16wks - surely I should be allowed to sleep now?

[OldEnglishSheepDog]

I'm honestly at the end. Pup has slept through ONCE since we got him. When he wakes for a wee it can take an hour to resettle him. Much of the time I find myself sleeping on the sofa with him on my lap.

I'm currently stood in the living room afraid to move as he will start whining the moment I do. I am on the fb page everyone recommends and am following advice.

Can't fit crate upstairs so to be with him means being downstairs. Stopped bedding down on the sofa a couple of weeks ago as it felt like I was creating an expectation.

I have woken up in my own bed once since I got him. He is taken out around 10pm and settles reasonably quickly, it's when he wakes that us the problem.

Right now, despite all the planning, I am wishing we'd never got him. I am clearly incapable of looking after him and he can't be happy to be whining this much. It's not his fault but I don't know how to fix it.

Dammit. Lots of whining. Lots and lots. He was settled while I was downstairs but now I'm upstairs, he just won't stop.

He did a massive wee before bed so I will leave any crate outings for the moment. The trouble is that it's nice and cool outside so I think he quite likes hanging out there. I have put a smaller mat in his crate so he could lay on the plastic tray if he wanted to.

Mine would whinge if she heard me going upstairs! Thought she was missing out.

Proper barking and yapping. I'm coming down with something so my tolerance levels are not high. God this is tedious.

I don't understand why he won't settle tonight.

He thinks you will go back in if he keeps it up?

4.30 wake up
No wee. Had a drink. Back in crate. I'm at the bottom of the stairs waiting for him to settle again.

Training will always be a series of two steps forward and one back. The key is not to waver when that happens.

Trust me BiteyDog has had several times when he just seemed to regressed and it would have been so easy to stop. I remember once when he suddenly hated being left in the day DH starting to work out how we could rearrange everything so he would never be left alone. I had to remind him that would be detrimental over the next 15 years of his life and we needed to go backwards to reinforce that it's fine to be on his own again.

So don't feel despondent. It will be a blip, one of several blips you will encounter as your puppy grows up.

DS is up. Therefore I can not move from my post next to the crate for fear of more barking.

We have been back and forth since 4.15am.

Feeling like we're going backwards.

Personally I would move otherwise you have gone from sitting on the sofa to standing by the crate. DS is up so you won't be disturbing him. Think about getting a fan/white noise machine and put it by the crate to muffle those type of sounds, plus it will become comforting to him.

Remember it will be painful at first. You still haven't got into a routine. You think he is going backwards but take a step back and think. Are you going backwards? Are you now staying by the crate in the morning and reinforcing that like you reinforced the sofa? Everytime something happens look at what you are doing first. Check that you aren't inadvertently rewarding behaviour you don't want. Then go back and remember what you are doing and what you are trying to achieve.

Ok. I've moved. DS is now trying to comfort him from the landing.

I keep thinking about all the reading I did and all the preparations I made and wondering how I fucked it all up so badly. My marriage is actually looking really rocky for the first time ever and everyone who knows about the situation clearly thinks I've been an idiot.

And my sodding air bed has deflated.

Right first of all have a (too early for ).

You haven't fucked up. I researched the whole of the internet for training puppies and thought yes I had got this. The reality was so far from those guides. It took me a while to think most of them are there to make you feel inadequate if they don't work. And lots don't work because all puppies and people are different. They and us aren't robots. They have there own personalities and they won't conform to a training guide. Anyone who says their puppy was easy and they just did this and it was great had an 'easy puppy'. Wait until they get one that isn't and then they will get a shock (you see threads on here from people that had easy puppies previously and then their next one isn't and suddenly following the training script doesn't work).

Think if it as you are following a guide but it's just that, a guide. Your household will mean you need to tweak that guide to make it work. It sounds like it can be noisey in the house especially in the morning. This means you need to work out how to muffle those sounds and or ask the household to be as quiet as they can until morning.

You are doing fine but you are tired and stressed which means things seem insurmountable right now. They aren't and keep posting here to get you through it. Sometimes you also need help in RL. Trainers do personal home visits for 1-1 issues. Consider that if it would help to have a face to actually talk to for encouragement.

No one here thinks you are an idiot. I have been a sleep deprived stressed out puppy owner and it's shit. Trust me when they are an adult this will be a distant horrible dream

Thank you. You have all been remarkably patient.

Came down to fine he had shat in the crate. Possibly not a disaster as the crate has a bed on one side and he had pooed on the other but did not fill me with joy.

Hi OP, sorry to hear it was a tough one. Do hang In there.....it's a 4 day working week which helps. Nice weather for toilet training also helps. Your boy will be teething a lot, get some study hide type chews in fro supermarket. Try and leave him in many short bursts, bit of shopping, taking a shower all that stuff.
Re: Guides ....I'm old school. I think these things have a lot to answer for! I've always talked to friends who own dogs (happy ones) over the years and followed their advice as well as that of my vets.
Get a big cuppa, hugs OP .....you are a hero!

Mine tends to poo and pee as soon as he starts moving in the morning and still does now. That's why I couldn't adopt the leave crying method and had to do the take out and then straight back approach.

Another thing that might help you which I had forgotten about is to get a cheap baby monitor or IP camera. That way you can leave the room and still watch him to see what he is doing which is helpful. Often you can see if they are starting to settle even though they are still making a noise.

Personally I think your crate is too big. We had this with my pup. Dogs generally will not mess in their "den/bed" but if the crate is big enough they treat one end like an en suite. It also is giving them mixed messages that they can't go to the toilet in the house - oh but hang on I can at night 😏

We ended up making the crate just big enough for a curl up sleep and blocked the rest off. We went from poos and weeks every night accompanied by whining to dry and clean and no mess within 1 night.

It's also another sign that it's nighttime and Mummy's not going to take any more crap 😂

Sometimes little pups can't hold it overnight.
A thought! Set up a camera to watch pup's behaviour. You can tell if he's actually upset or just whinging.

Keep going with it. He will have to get the message sooner or later. However please don't risk your marriage for the sake of a dog will you, if indeed it's the dog causing it.

You just be absolutely exhausted

Re: the crate. We took the divider out about a month ago as he seemed cramped. Last night, because of the heat, I swapped his big mat that covers the whole base with a smaller one so that he could sleep on the plastic if he wanted. He does sometimes, but not often, poo in his 4.30 wake up but having taken him out four times, I thought I was safe. I'll put the big mat back tonight.

I can spy on him from the stairs - he generally stops all noise when he spots me but before that he is standing and pacing.

I remember once BiteyDog made a horrendous noise in the night and I threw myself down into the kitchen to find that actually he had been asleep and was just dreaming (woofing and whining). He looked at me like 'what the hell is wrong with you' .

After that I got a camera so I didn't make that mistake again

I don't think DH would countenance spending any more money at this point unfortunately.

Understood. Park that one for later (my IP camera was £40 from amazon).

Would he view getting a trainer in to sit with you both to discuss the night issues as a waste? I found that DH and I wasn't on the same page with training until we went to a great trainer for a 1-1 session (both of us got 'told off' for encouraging unwanted behaviour ). Afterwards he admitted that he needed to alter things as he listened to her more than me

IP Camera ....genius!

Do you do any crate training? The thing that really helped Badlypup stop yapping in the crate was a lot of daytime crate training.

Sorry I realise you’ve got a lot on your plate and lots of advise flying around.

I know OES goes into the crate but that’s on his terms. You want him todo it because you asked him too, IYSWIM.

Just in response to the PP that said you should have taken on an adult rescue instead.

I adopted an 11 year old Jack Russell. I grew up with the breed and wouldn't have any other breed. He hated my children, hated all other dogs, was super possessive over me , barked all night and generally drove me a bit insane. His previous owner had let him rule the roost basically. She.didnt socialise him.as a pup, thought the best way to stop him attacking other dogs was to pick him up and got him for her special needs son who I can only assume was at times rough with the dog, given his strong dislike of children. Finally putting him in a rescue after 10 years when her son left home.

It took two years. Two years of exposing him to other dogs, two years of reprimanding him when growling or snapping at the children (he has never bitten them), and around 4 months to get him to settle at night. He now still barks when he sees other dogs but no longer tries.to kill them, he tolerates the children and rarely growls, no longer snaps. He sleeps in the lounge on the sofa and has cuddles on the bed in the morning.

He has been horrendously hard work, but totally worth it.

Adult rescue dogs are no more an easy option than puppies.

OESD why are you so against having him upstairs with you? It's not doing him (or you, by the sounds of it) any good to be spending each night experiencing stress. Why don't you just try having him up with you? You may find he (and you) sleep through.