My girl has gone

[NotAnotherNightIn]

13yrs was far too short for such an amazing friend. She passed away in my arms yesterday, she held on til all the family were home. I felt her last beat, last breath, told her I loved her, told her I was always at her side. It's too raw and it's ripping my heart to pieces. My emotions are incredible, feel like ripping the universe open and letting everything just get sucked into oblivion. She was my child before I had children. She knew more about me than I knew about myself. She forgave me when I told her off and showered me with good honest kisses when I cried. I will grieve for her forever, she's been through so much with me. I feel such incredible honour that she chose to finally give in only once I held her.
I know some ppl will not understand the extent of such a bond but I know others will.
To all those who have lost their greatest friend you're not alone in your grief and I'm sure they never leave our side.
I'm sorry if this post is upsetting, I've put my feelings on paper but that's a personal message to her and my family and it feels isolated. I just wanted to ease the isolation and have a bit of a public sob. X

Ooh Honeyroar, your place sounds like doggy paradise! Unless you're worried your 9 year old might start leaping around like a nutter, the young one might give them a fresh lease?! We're just left with a cat and an ancient 16 year old fish, so our place feels soooo sad and quiet now. The passing of George has prompted a lot of questions for me, in fact I think it's triggered a bit of mid-life "what am I doing with my life, really" "should I go and get a job and quit being a SAHM".....poor old George, he was such an assuming character, he'd be sad at the turmoil! Anyway, I am seeing puppies tomorrow, they are so yummy!!!!

Good luck tomorrow, you know you'll fall in love! And I'm impressed with a sixteen year old fish - I didn't think they lived with that long.

We do live in a doggy paradise, we have sixteen acres and are surrounded by open countryside and a great network of footpaths. Unbelievably our little dog is allergic to grass!! She came from a horrible cage in Romania to this and then can't go out in it! You couldn't make it up.

Sending you love.

What can I say other than it sounds like you had a beautiful experience and life together and your love was shared.

Think of the happy times (and funny ones) I'm sure there were lots of them xx

Honeyroar...too true you do lose a bit of your heart, unfortunately it's a very special part. But they deserve it all. I had a cry in the utility room today...first proper sunny day in ages and was getting the washing out of the washer and the thought of having to peg it out the washing without my girl running around my feet just broke me.
The dog I grew up with was exactly like my girl...Remember dad coming home with him after finding him in a bag by the side of the road. He was fantastic so loving and just a soppy sod. When he passed it took me two years to get over him and when I did all I could think of was giving a home to one that desperately needed it...then my girl just fell into my lap! My dad informed me a friend of his knew someone who was basically asking anyone who would take a dog as they needed rid (I was infuriated at this and I know you shouldn't act on impulse but hey ho I do and I don't regret it) so I went to meet these ppl and basically the old story 'accidental litter' I just thought HOW COULD YOU. I did inform them if they didn't want another accidental litter they'd better get her spayed and it will help the health of the dog in the long run to. I couldn't be a dog breeder as I'd probably never leave them go...same for a rescue centre. X
By the way special respect honeyroar for sharing your lovely home and all the effort you put into helping those in real need. Thats very special.
Tinkobell...you gave George all the love of your family and he'd be glad you're going to give another special creature a lovely loving home. They are so unselfish. Please do keep us updated xx
Thank you Chesiremama89 x

Some pics - George westie in early Jan....devastatingly we had no idea that he must have been so very ill....hard to deal with that.
Puppies today! The Mum was such a fab mum and loving feeding and licking her babies.....hope this brings smiles!

One more...George sunbathing with our cat. The cat was feral and living under an old car eating rodents! They were great pals. We have to really get a pup to adapt to the cat, sadly most rescues cannot.

O Tinkobell George looks so lovely bless him x
The puppies are gorgeous and mummy looks absolutely fabulous doesn't she x
It brings loads of smiles, I was going to put a little post saying 2 wks today and time has gone nowhere. Your post has given me that aw look at that mamma with her baby's. Utterly gorgeous x
I do miss my girl terribly I still cannot comprehend that she was old and her day had come. I keep asking dh was I good enough to her and he keeps telling how stupid I am to even think it, but that's the way I am...i want everyone who comes near to be treated with the love they deserve and especially my babies...i had 3 children not 2, that's what it feels like.
I'm so happy for you Tinkobell, such beauties they all are and sending George hugs and kisses (as well as my girl of course!)
On a lighter note, sort of, my girl was prone to farting...at inappropriate moments (is there an appropriate moment!?) but it's so odd to say this...ive been stood in the kitchen or sat in the living room during 'serious moments' like telling dc1 off for not sharing and I've smelt her fart (sorry if tmi) but seriously it's THERE in the air and I just think she's there! It's so weird. Brings a smile and tear to me. Dh said if she were to haunt us that's the way she'd do it.

Oh dear that is funny.....the crazy things you miss! 😀 In our house, it was poor George that got landed with the fart-blame, poor guy - now it's the cat!!!! It is weird how as you say, you completely loose track of time at these sadly stressed times. I'm sure you were a brilliant loving mum to her so don't torture yourself .....but I do know where you're coming from, it is very hard to not ponder and think 'what if'. I lost my rag on the Thursday before George died and I'm convinced that might have tipped him. But then I saw the X-rays and a tumour's a tumour. So you have to rationalise it.
I'm sure your girls time had just come. I'm sure it was a great comfort that you were right there when she went.
Might have pup end of April - a girl, we are going to call her Bonny!

Tinkobell...I'm utterly convinced animals are the most forgiving creatures (unlike myself who holds grudges like their going out of fashion!). They know when we have an off day and they merely forgive you for it. I'm convinced the cold snap we had pushed her over the edge...its never been so cold here and she was always a lover of the snow. Yes I did wrap her up warm when she got back in, but over that week of snow it just felt like she was slowing to a crawl. Also the fact that easter is upon us and the question of death and new life is very prominent in my mind. Winter came and took her, now spring for new life. I will so miss her this summer, basking in the sun, playing in the kids sandpit and paddling pool, then shaking herself off to their delight.
I know I'm at that stage where I don't care that reason tells me she was old my mind says she was still my baby.
One thing is certain I loved her to bits and always will.
Bonny is a lovely name. And they certainly look Bonny puppies. Such a gorgeous colour...golden yellow...my happy colour (I had a yellow fetishism while carrying my first DC, yellow made me smile so much and he turned out a very smiley child lol).
Like an expectant mam...the countdown begins for you Tinkobell...puppy moments are the best. My girl fell off a chair with her first bark as it shocked her so much. Plus the bum/hind legs lifting in the air while eating or drinking as they haven't realised they can bend their neck! X

Thanks @NotAnotherNightIn. The arrival of the newbie doesn't take away the deep sadness and reflection on George's death; which makes me well up several times a day ......but it is something happy and joyful to now focus on. The Mum-dog was so good but also a bit of a clump! She sat on the pups without noticing while I was there, so I'm going to just keep all options open until we do actually get Bonny end of April.
I think a dog or indeed many pets bring a tenderness to children of all ages and a development of caring skills. My DS was diagnosed with anxiety last year and I do believe a dog is just a lovely non-demanding thing for them to chill out with. Time with a pup is over in a whirlwind as they grow so fast.
I'm sure in time you guys can give such a brill home to another dog. Think about the little character waiting out there that might need you??? I hope you have a nice weekend and as you say, enjoy Easter and new life!

.....here's one that will make you smile.....it's the 'labrawestie' the new hybrid that everyone's talking about ....the friendliness of a lab combined with the compact convenience of a westie! 😂

Glad it went well visiting the pups. It will help having so meshing else to love and keep you occupied. You'll never forget George.

I don't think the time is quite right for us to add another dog in just yet, even though it's tempting. I think we need to concentrate on the two we have. Rory is getting old and I think he needs to have some calmness in his later years, an unruly adolescent wouldn't help. When we got him as an unruly adolescent Honey was onlt three so she could keep up with him and they wore each other out equally. Little nelly is young enough to play with a youngster, but she can be nervous of overly big and bouncy dogs.

Just had a phone call from breeder. Nice lady but asked "just checking you are totally committed, only had a guy here last night offering more money etc" .....I'd forgotten what a minefield buying a puppy could be. Anyway hopefully reassured her but would be gutted if it went tits up, esp after recent sadness. Can't loose sleep over it, what will be will be!

Oh no! What a rat bag breeder. 😡 How annoying, but even if it goes wrong (and I'd keep looking perhaps?) you will find the right dog.

I hadn't noticed that you'd put photos on (god knows how!!) How gorgeous was George!

I've added a couple of ours. One of all three a week before Honey died (the choc) and another of her and best bud Rory last year and one of her fave toy (she was pretty good on a skateboard!).

In fact, the more I think about that Tinkobell, I would be saying no the breeder, that is not a scrupulous breeder who puts the pups first. That's another reason why I only have rescues, I'd not give a penny to someone who clearly churns dogs out for profit. That's made me really angry thinking about it!

Thanks Honeyroar, what a sweetie your honey was ...awesome to skateboard - such canine skills!!! Nice that you buried that board with her. Hits home when you see their pics. George was indeed a sweetie and was very puppy-like til the end, so miss him 😢
The lady's probably not a rat bag. She's a first time home breeder, tbh the house was very very modest and suspect they need the income quite badly. She might have been trying it on a little. I suppose from her point of view, last thing she needs is someone backing out. She will have had enough of rampaging pups by week 8 I think!

@honeyroar - I know where you are coming from, I'm being cautious. If there's any talking of upping an already high price, I'm out. I think she wants it all...top price and a top home/owners. It's a sad fact that there is a scramble for pups with people paying deposits Pre-birth! In an ideal world I'd choose a pup at around 6 weeks when you can get a sense of character, but with these cockerpoos the demand is high.
I would like to adopt but the cat limits our options big time and also crazily even having kids does too. Battersea have next to nothing that we could take. I'm afraid after our v recent loss, i couldn't take an old dog which might not have too many miles left on the clock. 😞

to be honest I'm a bit hysterical in some moments - when my last dog died I thought I was going mad with grief. It helped me to do some research on pet bereavement and found I was not alone in being astonished at the pain, its something people have been writing about for hundreds of years.

I also used the Blue Cross online pet bereavement service which was worth its weight in gold and then I subsequently did some fundraising for them (I think their pet tea party day is coming up soon).

Tinkobell...i hope the woman isn't messing you around (I echo honeyroar about ppl breeding for profit, the pics you showed are of a gorgeous breed so she should be happy in the fact she's continuing that breed, of course she needs to cover costs etc but not at the expense of the potential new owner, a good dog (cat/horse whatever) is priceless as it's a life that deserves caring and love.
Fingers and toes crossed for you Tinkobell, I'm really hoping this goes smoothly for you x
Honeyroar...what characters they look...i love all 3 together! That's a 'we're content' pose x
Staplescorner...thank you for the signposting to blue cross. I was kindly pm'd by a person who has dealt with bereavement and she gave me some very helpful ideas and techniques. I will pop onto the blue cross website and take a look too thank you.
I'm glad that you identified with that statement...cos when you're taken into the midst of that moment it feels so solitary and terrifying. I do still have those 'I can't breath' moments cos she's not here and I don't want to be in a place where she isn't. Thank you Staplescorner x
Lots of love for all of you including fur babies now and then X

Thanks @NotAnotherNightIn .....yes hope she's not messing around. We do have back up plans in place, itlll be ok.....tbh nothing can be more heartbreaking now after losing George anyway! I think the grief is a very individual thing. I'm having a lot of sad moments as I'm in the car or if I see his fur lying around anything like that. I can well up in an instant. Talking about it to others is quite hard too. This kind understanding thread is helping. We are on IOW for a week ...that's a doggy paradise, be nice to bring a new one here soon I hope!

Tinkobell...i completely understand what you mean. The thought of hope being dashed after a precious one has left such a vacuum in your life is like living on the edge; one way is not complete happiness as you're still without George but it's hope and being able to share your love again...going over the edge is just an abyss of misery and the woe of having to begin, considering it all again yet doubting everything. God I really hope it works out. I've told dh I really want to be able to help, love and share our home with dogs (I just don't feel complete without a fury friend! Some ppl just don't get that). But all I can think about are those negative pitfalls that would crush me. I've only just started eating properly again and looking to reconcile my view the she was just an old gal. I am considering looking into volunteering at any local shelters that need the help. I know my girl wouldn't want me upset, but she also knows caring for animals is ingrained in my dna.
The hair thing...yep I'm doing that too. I look and say to myself soon they'll all be gone but one day in years to come I'll be cleaning that place which only ever gets cleaned once a century and there they'll be and I'll be old and wrinkly and slumped on the floor either having a cry over my old friend or smiling at those memories of her.
Talking to others...its very hard isn't it just, either ppl understand or just give you that 'get a grip' look. Even some pet owners have just come out with 'we just get another', they are the type though that primarily 'purchased a pet' as a lifestyle choice, to get in shape, cos the kids wanted it...not to enrich their family life, not because a dog/cat/whatever is a living being in its own right and when loved gives love and makes you bloody happy.
IOW...my grandad loved that place, every yr without fail! Hope you have a lovely time and get some rays of sunshine there! My dh has mentioned having a getaway to give me something to concentrate on and just give me a break from it all.
I'm glad this thread is helping you, it's certainly helping me. Just being able to mouth off my woes helps. No one other than a true animal lover can understand. My dh loved her but we got married when she was 6 so he had to accept and love her...we came as a package. He cried and mourned but not in the way I have, that's OK though I accept that his feelings wouldn't be as entrenched as my own. I put on a brave face but in private I break down into an hysterical heap.