What on earth to do with my dog??

[JoinTheMicrodots]

I have a deeply neurotic spaniel who has separation anxiety - whenever she’s left alone she barks/howls the entire time, raids bins/tables/anywhere she can smell the vaguest trace of something interesting (including vegetables, birdseed, live insects, tissues... 🤢) and pees upstairs. She is never, ever left for more than 4 hours, and usually less than this. In the last year or so I’ve started working part time, but my daughter is at home the majority of the time and so is here to keep her company (though she still displays anxiety and will raid and pee if DD is asleep/upstairs).

The big problem is that
A) my work is steadily ramping up and they want to employ me for more hours.
B) from June onwards, DD will not be anything like as available to dog sit.

I need to find a workable solution, but I’m wracking my brains to think of a solution I can see working.

Dog is an idiot on walks - she doesn’t like other dogs, rolls in disgusting things at every opportunity, whinges constantly unless you’re playing her favourite game, and is likely to run back to the car at any point but always towards the end of the walk. A dog walker walking her with other dogs absolutely would not work - she’d hate it. She’s also dreadful on the lead, natch. 🙄

She’s not hugely interested in people other than us, though she might settle with someone once she got to know them, and will whinge constantly if we leave her with someone. She would need to be with someone who is pretty hot on security - she’ll run out of a door, given the slightest opportunity, and would get out of an insecure garden to go looking for us.

All the dog walker/doggy day care solutions only seem possible if the dog is happy with other dogs, and ours isn’t.

I don’t want to turn down a great work opportunity because of the dog’s anxiety, but I’m struggling to know what to do - everything I think of, I immediately think of reasons why it wouldn’t work.

"“Tried lots of things” that’s not helpful."

I have not the time nor the inclination to detail all of the reading I've done, forums I've been on, training I've put in, successes and setbacks that we've had over the last almost-decade, @Wolfiefan, because, as I've repeatedly said, that is not what this post is about. I am looking for suggestions as to how I might be able to find very flexible one-on-one dog care with someone who doesn't mind her foibles, and which doesn't cost so much that it makes it not worth it to continue working.

Can’t you just have a dog walker? They don’t have to do group walks.
My husbands working days change so I used to send the dates I needed my dog walking a month ahead. That seemed the norm for my dog walker.

Join the dots, seems like the dog is running you and is the alpha in the pack. I do not mean to be unkind, but a couple of dog trainers I know say it is the owners that need training. Your words.

"Dog is an idiot on walks - she doesn’t like other dogs, rolls in disgusting things at every opportunity, whinges constantly unless you’re playing her favourite game, and is likely to run back to the car at any point but always towards the end of the walk. A dog walker walking her with other dogs absolutely would not work - she’d hate it. She’s also dreadful on the lead, natch. "

You have had the dog nine years from a puppy!! Yet still she is in charge. Send them to a dog trainer away from you for a few weeks, then listen to their rules when the dog is returned to you.

Thank you @JaneEyre07 - I was starting to lose the will to live! Her behaviour is not hugely unusual with cockers - they are a vocal, clingy, nutty breed.

My absolute ideal would be a retired person who would like the company (whinging and thievery notwithstanding). She is an absolute cuddle-monkey give her a cuddle and a game of tug/pretending that you want the sock she's just stolen any day over a walk. I did consider asking one of our neighbours, but she's quite hard of hearing and doesn't hear the door, so leaves the back door unlocked and people just let themselves in. Dog would be out of there in a trice and follow her nose home... straight across the road with no awareness whatsoever of traffic.

@justasking11 I don't subscribe to 'alpha' and pack theory at all - in fact I feel quite strongly that it's a load of bollocks that is damaging to dogs.

If we sent her away from us for a couple of weeks, she would have a stress-induced attack of pancreatis which would be at best extremely painful for her and expensive for us, and at worse would kill her.

It doesn't sound like you're going to get the answers you want from this thread. What you probably need to do is to go to your local facebook page and ask for any recommendations for local dogwalkers/dogsitters who would be happy to take on a challenging dog on a one-to-one basis. That or look into the Borrow My Doggy website - that's the cheaper option, but not as reliable I would think.

Ultimately the ideal thing to do would be to get a behaviourist in to try again to work on your dog's issues, and not to increase the time she's alone until you'v'e made some meaningful progress, but it doesn't seem like that's something you're prepared to do, so instead you'll need to shell out some money to minimise the amount of time your dog is left alone.

We have a dog with some behaviour quirks which sound different to your dog's behaviour, but nonetheless difficult to manage for a 'mainstream' dog walker or daycare. We use a daycare which is managed and run by a registered behaviourist. My dog has one to one time with people he trusts, or sometimes he plays with one or two dogs that he likes (with very gradual introduction). There is also one dog walker that I trust, who is also a registered behaviourist. We don't pay much more than any other daycare/dog walker but they have been worth their weight in gold! He loves spending time with both and I have peace of mind that he is well cared for.

I believe the Facebook group mentioned above can point you in the direction of reputable behaviourist/daycare/dog walkers.

These aren’t “foibles” at all. Foibles are harmless and don’t distress the dog. This is a serious behavioural issue that does need addressing.

I know you said you want 1-1 day care but could you possibly look into other daycare options? My dog isn't fussed about other dogs (mostly ignores them) but she loves going to daycare. I have no other option as I work FT and she has separation anxiety. She doesn't run around like crazy with the more lively dogs but wanders around with other dogs similar to her. She loves the man there - more than she loves me I think! They will let you take your dog along for an asssesssment to see if she fits in before you make a decision. What I'm trying to say is that you might be surprised. I wasn't sure if daycare was right for my dog but, as I said, she loves it. Good luck.

The idea about the neighbour is a good one. We've got an elderly neighbour who loves our dog, and has her if we're out for the day or if we go away. She's got a secure garden though, so even if the dog gets out of he house she's still contained.

I give up, you have fooked this dog up big style since the beginning when they were a puppy, or you have bought a lemon. Nine years and it will not walk on a lead. You will not be able to work longer hours unless you find a dog walker, who hopefully will train the dog to walk to heel for you.

I don't know what to suggest, we have always managed with our dog by helpful family members! But we are moving away from the area soon so im panicking about what we are going to do! I've thought the same as you before about a retired person helping out for some company, I think that could be a good idea!

I think we are going to get a second dog, our dog has been okay when left with my mom's Springer for short amounts of time, and she has stayed at my mom's for 4 days without us while I was in hospital after giving birth and she was fine. I think she just needs company not necessarily me or my DP.

Would another dog definitely not help you out?

Just for the benefit of anyone else reading and looking for tips - as Join says, everything justasking said upthread IS bollocks and should be ignored. Also, sending any dog away to be trained is unhelpful. And telling someone they've fucked their dog up is a bit rich from someone who still believes in pack/dominance theory! Seriously, just Google it and click on the first 5 or 10 links, FFS.

Our dog was showing strong signs of SA when we got her (dumped rescue) and we dealt with it by not leaving her alone at all for the first 6 months, then a few months leaving her for 10-20 mins at a time, and after a year she can go for max 2hrs (mornings only, when she is at her most chilled). Apologies if you have already tried something similar - I know not all dogs are that easy and I think we were probably lucky in terms of having a setup that enabled us to do that, plus a relatively young, non-neurotic dog.

I think, for a dog that age and with those types of issues, unless you're in a position to put in several months of very intensive training (which most people aren't - I wouldn't be) your only option is to try and find someone she can get accustomed to, who can have her one-on-one every time you are out.

@Jesus

Our dog hasn't been left alone for probably 3 years now and actually she does seem alot more relaxed about things than she used to! I can easily leave her downstairs with my moms springer spaniel with no crying or stress, she just sleeps really!

So I agree with what you say! Maybe I will try and leave her when I take the bin bags out (we love in flats) and things like that to start building up abit, I do think she has calmed down a lot since she has been spayed too.

She doesn't have any other issues, she is fine on walks (on and off lead) fine with most dogs, brilliant with my 11 month old, not aggressive with food at all, it's just this seperation problem we have got which is why we've just accepted it up until now!

But with moving away and having an 11 month old it's not realistic for me to be able to have someone with her all the time

I would never want to leave her all day but after a walk i would need to be able to leave her for a few hours to take DC out (swimming, playgroup etc)!

I've re-read my OP and I can see that I wasn't clear enough about what I'm looking for advice on. I should have been much more explicit that I'm looking for ways to ensure that she doesn't regularly get left alone for more than an hour or two, and the behavioural stuff was just to illustrate why I didn't think a conventional dog walker/ doggie day care would work.

I've seen/heard about lots of 'behaviourists' whose methods I vehemently disagree with. I would be willing to get a behaviourist in if I found one that I could trust, but I don't have any faith whatsoever that her behaviour would change significantly and permanently. @justasking111's simplistic and misguided 'advice' is very illustrative of the kind of misinformation that's is still widely spouted by professionals and dog owners alike.

That's really useful information and perspective, thank you @FleasAndKeef and @Yourownpersonaljesus. Maybe I'll look into dog daycare more, then. If other dogs leave her alone, then she leaves them alone; she's not aggressive as in she'll approach another dog (except to bark at them if she thinks they're after her treasured pine cone!), and after much training and positive reinforcement, she will stand politely (if the other dog approaches politely) and let the dog have a quick sniff. Any more than that, though, or if they don't respect her signals, and she'll tell them very firmly. With a chilled out dog who doesn't bounce all over her, she's absolutely fine. I thought she'd find it being stressful being with other dogs, as she only tolerates them under sufferance and promise of reward, but maybe I'm jumping to a conclusion on that. I am sure that she wouldn't like a group dog walk, though - all the dog walkers I see round her have multiple, often quite boisterous dogs. She doesn't like walking at the best of times (unless we're playing the game), so that's a no-no, really.

It's a really tricky one, isn't it @Rubyduby26. If we lived nearer to my mum or DMIL, that would be the solution right there. We've been so close to getting another dog so many times, but ultimately I think that might create its own problems - it's too much of a risk.

This has been useful in terms of clarifying my thoughts, anyway - I think finding a person to have her in their home is the ideal solution. @Singlenotsingle that would be the perfect scenario! She's a very sweet natured and funny little dog (as long as you give her plenty of fuss/closeness don't leave any food within reach), so if I found the right person then I think they would enjoy having her.

I did one to one dog walking for a while. I got the jobs on tailster.com. It worked well but one of the dogs was a bit destructive at home before I arrived and sometimes after but it was being left for very long hours.

People also do daycare on tailster.com

@JoinTheMicrodots

A behaviourist is definitely the way forward. Getting people to walk her etc are just papering over the cracks really. You need to get to the bottom of why she's like this and how you and her can overcome it.

I have an anxious cocker spaniel and have gained so much from just one meeting with a behaviourist.

I totally understand that you are concerned about getting the right person in - if you could put roughly where you are then maybe people could pm you recommendations. Or maybe join a local Facebook dog group and ask for recommendations.

I wonder if you could find a student--the kind of grad student who's reading and writing up, so they could be at your house a few hours a day? Or a music student, like a viola player or something, who practices several hours a day and could do it chez vous with doggo?

Thank you @JesusInTheCabbageVan. Yes, we've tried the processes recommended for separation anxiety; right from a puppy we were doing the 'leave the room then straight back in, leave for a bit longer, lengthen the time, etc etc'. Over the years we contiued to seek advice, follow it, keep trying. It doesn't make any lasting or measurable difference.

We've always planned our lives around the dog and minimised the time that she is left alone, but it's not possible to never ever leave her - I don't know how anyone would manage that! How does one do the shopping? Go to the GP or any other appointment? Get a hair cut? Any of the million and one things that people have to leave the house for where they can't take dogs? Unless you're retired and you never both need to go out at the same time, how is that possible?

I've just popped next door to rescue a bird... should I not have done that because DP's gone shopping and Dog was alone for 5 mins? We've willingly made loads of compromises because of the dog - we've only been on holiday without her twice in the last decade, and we had my parents come and stay both times. We only go out in the evening if we can take her with us. We only accept invitations where she is also welcome or one of us can stay with her. We are the ultimate in the kind of dog-crazy that MNers outside The Doghouse frequently deride. I don't care about that - we love her. But on this thread I've been told not to leave her alone at all until we've spent hundreds of pounds on a behaviourist (who I doubt would make any difference) and that I'm incompetent/my dog's a 'lemon' because she pulls on the lead. I haven't put the time into training her to walk on the lead because we don't walk her on the bloody lead - pretty much all her walks are off lead! Why spend loads of time training her to do something that she doesn't need, when there are plenty of training things to focus on that were important and relevant to what behaviours we wanted to shape?

Advertise locally for anyone who would want to dog sit.

Contact dog walkers who do daycare and explain the situation. Often they know others in the area and might know of a place or person who would be suitable even if they can't help directly.

I assume your DC are too old to need to an au pair (given that one at least is old enough to dog sit!) but do any of your friends have au pairs who would want a few hours work some days? Would be a nice easy job for them.

Where do you live vaguely ? In London Borrowmydoggy could be useful

As mentioned by another vet upthread, there are a number of medications available for anxiety in dogs, beyond what your vets have already recommended, which would potentially be helpful.

You have misunderstood the advice. It’s not leave the dog for a minute. Then two. Etc etc.
You really need a behaviourist. And you really mustn’t leave this dog to become distressed. Honestly? It’s cruel. A dog with proper separation anxiety will suffer horrible physical symptoms as well as the obvious distress.
Is it easy? No. Nobody said it would be. Is it necessary? Yes.
And lead training. Essential. For all kinds of reasons. Maybe there are lots of things a decent trainer could help with.