Please help, what are the vets & hospital not seeing?

[Kneesbendarmstretchrarara]

I’ve crying non-stop for 3 days, not slept, it came on literally with a click of the fingers. No unusual walks or anything else to speak of.

Gone from loving tug o’war with squeeky toys, thinking everyone that comes to the house is here for him (& making it known!) , wanting his Kong daily, jumping on the sofa to the following:

Wobbling, unsteady, every time he tries to walk no matter how little the distance, even just from one room to the next

Right foot constantly ‘going under/back on itself’ and on 1 occasion it was stretched straight off the ground and he couldn’t flex it or put it down

Both front legs crossing over each other in attempting to walk

Collapsing, his right leg can’t hold him, his left doesn’t balance him out so he falls forward onto his face/top of his head. Terrifying to see.

Can get up onto my bed to a degree with a real struggle but needs human help to get down

Unbalanced on rear legs 50% of the time

Am beyond desperate and sad. Couldn’t go to work today as he can’t be left for his own safety. 7 year old Dalmatian with no history at all.

Vets & specialist hospital are stumped, even after £7k’s worth of investigations. Only thing showing up is significant inflammation somewhere but arthritis has been ruled out.

Only (& last) option now is MRI on brain, but in the meantime I’m wondering if there’s anything they could have missed. They’ve ultrasounded all internal organs, x-rayed his legs & neck, MRI’d his spine, taken fluids from all joints. Nothing muscular and nothing neuro related apparently.

I just need some words & a handhold. My heart is collapsing with him.

I'm so sorry for your loss. May he run free in doggy heaven, chewing everything to his heart's content. I'm so sorry. Be kind to yourself. Love is an invisible thread that links & binds us across time, space and life, you will never be apart, love will always keep you connected together.

Saw this and thought of you

I am so so sorry .

Thankyou.
Down days at the moment.

Condolence cards, memorial plants, impromptu visits from friends and emails from Davies all came my way.

Ashes back in two weeks, I am going to have them made into a diamond from Heart In Diamonds. Although if you can suggest other ideas please feel free to mention them to me

House is soulless. Floor is a void space. The fire hearth is missing him. The fridge is definitely missing him! His head isn’t bobbing up and down in the rear view mirror from him looking at where we have just driven past.

It is a very, very horrible feeling opening the front door to absence.

I keep trying to remember what the vet said...The amount of pain I’m in now was the amount of love he had from me.

DH is wondering the ‘what if’s’ while looking online at replacement, which I absolutely cannot even consider right now.

Replacement is all it is, isn’t it? I’ll never get him back, his quirks, habits, loyaly & recall, his favourite toys. He can’t be replaced.

What a bloody stupid word. Addition. That’s a better word. I think.

Have been looking through 9,000 videos I have of him from over the last 7 years.

1. Too young. Always was my unlucky number.

They showed that actually we lost him a long time ago. We just didn’t piece it all together.

I can’t bring myself to look through the photos I posted on here, if this is a duplicate, please ignore it!!

Vets suggested this site if anyone needs it...
www.theralphsite.com

I think what your vet said was absolutely right about pain and love.

Everyone pressed me about another dog. It isn't practical right now but I can't bear doglessness much longer.

What is the diamond thing you mentioned?

If love could save them they'd live forever. I'm so sorry for your loss, please remember that he's no longer in pain or confused now. It's the worst part of being a doggy mum, the knowing they'll go before you.
You sound like the most loving person and he was so lucky to have you

Can’t sleep, my feet don’t know what to do with themselves. He was always on them at this time of night. So odd being able to move my legs freely. Horrible.

You’re right, the vet said if I could have had him for 100 years it still wouldn’t have been enough.

www.heart-in-diamond.co.uk/?kw=ashes%20into%20diamond&matchtype=b&pos=1t1&mob=yes&adgroup=44154976004&campaign=116154184&ad=224444977407&gclid=EAIaIQobChMItoi94Mz93gIVTbvtCh3Qgg1EEAAYASAAEgLfePD_BwE

Am so angry this morning. As in I daren’t leave the house for road rage or taking something said out of context and me wanting to knock their block off. The mornings are so hard it’s taken me 3 hours to get out of bed. Now I’m sitting on the edge struggling to get dressed. Is this depression setting in or grief?

It's the grief

I think one of the pet organisations has a telephone bereavement line. Would speaking to them help?

Sending love. My best boy died suddenly from cancer almost 3 years ago and it still hurts so much I can barely think about it. I wasn't ready but he was be kind to yourself and keep busy x

@kneesbendarmstretechedrarara

Thank you for that link. The jewellery looks beautiful, I didn't know that could be done. Have you thought what you might have at all?

These early days are by far the worst, but you will get through it somehow. Try to eat a little if you possibly can. Your boy wouldn't want you to be poorly. The bereavement helpline someone mentioned is also worth bearing in mind I think.

It's exactly a year today that we went out to watch the Xmas lights switch on in the village and came back home to find our wonderful chocolate lab dead. Last night we went to the switch on for this year and I had a little cry on the way out. It's horrible, time does heal, but it still gets you.

I used a lady called Holly Fitzgerald from Facebook to make some jewellery and things from her hair, and we added some hair from our yellow lab to it too, because they were always joined at the hip (the saddest thing her dying was seeing his broken hearted reactions). I ordered a paperweight, and a keyring, but she also sent me a necklace and a heart shaped palmstone because she had spare hair and resin left over. They all have gold/bronze shimmers in with the hair and two little hearts to represent the dogs. I love them. The keyring is on a rucksack that we always take when we go out for the day with the dogs (so she always still comes with us). Last night I took the palmstone out with me, it sits in my pocket, but just fits in the palm of my hand, and is comforting somehow. We buried Honey at the end of the garden and planted a Xmas tree over her. I talk to her regularly. She has a previous dog and two previous cats for company.

We still had two dogs left, but she still left a hole in our lives. We never intended getting another, but it just happened five months later. We ended up taking a dog that desperately needed a home (through Mumsnet!) and he is another lab, strangely. All our dogs are rescues or strays, and they just seem to appear. No dog is ever a replacement. They are all different, but they're all so loving and it can help heal, after time. I think when you lose a dog a little bit of your heart goes with them, but the next dog gives you it's heart to fill the gap, and eventually you end up with a patchwork heart made up of all your dog's hearts.

Pic of the jewellery and our gorgeous Honey.

Thankyou, I have looked her up and as we don’t have his hair (other than what can hoover up off his favourite spot on the sofa!) I don’t think it’s viable. I will ask her anyway. Some of those pieces are beautiful.

I am sad to hear your story and grateful that you shared it.

No word of a lie, I was sitting here just now watching the process of how they turn ashes into diamonds and as I said to DH ‘Alfie wouldn’t want to be in a lab’ there was an almighty crash and his picture fell off the wall I was thinking of the 0.5 carat square on 4 shoulder ring. But now I am doubting it.

I am going to try and call the bereavement line tomorrow afternoon. The bit that breaks my heart other than missing him beyond words is the fact that he was just so young, it makes no sense.

We were all robbed.

I can only imagine how you feel. It sounds like Alfie is your heart dog. Not sure if you've heard the term but some people believe we have one dog in our lifetime that just manages to steal our heart like no other can.

Rupert is my heart dog, he's had lots of health problems throughout his life and I regularly get upset thinking about when the time comes that I will lose him. Whether I can say goodbye or not, how will be right to do it, if we'll even get to choose it. The guilt that I could take him on longer or nicer walks, do I do enough and treasure every minute as much as I should...Now, this sounds really cold, but I got another dog two years ago, the same breed but a bitch. I KNOW that there is no way I can ever replace him, so I didn't try to, I acknowledged that she wouldn't be the same and she most definitely isn't remotely like him. I also know losing him will absolutely destroy me, but my girl will give me a tiny reason to keep going, I hope.

Alfie won't be in the lab if you decide to have those things made. His spirit is everywhere, it's not trapped within his beautifully spotty physical form. I'm not particularly religious or anything I just feel like there is more to life than our physical being. I work for the NHS and often the clinical staff open a window when somebody dies to 'let their spirit out', it's always stuck with me.

And, don't forget that he's smothered your heart in tiny little paw prints. Ain't nothing gonna shift those! xxx

I hadn’t heard the term ‘heart dog’. Makes total sense now, we got him because of 15 years failed IVF so yes, you’re spot-on about my spotty baby boy. I needed someone to love and we chose each other.

I feel today like I signed his death warrant, I’m inconsolable and deserve all this shit. He entrusted me with his life and I let him down in the shittiest way.

He has well & truly covered my heart (& bed & car & floors & garden etc etc!!) with his little paw prints. I found a perfect one from mud on his duvet that was in the back of the car. I need to try & preserve it somehow but as it is mud it will dry/dust/brush off over time. Wonder if clear nail varnish will seal it and then I can frame it?

No Knees, you did the very best and bravest thing at great cost to yourself. If only humans were afforded such dignity.

Heart dog was my private phrase for her, I didn't realise it was a 'thing' but it totally describes the bond.

With the paw print, could you photograph it?

Just sending you photos of my Dearly beloveds:

Both RIP

@orcinusorca Those items are absolutely lovely too. I have some of their hair so I shall think about it.
You are right about the other younger dog to help if Rupert goes. Losing Meg was devastating but I still had my boy. It helped immensely. Living dogless is just awful.

knees could you gather his hair using a dog brush designed to get hair off furniture? That might gather it up as his hair was presumably quite short and fine.

So sorry to hear about Meg @Grinchly both of your dogs look super cheeky and happy! 

@Kneesbendarmstrechedrarara there are so many owners out there who wouldn't have done what you did for him. Many don't love dogs the way we do and Alfie will have had a tremendous life with you.

Re the paw print, if you frame it soon I imagine being sealed in the glass ought to preserve it quite well. I think nail varnish might smear it if it's dried up quite well.

You can always see magic in their eyes, it shows their soul, doesn’t it? Beautiful dogs, you were privileged to have each other.

I have photographed the print but want to be able to touch it. Daft? Not in my mind, but certainly to my non-doggy friends and relatives.

Funnily enough I searched the sofa last night for his hair I am going to gather it up this morning and probably break down again.

I was already borderline depressed because of a health diagnosis (me) DH thinks I am spiralling down. Will make doctors appointment and as I’m not working today will call the bereavement line as I didn’t manage it yesterday.

to us all x

hey

Hope you survived today. Keep away from non-dog folk at work or anywhere else as they will simply not understand.

Rather than touching the fragile things, like the paw print, I took great comfort from gripping his ( empty collar ) or her blue ring in my hand. Or the lead. I still do sometimes and that's ok

Hello!
Survived today - thankyou. Not too bad at all until DH turned round about 20 minutes ago and said ‘I wonder if Noel Fitzpatrick could have helped’ and as the words came out of his mouth, there was a promo for his programme with a dally as a patient. Alfie is definitely telling me he is with me.

I actually watched a video with a smile of him today, then I cried for feeling guilty at smiling.

He was cremated on Friday afternoon, I don’t know what made me enquire, I suppose he is still my baby and I needed to know what was happening? In the ideal world I’d have known when it would be happening so I could sit and cry with a lit candle and a photo, but I think I am glad it has taken place already.

So my head says bluntly ‘He definitely is not coming back for one last play’. It’s like I have to convince myself.

I am still sleeping with his bedding - as you think that’s acceptable, I’m going to carry on doing that You can nudge me or tell me to get my act together if it is deemed inappropriate x