Rehoming

[daydreamsanddaffodils]

I feel awful. Literally like I am caught between a rock and a hard place. But I'm in such a dilemma with our beagle I have no idea what to do for the best.

I'm currently a stay at home, full time student mother to my daughter, 10, with ASD. My partner works full time. We have pretty hectic lives. I generally only have the time that my daughter is at school to do any uni work (I'm with the OU) and around that I run a community initiative, planning a wedding and am chief cook and bottle washer.

Since getting our beagle 2 and a half years ago - things have only gotten worse. He is incredibly destructive. If he can chew it, he will - especially if it is one of my daughters toys. He is constantly on edge. As soon as anyone walks past the house AT ALL he will bark until long after they have gone. He pees in the house all the time, although he knows to go outside and will do that too. He grabs items he knows he shouldn't have. He has destroyed my £2.5k sofa, glasses, countless duvets (from peeing on them), generated complaints from neighbours and has bitten me at least 3 times and my daughter once. The biting was NOT his fault as a rule, he was resource guarding and we have come up with a strategy to prevent that happening anymore. But he is becoming more vicious as time is going on. If I try to move him off of the back of the sofa he growls and snaps at me every time. It's exhausting trying to clean up/deal with whatever new level of naughtiness he is aspiring to every day.

My other half does not want him to go and whenever I mention rehoming he becomes incredibly stand offish. This is breaking my heart also. I feel like I am being forced to carry on dealing with a dog that is making me ill with stress with no acceptance of the stress it puts me under coming from the one person who should. He just says that we are different types of people (that I am a stress head and he is not) and refuses to acknowledge that he would be less stressed with him as he gets 8 hours break from him 5 days a week where I do not.

We struggle to sit down and watch anything together of an evening when we want to sit and have calm as the dog is so hyper. We can't have a cuddle or a kiss as he barks and jumps over us. We can not eat a meal without being barked at.

For me it's constant. I'm feeling desperate and miserable and I feel like I have failed this dog and continuing to do so, but know if I rehome him I will be forever reminded of it by my other half. I've asked him to walk him regularly which he said he would, but he doesn't.

I am usually so busy during the day and the few hours I have spare to do any uni work/clean the house/do chores/plan a wedding/work for the community initiative/attending hospital appointments (usually over an hour away from where we live) with my daughter/school appts to have the time to walk him.

I'm worried sick that he will snap at my daughter and hurt her, hurt me, and it pulls at my heart strings that he probably feels unloved. We don't spend the time we should on him.

My daughter doesn't want him to go, my other half doesn't want him to go and I wish I wasn't thinking about rehoming him. But I simply can not cope anymore. We don't have the money for trainers/dog walkers/doggy daycare.

This whole thing is making me view my partner in a different light and it's breaking my heart. I need support not derision and I have no idea what to do for the best....

Nobody should have a dog that they won’t walk or get someone else to walk. It’s completely unfair.
Utterly selfish to put a wedding and community initiative above the needs of this sentient animal and then complain about its behaviour.

OP is only 50% responsible for looking after the dog. If the DP stepped up then maybe OP wouldn't feel as overwhelmed and would do more as well.

www.beaglewelfare.org.uk/rehoming/

Won’t walk or get someone else to walk. That could be DP.
But moaning about the poor behaviour of the dog and still not walking it?

Our local dog rescue centre offers discounted behavioural sessions for owners, often run at weekends. They give advice and run 'mot' health checks on the dogs. Have you checked out your local rehoming centres? Could this be an idea? Or perhaps speak to them for some advice?

foxhoundwelfareuk.jimdo.com/rescue-hounds-in-need/

Wolfie, the OP has said she will sort a rota to make sure the dog is being walked more (I assume this included her partner)
I think you're just spoiling for a fight; at no point has the OP indicated that she feels the current situation is okay.

No. OP said “a rota could work”
Hardly the same as a real commitment to change things. Most of the OP was a moan about how the dog behaves as a result of it not being walked.
Anyway. I’m off to dog training with mine.

I’m sorry, but I’m with Wolfie here. I feel for the OP but they should never have got a dog if they can’t be bothered to even do the bare minimum to look after it and can’t or won’t do anything or get anyone to help to fix the problem.

Sorry OP but your dog is miserable and because of your failings is a danger. If you don’t have the time or money for it, which you obviously don’t, contact the breed rescue immediately and get the dog rehomed with someone who can give it a decent home. You are simply being beyond cruel and talking huge risks to you and your family to do otherwise.

“if she chose to pay for a behaviourist over buying food”

I don’t think it’s a choice at this point though, and it’s not that I’m assuming your advice is bad advice in itself, but it’s a dog behaving in a way that could be really really serious in a fairly short space of time and an inexperienced owner with a lot going on... and a child to keep safe.

I’m not criticising either the OP or you, but yes I do have a dog with severe behavioural problems and I also have a DC with autism - so I’m concerned that without professional help this is a situation that could easily escalate.

Hi OP - we have a beagle too. Here are a few things that have helped us.

1 - exercise. He needs two hours a day at an absolute minimum. If his walk his later than usual I can visibly see his behaviour deteriorate. He thrives on routine so we try (as far as possible) to stick to the same schedule every single day.

2 - scent work. We never feed him out of a regular bowl. We use things like slow-feeders, snuffle-mats, licky-mats, frozen kongs, buffalo horns stuffed with wet food (and frozen) and scatter feeding. We also play "find it" and make him sit while we hide treats - either in the house or the garden, then send him to find them. If they're hidden well it takes him a good hour to sniff them all out.

3 - positive reinforcement. Dragging him by his collar isn't the way to get him to do things - use food. Train an "off" command and treat him with food when he does as he's told. Beagles are scent dogs and mine will do anything for a bit of cheese. Some people may say it's just bribery but remember beagles were bred to work independently from their masters/owners - they're not labradors or spaniels who were bred to please.

4 - re. the food aggression. Teach him that you approaching his food is a GOOD THING. So when he's eating, add yummy treats. It could be cheese, chicken, extra wet food - whatever. But he'll learn that you coming near him while he eats leads to a reward/good things. Once he's used to you approaching he can learn a drop command. So if he has something you want, get him to drop it and swap it for a high-value treat. Chasing him around the house turns it into a game (I know it's hard when they have something expensive or dangerous).

But firstly you really do need to exercise him. You can't have a beagle and not give him the physical stimulation he needs, it's not fair on the dog. If you can't or aren't willing to do so, you need to pay for a walker.

And if you can't give him what he needs please contact Emily at Beagle Welfare. They're a fantastic rehoming charity and do amazing work with all the beagles in their care.

The hounds get walks, love and plenty of freedom to run around together while they wait for their forever homes - others go into foster and and with other dogs (or alone is that's what's necessary). I know several stories of fosterers who have adopted their beagle bums because they couldn't bare to let them go!

Good luck :)

Just realised he does not get walked properly? Gosh, I thought everyone knows this about dogs?!

Even my placid couch potato greyhound needs a good walk or gets bored!

Dogs need walks, some more energetic breeds need two!

Poor dog

It's training that is needed, a bored untrained dog is a naught dog. Plenty of resources online but it's worth spending £30-40 on a 1:1 consultation with a behaviour trainer - both of you need to go as unified approach is needed (I also took my DD's, the eldest has asd, she was the best at the training!)

Ps I take my dog out whilst I eat my lunch - 45 mins at the park off lead with ball thrower wears him out, before work he goes in the garden for half an hour. If I cannot do a lunchtime walk, dh gets up early and walks before work. All dogs need a proper walk, bar the smallest toy dogs.

Nothing will improve until he gets enough exercise. How much is he getting?

I have a very active dog and I really think majority of the issues will be sorted if your pup gets out for a proper off lead run every day. A bored dog is a naughty one in our house.

Yes you have commitments but if you want to resolve this and keep the dog then you and your husband need to commit to at least an hour if not more a day to let the pup run and get tired.

Just to put this in context we leave for work at 7 am. I get up at 5.15 to walk the dogs before we leave. This is what is required. If your DH can't do similar the dog needs to go. Personally I'd PTS because of the biting. I have a resource guarder. Only I can approach him if he's eating. He and the other dog have nearly killed each other on countless occasions. It's better now but they are10. And it can still kick off occasionally. Been together since they were puppies. Both neutered.

Walking a dog 'whenever I get the chance' is not sufficient. Walkies are essential. Every day.
Proper quality walkies. I'm amazed you didn't think of this when you got the poor dog. The first thing I would do is up the exercise and see if that helps. You owe it to the dog. If it doesn't, re-think.

Hi OP, piecing together what you've said, I just don't think you're going to be able to get your DP on board to provide the exercise and training that is needed. I agree with others saying that you need a professional behaviourist too. I'm sensing from the information you've given that you and your partner - your hearts aren't in it and you don't have the motivation. I strongly recommend breed specific smaller rescues. Even a search on Facebook will start you off in the right direction and one specific rescue was mentioned upthread I see. They will take on dogs with issues. I financially support a rescue for West Highland Terriers (my dog is a rescue Westie cross) that rehomes often older dogs including those rescued from puppy farms, with all the issues that you can imagine these poor dogs have. Please please don't rush to PTS without investigating the smaller breed specific rescues first.

... I pressed post too soon, doh! What I was saying is that either you need the commitment from your DP to a substantial amount of daily exercise as others are saying plus a paid behaviourist as a minimum or else I think you should rehome via a breed-specific rescue. You've got to be realistic here, for the dog's sake, about the commitment that's going to be involved if you keep the dog. From what you've said that commitment just isn't there at the moment - not time or motivation.

Another vote for “someone needs to walk the dog”. I too am very time poor and when it is really bad the dog is walked at 5am whilst DH and DD are still asleep. It is a shit start to my day but without a morning walk the dog is a pain in the arse all morning (I work full tine from home and can’t do client meetings with a jumpy, grumpy, pestering dog around). Mine is a Bichon so not known as a high energy breed! Can you take dog with you on school run and take him for a walk along with dropping DD off? I also have a hands free and often take dog out at lunchtime with my phone and a sandwich in my pocket. I can take / make a few calls, eat my lunch and still get the dog walked! You need to be inventive but dog walking has got to be one of those things that you have on the “must do” list for the day. That may mean leaving a bit more of the “bottle washing” to your husband or moving some of your tasks round!

Ok, ok. OP, I do feel really sorry for you, I don't have experience with any of your situations (I did plan a wedding though and that is stressful!) but I can imagine it must be VERY stressful and its awful that your DP wont even help out, you need to have a serious conversation with him and then consider that type of man he really is before marrying him but that's another issue...

Wolfie is being harsh yes BUT she isn't being completely untruthful. It seems like you need to prioritise this dog if you are keeping him. You state you cannot afford professional help but he NEEDS professional help, if you cannot put the time in- which is sounds like you cant. If you are unwilling to give up something such as community initiative or scale back the wedding and your DP is not willing to help at all then you seriously need to speak with a rescue about options. Breed specific ones may offer to take the dog and work on him. Otherwise if you refuse any of those things then you MUST find the money somewhere and get him professional help. Unfortunately if none of that is something you are willing to do then PTS would be the final last resort. A rota does not seem to b enough to fix this issue and you need be thinking seriously about the commitments you are making. As continuing as you are can be very dangerous if the dog is biting and if I were you I'd be very worried about my child being near a dog behaving like that

Beagles are stubborn and difficult anyway, add in a complete lack of exercise and stimulation and I'm not surprised you're at the end of your tether!

Mine needs a good two hours exercise a day on top of mental stimulation in the form of training or slow feeders or food games. He's in his adolescent phase and sometimes I think "why?!" but I know he'll grow out of it (eventually!). When he's walked and stimulated he's the best dog in the world - loving, happy, loyal and always puts a smile on my face!

@daydreamsanddaffodils - have you checked your pet insurance? Depending on the cover you may find you can claim for a behavioural training - worth checking, just in case.

I have a lead reactive fog (he was attacked whilst in his lead) and even after one hour long session with a behavioural trainer we saw a real difference. It really is worth the money - cut back on the wedding plans slightly and divert the money into getting your dog some help.

The alternative is to try and help the dog yourself - there is lots of advice on the internet. I belong to a breed specific Facebook group and they have lots of information and advice on file - have you looked to see if there is something for beagle owners?

Try the exercise here www.justdogsplaycare.com/blog/how-to-get-your-dog-to-stop-barking-out-the-window-or-at-the-doorbell/
It takes time, but it works - you have to be consistent and make time to do this.

You wouldn't leave a bored child to their own devices, so please don't leave your dog. Thinking it as a "toddler" in terms of understanding and behaviour - I find that really helps me when lead reactive dig is having a bad day!