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The doghouse

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Original poster

Dog Owners- AIBU here?

40 replies

Aury26 · 30/10/2020 23:07

Had a silly but heated argument with bulldog owning friend.
I generally like dogs although dont have one myself, so not sure if IABU or not. However, I wouldnt say I am the hugest fan of bulldog smell/ dribble. My friend is a "my dog is my baby" type owner and she called me out the other day, saying that she didn't appreciate how I behave towards her dog. We are close friends and I've always been honest with my feelings towards her dog- that I'm perfectly fine with it from afar but would prefer not to have it near me as she only has to brush her face against your legs and you are covered in slime. I will be honest and say that when the dog tries to come near to me i push it off me and say go away (sometimes acconpanied with the odd swear word, but never in an aggressive manner towards the dog or anything like that)
My friend told me that the way I behave towards her dog upsets her and shes been biting her tongue. I explained my feelings about how its not the dog its the dribble that is my issue. She said "how would you think i wouldnt be offended hearing you tell my dog to eff off?!" and compared it to saying it to someones child.
I told her that I thought she was being silly and my dog owning sister agreed with me and said if her dog is being annoying she doesnt really blame visitors telling it to bugger off. My friend though has got offended to the point where she has now said that maybe i shouldn't come round to her place anymore when the dog is there!
I am trying to see her side as its caused a rift between us. AIBU?

OP posts:

ArcherDog · 30/10/2020 23:12

I think YABU. I’m not precious about him but I’d be pissed if you told my dog to fuck off just for coming near you.

The dogs not being ‘annoying’, it’s being a dog. And a friendly one at that.

You don’t like the dog, don’t go to it’s home. Meet somewhere else.

Pipandmum · 30/10/2020 23:14

Well I don't think you should be swearing but she should understand your aversion to her dog. I have a friend with a fear of dogs and I make sure mine stay away from her, though she prefers if we meet at her house.

Original poster

Aury26 · 30/10/2020 23:26

Thank you, usually i do tend not to go to hers too often. This arose when we went on holiday together with the pup as a last minute addition and were in shared accomodation altogether so living together for 3 days. I've told her I will of course stop the swearing and didnt realise it bothered her until now but she thinks my general attitude towards her dog is rude (telling it to go away/ and general aversion to it). Wanting to resolve this as her dog is always with her and dont want it to harm our friendship.

OP posts:

Lavendersquare · 30/10/2020 23:33

YABU your friends house, her dog and her rules.hate her dog don't go there, meet elsewhere.

I've got a friend like you, in all the years I've known her she never ever said that she was dog phobic until I got a puppy a few months back. Once our beautiful pup arrived she announced she was dog phobic and couldn't bear to be in the vicinity of dog, I responded that we would have to meet on neutral ground as I couldn't guarantee my puppy wouldn't approach her and I wouldn't be banishing my own dog from her home and garden.

RevolutionRadio · 30/10/2020 23:39

Are you the poster whose friend didn't sort out a dog sitter and didn't want the dog to travel in your car?

I don't think it's nice for you to swear at a dog for coming near you, I think saying down or away would be enough.

ittooshallpass · 30/10/2020 23:44

I think it's perfectly fine not to want a dog slobbering on you, or to gently push it away, but it's not good to swear at it. I have a friend with dogs, she knows I don't like them or want them anywhere near me, but I'm not rude about it. She keeps dogs away from me and doesn't mind if I push them away if they come too near.

You just need to remember that as much as you dislike dogs your friend likes them.

Orkneys · 31/10/2020 00:24

A woman I knew used to do this and I wanted to punch her in the face. I'd give this friend a miss its not going to end nicely.

Orkneys · 31/10/2020 00:29

Just read the end of your post.
Your friend said you shouldn't go round when the dog is there... Agree with her and judging by the fact her dog lives there I think it's the end of your friendship.

Nellle · 31/10/2020 00:33

Depends how regularly/viciously/gleefully you've been swearing at her dog.

I make adjustments and try to limit my dog's friendliness for my friends and family if I know they don't love dogs, but I think they also adjust how outspoken they are about their dislike of dogs when they're in my home.

StillMedusa · 31/10/2020 00:35

I hate slobber and understand that... but swearing at a dog? Not necessary or nice.
Meet away from the dog or let the friendship go. I don't expect that everyone will love my (non slobbery) dog but I would distance myself from someone who didn't treat every animal with kindness.

namechangeforfriday · 31/10/2020 00:45

Yeah if someone told my dog to fuck off I’d be pissed off.

yogz1976 · 31/10/2020 00:54

I own a dog. I can't stand dog dribble either so YANBU to not want the dog slobbering all over you, and your friend should be understanding of this. However, swearing at the dog is disrespectful and can see why it would hurt your friend's feelings.

magicstar1 · 31/10/2020 00:54

Is this the one who wanted to take her dog in the footwell of your car because she never bothered get a sitter sorted?
Then I’d tell her to get lost.

Rebeccasmoonnecklace · 31/10/2020 00:55

In all honesty I think a lot of dog owners, myself included, think of our dogs as a huge part of our family. I have to say if a friend came to visit me and pushed my dog away accompanied by telling them to eff off that I would be very upset too. If the dog was being aggressive it would be a totally different situation but it sounds like your friends dog was being affectionate and looking for a fuss. I think it would be sensible to meet your friend away from her home and that way neither of you will be uncomfortable and hopefully your friendship will be less strained.

Princessbanana · 31/10/2020 01:50

I actually think that you are both wrong. She clearly knows how you feel about her dog, so she should be keeping him on a lead away from you and not put you in that position where you have to push the dog away. You are being unreasonable because you know she treats the dog like a baby and by pushing the dog away and swearing, this will obviously be upsetting to her. I would sit her down and apologise for swearing especially and just tell her that her slobber makes you feel uncomfortable and you don’t want to end up covered in hairs, so you could come to an arrangement, that she doesn’t let the dog touch you and then you won’t be put in the position of pushing him away or getting angry and swearing. You can admire him from a distance and he can keep his hair and slobber to himself!🐕

Princessbanana · 31/10/2020 01:54

Sorry, I read it wrong and thought it was outside, not in her house. She probably won’t put the dog on his lead if she’s in her own house. I would have assumed that had she known you don’t like the slobber, she would have called the dog into bed when she saw him attempting to go over to you.?.

Derbee · 31/10/2020 01:56

I’d be pissed off if someone told my dog to fuck off. I agree with your friend.

KeepOnKeepingOnKeepingOn · 31/10/2020 02:21

Swear at a dog? Grow up

Tadpolesandfroglets · 31/10/2020 02:33

I’m sure the dog doesn’t care about the swearing but obviously it will upset your friends feelings. But YANBU about the slobber, it’s gross and your friend should make an effort to keep the animal away from you when she knows you are not keen.

MrsEricBana · 31/10/2020 02:34

I'd be upset if someone swore at my dog too and it would make me feel anxious/unrelaxed to be around them. Having said that I'd keep him well away from them which she isn't.

Aubaine · 31/10/2020 02:40

Overall, YABU.

A PP put it well - by swearing at the dog you’re not showing kindness to an animal. It would give me pause for thought if a friend did this to my dog. And dogs do pick up on vocal tone and body language even if they can’t understand the words. It’s an over dramatic reaction and while you can’t probably control having an instant revulsion of the slobber, you can definitely control your reaction.

Hydrate · 31/10/2020 03:54

You are not unreasonable to not want the dog to be slobbering on you. I do think it was rude for you to swear at the dog in the dog's home though. I read your other thread first, and was looking for an update which is how I found this thread. I gather you still went on the getaway with the friends and their dog which is more than I would have done , I would have cancelled. I am not sure why one of them could not have gone with you and the other one stayed behind with their dog. However I wouldn't go over there either, as your friend is being thoughtless and not training her dog to sit and stay, or put in another room, when there's company there. Do you think your friend would be open to putting the dog in a different area of the house when/if you visit?

MrsBobDylan · 31/10/2020 07:56

My FIL has a running narrative on our dogs when he stays over and it's all negative.

He now has a dog who he brought with him last time he stayed - he kept banging on about how our pugs were bullying his cockerpoo!!!

As he left with said cockerpoo on a lead, he left our front door wide open and the garden gate without so much as a backward glance.

It was the final straw for me. Fucker.

Namechangedforthisoct2 · 31/10/2020 08:02

Your friend should train her dog not to approach people for unwanted attention, dogs should actually wait for us to go to them and give them attention.
I own dogs, but hate dog slobber and never let mine approach my guests without them calling the dogs over first.
Basically YANBU and your friend is. It’s clear from your post you didn’t swear at it nastily or aggressively.

dontdisturbmenow · 31/10/2020 09:54

2hy do you need to swear at it? Probably in the tone of voice that normally accompanies the word?

If you really care about dogs are you claim. What wrong with 'sorey sweety, I know you want to be friendly and you are a friendly dog, but I'm not too keen on your slobber'.

You sound rude and yes, if my friend talk to my dog as you are, I wouldn't have them over my house.

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