Made a deposit on a puppy and regret it!

[Sweetmommy]

Hi everyone!

So here I am in the middle of the night, unable to sleep because I have a severe case of anxiety about my decision to buy a puppy.

It all started only about a month ago, when I saw that cute Instagram dog. I never saw a cute dog like this so I made a ton of research about this mix-breed (a Cockapoo). I looked at all the dogs available. In my area they are rare (I wanted to buy from a reputable breeder). Most of them had a waiting list, which I didn't want to give a deposit without knowing what the pups would look like. So I found a dog, then suddenly I totally changed my mind. My husband didn't want it anymore neither. We could only see the downsides of having another dog, so we decided to postponed it for next spring and winter is coming and its not very fun with a young puppy.

Then I could't stop thinking about the dog again. How much joy it would bring in our home. I am married and I have a 4.5 years old son. My son is hyperactive and very demanding. But I only work couple hours a week from home and my son is going to daycare part time. So I thought it would be perfect timing to get the dog now. It would make a companion to my only child, make me company too. I had a dog before and I loved to go to doggy park with her (now I am realizing that doggy park with a young child is hazardous so I won't really be able to being him).

I finally found the perfect breeder and we went visit last Sunday. Kind of felt in love with a little puppy. But she seemed very active. The breeder told me she was the most active of the litter. That she was the first to wake up and last to sleep. Would chew on everything, etc. But she was so cute!

Its now Thursday and since last night I started anxiety and second guessing my decision. I am almost hyperventilating. What if the dog is too hyper? What if she eats all my nice expensive stuff? Is it gonna be too hard for me? What if she destroys the house? What if she bites my son badly? I live in a second floor condo with no backyards, but I have a huge park in front. How will I potty train her with this setting? Will this be a nightmare?

Then I started panicking about the dangerous side of owning a dog with young children. What if she bites him or something bad happen? I started reading article stating you should not have dogs with young kids and kids that got disfigured. I am really anxious to start with so will all this make it worst? What if I develop a phobia that the dog attack my child?

I am crying right now I made a bad decision. I gave a 250$ deposit on the dog. I don't know if its refundable... I am supposed to pick up the pup Sunday night.

I had forgot, after giving our Westie away to a family member(she was attacking my 6 months old son) that me and DH made a promise to never buy a dog again. The incessant poop, barking, dirtying the house, we felt relieved being dog free.

I know this is long post and sorry, but I really had to put my thoughts on writing since I am so confused. I really was walking on a clouds the last few weeks and was really sure about my decision and made a TON of research, but it really only became real to me yesterday it seems!

What would you do if you were me? Should I call the breeder and explain her my situation? Ask for remboursement? I feel so bad...



P.S. I don't think it would bother my son if I cancel the dog. He doesn't really care about it. And there is still a part of me that would regret not taking the dog. But my anxiety about the biting and the hard work it takes, I am ready?

[oohyoudevilyou]

Just do it now, or as soon as the working day begins in your part of the world. Then go and do something nice with your little boy, like go to the park, and try and move on.
The breeder probably will keep the deposit, the dog will be found a better home and no-one has been hurt. Don't give any more time and energy to this mistake. You'll make up the $250 with money saved on dog food and vet bills, and maybe doing a spot of home cooking with the extra time you won't be using to train and clean up after a new puppy.

[EntirelyAnonymised]

The breeder will be used to people pulling out of deals. It is one of the reasons they take deposits. Don’t worry about offending or upsetting her. Be polite but firm. You are now unable to take the puppy on due to a change in circumstances. Is the deposit you paid refundable?

[EntirelyAnonymised]

I agree with PP, it probably isn’t refundable but you can ask the question. Just be prepared to hear ‘no’ and walk away.

[LittleLongDog]

Hopefully, she won’t get mad...
She won’t be at all mad. She’ll have your deposit and a new buyer will be just around the corner. With that breed it’s not like there aren’t people who want them (as you’ve proved).

I just hope she interviews the new buyer thoroughly.

[OnlyTheTitOfTheIceberg]

I'd just say that having given it a lot more thought you and your husband have come to the conclusion that you're not ready to adopt for a puppy after all and you've decided to wait until your son is older. Close off any possible avenues where she may push back and try to persuade you to take her after all. Then you do the sorry for the inconvenience bit, and I'd say something like "can we come to some arrangement about how much of the deposit may be refundable?" while expecting her to say sorry, it was all non-refundable and anything you might get back is a bonus,

[OnlyTheTitOfTheIceberg]

not ready for

[Sweetmommy]

@oohyoudevilyou
You are so right.

@EntirelyAnonymised
Yes, better keep it short and direct. Also, it is not mentioned anywhere that the deposit is non-refundable.

My SIL who is my adviser (hihi), told me not to tell we change our mind, but say I have realized I might have allergies. I need to do testing. I would feel bad taking the puppy home to realize I can't keep him and to give her away again. She even said she would be interested in buying the dog. Not sure it will change anything...

Again, thank you for your advices.

[TheHodgeoftheHedge]

Just tell her exactly that.

Btw if she was a decent breeder in the first place, given your circumstances and situation, she wouldn't have let you put a deposit down in the first place. She obviously isn't, so don't expect to get your deposit back because it's all about money. I hope to be proved wrong.

[rookiemere]

I would keep your conversation as short as possible. You have changed your mind, sorry to have troubled you , end of call. To be honest even the calmest puppy (as ours was) nips and teeths as it's entirely normal behaviour.

You start talking about breed or allergies and it prolongs her opportunity to persuade you, so must focus on getting off the phone as quickly as possible.

[Rivkka]

Be direct and just call her. You'll feel better once it's done.

Good luck

[stayathomer]

Good you decided against OP. Best of luck. Fucksandflowers I think you should perhaps look into trying to rehome.best of luck too

[Sweetmommy]

So it's done!

I called her. At first I said something like I am not sure this dog is right for us, and she indeed tried to persuade me saying this breed is not that energetic and that Cockapoos never bite children. But then I really said I woke up with big anxiety and my gut was telling me to wait. I did say that I really didn't want to rehome the dog once he is here. She was completely understandable and said indeed I should wait couple years before deciding. I ask if the deposit was refundable, and she said usually not, but she would give it to me back. She was so nice! I told her sorry for the time she lost and that I really wanted to tell her ASAP so she can sell the dog. She said she already had someone else. She will send me back the money via e-transfer.

Ouf! I feel relieved, but also sad. Like my heart is broken. I still feel the dog would have bring me joy and I loved her very much already! She was so pretty! I hope she really finds a forever home that will take care of her without any doubts.

Thank you again for your support! It helped me sorted it out 100%. Otherwise, today I would still be in same nervous situation about whether to keep the dog or not.

[oohyoudevilyou]

That's great - well done! And lovely to hear that the breeder is returning your deposit...there are some nice people out there!

Don't feel sad, you've made the right decision , and it takes guts to admit you were wrong and put things right. Now - get out and enjoy some sunshine with your little guy!

[Sweetmommy]

Thank you! It is such a beautiful day!

[EntirelyAnonymised]

That’s great OP. No more falling in love with animals for a few years, eh?

[Sweetmommy]

No. I will put this in the back of my mind for some years and try to find another hobby instead.

[Skittlenommer]

You sound irresponsible AF. You’ve already given a dog away before. You chose to go to a breeder rather than consider adoption. Perhaps you should do a little research on the difference between the two. Dogs and hyperactive children don’t mix! You need to give your head a SERIOUS wobble!!

[Roozy123]

Normally you would not get the refund back.. they've held the dog for you and would have turnt down other people that would have wanted the dog.

Either way, do you realise how big these dogs can get?? Also, how much grooming they need?

I don't think you should get the dog at all.
If you're not 100% commited to having one then taking the pup out a few times a day and walking it will be a massive chore for you because you live on the 2nd floor.

[Roozy123]

Just caught up. You defo made the right choice

[Sweetmommy]

@Skittlenommer We will know who to go see when we wants to feel guilty 😂 I think I am pretty responsible since I didn’t got the dog and listened to my instincts. Is it responsible to rehome a dog when he wants to attack your baby? I think you would be the irresponsible one to keep that agressive dog, and your baby should be taking away from you. So everyone who goes to a breeder is “irresponsible AF”? Ok, I see, your one of those crazy dog activist! Go walk your dog... 🙄 People don’t need your advices, thanks!

[Kayjay2018]

@Sweetmommy the breeder that our dog came from did some kind of personality tests and dogs were matched to owners, not chosen.

My DH was a first time Doberman owner and they matched him to the runt of the litter who is so laid back and gentle (and even she was apparently a whirlwind as a pup).

Our rescue again was subject to home check and he was matched to our circumstances, he has settled in like a dream.

Even having one dog already we found the second joining our family turned us upside down whilst we settled him into our routine.

It might be a pain to lose your money but it will be harder to part with the dog later when you are emotionally attached if it's not possible to cope with him/her

[Rivkka]

That's great, well done for doing the right thing x

[Sooverthemill]

You made the right decision, you aren't irresponsible, quite the opposite as you realised fast you'd made a wrong choice. I don't know where you are but maybe offer to walk dogs at a rescue centre? That may help you work out if a dog is right for your family in the future.

[Isohungy]

This can't be for real.

[gingersausage]

@Fucksandflowers, please look into a reputable breed rescue for your dog’s particular breed. They will be sympathetic to your situation, and your dog will be able to stay with you while a new home is found. Most will even involve you in the process. If you want, you can PM me and I’ll try and help.