Giving up my pup

[BB8sm8]

I’m heartbroken so please go easy on me - I really don’t what to do for the best. I’ve never had a dog and always wanted one. I would always dog sit for weekends, walk friends’ dogs etc. I work from home, DC (5 and 8) are both at school so now seemed an ideal time. My husband much prefers our cat but reluctantly agreed to get a dog. We got a pup as I was nervous of a rescue dog with an unknown history, having once witnessed a rescue dog snap at a child. She’s 5.5 months now, we’ve gone through all the sleepless nights, the worst bits of the early days...but I’m really not enjoying it. I love her & we enjoy our walks which have also helped to lift my depression a little, we like puppy class, the school run etc. but my goodness it’s hard work, she’s full of energy & is getting quite big (she’s a cockapoo). We do puppy classes but she’s pulls badly on the lead & is so strong. She will wee & poo outside but still wees in the kitchen if I don’t pick up the sniffing signs quickly enough. I know she’s young & that she will grow out of the puppy phase but I’m not enjoying it anywhere near like I thought I would. It feels like having a very difficult 3rd child at the moment. I’ve contacted the breeder & she’s happy to have her back. But should I give her back, will I regret it? Or should i wait it out & hope I enjoy her more with time?

[Branleuse]

You dont have to love every minute of having a dog any more than you have to love every minute of being a parent, but a dog is what you make it, and if its going through adolescence at the moment, it will be fairly trying. Im not sure what the dog has done wrong here. Cant you just do some more training, exercise it more, and wait this bit out. Youll get a good dog out of it in the end if you put the work in now

[rookiemere]

OP I've been where you are - well apart from wanting the ddog initially as decision was foisted on me by eager DH and DS.

What I would say to you is that you cannot return to being dog free, if you give the dog back you will forever be the person who got a dog and decided to give it back. I don't mean that nastily - it's the thought process I went through a month or so ago before deciding to try to shift my mindset to really accepting ddog and not complaining so much. Also helps that DDog suddenly calmed down a lot at his first birthday.

This is a big decision . You know you have the option to return. You don't know what home ddog will go to and if he will be happy there. If you picture your future without DDog do you feel relieved or sad ?

[Branleuse]

Id also suggest watching some Victoria Stillwell videos. She does the TV show "its me or the dog" and she uses some really good kind techniques. Theres probably some on youtube if you dont have telly

[werideatdawn]

Sorry OP I haven't read all the posts. I just wanted to say I hear you, you're not a monster and this is totally normal. High energy breeds can be absolute dicks as adolescents. My lab has just turned one and I tell her she's "got to go" daily. Her favourite activity at the moment is chewing the wood chip off the walls, despite at least two walks a day and training time. Ultimately I adore the bloody dog and slowly but surely I have hope we will emerge from her teenager phase. You just have to laugh or you'd cry. And stick with the training.

[Nonatron]

Oh OP. You’re definitely in the shitty teenage years and it’s really crap. I’ve had dogs my whole life (currently got a 4 year old miniature schnauzer and 2 Picardy spaniels who are almost a year old. I know... I’m a glutton for punishment) and I always forget how bloody awful teenage pups are! Our schnauzer came out of it at about 2 and he has been wonderful ever since. Our picardies are right in the middle of it and I echo all the PPs who’ve said they’re arseholes! Because they are utter dickheads. I adore them but my god they are dickheads! I would advise, keep pushing. I know it’s bloody hard but little by little it’ll come and then one day it’ll click and you’ll have a cracking wee pooch. You sound like a well researched, conscientious dog owner and your pup is lucky to have you. Good luck ☺️

[Apolloanddaphne]

OP when my Labrador was 6 months old I would gladly have given her to anyone as she was driving me insane. I took her to puppy training classes at that age and it helped greatly in terms of her training and our bonding. She is 7 years now and the most placid lovely dog you could imagine. It takes time just as it takes time with children. You may find things get better soon. Don't give up on your pup just yet. I am sure there is a lovely dog in there.

[SupermassiveBlackHo]

I've never known anyone in dog rescue advocate deliberate breeding of mongrels What a card!

[Nesssie]

SupermassiveBlackHo I'm a realist. In an ideal world, shelters will be empty and dogs wouldn't be bred from, but in reality, families don't want my staffies and lurchers. Breeding cockerpoos makes no difference to the amount of dogs I care for and/or put to sleep.

When my shelter is full of cockerpoos, then I will judge.
I reserve my judgement for breeders of staffies and the irresponsible owners who dump them on my doorstep.

[rookiemere]

The other thing I forgot to mention in previous post is that Borrowmydoggy has been a bit of a godsend for me.

Found a lovely lady who adores our dog and has him for the occasional weekend day and - amazingly - looked after him when we were on holiday. Nice to get a break and also makes you see your ddog in a different light when someone else is so delighted to be able to spend time with him.

[Teelav]

Hi Op. I have a 9 month old cockapoo. Would happily have returned him to the breeder a couple of months ago. He’s improved so much the last 6 weeks or so.
I had a couple of 1-2-1 sessions with a behaviourist, and he is doing a couple of weekly classes ... one of which is scentwork.
He’s also now sleeping in my bedroom, so sleeping longer at night (instead of waking up at the crack of dawn) and is also sleeping more during the day. I’ve cut down the lengths of his walks too.
Something has made a massive difference, or a combination of things.
I’m so glad I didn’t return him.

[Sooverthemill]

suoermassiveblackho while I'm not going to get drawn into an argument with you ( your mind is made up) the person we got our recent labradoodle from also breeds Standard Poodles. She treats the labradoodle breeding exactly the same as for the Kennel Club recognised Poodle. She is most definitely not a puppy farm. We had to meet parents and puppies several times. She homechecked us. We spoke in the phone. We had photos and videos of the puppy we chose. She provides us with lots of support

So she does all this:

Health tested parents with wonderful temperaments
All Poodles & Labradors used are Kennel Club registered
Puppies are born & raised in our home
Puppies are socialised with other dogs, cats & children
Puppies taken for daily car rides with their mum from 5 weeks old
Puppies played CD of noises i.e. fireworks & thunder from early age
We use a thorough worm program
Frontlined
5 generation family tree
Baby photo album
Puppies are weaned on quality food (free bag of food & puppy pack provided)
Puppies come with free 4 week Petplan insurance

[Thelittleblackdog]

OP, keep going! The first year we had our dog she was such hard work and I wondered what on earth we'd done - I'd never had a dog before either. One day when she was being a nightmare at the pub a stranger who was a dog groomer told me the first year was hard and then it gets easier, and she was absolutely right. Our dog is 3 now and while she's still a little madam sometimes, she's our absolute world and so so loved. We miss her terribly when we spend a night away from her. You have to make the decision which is right for you, but if you can get through the first year and work really hard on training you might find you have the dog you always wanted.

[BB8sm8]

I’m so grateful for the helpful and constructive comments, I genuinely wasn’t prepared for a teenage phase and certainly not at 5 months! Im reassured that others also feel like tearing their hair out at this stage & that it’s not just me being a crap dog owner! I won’t apologise or rise to criticisms of my getting a cockerpoo. The idea of looking down upon a ‘mongrel’, as compared to a ‘pure breed’, completely bemuses me. And why anyone feels so strongly about it as to be nasty to a stranger on an online forum is a mystery to me. My post wasn’t about the breed, it was about being a new dog owner & feeling totally overwhelmed and I’m so grateful for all the lovely comments and supportive advice and tips from those who are far more experience than me.

[user12345796]

You don't sound cruel, you are honestly saying that this is hard and what have you done. There is no shame in that.
Try "fake it till you make it". Every day tell her what a brilliant dog she is, how clever, how well behaved. Tell other people this as well. Tell her that you love her. This will become a self fulfilling prophecy - give it a go and see.

[GatsbyWasntGreat]

I'm in a similar boat, OP.

DH is dead set on returning our teenage dog (8 months).

• separation anxiety
• lead reactive to everything
• very destructive
• constantly barks for attention
• bites (hard) during play

I do training, enrichment activities, take her out 2-3 times a day, she has constant company but nothing is enough and if I can't fulfill the needs I'm clearly not providing then she needs to be homed somewhere better. I think she'd benefit from a home with a well adjusted dog to learn from.

She's a rescue so no idea of her background which doesn't help at all.

[YippeeKayakOtherBuckets]

My dog has eaten six dining chairs, one sofa, two walls, several books, my favourite boots and a set of patio furniture. My carpets are all ruined and I’ve gone through three hoovers.

Puppies and adolescent dogs are atrocious cunts and I don’t know why we put ourselves through it.

Hang on in there though, it’s worth it.

[TopDogs2019]

Why not focus on all the things your doing right OP? Because you sound bloody brilliant to me, and maybe some of this anxiety is because it's something you've wanted and planned for for so long. Like everything in life, the reality never matches up to the dream! You give your dog plenty of time, training, and exercise, yes, it's thrown back in your face by the little bugger, but your perseverance will pay off in the end. Maybe make doggy daycare a regular thing, they love it, and you get a break, don't stress about anybody else's opinion on your pup, it's your dog in your house. Think of puppyhood as a war of attrition, you'll get there. X

[Theoscargoesto]

First time owner of a 15 month old cockapoo here. Delightful, funny, happy little dog, easy to train (in retrospect). The puppy months are HARD, and 9-12 months was difficult as others have said. In the first 6 months or so I would happily have given her away were it not for feeling ashamed that I'd asked for this, and then felt overwhelmed by the responsibility.

I also took what other people said about my dog personally, and felt I'd failed when comments were made about her. I wasn't confident in my ability as an owner, and that didn't help. Even now, there are some things that are hard: my parents have a cat, they have been ill, I can't take the dog to see them, and I wonder why I chose to make life harder for myself.

BUT she's a delight, I love watching her bounce through long grass with her ears flapping: makes me smile every time. Yes she can be a pain and a tie and all that, but the good outweighs the bad by miles and I wouldn't be without her. You will get there!

I second a day of day-care every now and again if you can: a day of respite was not me failing, as I used to think, it is just a day when that difficult third child isn't there constantly and is making a mess of someone else's floor. And when you pick yours back up, the welcome will be like nothing else!

[adaline]

Good Lord @YippeeKayakOtherBuckets - you do know that's not normal, don't you?

I read threads where dogs have eaten sofas and walls and doors and just think something isn't right - either the dog is being left for far too long or they have severe separation anxiety that needs addressing.

Normal, healthy, relaxed and happy dogs don't eat their owners houses!

[Sooverthemill]

adaline my puppy ate a radiator thermostatic control. I honestly thought that leavingbhim shut in a room with our other dog with bones and toys for 10 minutes so I could go to the loo alone would be okay. He is like Muzzy the metal eating monster. He's also eaten door handles and chair legs. A watering can. The cat flap. He doesn't have anxiety he has lets wind mum up itis

[Nesssie]

adaline sometimes dogs are just little shits for no reason, but I agree that that amount of destruction is not normal.

My perfectly happy adult dog decided for no reason to chew up the flat pack wardrobe I was building. He was lying down behind me whilst I built it, I turned around and he had chewed up 2 large wooden sides. Hes not a destructive dog so I have no idea what came over him.

[FoxesAreFabulous]

Hi OP, another owner whose dog was a complete arsehole in the teenage phase!! We have a miniature poodle - clever and high energy, as your dog will be, and my god he was a little shit some of the time!! I My teenage daughter and I had several very serious conversations about rehoming him when he was around the 10-12 month stage as he was just awful. His recall went to pot, he started barking at things that had never bothered him before (they do go through a second fear stage) and he basically ignored anything we asked him to do. He was my first dog as an adult - although we had dogs growing up - and I felt like a totally useless owner, until I came on here and read what everyone else was going through with their teenage dogs!
It does get better and they do settle down - our boy is 3 now so loads of energy but responsive to commands and a pleasure to have around most of the time. What really helped us was getting a 121 trainer in, who could watch us with him and see what we were not getting quite right. Also - is he crate-trained? This should help him to learn to settle down somewhere on his own and if he's getting a bit hyper you can pop him in there with a toy or a kong - young dogs don't always know when they need to rest (think over-tired toddler!!). We still use a puppy pen (easier to move round the house than a crate and our dog doesn't like having a 'roof' over him!) when new people visit, to stop any jumping up when they first arrive.
It sounds like you're doing everything right - as other people have said, if you can get a break from time to time that will maybe help you to work out what you want to do. Hope it works out for you - oh and I've just remembered something........I was in a very similar state to you when our boy was a teenager, I had days when I'd have given him to the first passer-by if I could - but then he was really ill when he'd just turned a year old,with a gastric problem. Vet wasn't 100% he'd pull through, he was in on a drip for 2 days - and that's when I realised just how much I loved him x

[SlothMama]

This stage in a dogs life are difficult and frustrating, however everything you describe can be easily fixed. Pulling on the lead and toilet training just require consistent and positive training. I wish more people would think more long term when it comes to getting a puppy. And I say this as a rescue volunteer, I regularly collect dogs from the families giving them up so I have heard every heartbreaking reason to the downright ridiculous.

If you aren't willing to put in the effort then it is kinder for the dog to go to the breeder now. It'll be easier to rehome her as she is younger, however it's great that you've chosen a good breeder who is willing to take back a puppy!

[IAmAlwaysLikeThis]

I couldn't stand having a dog for the first year, it was really hard and stressful.

Now he's great and I love having him.

It takes time, training and adjustment.

This is why I'd always recommend getting a shelter dog (actually far easier to judge their temperament) and fostering for some time before committing. Unless you are prepared to slog through, it's always going to end up with the dog in a shelter.

[YippeeKayakOtherBuckets]

of course it’s normal. He’s a Labrador. He doesn’t do it (much!) now he’s older, this was all puppy chewing, and plus I’ve trained the kids not to leave stuff within reach now.

It takes him SECONDS to do incredible damage.