Rehoming

[daydreamsanddaffodils]

I feel awful. Literally like I am caught between a rock and a hard place. But I'm in such a dilemma with our beagle I have no idea what to do for the best.

I'm currently a stay at home, full time student mother to my daughter, 10, with ASD. My partner works full time. We have pretty hectic lives. I generally only have the time that my daughter is at school to do any uni work (I'm with the OU) and around that I run a community initiative, planning a wedding and am chief cook and bottle washer.

Since getting our beagle 2 and a half years ago - things have only gotten worse. He is incredibly destructive. If he can chew it, he will - especially if it is one of my daughters toys. He is constantly on edge. As soon as anyone walks past the house AT ALL he will bark until long after they have gone. He pees in the house all the time, although he knows to go outside and will do that too. He grabs items he knows he shouldn't have. He has destroyed my £2.5k sofa, glasses, countless duvets (from peeing on them), generated complaints from neighbours and has bitten me at least 3 times and my daughter once. The biting was NOT his fault as a rule, he was resource guarding and we have come up with a strategy to prevent that happening anymore. But he is becoming more vicious as time is going on. If I try to move him off of the back of the sofa he growls and snaps at me every time. It's exhausting trying to clean up/deal with whatever new level of naughtiness he is aspiring to every day.

My other half does not want him to go and whenever I mention rehoming he becomes incredibly stand offish. This is breaking my heart also. I feel like I am being forced to carry on dealing with a dog that is making me ill with stress with no acceptance of the stress it puts me under coming from the one person who should. He just says that we are different types of people (that I am a stress head and he is not) and refuses to acknowledge that he would be less stressed with him as he gets 8 hours break from him 5 days a week where I do not.

We struggle to sit down and watch anything together of an evening when we want to sit and have calm as the dog is so hyper. We can't have a cuddle or a kiss as he barks and jumps over us. We can not eat a meal without being barked at.

For me it's constant. I'm feeling desperate and miserable and I feel like I have failed this dog and continuing to do so, but know if I rehome him I will be forever reminded of it by my other half. I've asked him to walk him regularly which he said he would, but he doesn't.

I am usually so busy during the day and the few hours I have spare to do any uni work/clean the house/do chores/plan a wedding/work for the community initiative/attending hospital appointments (usually over an hour away from where we live) with my daughter/school appts to have the time to walk him.

I'm worried sick that he will snap at my daughter and hurt her, hurt me, and it pulls at my heart strings that he probably feels unloved. We don't spend the time we should on him.

My daughter doesn't want him to go, my other half doesn't want him to go and I wish I wasn't thinking about rehoming him. But I simply can not cope anymore. We don't have the money for trainers/dog walkers/doggy daycare.

This whole thing is making me view my partner in a different light and it's breaking my heart. I need support not derision and I have no idea what to do for the best....

“and then was surprised that he snapped at me.”

That’s exactly what I mean about you needing help...

I’m not saying it in a, this is your fault way, but I genuinely think you’re out of your depth and what you’re risking is creating a very dangerous dog to be around.

wolfiefan - DD is at school. However, often has appts (these can be weekly) at the hospital, likewise at school. I'm her full time carer. It's not just a case of take her to school that's it.

No, fully toilet trained thanks! He started this is our last house when the neighbours were doing what they were. He would wee against the back door, straight after coming in having wee'd. I've explained a bit about what they would do further up.

Please don't assume.

Just to give you some ideas for a rota and shared care of the dog DH and I act as a tag team like this.

I get up and exercise dog before work whilst DH gets dressed. Then we swop around whilst I finish sorting things before leaving the house.

After work one of us looks after the dog whilst the other cooks. One of you could do some physical exercise at that point (we don't because ours has been at daycare but we still play ball with him).

In the evening we take 10 mins to do some training. Just doing simple tricks tires my working cocker mentally.

When I work at home I manage the dog by taking the occasional 10-15 mins as a break to play ball. Could you do something like that where you interact with him for a short period throughout the day. This means he gets some attention but it isn't a massive amount of time all in one go so should be less stressful. Tug toys, ball throwing or training would give him your attention. I feed lunch on a licky mat as we feed wet when I work at home which gives me 30 mins of peace. Mine is bored with kongs in 2 mins but the licky mat is a hit because he can easily smell and see all the food that is so tantalising close.

Your neighbours have obviously really upset this dog.
You’re not a full time career if she is at school 6 hours a day at least 4 days a week.
It makes me so cross when people take on animals and then ditch them when they CBA to meet their needs.
Poor dog.

The chewing and to a certain extent the attention seeking might be helped by proper exercise, the rest of the issues won’t be, they’re not bored dog behaviours.

@You’re not a full time career if she is at school 6 hours a day at least 4 days a week.”

Um, it quite often doesn’t work like that with a child with a disability tbh...

It’s not usually a case of your time being your own while they’re at school.

It's more a DH problem than anything else

It makes me so cross when someone asks for help and advise and are met with rudeness!

I have given the OP plenty of advice via PM which she says is helpful and will take on board. Her dog is not aggressive and does not deserve to be pts. Resource guarding is completely different to aggression and can be trained out by an owner given the correct techniques and advice.
Beagles are stubborn but are trainable despite what people think. They are loving, family friendly dogs and this one just needs some guidance as does his owner. Attempting to shame her isn’t the way to do that! I’m assuming anybody shaming her has never had a hard time with a dog or a child for that matter and is completely perfect in every way!
Humans so much worse things yet we don’t put humans to sleep. Imagine if you walked up to a person in a shop and just snatched away an item they’d just bought and really
Loved, the human would be very very angry so why shouldn’t a dog be angry that someone takes what he considers his? I reckon if he could talk he’d say oi that’s mine but he’s an animal and he communicates differently.

Good luck OP i hope my tips will help in the long run.

wolfiefan - your replies are incredibly judgemental, unnecessary and unhelpful.

Yes I AM a full time carer to my daughter, despite her being at school. It's not a case of dropping her at the school gates and that's it. Far from it. Additionally, if you actually bothered to read my whole post you would see that it is much more than just this and the wedding that is the issue. It is definitely NOT the case that I "CBA". I tried and I am continuing to try to ensure that my dog gets everything that he needs. The struggle is ensuring that alongside trying to be all things to all people. There are only so many hours in a day. Time is the real issue here. I simply am struggling to find enough of it to do it all. I love my dog. Believe me, I do. If I didn't, I wouldn't have carried on for the length of time that I have still trying to do my best. I would have simply returned him to the breeder without a second thought.

Please, if you can't be constructive and actually helpful on a post asking for exactly that - leave this post alone.

“Resource guarding is completely different to aggression”

It’s not just about the resource guarding though - the dog is displaying lots of different stress and anxiety based behaviours and has demonstrated that it’s quite prepared to bite.

The wrong advice could well mean all those behaviours escalate and lead to more biting and a much bigger issue.

Are you going to be the one dealing with the fall out if your PM’d advice goes wrong? Advice about a dog you haven’t met...

The OP needs a professional to assess the dog in person, any other advice is really irresponsible tbh.

Stop being all things to all people.
I have severe health issues. I’m on loads of medication and hoping to feel better soon. My dog is walked daily. Because I make it a priority. (I missed one day when I couldn’t breathe at all!)
If you take on an animal you are signing up to meet its needs. I will judge anyone who puts a community initiative or a wedding above that.
Step up OP.

Whoa whoa whoa.
Resource guarding isn’t aggression?!
What else would you call it?
It is 100% aggression caused by anxiety!
Like most manifestations of aggression...
Usually fixable yes, but not always entirely.

I think it’s super dangerous to label entire breeds as one thing.
Yes beagles have a ruputation for being ‘loving family friendly dogs’ but there absolutely are vicious beagles out there..
Same as there are child hating Staffs and hyperactive greyhounds.

As a pp said, the op NEEDS professional help.
Before it gets worse.
He has bitten 4 times already.
He is highly likely to do it again.
And quite possibly with more intensity than the last time.

I do agree that the OP needs professional advice but sometimes it’s not always an option, if she chose to pay for a behaviourist over buying food for her child everyone would be kicking off about her priorities so she clearly can’t win 🤷🏼‍♀️
My advice is not professional no, but I am an experienced owner of the breed and have handled similar issues with my own beagle so my advice is based on experience. She isn’t stupid she hasn’t taken my advice as gospel she appreciates that what worked for me may not work for her but is willing to give it a try what’s the harm in that?
Best to try first rather than send the dog to die as many posters have suggested

It definitely sounds like you need professional help with your dog with regard to his anxiety and aggression. However it's fairly obvious he's not being exercised enough. You need to look at your priorities and have a rethink.

I agree with @Wolfiefan it's wrong to put the planning of a wedding and community initiative above the needs of a living breathing and quite clearly unhappy animal.

Beagles are a hunting breed and need phenomenal amounts of exercise. It sounds like this dog is lucky if he gets walked once a day. As the saying goes 'a tired dog is a happy dog' and it's true. I have 2 terriers and it's clear by their behaviour if they haven't been walked.

Op no offence but you and your dp need to bump this dog and his needs way up your priority list and quickly. If you can't/don't want to/won't then I'd look at rehoming through a specialist rehoming centre. Have a chat with your vet see if they recommend anything.

And that comment assuming no one here has had an issue with their dog?
Well I definitely have, my dog is dog aggressive.
And I’m fairly sure that tabularasa has an aggressive Rottweiler.

Perhaps those of us with aggressive dogs have seen how the behaviour has the potential to escalate and become real dangerous real quick so rightly say the op should get professional help immediately instead trying this and trying that.

The reality is, if this behaviour isn’t managed properly and quickly this dog may well severely injure someone.
This is why I suggested and still suggest, that if the OP is unable or unwilling to consult a PROFESSIONAL the dog should be destroyed.

For all of those don’t have children with special needs, I cannot tell you how exhausting and time consuming it is to chase the council, liaise with the school, go to doctors’ appointments, fill out paperwork. And that’s before ‘normal life’ things need attention. Everything takes more time. There is a lot of worry. Finding a swimming teacher can involve weeks of research. Life is a little bit more complicated.

I’m not saying the dog doesn’t need walking or that OP doesn’t need more support. But it not as simple as you’ might think.

Your "DP" is the problem here. Why would you marry someone who is leaving you with all this to manage ?

How much daily exercise is the dog currently having? What is he expected to do whilst you are busy dealing with your stuff all day, every day?

My dog went from nervous to nervous aggressive. I had help from the vet and a behaviourist. And it still didn’t help. The last straw was when he jumped off the sofa and went to bite my sons neck who was just walking past.

I spent hours researching , training , learning and in the end I just wasn’t enough and didn’t know enough to help him.

The behaviourist and the vet said that if I didn’t do something in a few months he wouldn’t be re homing him we would be putting him down.

We found a special springer spaniel re homing place that took him on with someone who knew what they were doing.

Sometimes even our best is not good enough. I owed that wonderful dog one last chance at life. For him it worked. And he was re homed with someone who knew a lot about this kind of thing.

I wanted him to stay. My husband and I both cried when he left. I trained and researched and worked hard and still it wasn’t enough.

Someone times it’s the best thing to give them another chance. It doesn’t sound like your dog is very happy and he sounds nervous and anxious and in my experience that is a recipe for disaster. He pulled me into the road when a motor bike went past and scared him. I was not hurt but only by me missing the motor bike by a few cm.

You have to do what is right by the dog and it sounds like he will be better else where. Nervous and anxious dogs get worse if it is not dealt with. Ur husband will never forgive himself if something bad happened. I say this from experience.

From everything you've said op you got a bored dog that's anxious & not being exercised enough.

Beagles are scent hounds & pack animals ,they need a lot of mental stimulation as well as the exercise & company,if they don't get it they will be full of nerves.

From what you've said of the dog next door & about your dog barking he is likely peeing inside to mark his territory .

I think you need to deal with the exercise ,without this I can't see how this poor dog will be happy ,they are born to run & sniff ,it's instinct for them .
If you can't walk in the morning he needs a walker ,then he'll need at least one more walk a day so that he'll settle at night.

You mentioned about him being destructive,once you've got the exercise sorted this should get a lot better but provide a selection of strong chews for him like antlers & bull horns etc & freeze his kongs so they last a lot longer .

I know it's hard ,I had a welsh foxhound who drove me crazy at times but he had good long walks 2-3 times a day so was settled & mostly well behaved at home which makes a hell of a difference to everyone's quality of life .

If none of this can be done for whatever reason ,don't just rehome ,contact a breed specific rescue so that he ends up with people knowledgeable of his needs & somewhere where he'll have a chance to be happy .

I have severe health issues. I’m on loads of medication and hoping to feel better soon. My dog is walked daily.

Fucking good for you.

Nope. Fucking good for my dog. She’s happy and healthy and settled in the house. It’s easy to find reasons not to do things. But you can’t make an animal suffer neglect because you won’t make time to meet its needs. That’s unfair.

WE have heard a lot about what yo do OP but can we just stop breathe and think about what the dog needs.

The dog needs regular exercise every day
The dog needs training every day
The dog needs time on top of this every day
The behaviour you describe is the behaviour of a frustrated under stimulated dog and can be very easily solved BUT

the dog needs more of your time.

From what you have said this does not sound possible so it is unfair to keep the dog in this situation.

Your DH and DD will have to accept this. If that is not what you want you need to look at ways to make this work BUT

this will take time and money are you up for that ?

I feel from your posts that is not possible. It is not fair despite the valid reasons you give re your dog to keep a dog when you can not give it the basic needs it requires to be happy.

Well isn't that great. I'm glad you're hoping to feel better soon. I'm sure the OP is waiting for her daughter's disability to disappear soon too. After all, if you can do it...

OP I'm a member of a specific breed rescue and nearly every dog that is rehomed has an issue of some sort. The key to a successful rehoming is choosing a breed specific small rescue that you are 100% honest with who will foster your dog with someone experienced. It's cruel to keep your dog when you can't commit to it, and even crueller to suggest you put it to sleep.

You've created this problem but it's not one that can't be fixed. If you can't devote the time to being a responsible dog owner, then rehome your dog with someone who can. I am sure if you google beagle rescue you can contact them and get some more helpful advice than you're going to find on here. It's kinder to give your dog a chance than keep it in an environment where it is stressed and reactive