Made a deposit on a puppy and regret it!

[Sweetmommy]

Hi everyone!

So here I am in the middle of the night, unable to sleep because I have a severe case of anxiety about my decision to buy a puppy.

It all started only about a month ago, when I saw that cute Instagram dog. I never saw a cute dog like this so I made a ton of research about this mix-breed (a Cockapoo). I looked at all the dogs available. In my area they are rare (I wanted to buy from a reputable breeder). Most of them had a waiting list, which I didn't want to give a deposit without knowing what the pups would look like. So I found a dog, then suddenly I totally changed my mind. My husband didn't want it anymore neither. We could only see the downsides of having another dog, so we decided to postponed it for next spring and winter is coming and its not very fun with a young puppy.

Then I could't stop thinking about the dog again. How much joy it would bring in our home. I am married and I have a 4.5 years old son. My son is hyperactive and very demanding. But I only work couple hours a week from home and my son is going to daycare part time. So I thought it would be perfect timing to get the dog now. It would make a companion to my only child, make me company too. I had a dog before and I loved to go to doggy park with her (now I am realizing that doggy park with a young child is hazardous so I won't really be able to being him).

I finally found the perfect breeder and we went visit last Sunday. Kind of felt in love with a little puppy. But she seemed very active. The breeder told me she was the most active of the litter. That she was the first to wake up and last to sleep. Would chew on everything, etc. But she was so cute!

Its now Thursday and since last night I started anxiety and second guessing my decision. I am almost hyperventilating. What if the dog is too hyper? What if she eats all my nice expensive stuff? Is it gonna be too hard for me? What if she destroys the house? What if she bites my son badly? I live in a second floor condo with no backyards, but I have a huge park in front. How will I potty train her with this setting? Will this be a nightmare?

Then I started panicking about the dangerous side of owning a dog with young children. What if she bites him or something bad happen? I started reading article stating you should not have dogs with young kids and kids that got disfigured. I am really anxious to start with so will all this make it worst? What if I develop a phobia that the dog attack my child?

I am crying right now I made a bad decision. I gave a 250$ deposit on the dog. I don't know if its refundable... I am supposed to pick up the pup Sunday night.

I had forgot, after giving our Westie away to a family member(she was attacking my 6 months old son) that me and DH made a promise to never buy a dog again. The incessant poop, barking, dirtying the house, we felt relieved being dog free.

I know this is long post and sorry, but I really had to put my thoughts on writing since I am so confused. I really was walking on a clouds the last few weeks and was really sure about my decision and made a TON of research, but it really only became real to me yesterday it seems!

What would you do if you were me? Should I call the breeder and explain her my situation? Ask for remboursement? I feel so bad...



P.S. I don't think it would bother my son if I cancel the dog. He doesn't really care about it. And there is still a part of me that would regret not taking the dog. But my anxiety about the biting and the hard work it takes, I am ready?

[Angelf1sh]

Don’t get the dog. You can ask for the deposit back if you weren’t told it was non-refundable.

[seeleym]

Please don't get this dog, or any dog ever 🙈

[Sweetmommy]

@OnlyTheTitOfTheIceberg

Thank you and that is very well said. One month wasn't enough time to make a decision to get a dog. Some people wait years! I feel stupid, but I really was sure a dog was what my life missed! I really could picture her with me...

Also, as the puppies sell so fast, I think I felt pressured to give a deposit, since I really liked her. She would sold the next day if I didn't. I really was unsure about which pup to pick, too!

Wow! Thanks others for the harsh comments! That is really helpful!
At least, there are so nice compassionate people here!

@GlacindaTheTroll
I did call the breeder today to tell her my concern about the dog being too hyper for the second time. You are right, she could have said to wait till she have a better suited pup for me. I did told my DH. He was with me to pick up puppy. he is happy if I am happy but he does not want to take care of her. I am sorry if I am unclear. Its a very long post with a lot of answers and English is my second langage.

@rookiemere
Thank you, this is a nice idea.

@Soubriquet
Did not got rid of the dog because I had a baby. If you read correctly the dog was attacking my baby. I would have kept her if she was ok with him. I had her for 5 years prior to that. And no, cuteness id not a reason to get a dog. I should have waited more, but I really wanted her before winter. At least I haven't brought her home yet...

@Jouska
Thank you very much for your answer.

[Sweetmommy]

@Angelf1sh
No it wasn't mentioned.

[oohyoudevilyou]

If you do get any of the money back, it's a bonus. Worst case scenario is the the breeder says no and you lose $250. Nobody died, pup wasn't upset by having a double move, and your son can probably be distracted quite easily.

Call the breeder, let your MiL know you've taken her wise words on board (she will be beside herself with delight that she's influenced you!) and move on. This is a learning experience, and you will take this skill of reflection and correction forward. Good luck x

[Rivkka]

Cancel the dog? Well that's a new one on here.


Definitely do not take this dog home. You'll lose your deposit but trust me, that's a good thing for everyone.

[RushianDisney]

Never ever buy a dog via Facebook/gumtree etc. Nor on a whim because you saw a cute dog on the internet. These breeders are vanishingly unlikely to be genuine people who health check their dogs and limit the number of litters. Very likely your puppy is from a puppy farm and may have many health and behavioural issues. You aren't ready for a dog, and you certainly didn't put enough thought into it. If in a few years your situation is more suitable then you can really, properly research it and find a registered breeder.

[Sweetmommy]

@Rivkka
Excuse my English. It’s my second langage. I may not use correct term. I think you understood me.

@rushiandisney
The breeder is not puppy mill. I did hours and hours of research before finding her and about the breed too. She is not advertised anywhere but I kept reading excellent reviews from Facebook private group on the breed. The dogs are free on a beautiful farm with no cage.

[TheHodgeoftheHedge]

The dogs are free on a beautiful farm with no cage.
That doesn't mean it isn't a puppy mill.

Please don't get another dog. If you get your money back, it's a bonus, if you don't, hopefully it's a lesson learnt.

[TheHodgeoftheHedge]

And actually hours of research means sweet FA when you are talking about a live animal that you are committing to. A couple of hours means nothing. As can be seen with this post and the many like it that we regularly see where people don't bother to think properly before rushing in to get a dog and then strangely enough, they end up buying from a backyard breeder and it doesn't work out and the dog has to be rehomed. The frequency with which this happens is utterly depressing and its the dogs paying the price.

[rookiemere]

To be honest, for this specific situation it's somewhat irrelevant what the background of the puppies is.

Key message is that for everyone's sake - including the puppy- OP should not be getting a dog right now.

[Sweetmommy]

I must add that I am not that much of a terrible person some of you think. I understand it’s easy to judge when you never experienced those problems.

When your dog wants to attack your infant/toddler and his life is at risk, come back talk to me then. You would be very stupid and irresponsible to not do the same as I did. It would be your child then that should be taking away from you!

I gave the dog away NOT because it pss and sht or got dirty. It ATTACKED my 6 months old son.

Yes, I was too quick to give away a deposit. Yes, I didn’t think about it enough. But you know what? People change their mind.The dog is not here yet! No damage done ;) If I loose some money, it won’t change anything in my life. It’s gonna be a life lesson, like we ALL still learn no matter our age. We ALL do mistakes. No one’s perfect.

So obviously , you helped me seeing that clear. I am FAR from ready to own a dog. I might never get one.

Tomorrow I will call the breeder and tell her I am sorry but I change my mind and the dog won’t suit our family. Hopefully, she won’t get mad...

[Theredjellybean]

Do not get the dog
Please get help with your anxiety.. It really is normal to have few anxious thoughts about life changing event like a dog but it is not normal to be so stressed and catastrophising before you even have the puppy.
a good breeder will definitely listen to your concerns and not want you to have a puppy

[Sweetmommy]

@TheHodgeoftheHedge
I agree!

I hope this post will be able to help someone else in my situation, hopefully before it’s too late!

[Sweetmommy]

@Theredjellybean
Well I rather be “catastrophising” before to get a pup then after! Just a few anxious thoughts wouldn’t have let me go away from getting the dog.

[yellowallpaper]

If you can't get the money back just be relieved that you have avoided all future expense of owning a dog, along with all the mess and worry. Maybe a cat? Guinea pig?

[OrchidInTheSun]

I think you did the right thing renominates your other dog and you're doing the right thing now. If the breeder gets mad, that's her problem. A decent breeder should accept a dog back at any point. Mine would take mine back now and I've had him 5 years!

Maybe you could get a cat? An indoor one might suit you well.

[OrchidInTheSun]

Renominates = rehoming

[Sooverthemill]

Definitely tell the breeder you're not able to take the puppy. With luck she can find another home for it and return your deposit. If not well it's just 250 loss rather than months/ years of worry

[oohyoudevilyou]

Maybe you could get a cat? An indoor one might suit you well.

Wouldn't advise this: Cats generally like things quite calm, and a stressed cat is just as difficult to cope with as a stressed dog!

[MrsEricBana]

100% do not get the dog and, if the breeder won't return any of it, write the deposit off to experience.

[Fucksandflowers]

i have had anxiety for a while now since my son started his stuttering. I feel really sad about it so I thought a dog would be therapeutic right now in my life

I have severe anxiety and thought the same.

Unfortunately my dog developed dog aggression after repeated bad experiences and that, coupled with the judgemental, nasty comments on her breed from people mean she has been extremely bad for my mental health.

I am more anxious than ever and absolutely dread walking her.

If I could find a nice quiet home for her without dogs where she wouldn't kennelled (she gets so stressed at kennels) I think would take it.

Obviously that's just my personal experience and stacks of anxious and/or depressed people find a dog transforms their lives for the better but I'd just be cautious about getting a dog to improve mental health because it doesn't always go the way you thought it would

[OnlyTheTitOfTheIceberg]

Sympathy, FucksandFlowers, I've had a fear aggressive dog before and it's exhausting. The 5.00am walks to get out before other dogs appear, the constant high alert and readiness to change direction if you spot one coming your way, the impotent fury at people who let their out-of-control dog charge up to yours but "it's okay, he's friendly" Could you have a chat with your nearest breed rescue for her breed? They may know of an experienced home who might be in a position to take her, and even if there's nothing doing right now you'd be on their radar if they're contacted in the future by someone looking for your breed who might have the right set up for her. Good luck

[Sweetmommy]

Hi everyone. Just woke up from a sleepless night. Got really stressed out. Today I have to tell the breeder I can't keep the dog and ask for the money back, which I feel stressed about too. I hate to have to retract. I am very sad to let the dog go, and there is still a part of me that wants to take care of him, and I feel the home will be empty without her, but I am just not ready to make that decision. Like many of you said, it is not just light febrility I felt, but I awoke in the night with full on anxiety with my heart pounding.

A cat is not possible. I have allergies. I have a bird and saltwater fishes.

@Fucksandflowers
You are absolutely right. The anxiety could also pass to the dog... And with my very active child, I would be in constant fear that he gets bite.

[Sweetmommy]

About to call the breeder.... How can I bring this up to her?

-Hi, I have a bad news, unfortunately after much debating, me and my husband came to the realisation that we are not ready yet to adopt the little pup. I just don't see the dog being a match with us, and I am just too scared she will to hyper. I would like to think more about my decision to adopt a Cockapoo since they are very energetic dog and I live in an apartment. I am sorry for the inconvenience, it wasn't what I had planned at all, but I didn't want to have regrets. I wanted to let you know as soon as possible so you can sell the dog. Is there something we can do for deposit?