Giving up my pup

[BB8sm8]

I’m heartbroken so please go easy on me - I really don’t what to do for the best. I’ve never had a dog and always wanted one. I would always dog sit for weekends, walk friends’ dogs etc. I work from home, DC (5 and 8) are both at school so now seemed an ideal time. My husband much prefers our cat but reluctantly agreed to get a dog. We got a pup as I was nervous of a rescue dog with an unknown history, having once witnessed a rescue dog snap at a child. She’s 5.5 months now, we’ve gone through all the sleepless nights, the worst bits of the early days...but I’m really not enjoying it. I love her & we enjoy our walks which have also helped to lift my depression a little, we like puppy class, the school run etc. but my goodness it’s hard work, she’s full of energy & is getting quite big (she’s a cockapoo). We do puppy classes but she’s pulls badly on the lead & is so strong. She will wee & poo outside but still wees in the kitchen if I don’t pick up the sniffing signs quickly enough. I know she’s young & that she will grow out of the puppy phase but I’m not enjoying it anywhere near like I thought I would. It feels like having a very difficult 3rd child at the moment. I’ve contacted the breeder & she’s happy to have her back. But should I give her back, will I regret it? Or should i wait it out & hope I enjoy her more with time?

It's not normal to me - just because it happens regularly doesn't mean it's normal behaviour for the vast majority of dogs.

If a dog can do that level of damage he needs to be crated when alone - for his safety if nothing else!

Hi there, it does sound like you are trying very hard and I can hear that to give her up is not a decision you would be able to take so easily. I also hear that you did your research and thought hard before getting her. We are getting a puppy soon and if I'm honest it does scare me as I don't know fully what to expect and I know it will be extremely hard work. We have been volunteers for a dog charity and have always had older dogs (12 months plus) and I know this will be very different. I think it's unfair to compare having a dog to children.

At the end of the day you have to think about your own well being - both your mental and physical health and what works for your family. I think your gut will tell you what you need to do. There is no shame in saying I can't do this anymore and in fact if you do have to make the decision to re home her then that shows your are being responsible. I could easily offer advise to say keep going but I'm not living your life, you are and I think you'll find the answer. All the best.

Yippee
I had a an absolutely crazy Labrador, who thought life was one big joke and was a challenged to train. I also don’t think that level of destruction is normal. If it’s also happening when you’re around it’s not going to be anxiety but boredom.

I used to spend hours every day amusing my dog as a pup so that he didn’t get into mischief or destroy anything. These were all targeted training sessions btw. He trailed round the house for a very long time with a long lead attached to his harness so that I could stamp on it before he got into mischief. I could literally be sitting on the sofa next to him and he’d be planning his next fun activity or go to grab a forbidden object.

I do appreciate that what I did would not have been conducive to full time work or family life with preschool children for when he was a pup, my life was split between going to college and working. Although I was out of the house the same amount of time as a ft job, I never needed to leave him for more than about 4 hours.

Personally I would not have a dog and allow them to do this. My life is not conducive to having a lab, which is why my current dog is a cockapoo. To me he was an absolute doddle to train.

Hang in there. Couple of thoughts.

-Sign up to borrow my dog and share your pooch with someone to give you a regular break each week. Maybe they could go for 24 hours to a loving home?

-Teenage years are without joy IMHO and we regularly discussed how we could fix our situation with our cavapoo but she has come out the other side with consistent training.

-Invest in a 121 dog trainer. Hey the tips YOU need and not generic ones. It will be worth it.

-Set up three big training tips that as a family you all swear to take on the challenge with (maybe the sofa, the peeing and the pulling) and everyone follows the same rules to train the exact same way. it wont feel like it's just you tackling the problem alone and that helps.

It does get better... owning a puppy is hard, their teenage phase is difficult as they have so much energy. I remember struggling with my pup as he was just so active in the evenings when I was knackered and just wanted to watch telly I would end up chasing him round the house with a tissue in his mouth or something. Upping the exercise as much as you can does help, and when they are about a year old they do start calming down a lot. They settle into a routine and then you can't imagine life without them. My dog is almost 2 and still has mad moments but it doesn't feel constant anymore thankfully. Good luck

The Labrador pup we had when I was a kid ate a pine kitchen chair leg (over a few dinner times, quietly, in a room full of people). He also chewed his way into a Welsh dresser (hole is still there 30yrs later). He was a nightmare but i still miss him nearly 20 years since he died. RIP Ben.

I feel your frustration, I also have a cockapoo, she is 10 months and I adore her but ... why oh why did I do it? I say that frequently! I wanted her for years, and I do mean years.

She was house trained in a couple of days (wee bells on the door), she slept in her crate from day one. Didn't nip or bite but her recall is very very selective, her digging is never ending, she runs rings around us often but endless fun (and tears)!

I would strongly recommend a front leading harness (Easy walk) to help with the pulling.

It will get better. You love her and that has to be the biggest thing! And she loves you!

Op please persist, it doeas fall into place as they get older...she would be distraught to be seperated from her family now, you took on the commitment please see it through.

Just as someone from the other side, I did end up re-homing my puppy at 10 months (he was a rescue though) and it was the best decision for both my family and the dog.

Sometimes it just doesn't work out and holding onto a dog because you feel you have to can be the worst choice for the dog too.

I felt like a new person once the dog was gone - so much relief, I had so much energy back and I know the dog was placed in a wonderful home far more suited to him and he was far happier; to think I nearly kept him due to feeling responsible, obligated and guilty would have been awful.

If you love the dog and have mostly good days, then you'll likely come through and it'll all be worth it. But if, like me, every day is hard and there's nothing enjoyable and it's starting to affect your happiness, energy and mental health then put yourself first and have a serious chat with your family.

I hope it works out!

ThatsUnusual thank you I really appreciate your honesty and hearing from somehow who has been through this. Can I ask what it was that tipped it for you? How you knew you had to rehome your dog?

Get her measured for a Perfect Fit Harness
They are amazing, you can get double lead ones stops pulling immediately.

We are the opposite way our dog wasn’t the worst puppy and teenager then at about 18 months just after she was spayed she got attacked by two little dogs and turned into a reactive nightmare. She’s now fear aggressive in that she barks and snaps at dogs that come too near not to hurt them but to warn them away but obviously their owners think she is going to eat them. No she’s on leash it’s your dog that’s bounded up to her. If she could jump up in my arms and hide she would but she 7 stone. She doesn’t like new people and barks at them (from a distance). She’s a bloody nightmare at times. She’s six now so not really going to change she’s ours and we’re stuck with her.

Be consistent with your toilet training outside every 30 mins when’s she’s awake, straight away once she wakes, loads of praise if she does something treats etc.

I personally think your going through a blip OP

@BB8sm8 I just knew in my heart it was a mistake. Even if a few of my puppy's behaviour issues improved, I knew I'd still be struggling and that having a dog (or, that particular dog) was never going to make my life happier, or more fulfilled. I felt trapped and depressed.

When I went to sleep, I couldn't sleep properly for feeling uneasy. When I woke up, I felt stressed thinking about the day ahead with the dog.

I had zero good days. And I loved him! He had so much love from me and I tried everything I could - everything anyone suggested. Classes, behaviourists, the lot. I still think about him and wish it had worked out - but I've never regretted it. He's SO much happier in his new home! I feel quite sick to think I considered keeping him through pure obligation.

I think you have to have a particular personality to cope with an energetic dog/puppy, and you have to be happy for your life to revolve around them and their needs. You have to get enough payback from their waggy tails and soppy eyes to cope with the walks, constant attention, training, feeding, vets bills, cleaning poop, destroyed house, limited freedom etc etc.

I wouldn't judge you at all if you felt your pup might be better elsewhere, because the truth is he might be. It was the best decision for my dog to let him go, because I loved him and wanted the best for him.

It's easy for a bunch of us on here to say 'stick it out' but it's your life, your struggle, and sometimes with the best will in the world it still won't make you happy.

The day my dog was re-homed, I felt I got my life and happiness back. I was expecting the house to feel empty without him but it felt like home again.

I wonder how many people with dogs feel obligated to keep them once they've had them a while, and how many would actually wish they'd re-homed them.

But so many people also say they struggled and now love their dog to pieces!

How are things every day, OP? Is every day a struggle, a stress? Or are there just odd afternoons or moments where your pup gets overwhelming?

Think about how your house would feel without him there. Think about him not being with you today, tomorrow, next week, next month - do you feel sad that you won't see him grow into an adult, or relieved?

Also - some advice on here won't apply for all dogs. Example, a Perfect Fit harness won't magically 'stop' pulling for every dog. It gave mine more pulling power and he was much worse.

That’s so helpful thank you for sharing ❤️ So yesterday was quite a typical day in terms of how I'm feeling...the morning school run was typically hellish...trying to get DC out of the door on time, pup is hyper cos she knows a walk is coming, pulling on the lead desperate trying to keep up with DC as we walk, but then I took her to our favourite field & she rocketed around off the lead which I really love to see (little ears flapping as she leaps!), but then back on the lead for the walk home & even though she should have been knackered she pulled pulled pulled. Then at lunchtime we went to another field for a free run & that was lovely, again I loved seeing her race around. She got filthy so I showered her down & hair dried her when we got home, which she’s very good about, & she did look very cute all fluffed up after being dried off! Back on the school run in the afternoon & she was calmer after 2 free runs - that’s not typical, she normally only goes off the lead once a day and sometimes we have quieter days with less walks & more just snuffling around, so she doesn’t normally come on the school run in the afternoon for example. She had her usual mad hour around tea time (not great timing when I’m trying to make tea, get homework done etc) & then lounged about all night, I sat on the floor with her & stroked & fussed her all evening which again was completely lovely. So basically she filled my heart with joy & infuriated me in equal measure yesterday...normal?!

I'd say totally normal and she sounds lovely! Hard work, yes, but nothing like my pup with issues. I have a feeling you will be absolutely fine, and definitely give yourself a day off or two with doggy daycare for a break, that'll help your energy so much. And you'll miss her...

Puppies are such hard work. I honestly sometimes feel like they are a completely different species to adult dogs! But then just when they have almost broken you they seem to turn into what you expect a dog to be. Long naps, exciting walks and lovely snuggles on the sofa.

For the pulling, this harness is the best I’ve found (and we had a complete steam engine of a puppy).

www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B005QM4M56/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_T90cDbK7EM5KT?tag=mumsnetforu03-21

Does the dog need to go on the school run? I think that it can sometimes be a bit too exciting for puppies with all the noise and children running around and the stress levels of getting out of the house and to school on time.

I would second avoiding the school run. At the very least the morning one. I would crate her with a kong or similar for the 30 minutes before leaving the house and and while out on school run and walk her when you get back. Then you can Just focus on the kids and she won't pick up on or add to the morning getting out the door angst.

I recommend these to manage the pulling. We use one on our teenage pup, not because he pulls (he walks beautifully on a loose lead) but because he wants to play with all other dogs so lunges towards them, which is really difficult and dangerous with a large, strong dog. The halti means that he is under control and doesn't lunge, so walks are much calmer and more enjoyable now.

Sounds to me like your OH isnt bothered about the dog...didnt want one, and that therefore you are left doing everything for the dog! I would have a serious chat with them about how youre feeling and get them to help out! Why cant he do the morning walk whilst you sort the kids out and do the school run? Dogs are hard work but if he didnt want to be involved should have said no. My partners mum rehomed his dog when he was 8... he adored that dog and now 30 years later still hasnt forgiven her!

Just come back on to say, with your description of your day, I think you are possibly over exercising your dog, considering its age. I would agree that you need to leave the dog behind for the morning school run. Having a slightly less stimulating day may help make the dog calmer. Also, because you need to get to the school, you don't have time to do any training re the pulling, so it just gets worse. I used to pick a quiet time when teaching mine not to pull, and a time when I wasn't in a hurry so I could do boring things (to her) like standing still, walking back the way we had come, i.e. changing direction regularly, to get her to listen to me and realise pulling wouldn't get her to where she wanted.
Honestly, it will get better! Mine is now 2 and a half, we have had our walk, and I know she will spend most of the afternoon asleep, something I would have thought impossible 2 years ago.

Ok sounds like a vicious cycle, I thought exercising more would tire her out and make her less crazy but possibly not? Esp cos of her breed people have said they have so much energy! Yes absolutely I can’t train her on the lead at all on the school run cos we need to just get there so perhaps I should take her out before my husband leaves for work so she’s had a run out before the school run? Should she then be having a lunch and evening walk too? So the breeder rang today & said there would be a lot of interest in her if I wanted to go ahead...and my stomach just dropped & I felt a bit sick & had a horrible sinking feeling...and that feeling sealed it, I clearly I can’t say goodbye to her, I love her. I’m so worried I’m ruining her though cos I don’t know what I’m doing!! 😭

Aww the stomach flip seals it, she's yours!

Don't feel overwhelmed - it's all going to be fine. Make a list of her most challenging behaviours that you're struggling with, and address them one by one. There's so much advice here, make a thread for each one of you like? The FB dog training groups are great, too.

You'll have a fantastic, well behaved adult dog in 18 months, I reckon you'll be inseperable

You aren't ruining, you are both just learning, you to be a dog owner and her to be a pet.
Can your vet recommend a dog behaviourist, or would your puppy class teacher do some one to one to boost your confidence a bit.
You love her, you are seeking support and trying to up your knowledge and skills you will both be fine. Xx

If you have time to take her out in the morning instead of on the school run, you can use that short walk as a training walk. The combination of mental and physical exercise should tire her for a bit, plus you can be working on loose lead walking.

The walk doesn't have to be far, but be consistent in not letting her pull. She pulls- you stop walking/change direction depending on which method you are using.

In a large breed pup you have to restrict their exercise, can’t remember as it’s been a while but something like 30 mins plus 5 mins for every month. I know yours isn’t large breed but that seems like a awful lot of exercise.

I would book a consultation with a behaviourist for definite and get a good harness, it changed our walks. The minute I put ours on our dog stopped pulling. Don’t walk her on the school runs when you need to be somewhere, if you can walk her before or after.

It does sound like you are overexercising her. It’s 5 minutes per month of age twice a day. My lab pup is 5.5 months and gets 2 25 minute walks a day. Have to be careful to not damaged their joints when they are young.

It is so hard when they are this age. I sympathise. I would gladly hand my pup to anyone who’d take him on a daily basis. Kids love him though so giving him up not an option for us. I’ve cried lots of tears though! I just say to myself it will be better in about a year!!

I second the advice about daycare. I’m going to look in to this so I can have a break once a week.