I am torn at the moment. And I feel horrendous.
I have a 16 year old Staffie who was in the summer diagnosed with kidney disease. She was stage 2/3 and the first thing we noticed was that she was drinking a lot which we put down to the heat we had over the summer.
We have done everything the vets have suggested.
She is on fortekor, I cook her a renal diet and give her supplements.
She was doing okay not as sprightly as she once was but not surprising considering her age.
Despite everything we have been doing her bloods keep showing progression and no stabilising the disease. In fact her last bloods showed that she now also has potential problems with her liver and a increased calcium which the vet says could be an underlying malignancy. We refused any further tests and decided just to keep her comfortable at home.
The past few days she has been quiet, she has loose bowels and just sleeps all of the time. We are having to tempt her to eat and she is drinking so much water.
When she goes outside to the garden she stands looking lost and forlorn. She always used to be a run out, wee and back in as quick as she could kind of girl.
She sleeps with me and last night she wet the bed and was lay in her own wee 
This has happened before but something just seems different this time and I think she is going downhill.
I've called into work and was about to call the vets and ask for a home visit to let her go and she wont get better, she is terminal and I don't want her to suffer. Despite all that I have written I do not think she is suffering.
However what I'm finding really conflicting and is making me think im doing the wrong thing is that she still gets so excited to see us.
Yesterday my eldest dc came home and she was like a puppy again. Running all over the place and jumping.
It is short lived and she was back on her bed but I just hate to think she is still happy and I'm calling it. I'm dreading the vet getting her and her jumping up to greet her.
What can I do? I am upset, yet resigned, frightened yet relieved, heartbroken but proud and honoured that I have had her so long.
I don't want it to be a second too late
But equally I don't want it to be a second too early.