16wks - surely I should be allowed to sleep now?

[OldEnglishSheepDog]

I'm honestly at the end. Pup has slept through ONCE since we got him. When he wakes for a wee it can take an hour to resettle him. Much of the time I find myself sleeping on the sofa with him on my lap.

I'm currently stood in the living room afraid to move as he will start whining the moment I do. I am on the fb page everyone recommends and am following advice.

Can't fit crate upstairs so to be with him means being downstairs. Stopped bedding down on the sofa a couple of weeks ago as it felt like I was creating an expectation.

I have woken up in my own bed once since I got him. He is taken out around 10pm and settles reasonably quickly, it's when he wakes that us the problem.

Right now, despite all the planning, I am wishing we'd never got him. I am clearly incapable of looking after him and he can't be happy to be whining this much. It's not his fault but I don't know how to fix it.

That applies to your husband too!

Ha! Ok. I'm off for a wee then back to bed.

OESD hope things are quiet with puppy this morning. Hopefully you are feeling a bit more confident in yourself to tweak anything you are doing to find the right fit for him to get that he should be sleeping. So yes if he refuses out of the crate walk away and ignore as he definitely doesn't need a pee etc.

So we both work full time in this household although I work at home lots. You husband may be an arse or he may be panicking about how much the puppy has turned the house upside down and probably wishes you had never bought him. Only you know which it is. I can say this though that I stayed at home with the puppy 24/7 for the first month and it was relentless and I really enjoyed going back to work to have a break (puppy went to daycare). He gets a break so he should be more supportive of you that gets none.

Right. It took a few goes but eventually he settled back in his crate with no cuddles or play. It was coming up to 4am by then.

He then slept until the alarm went off at which point he got effusive cuddles and general adoration.

Not a win as such but a commitment to @Biteyshark's method which strikes me as a good middle ground.

Getting there, well done!

OESD glad sheeppup eventually settled. So success so far is that you no longer are having to sleep for hours on the sofa with him. Now it might be worth taking a note of how many times you are getting up so you can see if that trend starts to reduce.

If it makes you feel better my 19month old dog decided to get me up at 1am this morning as he wanted a poo. This was after our normal toilet trip at 11pm so I am feeling tired this morning but fortunately I love him to bits so he is forgiven despite snoozing beside me right now whilst I am awake . Normally I make him stay outside a bit at 11 in case he needs to poo but I couldn't be arsed last night so bitterly regretting that now

I'd say he needs completely ignoring overnight now. He doesn't need taking out for a wee at his age. Shorten the nights a little - so last wee at 11.30:midnight and then in crate until 7am and don't get up to him once during that time.

My dog at that age would have pissed in the crate. No way would he have lasted 7.5 hours. All puppies are different.

An accidental tip which might help.

I took Pineapple dogs to bed with me last night - it's a rare treat. Ddog1 is great and settles straight away, Ddog2 is only 18 months old and a bit of a worrier, any noise usually sets the barking off.

It was hot so I had the fan on, he settled straight away and slept right through. The low droning noise drowned out the creaks/bumps/distant dog barks.

Might be worth a try.

Not a win as such

This all sounds very much like a win to me - the way you describe his behaviour is so different to just a night or two ago. You've gone from him making a noise whenever you left him at night (all night!) to last night when you had undisturbed sleeping for a few hours at a time - albeit with lots of putting him back in the crate

I echo pp about keeping a tally of how many times you have to get up to him. I did this with my pup - we had a "days since last accident" board. When it felt like we were getting no where the board was a great reminder that the number would go higher each time, before getting reset to zero.

It also helped with the "that dog is not learning" comments. It was a clear way to say "look, we got to 9 days last time and only 8 the time before that so we ARE getting there".

Well done, OP.

Yes @missbattenburg - I think the board is an excellent idea. I will do that. It might also allow DH to see some progress (we have apologised to each other and he has said that he will try to do more - to be honest he already does lots, it's just the whole "being on board" bit we need to work on ).

I keep forgetting about the white noise thing - he settles pretty easily in the evening generally, it's getting him back down after a midnight wee that's the problem.

I am taking in all the comments about whether or not to go to him - I'm honestly not ignoring you! But I'm sticking with @Biteyshark's method for the moment as it seems to occupy a middle ground that shouldn't traumatise either of us too much! The crucial thing I think is not to sit down, cuddle or engage at all. When I was taking him out last night (on the lead, which he hated) he kept trying to veer off towards the sofa and was very annoyed that he wasn't allowed. I have instituted a total sofa ban for the foreseeable future which is also unpopular but necessary I think.

Thanks all. Keeping this thread is helping immensely, just in terms of seeing what's happening.

Keeping him off the sofa for now doesn't mean you can't relax that later when things are calmer. We only allowed our dog on the sofa etc when he was older and effectively had earned the privilege .

I like white noise machines as the silence at night when they are used to noise can be actually deafening iykwim

Yes I see what you mean. We're a pretty quiet household anyway but I shall try to remember to try it tonight. I thought just leaving the telly on "snow" might help.

I don't understand why pup owners put themselves and the poor pup through all this torture. Very young mammals can't settle quietly unless they feel physically secure and they certainly don't if they're locked in a cage away from their pack. It's like an extreme version of the 'cry it out' technique. I couldn't do that to a baby of any species.

We have two adult collies. They start the night either under our bed, or beside it. They move positions during the night depending on how warm they are and in the morning they come onto the bed for cuddle when we wake up. It's not stressful for anybody and they feel totally safe.

@Chocolatedeficitdisorder I'm glad that works for you. It wouldn't work for us.

Maybe you shouldn't have taken on a baby dog if you can't provide for it's overnight security needs? An adult rescue would probably have settled much more quickly.

Maybe I shouldn't have. What would you suggest I do? Give him back?

Chocolate lots of people don't sleep in the same room as their puppy and this one has had several weeks with their owner already.

You obviously think yours is 'the' only and right way to do it but so do others that do it completely differently.

Take him upstairs and let him sleep in your room so he feels safe and can relax? He'll soon wake you if needs out and he'll be much happier to go back to bed with you afterwards. Don't make life so difficult for yourself.

Don't most people believe that sleeping in the same room as their baby is the right thing to do? Why do you think that is? Maybe for comfort, security and convenience? Why don't we put we put our babies in cots downstairs and buy ourselves earplugs to drown out the crying?

I guess we don't because we acknowledge that they need the comfort and security of adults to make them feel safe and that we have to be there to respond to their needs.

A young pup of 8 weeks has spent it's whole life with it's mother and litter-mates. It isn't ready to sleep alone because it knows it's defenceless and can't meet it's own needs. Is it really surprising that the little souls scream and cry for so long?

It depresses me when otherwise caring people decide to get a pup and follow such a hard-hearted route that we wouldn't with our own youngsters.

@Chocolatedeficitdisorder - if you read the thread you'll know that I spent the first month on the sofa with him. he has not been neglected or ignored.

This puppy isn't 8 weeks. It has had OP downstairs with him for over 8 weeks as it is.

Some people actually think a dog is different to a human baby. See how polarised views on this subject are? You sit on one end, others sit in on the other side and most of us choose somewhere between the two that is best for them.

Some people actually think a dog is different to a human baby.

Having had several of both, I'm completely aware that they are different, however all young mammals feel safer sleeping in the company of their mother or their family. Why is cruel to deny that to some mammals and not to others?

Actually OP, you do sound kinder than many other posters on this thread, at least you haven't stuck earplugs in and left your pup to cry all night 'for it's own good'.

It depresses me when otherwise caring people decide to get a pup and follow such a hard-hearted route that we wouldn't with our own youngsters.

It depresses me when someone doesn't bother reading the full thread before jumping right onto their soapbox but there we have it. You are giving advice based on a scenario is not the OPs scenario (it is not an 8 week old puppy and OP HAS been offering comfort). You have also piled on a shit load of emotive language to someone who has clearly had a great deal of stress and worry over this dog already.

Way to go.