I am failing my Dog and DH

[OldEnglishSheepDog]

I posted last year and got some great advice - thank you. I'm a newbie dog owner and general idiot. DDog is just over one and it has been a HARD year. DH has tried hard but I think now utterly hates DDog. I appreciate that this is my fault - I have been inconsistent in my training (I have been training but I keep switching from one school of thought to the other as I lose confidence in what I'm doing). But now we have a myriad of problems that I need to unpick and I just don't know where to start. I know that everyone's going to say "get a trainer in" and I will (if DH doesn't just sling the pair of us out) but I just need some help to know what to focus on now as I won't be able to get one until the Summer.

The biggest problem at the moment is sleep and guarding of me. DDog had the snip just over a week ago. Because he was in pain I would get up in the night and go and snuggle with him on the sofa. This seemed to help. We are now at a point where this has become a regular thing and I don't know how to break the cycle. I can't just leave him to bark because DH and DS need uninterrupted sleep. He may also be woken by the baby next door.

I'm not overly bothered about this - quite enjoy the snuggles actually - but when DH gets up, DDog barks and growls at him. It's clearly possessiveness as he's on me and preventing DH getting to me for a goodbye kiss. This morning was nasty. DH did all the right things of just backing off and giving space and I talked calmly to DDog. DDog is alright with DH the rest of the time.

DDog also has manic episodes on walks. It tends to be in one particular field. I let him off lead for a bit and he bounces around quite happily. Once it gets to time to go back I put him on lead again and he will refuse to move. Tempting him with treats or pulling him may move him a little way but then he will jump up nipping. I do the usual thing of standing still, arms folded but it doesn't stop him. A few days ago I got a nasty nip that left a bruise - I think if I hadn't been wearing a jumper it would have broken the skin. I have found that the only way to calm this is to pick him up and carry him a little way but this feels like the wrong thing to do.

I try to give him attention and play, he gets a minimum of one walk a day and usually two. He is quite happy to be left but it's three hours at the most and I try to ensure that I make a fuss of him when I get in.

I don't know what to do. The barking in the night is disturbing everyone and DH, while he hasn't said anything, is clearly on the brink of saying he has to go. I want to do the right thing by everyone but I'm clearly not cut out for this.

Not to dripfeed but there are a few other issues at play but they're not directly relevant to this. I could really do with some practical advice.

I'll second the above poster who said to avoid the traditional group sessions. They're great for a little bit of brain work but Billypup was always amazing at them practically perfect, 'oh if I do that I get food and I'm not that bothered by all the other dogs here anyway they're not allowed to play with me' whereas in a RL situation its a case of '2 paws to you if you think I'm leaving this nice exciting area to come and see you for a treat'

What has started to work for us is more specific short courses. Billypup is Collie/Retriever x same age as yours. We've done an environmental skills 4 week course, some 1-1 training courses I'm looking at some gun dog courses in the summer and we are due to start agility soon. I have a similar issue with DH in that although he regularly walks her he has not been hands on with the training, but for someone who initially didn't want a dog and had no natural instincts on how to handle one he's been amazing and has the title of favourite human (which is really annoying)

Our black list of walking areas where she misbehaves is growing rapidly so we're always having to find new places, you could do with mixing the walks up a bit especially in this amazing weather. If DH would go with you you could also do dog friendly pubs and try and create a good link too.

The trouble is, getting DH more comfortable with DDog means him doing more stuff with him but that means time and I know DH will feel resentful about losing that absolutely not the case.

Your DH can have a happy indifference to the dog (many dogs like that anyway) he does not have to become touchy feely at all. Your DH will feel more comfortable when he is not growled at etc - that is not going to help with a bonding on your DH's behalf!

Get in a trainer soon, get a plan i nplace and this can all be sorted before the summer.

Be honest - did your DH want a dog in the first place?

All dogs are hard work in the early stages and I think it's even harder when all the adults involved aren't fully on board. When it's your dog, you do all the shit bits because you love them, and the reward of cuddles on the sofa is worth all the night wakings and the accidents and the mouthing.

But if you never really wanted a dog, all those things just make you resentful because it's time consuming and repetitive and seems never-ending.

If you want a calm, happy dog you need to have everyone on board, doing the same things and training in the same way. Even things like what words you use for each command can have a real impact. You need to agree how you're going to deal with various behaviours eg. barking, jumping, mouthing - and stick to it. If the dog gets different reactions he's just going to get confused and any training is going to take even longer!

I’m interested in what you say about your husband not imposing himself by treating the dog. Does he ever feed the dog? I think it might not hurt to ask him to feed the dog, asking for a sit before putting the bowl down, for at least one meal a day for a week or two before the trainer arrives. If necessary due to the other issues, you could prepare the food so he only needs to ask for the sit and then put the bowl down. This is not a dominance play if done calmly - it’s asking for good behaviour then providing a significant reward, and could create a more positive association. Sometimes dogs are simpler creatures than we think.

What about earplugs all round for the night barking?

Thank you for all the suggestions - I'm going to read over everything tonight with DH to help us formulate a plan TOGETHER to keep us going until the trainer.

With regards the blacklist of walking areas, I skipped the troublesome field this morning and he was fine until we were on the road to home when he started jumping and nipping (no obvious triggers, we had just met another dog but that was fine). I am wondering if it is to do with him recognising that walk is nearly over or that he's getting tired? I managed him by folding my arms and saying sit firmly. When he finally did we walked on with me praising the good walking and when we'd gone a reasonable distance I gave him a treat.

I will respond to the other comments later.