60 seconds of being able to talk dog

[IndigoGusset]

Someone gives you 60 seconds of your dog being able to understand and hold a conversation with you.

What do you say?
What do you ask?

[inwood]

What is it about your favourite tennis ball? It's the same as all the others.
Please stop stealing knickers from the laundry basket.
We love you.
I hope you don't feel unwell with diabetes, we do everything we can to keep it under control and I'm sorry I have to stab you with needles.

[Stellaris22]

Does it upset you that all your doggy pals can run faster than you? (She is a basset hound and gets A star for effort)

[BiteyShark]

I think the thing I would want to explain to him is that it broke my heart leaving him in the vets so many times when he was really ill and it wasn't because I didn't love him.

[Muddypup]

You are never going to catch a seagull (I hope). You can’t fly!!

[Fannia]

I think dogs can communicate a lot of these things with us in their dog way, but I would like to be able to tell my dog if she doesn't fight with other dogs she can go off the lead in the park more often.

[SharkasticBitch]

I have been waiting for you for ten years and you were worth the wait.

You are not perfect but you never stop trying and that makes me proud of you almost every day.

[TheyAllFloat]

The same thing I say to him every day but he'd be able to understand it: "you are a great dog and I love you very much".

[Nojeansplease]

We love you.

If you stopped digging up my garden and eating every flower, you’d be allowed more unsupervised time out there

Nail clippers are not scary

Why do you carefully take all your food out the bowl and then eat it off the floor?

I also agree with pp that I wish the slurpy noises would stop!

[dogcrazy]

chickensaresafehere Have a look Victoria Stilwells it’s me or the dog “mad max” on YouTube. It’s about a dog that loves lights and shadows.

Anyway. I’d ask one to let me give her a haircut and tell the other that I will never leave her so to calm down when I go out.

[DuchessDarty]

I am so proud of you for getting better at recall so quickly! I love you very much and so do DD and DS, but I also love them very much and need to give them affection and attention too. It broke my heart to see DS cry tonight because you continue to bark, growl and snap at him if he hugs his mummy. Please stop doing that.

[Lalala205]

Not so much 'speaking dog', but I wish she hadn't gone blind on point of stroke 90mins before pts. Hearing had gone 18mths before which was fine! We adapted and 'spoke together' all the time still... But her world closed off from all communication post seizure/last vet trip, and I know she was very scared for a very short time 😟 The 'smell communication' remained and that helped some. Dogs are such clever adaptable warriors bless them!... Bit of a downer post! But other Ddog? Yes, I wish I could ask 'why do you do the happy bone dance, then drop it when I give it to you? 🙄

[GeraltOfRivia]

Stop chewing all the stuff that isn't yours.

When I call you the Spotted Dick it comes from a place of love

If you stopped pulling our walks would be nicer. I'm not going to stop you sniffing al the things.

You can't have al the food because we think you have allergies. We're not being mean. We are trying to stop you being itchy and in pain.

Then I'd throw in as many "I love you'd" as I could for the time left

[Velveteal]

That pulling doesn’t get you to where you want to be any quicker and that I love you and you’re such a good boy and when we go on holiday at Easter we’re coming back!

[pigsDOfly]

Forgot to say in my pp that I'd tell her how proud I am of her lovely manners and how much I love her sweet personality and upbeat approach to life.

How happy it makes me to see her so happy when she's zooming around the house when we come home from our walks, although I think she knows that already as it always makes me laugh and when I laugh she does it even more.

She just so lovable.

[NetballHoop]

Please stop rolling in and eating poo. If you can do that I'll get you your favourite red tennis balls.

When you do a poo in the garden could you please point at it so I can pick it up. I promise a treat for you every time you do that.

When I take you to the vet it's so they can make you better. Please don't cower and growl at them. They are nice really.

[IndigoGusset]

I love all these so much - so many loved dogs.

I especially like that you came back, pigs to add more to your message. Like you'd gone away and thought 'bugger, I forgot to tell PigDog something'

I also agree that rescued dogs from poor backgrounds seem more grateful of their happy homes than dogs that have only ever know happiness. Like they know how bad life can be and love their happy homes even more for it.

IndigoDog (who is our only non rescue) is the most entitled dog ever. He's only ever been showered with love and toys and good food and nice walks and seems to think they are his god given right (which they are )

[katmarie]

I would tell ours:

I love you, and I'm so glad we have you.
I love how gentle you are with the children and how tolerant you are of them playing with you. I love that for a big 'fierce' dog, you're such a softy.
Please stop trying to sleep on our bed, it isnt going to happen. Please stop trying to steal food from the kitchen counters! Also why does your tongue hang out of the side of your mouth so much?

[MyFartWillGoOn]

This thread has made me cry just thinking about how much I love DDog. Just had baby-hormonal! 😆

[MrsTerryPratchett]

You are safe. You will never have to be a stray again. You will always be with us. We will never ever hurt you or abandon you.

Now you know that you don't have to act like such a neurotic weirdo all the time. And no, no one is attacking the house. Those are perfectly nice people outside.

Thanks for making DD so happy.

[MrsTerryPratchett]

Oh and thanks for running with me. The one time you don't bark at everyone is when you actually keep me safe. You plonker.

[Streamingbannersofdawn]

What are you barking at in the garden in the morning?
That's your tail...it's attached to you.
You know I love you right?

[pigsDOfly]

IndigoGusset Yes, that's exactly what I did think

I'd love to be able to talk to her, well I do, but our conversations are very one way, although, she does have her own vocabulary of barks and looks to indicate what she wants me to do.

[Gogolego]

I love you?
I know you're spoilt already but what else do you need/ want?
Can you please stop hogging the bed and stop being grumpy when I move you.
Where's your favourite walk?
Do you have an opinion about what your pedigree name for agility should be?
Help me decide which toys are your favourite and which ones aren't

[DuchessDarty]

When you do a poo in the garden could you please point at it so I can pick it up. I promise a treat for you every time you do that.

Oh yes THIS

[Wasail]

My darling girl, I really do respect your rock solid boundaries when it comes to personal care and I apologise that I really do have to frequently overstep those boundaries. If you wish to share my bed you must have a shower and regular grooming sessions. And I know that you insist on sharing my bed, as well as every other part of my day to day routine. Your nails need cutting for your own good, I am not deliberately attempting to torture you and no, I really won’t hurt you despite what you believe.
WasailDog is an opinionated little madam, she knows full well that she is adored and she does return the favour, on her terms. I think she may be part cat