AIBU considering getting a dog with no experience and living on my own?

[PizzaForOne]

Question in the title really.

Pros:

• I live on my own in a 3 bedroom house. I have room for a dog.
• I'm lonely, I want company and affection. A dog could offer that.
• I work from home (ever since the first lockdown). I have not been to an office since March. If I stay at my current employer, the mood/vibe/communications suggest we will be able to continue to do so longterm. Maybe the occasional day at an office for a big meeting or social event. So would be around most of the day for the dog.
• I go for a lunchtime walk most days unless the weather is atrocious. I wake up at 8am so could change waking time to get a morning dog walk in if needed.
• Estate I live has plenty of fields/woodlands/lakes for walks
• I have a family hatchback car, so room in back seat/boot for dog to travel to other areas
• Fairly certain I am not allergic
• I can afford to (both any initial outlay as well as ongoing insurance, food etc)

Cons

• I did not grow up with dogs in the house, only cats, I have never owned a dog. I have no real clue about training, dog behaviour, discipline etc.
• Experience is limited to the contact I have had with dogs at friends houses (which is really not very much!) and a handful of times where I have held the lead on dogwalks.
• Although my parents are 5 mins drive away, I doubt they would be keen to dogsit or check in regularly if I were away on holiday for example, nobody else really to rely on. Kennels are an option?
• DS (5) stays every other weekend, not sure if this is enough contact to get both DS and dog accustomed to one another and a good relationship?

Am I being stupid? Surely there are thousands of people with no childhood experience of dogs who ultimately end up as dog owners in adulthood? (although I suppose this is often as a couple where the other partner may have experience or at least they have someone else to help)

More generally would appreciate any thoughts on:

• Breeds. Where can I research? Any suggestions? I would like something not too full of energy/destructive and ideally minimal malting and smell. I only discovered recently through a colleague that there is such thing as a hypoallergenic dog - she had got a Cockapoo because her husband is allergic and they don't shed much hair.

• Rescue/Rehome or puppy? Rescue seems more tempting because I may be able to get a well trained, more chilled (not full of puppy energy) adult dog. But it seems that the big providers vet you really hard and I can't see how I would be picked over a family household with plenty of experience of dog ownership.

• Any general advice or book recommendations etc for understanding the responsibilities and how best to raise a dog?

NB my first dog was a rough collie. Gorgeous breed. Current one is a cavalier King Charles spaniel. I'd recommend both although next time round we'll probably get another rough collie as although the KKC is. Just gorgeous, she's more cat than dog, sleeping most of the day!

Are you financially comfortable enough to pay for dog sitters when you need them? That be the crux of it for me.

I have always had dogs but my DPs will always look after them for holidays, if I fancy a night out etc. They are a really big tie without this.

I don’t think not having one before is an issue at all, it’s more the lack of support it sounds like you might have with someone to look after them when needed.

FWIW, I grew up around dogs and assumed I knew something about them. DDog came into my life and it rapidly turned out I knew fuck all. Everything I thought I knew had been handed down to me by my grandmother, who was born in the 1920s, and all of that had been handed down to her by her grandmother (born 1850s ish)... Nothing cruel, but in retrospect they were badly trained but go away with it because they were nice natured.

DDog came into my life accidentally (it's a long story) when I was in my mid-20s, newly single, and living in an inner London flatshare while working in an office full time - far from textbook circumstances. It also rapidly turned out that apart from being almost totally untrained, he had some significant behavioural issues - including turning around and trying to bite my legs every time he saw a trigger (he succeeded on a few occasions - luckily nothing that required stitches and nor did he go for third parties).

In the same way that parents who give birth to DC that turn out to have additional needs, you learn, because you have to, if you want your DC/DDog to have the best life available to them (and if you want your own life to be easier). Training (e.g. recall, sit, stay) is relatively easy to sort out, and with a lot of hard work and consistency, when DDog sees a trigger he now looks at me for a treat, instead of trying to bite my legs.

The knowledge that would have made my life easier, had I known it before accidentally acquiring DDog would have been

• canine body language - there's SO MUCH that we miss if we don't know what we're looking for. When I was young, anything less than a growl was ignored.
• the fundamentals of how to train a dog to do actions like a sit, recall and so on.
• that working on fear-based behaviours requires a fundamentally different approach

He's now a dog that I can live with He's never going to be perfect, but I know what will set him off and can mostly avoid it.

After that rather rambly story, the point is that people CAN learn about dog ownership, training and behaviour, even if they've never owned one before, BUT you do have to put the effort in, keep learning, be consistent with the dog, and make a genuine commitment to the dog.

I don’t have any support, I’ll pay for dog sitters and home boarding. I’m not well off but happy to cut back on non essentials to pay for this. I feel that as someone without much support, a dog will be of huge value to me. I don’t think lack of support is at all a reason not to get a dog but working out a budget is crucial so that you can pay for help when you need it.

On the other hand, I’ve had cats and always found them lovely companions, so if you’re busy then don’t discount them, my elderly girl has been glued to my side for the last few years (and I can’t go on holiday and leave her , not that that’s an issue atm!) shes only become expensive the past 2/3 years (Shes 19).

So quite a variety of comments.

My main takeaways are:

1. I think I need to research a bit more the ideal types of breed for me. I envisage something fairly chilled, daily walk is fine (regardless of weather) although must be some breeds that don't mind the odd missed day, that is happy just being in my company and chilling. An older rescue dog seems better and I get the point made by @Hobbes8 maybe a greyhound rescue like @explorerdog

1. A dog is quite the commitment! A number of people suggesting only can be left 3-4 hours on their own? Yet families I have known from childhood until now and in local neighbourhoods I have lived, 100% their dogs are being left at home with no adults for whole days whilst they're out working. Maybe some (but certainly not all) will have a dog sitter come middle of the day to take dog for walk/to toilet. Is it really that bad?

@Frenchfancy I think you're right that if everyone listened to MN, very few would have a dog (or certainly wouldn't be perceived as raising it correctly!)

1. If puppy, then for sure I will do obedience training classes (as I have no clue otherwise!) and can expect a major commitment the first few months for night waking, toilet training, general play/stimulation.

1. Best to leave until after lockdown - which I fully agree on, wasn't just going to rush into buying a puppy overnight. Probably will try to volunteer walking rescues or see if anyone I know would let me borrow their dogs for walks or to dogsit when needed.

1. Budget wise I won't have any issues with getting a dog walker or sitter if/when I need to, or paying for insurance, obedience training etc.

1. Regarding DS - placid breeds or rescues who are okay with children. Fine. Any more suggestions on how best to build relationships with contact just once every couple weeks?

2. A dog is quite the commitment! A number of people suggesting only can be left 3-4 hours on their own? Yet families I have known from childhood until now and in local neighbourhoods I have lived, 100% their dogs are being left at home with no adults for whole days whilst they're out working. Maybe some (but certainly not all) will have a dog sitter come middle of the day to take dog for walk/to toilet. Is it really that bad?

You won't get a rescue dog anywhere if they suspect they'll be left on their own all day. The maximum per day recommend by the RSPCA is four hours. That's in total, not four hours, a dog walker for an hour, then another four hours.

That being said, I know dogs who are left that long and they seem to be fine. However, they're all older dogs and live in pairs or threes (or more) - very different from a young rescue or puppy on it's own.

However, don't assume your dog will be happy being left. Mine has severe separation anxiety and struggles being left for thirty minutes, let alone four or eight hours. I've adapted my entire life around it - I even changed career because he wasn't settling in any kind of daycare or with a walker. Now, that's definitely a worst case scenario but don't assume your dog will be happy on their own all day long with just a walker at midday, or that they'll be happy in a daycare environment.

Not all dogs will just sleep quietly while you're gone. Many become destructive - think eating through your walls or your sofa. Some can't be crated because they will injure themselves trying to escape it as they feel so traumatised. Some will whine, howl and cry constantly from the moment you leave until the moment you come back. Others will toilet inside too.

I'm not saying all that to put you off but please don't assume your dog will be happy alone all day. I'm a dog walker and the vast majority of my clients work shifts so that the dog is left for as short a period as possible. Most dogs are left maybe 4-5 hours with me popping in part way though, and family, friends or neighbours helping out too.

Maybe get a shelter dog - and old lady or gent who needs a loving home and not too much excitement. Then you won’t worry about training them and they will be a good companion for you.

Oh you lucky lucky thing! 🐶

ThatIsNotMyUsername
Now thats a good idea.
Hypoallergenic dog, great companion, walk or no walk can be left caged for a few hours a day
www.donthibernate.co.uk/dummys-guide-to-dandie-dinmont-terriers/

Just adjust life to suit the dog we only go to Dog Friendly restaurants and I have been asked to leave a shopping centre!

I got my dog when I was single, living alone and wfh. It was great! Until I wasn't wfh anymore and had more opportunities to socialise. I accidentally created a dog who was never away from me and now at 8 has terrible separation anxiety. I can't go to the shop and leave him never mind an appointment or day out without having to leave him at the dogsitters.