I am failing my Dog and DH

[OldEnglishSheepDog]

I posted last year and got some great advice - thank you. I'm a newbie dog owner and general idiot. DDog is just over one and it has been a HARD year. DH has tried hard but I think now utterly hates DDog. I appreciate that this is my fault - I have been inconsistent in my training (I have been training but I keep switching from one school of thought to the other as I lose confidence in what I'm doing). But now we have a myriad of problems that I need to unpick and I just don't know where to start. I know that everyone's going to say "get a trainer in" and I will (if DH doesn't just sling the pair of us out) but I just need some help to know what to focus on now as I won't be able to get one until the Summer.

The biggest problem at the moment is sleep and guarding of me. DDog had the snip just over a week ago. Because he was in pain I would get up in the night and go and snuggle with him on the sofa. This seemed to help. We are now at a point where this has become a regular thing and I don't know how to break the cycle. I can't just leave him to bark because DH and DS need uninterrupted sleep. He may also be woken by the baby next door.

I'm not overly bothered about this - quite enjoy the snuggles actually - but when DH gets up, DDog barks and growls at him. It's clearly possessiveness as he's on me and preventing DH getting to me for a goodbye kiss. This morning was nasty. DH did all the right things of just backing off and giving space and I talked calmly to DDog. DDog is alright with DH the rest of the time.

DDog also has manic episodes on walks. It tends to be in one particular field. I let him off lead for a bit and he bounces around quite happily. Once it gets to time to go back I put him on lead again and he will refuse to move. Tempting him with treats or pulling him may move him a little way but then he will jump up nipping. I do the usual thing of standing still, arms folded but it doesn't stop him. A few days ago I got a nasty nip that left a bruise - I think if I hadn't been wearing a jumper it would have broken the skin. I have found that the only way to calm this is to pick him up and carry him a little way but this feels like the wrong thing to do.

I try to give him attention and play, he gets a minimum of one walk a day and usually two. He is quite happy to be left but it's three hours at the most and I try to ensure that I make a fuss of him when I get in.

I don't know what to do. The barking in the night is disturbing everyone and DH, while he hasn't said anything, is clearly on the brink of saying he has to go. I want to do the right thing by everyone but I'm clearly not cut out for this.

Not to dripfeed but there are a few other issues at play but they're not directly relevant to this. I could really do with some practical advice.

[OldEnglishSheepDog]

Thank you for all the suggestions - I'm going to read over everything tonight with DH to help us formulate a plan TOGETHER to keep us going until the trainer.

With regards the blacklist of walking areas, I skipped the troublesome field this morning and he was fine until we were on the road to home when he started jumping and nipping (no obvious triggers, we had just met another dog but that was fine). I am wondering if it is to do with him recognising that walk is nearly over or that he's getting tired? I managed him by folding my arms and saying sit firmly. When he finally did we walked on with me praising the good walking and when we'd gone a reasonable distance I gave him a treat.

I will respond to the other comments later.

[Gremlinsateit]

I’m interested in what you say about your husband not imposing himself by treating the dog. Does he ever feed the dog? I think it might not hurt to ask him to feed the dog, asking for a sit before putting the bowl down, for at least one meal a day for a week or two before the trainer arrives. If necessary due to the other issues, you could prepare the food so he only needs to ask for the sit and then put the bowl down. This is not a dominance play if done calmly - it’s asking for good behaviour then providing a significant reward, and could create a more positive association. Sometimes dogs are simpler creatures than we think.

What about earplugs all round for the night barking?

[adaline]

Be honest - did your DH want a dog in the first place?

All dogs are hard work in the early stages and I think it's even harder when all the adults involved aren't fully on board. When it's your dog, you do all the shit bits because you love them, and the reward of cuddles on the sofa is worth all the night wakings and the accidents and the mouthing.

But if you never really wanted a dog, all those things just make you resentful because it's time consuming and repetitive and seems never-ending.

If you want a calm, happy dog you need to have everyone on board, doing the same things and training in the same way. Even things like what words you use for each command can have a real impact. You need to agree how you're going to deal with various behaviours eg. barking, jumping, mouthing - and stick to it. If the dog gets different reactions he's just going to get confused and any training is going to take even longer!

[OverFedStanley]

The trouble is, getting DH more comfortable with DDog means him doing more stuff with him but that means time and I know DH will feel resentful about losing that absolutely not the case.

Your DH can have a happy indifference to the dog (many dogs like that anyway) he does not have to become touchy feely at all. Your DH will feel more comfortable when he is not growled at etc - that is not going to help with a bonding on your DH's behalf!

Get in a trainer soon, get a plan i nplace and this can all be sorted before the summer.

[billybagpuss]

I'll second the above poster who said to avoid the traditional group sessions. They're great for a little bit of brain work but Billypup was always amazing at them practically perfect, 'oh if I do that I get food and I'm not that bothered by all the other dogs here anyway they're not allowed to play with me' whereas in a RL situation its a case of '2 paws to you if you think I'm leaving this nice exciting area to come and see you for a treat'

What has started to work for us is more specific short courses. Billypup is Collie/Retriever x same age as yours. We've done an environmental skills 4 week course, some 1-1 training courses I'm looking at some gun dog courses in the summer and we are due to start agility soon. I have a similar issue with DH in that although he regularly walks her he has not been hands on with the training, but for someone who initially didn't want a dog and had no natural instincts on how to handle one he's been amazing and has the title of favourite human (which is really annoying)

Our black list of walking areas where she misbehaves is growing rapidly so we're always having to find new places, you could do with mixing the walks up a bit especially in this amazing weather. If DH would go with you you could also do dog friendly pubs and try and create a good link too.

[Oxfordblue]

ithinktomyself one of my rescue dogs (an ex puppy farm bitch) barked or yipped at night & I spoke to the behaviourist from the rescue. He told me to get the dog’s bed or crate, put it beside my bed & everthing she made a noise, say shh. Then when she can sleep without making a noise, start moving her bed, little by little, to the door. We managed to get her to sleep outside our door, then then bathroom, this was with our other dog. When the other dog died, she refused to go in there & now sleeps on my daughters bed.

[OldEnglishSheepDog]

Yes I see what you mean. We are barely seeing each other at the moment due to work (he comes in, I go out) so that's not helping. And I won't be able to book the trainer for a time when we can both see her (hence my initial thought about waiting until the summer).

DH does walk DDog (under duress!) but he's awkward with him. For example, DDog doesn't like it when people go to pat his head (he has a deeply suspicious nature!) so DS and I always put our hands out for a sniff and then scratch him under his chin, eventually moving round to stroke his head. DH always goes straight for the head and DDog always panics and backs away.

The trouble is, getting DH more comfortable with DDog means him doing more stuff with him but that means time and I know DH will feel resentful about losing that.

[BiteyShark]

I'm not perfect, I know my behaviour affects what BiteyDog does so if there is something I don't want him to do I look first at what I am doing to cause it.

DH is much worse for that and often says 'why does BiteyDog give me the sad face on the knee' or 'why does he jump at me' and I keep saying to him it's because you reward that behaviour so he keeps doing it whilst I ignore it so he doesn't do it to me.

The thing is DH and I are on the same page with BiteyDog so things that other people might not like we don't care about because we are both happy with him. In your situation where there is conflict with your DH and your dog you really need an outside person to come in and guide you so that you have a solid plan and someone to get you both on the same page.

[OldEnglishSheepDog]

That's probably a whole other thread to be honest Hullaballoonie. You may be right. I simply don't know. And I don't really know what to do about it.

[adaline]

There seems to be a huge lack of consistency in how you deal with the dog.

For example, you didn't sleep with the dog for a while, then he was barking in the night after his operation, so you started to, and now he knows that barking means company and attention.

Dogs cope remarkably well with pain and you really didn't need to go and sleep with him downstairs - you've disrupted his routine and behaviour now so you'll have to work pretty hard to fix it. He's experienced what he likes best (company and cuddles) so he's not going to let that be taken from him without a fight!

I think it's all linked together with the guarding behaviour - dogs need to consistency and to be treated like dogs, not people! I have no issue with people sharing with their pets (my dog sleeps on my bed) but you need consistency from day one.

Guarding behaviour in itself is pretty common if not ideal. Leash the dog inside (just use a house line) so you can get the dog out of a situation without being snapped at. And teach a solid off command. My pup is allowed on beds and sofas but will get off immediately if asked. Some dogs, however, will always guard the sofa or bed, in which case you need to ban them completely - especially with visitors or small children in the house.

[hullaballoonie]

I'm no expert in dog training whatsoever, but what stands out from your thread (and I don't mean to sound harsh but...) you are prioritising your dog over your DH. Good luck with the trainer, I really hope it helps.

[OldEnglishSheepDog]

Just to be clear - this is not an ongoing problem from the last thread. We solved that problem and have been sleeping through, separately, for most of the intervening period (the only exception being when he was ill with a tummy upset). We have been working really hard (honestly!) on behaviour but every time one problem is solved another one seems to rear its head!

The big problem is not so much the sleep, more the guarding. This morning I was up before DH but kept my distance from DDog which meant that he wasn't in a guarding sort of position. He came running through when DH said goodbye but wasn't aggressive at all.

@Biteyshark - I hear what you're saying. There's an element of laziness on my part (it's easier to let him snuggle up on me) and also just the fact that it's nice to have cuddles. I'm going to start thinking about the relationship we have and where I need to draw different lines.

Trainer is booked in a fortnight.

[BiteyShark]

From villainous post I now do remember that thread .

I was doing so because he'd just had the snip and was clearly sad and in pain. I think it's now habit.

I think you projected a lot of your own feelings on him. Yes they are in some pain and I also sleep with my dog when he's post operation but it's not 'getting up for cuddles on the sofa and rewarding barking behaviour', it's simply sleeping close by when he is on one of his beds.

I do think you need a trainer ASAP to guide you especially if you are jumping from one thing to another. A lot of it is consistency and understanding how your behaviour affects what they do.

[StillMedusa]

www.facebook.com/groups/374160792599484/

Join this group... fabulous force free advice and training on a huge range of problems.

[notapizzaeater]

What's stopping you getting the trainer till summer. The longer you leave it the harder it will be.

[villainousbroodmare]

Wasn't it you who had the mammoth thread last year about the dog barking at night? You could have solved it then. It's going to be very difficult now.

Tbh I think the only option is CIO with a pair of earplugs for you and if necessary, book a hotel bed or inveigle an invitation for DH and DS for a few nights or a week. Keep your dog off the sofa at all times, do not ingratiate yourself to him I can't believe he bites you and obviously stay out of his known trouble spots when you walk him. If you can't rely on getting him back under control, then you can't let him out of your control.

If you don't sort this now, it will get gradually worse over the next ten to fourteen years of the Emperor's reign.

[missbattenburg]

If he shows any sign of guarding when you are approached then he is asked to get off the sofa and stay off until invited back on. I am sure he'll catch on quickly.

This could backfire badly. Instead of learning growling = get off sofa, he could learn DH approaches = get off sofa. This will just give extra incentive to keep DH away.

[MrsGrannyWeatherwax]

I got more out of one individual trainer session than 8 group sessions, please get the right support then the group sessions can build on your basic training if required.

[RidgedPerfection]

Absolutely agree with getting a trainer in. In the immediate future I would ensure that your dog gets off the sofa when asked, every time he is asked to do so. If he shows any sign of guarding when you are approached then he is asked to get off the sofa and stay off until invited back on. I am sure he'll catch on quickly.

[BiteyShark]

Alwaysgrey scrap the group puppy classes. Find a trainer to do individual lessons which fits your style and dog.

We have got far more out of a few private lessons than any group ones. The only group ones that worked are for things like agility/scentwork. For obedience, tricks and other behaviours you want someone who will adapt and work with you rather than showing 'one way' to do it and just getting you to try for a few minutes whilst they work around the room.

If I could turn the clock back I wouldn't have bothered with any puppy group classes and would have simply had a few 1-1 sessions at different stages of his development.

[Foxmuffin]

What OverFedStanley said.

[Alwaysgrey]

I feel for you on the training score. We’ve done two lots of puppy classes (one training school recommended by locals, second via kennel club). Both not helpful. And like you its left me unsure where to turn.

Does your dh feed your ddog? How much involvement does he have?

[OldEnglishSheepDog]

Right - thank you. Cold light of day (and a lovely calm walk) has made me less panicked but also I clearly need to get a handle on this. I have booked the trainer but won't see her for a couple of weeks. In the meantime I am going to try simply not getting up when he barks. I was doing so because he'd just had the snip and was clearly sad and in pain. I think it's now habit. I have asked DH if he's happy with that as it'll probably mean more barking in the mean time.

I know that DH shouldn't start trying to impose himself on DDog by offering treats, etc but is there anything he could be doing to help?

[Nesssie]

I think you need to prepare everyone for a couple of nights of barking/whining to break the sofa cycle. Decide where the dog is going to sleep. Downstairs or on the floor in the bedroom?
If downstairs, you need to get him a nice comfy bed, place it next to the sofa, and sleep on the sofa. Upstairs, nice comfy bed on the floor of the bedroom.
He should not be allowed to get up on the sofa/bed. Ignore any barking/whining. Repeat 'on your bed'. Praise for when he settles down.

It won't be pleasant for the first night but he will pick it up quickly.
This is quite important to fix as the guarding behaviour and aggressiveness towards your DH can't be allowed to continue.

[stucknoue]

The right trainer is key, and you need to be 100% consistent. My ddog is highly protective of the women in the house, but he's also very well trained so stops growling and snarling at my DD's petrified boyfriend or my boss on command and retreats to his bed. If you can put up with a couple of days of whining, barking etc at night it will stop.