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The doghouse

If you're worried about your pet's health, please speak to a vet or qualified professional.

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Original poster

Just not feeling it!

37 replies

Alabamazero · 04/04/2018 15:32

We have a poodle, one year old. He's gorgeous, sweet-tempered, hyperactive (aren't they all), beautiful to look at and slightly mad. DCs love him, DH adores him .... and I don't. Everyone who sees him says how lovely he is and what a fabulous temperament. We are obviously lucky to have him.

But I'm not feeling it, at all. We researched thoroughly before getting him, I'm a SAHM so could provide him with lots of company, walks, cuddles etc etc, so on paper we're the perfect family for a dog. But I just don't get it, and am starting to wonder if I ever will. All I see is the work involved, trips to the vets, groomers, the constant tidying up (over the Winter it's felt never ending), and the fact that we can't go anywhere for more than a couple of hours as we have to "get back for the dog" (there is nobody I can leave him with unless I book him into kennels overnight). The vast majority of dog-care falls on me - DCs are at school and DH works away during the week, although he helps a lot at the weekend.

Everyone wanted a dog, me included, but I thought I'd love him and I don't. Has anyone else felt like this?

OP posts:

Shadowboy · 04/04/2018 15:38

Yes. Once I had kids. But the dogs are still here. I’m ploughing in.

Trying2bgd · 04/04/2018 15:40

How long have you had him? We got a rescue dog 3 weeks ago and although she is lovely in many ways, I'm not sure I love her. I think at the moment I'm overwhelmed by the changes and the work involved.

itallhappensforareason · 04/04/2018 15:40

I had a hard time bonding with our dog when he was a puppy. My husband used to work nights and I found it extremely hard being on my own with him at a time when he was so needy. I did get through that though and now absolutely love him to bits and couldn't imagine my life without him.

Dogs are hard work. More people should think more seriously about the commitment involved before getting a dog.

User467 · 04/04/2018 16:03

I definitely feel differently towards pets I have owned after kids than those before. The ones I owned pre kids I just loved. They were my babies and my main priority. Totally different after kids. They are much more a responsibility and it can be hard to see the fun when you have a lot on and they are another thing in top of that. I found it helped to do something fun with them. We started canfit and it has been really good fun and I really enjoy my time with them. We also have an amazing day care/boarding that we use instead of a walker. We can do up to three hour play sessions a day, full day care or overnight boarding and it is very flexible. This has made a huge difference to not feeling quite so tied. We still do the majority of our days to dog friendly places but it means we can also included days away without them without the guilt.

BiteyShark · 04/04/2018 16:40

How long have you had him?

I didn't love my dog until he was an adult and we got him at 8 weeks old. Before then I just felt a huge responsibility and only when he grew up and things settled down did I realise how much I suddenly loved him.

BiteyShark · 04/04/2018 16:42

Also do you do 'fun' things together so not just the chores of owning a dog? I also use daycare when I am in the office and having a few hours 'off worrying about him' makes such a difference.

freshstart24 · 04/04/2018 16:49

Provided he has no major issues I'd suggest using a local day care and kennels. Try not to feel guilty about it. It will help you not to miss out on some of the things that you enjoy. I'm not suggesting you do it all the time, but every now and again might really help you.

My dog has been going to daycare once a week since he was a puppy. It's helped him learn how to interact with other dogs. It also means he is used to the set-up and happily goes for longer periods when we go on holiday.

freshstart24 · 04/04/2018 16:50

Soubriquet · 04/04/2018 16:52

I've had my dog for a year now. I bloody love her to bits but there are days when I still wished I hadn't got her.

For all the reasons you've given:-
Money
Time
Tidying
Having to make sure you're home for the dog
Walking even when you don't feel up to it

It's hard. It's even harder with me having little ones as they want to go out all day but we can't

NellytheElephant18 · 04/04/2018 16:53

I detested the early months with both my figs when they were puppies. Thankfully they became much more tolerable once they calmed down a bit and are more likely find found jostling for the space closest to me on the sofa to nap on!

NellytheElephant18 · 04/04/2018 16:53

Both my dogs*

Original poster

Alabamazero · 04/04/2018 17:39

Thank you all! I feel better now, knowing I'm not on my own!

Doggy is a year old and we've had him since he was 10 weeks old. We fully understood the commitment we were taking on when we got him - DH has had dogs his entire life and was used to the routine and responsibility of owning them. But he sees the "fun" side of dog ownership as, due to our circumstances, he only really looks after the dog at weekends, whereas I have to juggle home and DCs as well as a dog the rest of the time and get totally bogged down in the practicalities.

You are all absolutely right that I don't see the fun side of dog ownership - just the hard work. I shall look into the daycare side of things. As a SAHM I hadn't considered it, but you are right that a break from the day to day "drudgery" could be the tonic we need.

OP posts:

BiteyShark · 04/04/2018 17:42

Daycare is great as I don't walk BiteyDog on those days as he is shattered from running about with his pals. You might want to look at just half daycare as you still get a break but is a bit cheaper.

freshstart24 · 04/04/2018 17:43

You could also look for agility classes. That are great fun, DC can join in or it could be something that you and DDog do together.

We go to classes with all types of dogs in all shapes and sizes and they all love it.

Do look into daycare, it is not a bad thing if DDog can get used to this type of setting ready for holidays or those unexpected times when life gets complicated....

Tinkobell · 05/04/2018 09:07

Hi - I frequently used to feel my dog was a big hassle. A problem. Another chore for me to attend to. Then he died suddenly in Jan and my entire world just fell apart! I'm not going to lie, a lot of that was guilt. But an awful lot was the love that I'd not realised I'd felt. 😕😢

Tinkobell · 05/04/2018 09:14

....fgs do try and give your dog back the love and affection that they give you. The point of my story is to make you recognise that they do have short lives compared to ours. When they're gone, it's really horrid. If you don't give your dog anything back, he will switch off from you emotionally, he will stop trying with you. That would be a sad thing and your loss.

BiteyShark · 05/04/2018 09:18

Tinkobell we left our dog with dog sitters for a few days to get him used to it before our holiday and suddenly realised how much we missed him. And with the tie it's amazing when we don't have him I really can't be bothered to do all the things I thought I missed doing having a dog. Sometimes it takes them not to be there to understand how much they really mean to you. Sorry to hear your dog died

DonaldWeasley · 05/04/2018 10:57

My dog is 15 months and has calmed down immeasurably in the last three months. Also, dog walking is a drudgery in the winter but a joy in the spring and summer!

noitsnotteatimeyet · 05/04/2018 12:16

Wait till your kids are teenagers then you realise how absolutely wonderful dogs are

Original poster

Alabamazero · 05/04/2018 13:36

Tinkobell - at no point did I say that I didn't show our dog any affection. Quite the opposite - he is constantly cuddled, played with, snuggled up to - all the things we all want.

The point of my post is that I just don't "feel it". I can assure you that he is one spoilt pooch :) (and not just walking etc, but emotionally too).

I like the comment about the teenagers!!!! :)

OP posts:

BiteyShark · 05/04/2018 13:48

OP I really do think you will start to 'feel it' when you get some downtime from the dog 'chores'. I don't feel it when I am bathing the smelly muddy dog for the nth time but when I get to enjoy him rather than 'care' for him then I do.

Tinkobell · 05/04/2018 13:58

@BiteyShark - dead right about the absence....we found the same after returning from hols Pre-kennel pick up. The house was just lacking. It still is & thanks for your kindness. I started the "sleeping with pup" thread but everyone seems to think I'm a hard-nosed bitch on it. Hopefully you can tell I'm not! .....back to bonding OP - buy your poodle some nice treaties that only YOU and you alone give! The other thing is get out and about, it's so lovely when other people pay your dog compliments and I think helps you to step back a little an think "yeah, lovely dog!"

Tinkobell · 05/04/2018 14:02

Ok OP. You have to go through this to know how awful it is. The dog gets out, is lost, gone. Minutes and hours pass. Days pass. You lie away at night listening for the screech of car tyres...oh my god. You daren't go out, case the phone rings. We've been through that. Trust me. You know you do love them!

Tinkobell · 05/04/2018 14:07

My DH always called our dog the 'half child' because in his mind, that's roughly what the dog kind of equated to in terms of time, effort & attention. When he died I said to my DH "there you go....you always found him a pain in the arse". He was hurt. DH grieved as much as the rest of us. 😢

Original poster

Alabamazero · 05/04/2018 17:28

Tinkobell - I'm truly sorry that you have lost your dog.

OP posts:

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