What if I’m not cut out to be a dog owner?

[Inbedbynine]

Please don’t be horrible to me but today have bought a pup home. He’s adorable but I’m sitting here wondering if I’m not cut out for it? Hes done all his wees outside today, Iv put him in his crate next to me by my bed (I go to bed at 9) and he’s cried in his crate for about 15 minutes and is now quiet, I feel like crying. What if I’m not good enough? Do I really know what I’m doing? No I don’t. I had an apt with the trainer and discussed stuff, have puppy class starting on Thursday, had advice from the lovely breeder but I feel like I’m not going to be able to cope all of a sudden? I know our lives will never be the same again.... I love him but I’m scared? I know first 6 months are hard, then the first year etc but I feel a bit overwhelmed? Have I done the wrong thing?! Do these feelings mean I shouldn’t have got him?

You don't have to have him in your room? It's probably making you more anxious as you're listening out for every whimper.

Just pop him downstairs and put some ear plugs in. Get up if you want to in the early hours but as you're up at 5am I'd probably go until then. He'll be fine in his crate.

And remember - they're baby dogs not baby humans. There is a difference

Sorry for whinging. Iv given up for the day. My sleep is so bad that I can’t fall asleep when he does. I’m normally up at 530am so even though it’s still dark I’m ok with it....

So he also woke up at 1am, took him out and he had a wee. When I brought him back in and out him in his crate he whimpered once and was quiet! Great but I took an hour to go to sleep. He then woke again at 230am and I shushed him and he was quiet and then 4am and he’s had a wee and sat on my lap on sofa whilst I watch live island

I have such a head ache from lack of sleep. It worries me as I have hemiplegic migraines and lack of sleep can trigger them....

Dreading the next couple of nights as it’s getting very hot here and don’t want to shut the window again!

Everyone says don’t leave them though *@ . Also my house is open plan so down stairs he would sound even louder and would echo and wake the dc so not really an option.

It'll get better, I promise. Put a sweater or something you've worn into the crate, and you can always cover the crate with a light sheet when it's nighttime.
Your puppy is scared and needy, just like a baby.
Once he's trained all will be worthwhile.

Yes I’ve covered him with a sheet.

@Signifyingnothing that’s exactly how I feel! As helpless and useless and scared and alone that I was when I brought dc1 home ..

Our boy was 6 months when we got him - house trained and crate trained. But he was still young and coming into a new home.
We said he wouldn't be allowed upstairs because he's tiny so didn't want him climbing up stairs on breeders advice.

He cried and cried.

Night 2 we let him upstairs (as the little nutter had already worked them out) and he slept like a dream.

We had little accidents for about 6 months but the clever boy went into the bathroom if he needed the toilet so it was easy to clean up.

He's so clever now. If he needs a wee he'll come and scratch my side of the bed until I wake but he sleeps all through the night with no accidents.

You'll get there OP. It's not easy but soon enough you'll be so glad you got him!

Just to add, although he was crate trained we didn't buy a crate for him.

He was slightly older though so wasn't really destructive in any way

If I wasn’t renting I probably wouldn’t use the crate but the house is open plan so can’t even use stair gates to section off, plus can bite plenty of things when the time comes to leave him even if I used a room divider so a risk I can’t take?

On a side note, I take it that it’s normal for them to have crazy weird and fast breathing when asleep? He’s laying on my lap and looks like he’s having a seizure but he’s asleep so I’m guessing he’s dreaming?

@Inbedbynine he's fine OP. They do all sorts of weird twitching/running/yipping in their sleep. He will get used to the crate. Just keep going.

You’re doing well op. I’m 59, have had a puppy before, and I still found the first two weeks a nightmare. Not because he’s a bad pup. It just took that long to adapt to my new normal. It gets easier. I’m open plan downstairs too and it is a bit of a pain, but you manage. I’d be inclined to crate him downstairs at night so you don’t hear him, use a puppy pad or paper in his crate and accept that he’ll wee and you’ll need to clean up in the morning. It’ll slow house training down, but it sounds like your sleep is important and you’ll find it all much easier to handle if you’re not sleep-deprived. Good luck!

p.s. There’s more than one way to raise a puppy. Choose the one that works best for you.

OP, what comes across really strongly in both this and your other post are both how considerate you are and how nervous you are.

There is not a single, right way to raise a puppy and most of us here did slightly different things but got to the same result in the end. I know, from my own experience, this single thing I wish I'd done differently was not worry so much about every little thing and just try to enjoy puppyhood a bit more.

The fact that he settled down again so quickly on his first night is a great sign. Keep a consistent routine and your puppy will adapt to it. Puppy raising, ime, is a large amount of faith. Faith that what you are doing will come right in time.

You can get flexible puppy pen fences that are free standing, if you want to close off some space. e.g. www.amazon.co.uk/Ellie-Bo-Easy-Up-Puppy-Rabbit-8-Piece/dp/B00IYSMCZG/ref=sr_1_14?s=gateway&keywords=puppy+playpen&tag=mumsnetforu03-21&qid=1563781469&sr=8-14

Alternatively, baby fire guards etc can also be used. e.g. www.amazon.co.uk/Safetots-S-Original-Fire-Original-Fireguard/dp/B00FVTV4KA/ref=sr_1_8?s=gateway&keywords=baby+fire+guard&tag=mumsnetforu03-21&qid=1563781522&sr=8-8

Oh, and the rapid breathing is totally normal and will slow down when he gets a bit older.

Thank you. I still feel Iv made a big mistake.... I was crying again this morning when my youngest was telling me how much he loves the pup.

If it was just me and not dc I think I would’ve given him back to the breeder for someone else to have

I have one of the fabric puppy pens. WHen should I start using it and how?

The breeder emailed to ask how the night went and I told her... she said I could take him back within 72 hours for a refund.... I’m not worried about the money... I just don’t know what to do for the best. I will break my son’s heart if I send him back.... but...

I think you are putting too much pressure on yourself to do things perfectly. There is no perfect and nothing you are doing right now is wrong. What's happening is you and your puppy are getting to know each other and creating your own routines and preferences.

It's hard work bringing up a puppy but it's also hard work bringing up DC which you have done successfully in the past so there is no reason to think you won't do just a good of job with your puppy. Have faith in yourself and take some of the pressure off your shoulders.

I think even the most dog friendly person has a period of "what have I done?" with each new animal.

^^ This in spades. And we have 3! DH is brilliant with dogs and, after a few weeks, was seriously talking about returning no. 3 to the rescue we got her from as she was so badly behaved. We persevered and I'm so glad we did! She and DH are inseparable now and we love her to pieces.

See I can’t even contemplate feeling like that with him. He’s already doing the biting and yes I know that’s normal and yes I know what to do but he’s already stressing me out as I can see how this will turn out with the dc.... one of them is autistic. He keeps telling me how much his brother will hate me if I send him back....

I was this close to returning one if mine at this age.

He was the clingiest puppy ever. Turned out the loveliest dog ever.

He’s still a puppy. It will get better.

Not mine, obvs, your’s is still a puppy.

All this is perfectly normal. You are worrying too much. It will get easier. There’s lots of advice out there but you have to pick the approach that works for you.

I echo what everyone else has said here.

For context, I adore dogs, have had dogs before, study dogs part time, volunteer with dogs, waited 10 years for Battendog.

I STILL didn't really start to love him until he was a few months old. I felt overwhelmingly responsible for him, I did every single thing I could to give him a good life, to care for his every need but it was all an investment because I didn't get anything back, in terms of love etc, until he was a bit older.

I used to say to him, "I'm doing this because one day adult-you and I will be friends". That's what I meant earlier about it being a large chunck of faith.

fwiw, my step-father is someone known as the animal whisperer and also loves dogs and spent a lot of time volunteering with wolves. When they got their JRTs, the female was such a hard nut to crack he once declared in desperation he would "give her six months" - meaning he would have to rehome her if she didn't get any easier. The pair have been virtually stuck together like glue ever since. She is a corker (if barky) of a dog but it takes time to get there.

Loads of people have those moments where they thing "what have I done?" or "life would be easier without the dog".

They are stresful and hard work, but with effort and patience it will come good.

What breed of dog is he op? Someone on here might have specific advice. There’s also a young puppy thread on here that some of us are on - it might help you to share the load.

@Mouldiwarp1 I think it's a dachsie, based on OPs other active thread here.