Just not feeling it!

[Alabamazero]

We have a poodle, one year old. He's gorgeous, sweet-tempered, hyperactive (aren't they all), beautiful to look at and slightly mad. DCs love him, DH adores him .... and I don't. Everyone who sees him says how lovely he is and what a fabulous temperament. We are obviously lucky to have him.

But I'm not feeling it, at all. We researched thoroughly before getting him, I'm a SAHM so could provide him with lots of company, walks, cuddles etc etc, so on paper we're the perfect family for a dog. But I just don't get it, and am starting to wonder if I ever will. All I see is the work involved, trips to the vets, groomers, the constant tidying up (over the Winter it's felt never ending), and the fact that we can't go anywhere for more than a couple of hours as we have to "get back for the dog" (there is nobody I can leave him with unless I book him into kennels overnight). The vast majority of dog-care falls on me - DCs are at school and DH works away during the week, although he helps a lot at the weekend.

Everyone wanted a dog, me included, but I thought I'd love him and I don't. Has anyone else felt like this?

We had a puppy a few years ago. It was not a nice dog - couldn't be trusted not to bite (and I don't mean mouthing or puppy biting) - whites of the eyes and snarling, drawing blood. This obviously coloured how we felt as there wasn't much reward and our life was just massively curtailed but I wouldn't have another one.

A couple of years ago my DD aged 16 made a profound remark about the dog. She said "we go out each day, meet people, go to school, have hobbies - that's our world......but for the dog, WE are his only world"..... she was right.

I think that clicker training is absolutely brilliant for bonding with your dog. It makes you look for things to praise him for, and it makes him look for ways to please you. It really is a different way of looking at the relationship and because it is fast and effective, it tends to make you proud of your mutual achievement. Look for books by Karen Pryor and Pat Miller.

I have only recently found out from Mumsnet that the puppy blues/intense feelings of regret are a thing. I wish I had known when I got my dog eight years ago. I thought I was broken. I'd desperately wanted a dog my whole life and was spending my time trying to think who I could persuade to take her off my hands. She was pooing a lot due to the poor diet she'd been on so I would tot up in my head how many poos I would be likely to have to pick up over her lifetime which was about as depressing as it sounds. She seemed to have immense faith and trust in me the second we met so once we bonded we bonded hard. I now waste time worrying how I'll ever cope without her because I'm apparently never happy and incapable of living in the present.

OP - the feelings you describe in your opening thread are very strong. Are you in an isolated area? I'm just surprised that there are no daytime dog sitters around so you can at least get out for a few day trips?
Maybe you need to discuss your feelings with your DH and really think long and hard about actually giving up the dog. It's more for his emotional sake ongoing.
If you feel giving him up would be a wight off your shoulders then probably that might be best.
But if you feel giving him up would hurt you badly....there's your answer. Dogs are a job, there's no getting away from it. I'm sure if your dog could cook a meal, brush himself, take himself off down the vets...then he would!

....sorry a final point. Have you got into the social aspects of dog ownership? I had a group of pals that I walked with. Now my dog is gone, that is gone too. And I'm sitting on my arse putting on pounds! This is another reason to get another dog! sounds like I should take yours off you!

Oh my, I totally feel your 'not feeling it' our puppy is 14weeks and I pretty much regret getting him, he is well looked after and we are doing our best by him but it's hard bloody work most of the time, especially managing the kids / their friends as they tend to over excite the dog and I'm the bad guy constantly telling them off.

I'm just hoping the training will pay off and in a year we'll have a great little dog but for now the restriction to our lives is driving me mad... 3 sets of shots here in NZ so will be 17 weeks before can be taken out and about.

Puppy regret is definitely a thing I am currently suffering from. It has improved though, at its worst I would have let anyone take her away just to get my life back! Now I would vet the person first! Lol. The initial work is quite a shock and general tiredness can make it hard to feel anything. I might think very differenly by Christmas, I really hope so!

I would feel exactly the same as you OP. In fact I did feel like that after taking on a rescue cat. She wasn’t a normal cat who wanted to be out or asleep. She’d spend most of her days around my legs crying. I have a two year old and a five year old and age just felt like another responsibility that I could deal with. Another thing I didn’t have time for and felt guilty about. Another drain on our finances and another thing to worry about when she stayed out all night and came home having had a fight and I had to rush her to the vet.

Eventually my Mum took her on and she’s now a house cat. She is loved and is thriving. Thank god quite honestly. I can’t ecer imagine having a dog now as I know I’d feel exactly the same. The mess, the responsibility, the fleas, the vet bills, the walks, dealing with their old age. My god no. I’d rather be on my own.

It's such hard work. We've had our boy for 18 months. I do my absolute best but struggle. Glad to not feel alone

Hi op. I reckon I struggled to bond with my dog most of his first year. Since I've been single again - years 2-3 for my dog the bond has suddenly appeared and we are very content. Not saying become single!!! Also this last year I've really noticed how much I trust him - he can snooze in piles of barbie shoes and not touch a thing he just likes being with the kids wherever they hang out.

Book him in kennels a couple of nights over a weekend. Give yourself a breather. Why not? A bit of space might help if you're feeling somewhat peed off!