option?
• DS (5) stays every other weekend, not sure if this is enough contact to get both DS and dog accustomed to one another and a good relationship?

Am I being stupid? Surely there are thousands of people with no childhood experience of dogs who ultimately end up as dog owners in adulthood? (although I suppose this is often as a couple where the other partner may have experience or at least they have someone else to help)

More generally would appreciate any thoughts on:

• Breeds. Where can I research? Any suggestions? I would like something not too full of energy/destructive and ideally minimal malting and smell. I only discovered recently through a colleague that there is such thing as a hypoallergenic dog - she had got a Cockapoo because her husband is allergic and they don't shed much hair.

• Rescue/Rehome or puppy? Rescue seems more tempting because I may be able to get a well trained, more chilled (not full of puppy energy) adult dog. But it seems that the big providers vet you really hard and I can't see how I would be picked over a family household with plenty of experience of dog ownership.

• Any general advice or book recommendations etc for understanding the responsibilities and how best to raise a dog?

I'm not sure it's the solution to your problem.

Have you considered a lodger?

No problem getting a dog if you’ve never had one , everyone has to start somewhere . There are no ‘hypoallergenic’ dogs and with cross breeds like cocker x poodles you may well end up with a cocker type coat that does shed . If you want a dog that doesn’t moult go for a non moulting pedigree like a poodle . Your issue with a rescue will be the visiting child .

Things to think about: dogs can't be left alone for more than about 3.5 hours. This is a huge tie. Who will look after them then when you go out or get delayed somewhere? Why not try after lockdown to get to know some dogs first to see which you like. Breeds have different temperments. Do you want a busy active dog, or a cuddly lap dog. Would a cat suit your needs better? They are much more independent. I love my dog, but he is like a toddler and very demanding. Also think about the cost: food, vet bills, insurance. It can be quite significant.

We all have to start somewhere I had children and had no idea on earth what to do with them - they seemed to have turned out ok.

It is a good plan to get a bit involved with dogs to see how you feel after that. After lockdown maybe offer to walk dogs for a rescue. This is a win win situation you get to experience dogs and also are then in the radar if a dog comes along that may suit your situation. Although young DC may be an issue but if the rescue know you and the situation it may help.

A couple of very easy reading dog books are easy peasy puppy book and easy peasy doggy squeazy

They look at excellent training methods and what living with a dog may be like.

Some kennels are fine if you go away or also you can have dog sitters staying at your home, depends on the dog which is best.

No dog breed is 100% hypoallergenic

Dogs are a huge commitment and do take away the spontaneity of life and days out and evenings out have to allow for someone to help with the dog.

Obviously this will cost you money (but well worth it in my opinion!)

Think about the type of dog you want, what do you expect to do with it, walking quietly through the woods with loyal dog by your side for example, and then think what will happen if the dog you get is not like that.

You get the dog you get not necessarily the dog you wanted

Do it! I didn’t grow up with dogs but always wanted one. I live in a flat so I researched small lazy breeds and ended up rescuing a pug. I wouldn’t have got a puppy pug as it’s cruel to breed them with their health issues but this guy needed a new home and he’s lovely. Sleeps most of the day but gets excited for his walks.

There is plenty of info online about the needs of different breeds, their temperament, activity levels etc. Training info is all online as well. It’s also worth researching the health issues of certain breeds as a few do have hereditary ones. There haven’t really been any downsides for me, it’s lovely having a dog around

I got a dog a couple of years ago without any real experience of dogs or puppies. I have managed to train him so he responds to my commands almost all the time and has excellent recall. Everyone has to start somewhere. I took him to puppy training in a church hall which was ok and I picked up some skills then later I took him to outdoor gundog training which was a lot better. Everything else I picked up from reading online or speaking to more experienced dog owners.

We have a really great dog walker who also does home boarding. He stayed at her house for a week and had a great time as he knew her from dog walking. She will also take him for a day if we needed to be about all day. There’s quite a few companies like this where I live so worth looking into.

Mine is a cockapoo and is the most fun loving, affectionate and well behaved boy. Also doesn’t shed any hair at all. Grooming costs £30 every 6-8 weeks.

I'd suggest asking @MNHQ to move this to the doghouse where there's lots of knowledge.

Also AS the thread 'useful resources' there for lots of good info on what to consider

Getting a dog is completely life changing, even more so if you are on your own as you have no one else to fall back on. Everything you do (and I mean everything) you have to revolve around your dog and it’s needs. No nipping out for a days shopping or a night out at the cinema followed by dinner, you always have to get back for the dog, holidays abroad are limited unless you kennel them, some dogs are fine in kennels but many like mine are not. What would happen if your company said you can’t work from home anymore? You can’t leave a dog all day, you would either have to employ a dog walker or go home every lunchtime dogs can only be left for 3 to 4 hours despite some owners saying it’s fine to leave them on their all day, it really really isn’t.

If you really have thought through the life changing commitment that a dog brings research your breed carefully, you need a breed that fits in with your lifestyle, it would be disastrous to get a collie for example which needs loads of exercise and mental stimulation if your main hobby is mumsnetting whilst lying on the sofa.....(hence I have a lap dog!). Having said many negatives, the positives for me completely outweigh them, the utter joy and love my dog has brought to my life makes all the sacrifices worthwhile.

I was in exactly the same situation and got a dog. I love him more than anything but I regret it.

It’s hard when all the work and responsibility is on you. There is literally no one else to help out. You lose your freedom.
You have to consider the dog every minute of your day.
It also affects dating life quite a bit, I’ve had to pass on a few partners who either didn’t want/like dogs, were allergic, couldn’t understand the lack of spontaneity etc

On the plus side, I love him and he’s my best friend. Keeps me company, makes me laugh, gets me out and about.

I have no experience of dogs and while I think some aspects look appealing I'm put off by how it is very restrictive.
To the person who suggested a cat. The relationship between cats and humans is , I think far more variable. A dog and its owner I think will always be closer, simply because the dog is reliant on its owner and the amount of time they spend together. In the summer our cats disappear virtually all day, they literally come in to eat a couple of times a day and then bugger off for days hours. In the winter they come inside more whereas a dog is a more constant companion.

Everyone has to start somewhere! The main things to think about imo are as follows:

• the loss of freedom and spontaneity. When you have DS, and you want to go out for the day (eg. zoo, beach, theme park) who will have the dog? Dogs shouldn't really be left more than 3-4 hours and most puppies can't be left longer than two at a push.

• the cost. Food, insurance, flea/worm treatment, vaccinations - plus the cost of a dog walker or daycare or kennels if you go out all day or away on holidays. As a first time owner I would also recommend training classes which are around £10 an hour.

• walks with DS while he's young. If he's unwell etc. are you still going to be able to take the dog out in all weathers? Similarly during the week - you mention not going if the weather is atrocious but your dog will still need a walk no matter how grim it is outside.

• how much attention they need when young. It's great you can WFH but how are you going to manage toilet training (they need taking out every 20-30 minutes for a good few weeks), stopping them chewing on things, accidents etc. if you're busy working or on a call?

• as the sole adult, the whole responsibility is on you and that's hard. You need to do all the night wakings, the toilet trips, the training classes, the vet visits, the walks - it's tiring and as someone who shares the responsibility, it can be SO nice to have a day off from it all sometimes!

However, saying that, my dog is my best friend and I love him to bits, even on the shittiest days when it's pissing rain, he's filthy and is testing my patience to the limits!

It doesn't matter that you've never had a dog before as long as you do your research before jumping in

If you choose a placid breed and introduce your son carefully when the dog is young they should be fine but early socialisation is key here.

I'd potentially hold fire until things get back to normal though. Puppy socialisation classes are great for first time owners and are unlikely to be open. Similarly you might struggle to find training classes.

Oh and talk to your employer first... if you suddenly had to return to the office could you afford to pay for a sitter/Walker to come everyday?

Dogs can be amazing company but they are hard work (especially as puppies!) So don't rush in.

Good luck!

Lots of good ideas by other posters. I would just say that, if you do decide to go ahead, an adult dog from a rescue would be good in your circumstances (the rescues usually state whether the dogs are unsuitable for households with children or not). I would go for one about 4 years old upwards.

If you have to leave your dog for any length of time, doggy daycare or a dogwalker are options. If you going away for a trip or something that you cannot take the dog on too, kennels are not the greatest choice - many dogs, especially rescues, are really unhappy in kennels. However, quite a few dogwalkers also board dogs in their homes, which is a much nicer option. You would need to ask your local vets or passing dog owners if they can recommend any dog walkers and the dogwalkers of your area usually know each other and know who does home boarding.

There are specific rescues for old dogs that might be worth having a look at. Older dogs often languish in rescues because people want puppies, but they can make lovely pets. They might need less training and exercise and (I mean this nicely) if you end up regretting it they are less of a time commitment than a puppy who might love for 12-15 years.

Oh also we use a home boarder for our dogs. They stay in a family home rather than kennels, so can potter know and out of the garden and get taken on a couple of good walks a day. We see the couple who have them on the beach sometimes and dogs and humans are all delighted to see each other!

If you do decide to get a dog (and PP have outlined the commitment you need to make), find yourself a training class when it's still a puppy. A well-trained dog who comes when called, walks well on the lead and will sit by you and let bikes, prams and joggers go by without barking or lunging is so much nicer to own than an untrained hooligan.

If you're on your own, you're going to find yourself having to walk your dog in horizontal icy rain when you have a hacking cough and a streaming cold - unless you get a breed (or an individual) that's happy to spend a day or two without a walk.

I’m on my own as well (teenage dd) and am planning to get a retired greyhound. It might fit what you’re looking for. I also have no experience. I would home board when away and use a dog Walker to pop in if I have to go out for an afternoon- but that’s not going to be frequently .

People on mn always suggest a retired greyhound but that's what we got 3 months ago. She's amazing, we wouldn't be without her.
She took a while to settle in but here's her good points:

No barking unless excited
Very little shedding
Sleeps 18 hours a day
Needs a couple of short walks a day but will do more
Very docile

Negatives:
A but highly strung - won't walk if someone in her path but we just wait.
Will only walk if she wants to
Doesn't understand balls but likes squeaky toys

I adopted an elderly rescue dog after leaving my ex-husband. She'd had a terrible life and was already about 7/8 so people weren't interested in her. I loved her from the moment I saw her scraggy face and sad eyes! An Irish Terrier cross so not a common breed.
I didn't want a puppy - I strongly felt an older dog would fit in better with my lifestyle and wanted to make her final years happy ones after she'd endured so much.
Yes she was a "tie" for sure, you have to be around to walk them and can't leave them for long etc, but no regrets.
I was on my own for quite some years and she was the best company. When I started dating again it was definitely a case of "Love me, love my dog!"
Sadly she passed away at home earlier this year. My fiancé was with her when she went. She looked so peaceful.
We spent a very happy 6 years together and she is sorely missed.
I say go for it.

Everyone has to start somewhere although be aware that adopting an adult dog is more likely to have had a bad start/trauma - and it's more difficult to re train that to initially train - than a well trained dog that you mention. Yes the every other weekend should be fine for getting to know a puppy, do you have friends with children who could spend some time with it too? Again guaranteed child friendly rescue dogs are not terribly common and many rescues won't home a dog to families with pre school or primary age children even if they think they are child friendly. You don't need to get a expensive cross breed for a non shedding pet, miniature poodles (there are others too) won't shed for example where as a cross breed you won't know if it inherits this from the poodle or their coat tendencies from the other shedding breed.

Also kennels aren't the only option for holidays/days out. There people who do home boarding where the dog lives as a family, doggy day care a bit like a child's nursery. Our local shopping centre/cinema has a doggy crèche there is a sit called borrow my doggy where people sign up as they don't want the full commitment of a dog but like to take them for walks, my friend has 2 borrowers and they also have the dog for the odd day/over night and one does holiday care too.

I think it depends on your lifestyle abs social life. If you've got a very active social life and are used to doing things very spontaneously then I think you might struggle with a dog.
Dogs are wonderful and bring so much joy and happiness but they are t for everyone.
I'm married so there are two of us to pick up the slack but I found the isolation of puppyhood quite hard. I literally couldn't leave pup at all for the first few months.
I would also say you need something like day care, local home boarder etc. Some one who could take pup in an emergency/last minute. Things do crop up from time to time and it's important to have someone you can rely on.
Day to day I think you would manage fine. Due to my husbands work I often had months alone with DS and dog. Yes it can be a pain at times and hard work but it is do able.
If I were you I'd spend more time around dogs/researching breeds etc then decide.
I wouldn't be without my dog, he brings so much to my life and brings me so much happiness. Good luck

@WitchesBritchesPumpkinPants

I'm not sure it's the solution to your problem.

Have you considered a lodger?

Or, even better, a lodger that owns a dog. There's always people looking on www.spareroom.co.uk and as dog-friendly rentals are hard to come by, I'm certain you'll find someone.

It would provide some experience of living with a dog, without the commitment or responsibility, and while bringing in money rather than spending it.

Just be very upfront that your DC visits - and (as you would with any dog), teach the DC how to behave appropriately around dogs (e.g. let the dog come to you, never touch the dog when it's sleeping, be gentle)

Honestly if one listened to the advice on MN no-one would ever get a dog.

Dogs are great company. They are not really that much of a tie unless you have a particularly busy social life. If you find a good kennels they can be a great solution for weekends and holidays. Some dogs can be left alone, our Ddog stayed at home while we worked, went on days out or evenings with friends. She never showed any signs of distress or destroyed anything.

One thing I would say, in my experience you don't find well trained chilled dogs in rescue shelters. They are not the sort of dogs that get abandoned.

Do it! I got my first dog when I lived alone, I was about 30 and she accompanied me on two house moves, marriage and two babies. She was a perfect dog and such lovely company.