My girl has gone

[NotAnotherNightIn]

13yrs was far too short for such an amazing friend. She passed away in my arms yesterday, she held on til all the family were home. I felt her last beat, last breath, told her I loved her, told her I was always at her side. It's too raw and it's ripping my heart to pieces. My emotions are incredible, feel like ripping the universe open and letting everything just get sucked into oblivion. She was my child before I had children. She knew more about me than I knew about myself. She forgave me when I told her off and showered me with good honest kisses when I cried. I will grieve for her forever, she's been through so much with me. I feel such incredible honour that she chose to finally give in only once I held her.
I know some ppl will not understand the extent of such a bond but I know others will.
To all those who have lost their greatest friend you're not alone in your grief and I'm sure they never leave our side.
I'm sorry if this post is upsetting, I've put my feelings on paper but that's a personal message to her and my family and it feels isolated. I just wanted to ease the isolation and have a bit of a public sob. X

Thank you so much for those books little miss, I will certainly be getting them. And certainly the memory box. I did begin sketching my family before Christmas, including her of course, I think I need to finish it soon.
Tink, I know what you mean...I have been beating myself at all those times I said something out of turn to her...like the time she deheaded all the bedding flowers and gave me that 'well that looks better now' face. But they know we loved them and they always forgive our mistakes x
Honey raw...You're so right...dogs are awesome x
Pink...always hug her a little longer than the last time you hugged her, I miss the hugs so much x

I had a extremely weird moment today. I was out with the two remaining dogs and we went round a corner and ran into another dog that was the image of the dog we'd lost. It absolutely took my breath away and my remaining lab, who can be barky with other dogs stopped dead for two seconds and then wagged his tail furiously! It was a male, but she was such an unusual choc lab, more ginger in colour, that she was unusual. It even had the same collar on. I think the owner, who was on the phone, probably thought we were all nutters for staring at his dog so much.

O honeyroar that's put a smile on my face. How lovely your other dog reacted like that...always in everyone's memories then...even honeydogs memory!
It's a week today for me, I woke up sullen, but so many lovely memories are flooding back, she's certainly taught me one hell of a lesson on life...yes I still sob now and as you've all laid claim to - those feelings won't ever disappear but will ease - but I did have so many great times with her; always make happy times, don't wait for them. I've slowed down a bit too...started hugging the family more...life can go into auto pilot at times and you can forget the simple things that create so much happiness x

I lay on my bed and wailed for 3 weeks straight when I lost my last dog. It's 5 years ago now and the pain has eased. He's buried at the bottom of the garden (along with about 3 other dogs, a puppy, a rabbit, 2 cats and a bird!!!) and I couldn't go to the bottom of the garden where he was for a couple of years without crying. The buggers break your bloody heart wide open don't they. 💔 What kind of dog was he op?

It's good to hear some happy memories coming Not Another. I found after George passed for the first week or two my eyes and brain played tricks on me ....thought I heard him move, thought I saw him outside. That's not very nice, but normal I guess. I wanted to start clearing away all signs as I was getting v distressed. I had to clear away all the old poop in the garden, we wiped down and nicely wrapped bowls and basket (ready for our pup in May I hope!). Even silly things like bits of hair had to go. We have box with his name on with the collar and some fur clippings that the kids wanted and also the little towel his head was on after he died. My 16 year old drapes his little coat over her headboard. We are now 8 weeks on. It's still really hard. I feel incredibly flat inside but I am sleeping well now and functioning again, kind of. It's very tough - especially when you've to tell others about it. That actually can spoil my day now.

It's nice to talk to other people in the same boat. People who don't think you're crazy for crying over a dog that died a few months ago.

I wonder if I've had it a little bit easier with having other remaining dogs. My middle dog was joined at the hip to the one that died and he's been quite down since she died, so I've had to make a lot of fuss over him and also the dogs know if I'm upset and come for a cuddle. I haven't got that empty house feeling that some of you are describing.

Fosterdog123...she was a jrt/corgi cross. Had that fierce loyalty and mischievous nature of jrt but that kind gentleness of a corgi...wow I wish the human race could be crossed in such a way as to bring the best bits out! Her body was typical corgi...stubby legs...but her mind was convinced she could jump a wall bless her. We have a tiny garden and basically the kitchen window can see it all so I know I'd have been standing there washing dishes day after day in tears. It's comforting that so many ppl have loved these great beings just as much as myself. Christ I'd say I've cried harder for her than any human.
Tink...I hear you! I'm convinced she's been there just in the corner of my eye and my mind begs that when I turn she'll be there. I've actually collected some of her hairs up...placed them in the memory box. My dh said when she passed I should cut a lock of her hair...but I couldn't! I just did not want to take anything from her...i wanted her to leave as she came. The day they collected her I went into mourning overdrive and began rituals that you would for humans...i just wanted her to give her the respect she deserved. I've been getting some disturbing dreams about her...other night she was under water and the water turned into the washing machine that just kept swirling around and I was doing all I could to open the door!? So random.
Honeyroar...yes it's the hollow feeling. My dh said that one day I'll be ready to take another little scamp...i know I will but right now...nope x

Just saw this. It's overwhelming, I know. It's the fact that they're so innocent and forgiving and just the happiest little things on the planet

Tears streaming reading this whilst sitting next to my fur baby that I’m so lucky to have. I am so sorry for your pain, may you hold the happy memories of your special times together forever xxx

Notanother - anyone who has loved a dog knows exactly how you're feeling. Those that haven't probably won't. Do talk to people and dog owners face to face if you can. I have and it does help. You walk away with streaming eyes and it sets you off, but it's probably good to let it out. We miss George for his dear personality but also because his life made us reflect hard on the decade that passed with all its events .....our kids growing up, moving house etc. We miss his canine presence in our house. There are many facets to this grief.

So very sorry, that brought tears to my eyes. Do you think you could post a picture and share him with us?

Really really sorry her

teaiseverything ... I couldn't agree more. Grey friars Bobby has been a favourite story of mine since childhood and the fact that another species can have so much love and adoration for another blows me away. My poor girl would have been silly enough to have done that...even though she knows full well I hate the thought of her cold and wet the little so and so bless her.

RLOU88...they are the best, have lots of lovely cuddles, right now I'm remembering holding mine so we can have a good nose out of the window, she was a right curtain twitcher. I loved cuddling her up and carrying her even though she was very gruff at the thought of being overly babied x
Tinkobell...luckily I've got some incredible animal loving friends. When you witness a grown man moved to tears by memories of his own faithful pal you soon realise you aren't alone but you are a member of a pretty incredible club. I Base my whole human relationships on whether ppl can show great affection to animals, usually those that don't are at the very bottom of my respect list (and some happen to be family! Well you can choose your best pals but not your family as the saying goes).
Kinky afro...i wish I could but it won't let me upload. I've a few pictures my eldest has drawn since her passing...notanothernightindoggy playing in the grass is the best, the fact that he knows the grass is her favourite (as well as the muck!) put a massive smile on my face.
When it approached the time she passed today I said to dh 'a week today...' I was going to say 'that my baby was taken' but I began to tremble and cry and I just can't grab hold of myself when that happens. But I tapped her basket...back in its rightful place x
I really have with all honesty cried and am grieving harder than I have for any human. I'm not ashamed of that fact. She deserves all my tears and rage at her loss, love her so much x

Hi Notanother, the grief for me did mess up my sleep. Partly because some of our traumatic experience started during the night, so I found a subsequent negative association. Also because you have more thinking time at night.
I do think getting night time rest helps you deal with the day ahead and life in general .If this is the case for you or any other grieving posters on this thread, I whole heartedly recommend Guy Meadows book "Good Sleep Guide". It's very comforting and helps you at least straighten out your sleep again.

Tinkobell...thank you for that recommendation, my sleep is being disrupted. I've never got up so much through the night. I do listen hard in the silence of the darkness for her heavy huffy breathing...it reassured me. Now the silence just makes me feel vulnerable! The dh snores...ive only noticed since she has gone!?! I did so much love the sound of her huffy sleep and woofy running dreams x

Lost my dog last year a week after my parents dog crossed rainbow bridge I know exactly how u feel hear is Millie and Ben

Millie was 14.6 Ben was 17 years old

ilovesprouts...aw that face. Big hugs for you ilovesprouts. I have pictures up everywhere now so I have that cheeky face I miss so much looking at me at every turn. I've a picture of her as a puppy, she's up to her head in soil having just dug her way into a pot I was preparing for some roses. Her face is covered in soil and she's just looking over her shoulder like 'right I know what you think...but seriously it isn't what you think...besides you think it's cute!'
She was old...but I just cannot process that...to me she was always and will always be that adventurous crazy pup with no fear. I would love to have my baby back right now...she'd be catching the snowflakes in her mouth as if she were determined none would touch the ground!

Ps I love sprouts too x

Hi Notanother - hope you and family are doing ok. Thought I'd drop a little note as am in similar place with loss of George in Jan and know this isn't one that just goes away like magic overnight. Hope you are recovering from initial shock and I guess starting to accept. I've accepted but just left feeling very hollow and unmotivated. My DS and DD are starting to ask about pups, and I'm finding the desire to progress and get behind that very hard.
Anyway, thoughts are with you.

Tinkobell...you beat me to it. I was going to post tonight, but thought I'd just have a peak and post an update during coffee break. I did want to post the other night, it's really hitting me how much I'm missing her physical presence, feels like the house had been robbed and the most precious item taken! At night I miss the bedtime ritual...i also miss begging her to come in from the cold as she's convinced herself that the toad and field mouse are still resident in our tiny garden...i turned the garden upside down to prove this was not the case but she just would not believe the evidence and crazily convinced herself they must be coming out at night...hence come 10pm every night she'd do her best to stay outside for as long as possible and either me or dh run around the garden to get her back in to the warmth of the house. I miss that crazy little life she had.
I am sobbing uncontrollably now and then, I demand that she comes back to no avail.
My nearly 3yr old has started saying her name in his sleep...he misses her and he's developed separation issues due to this. We're working on this, and obviously it will take time.
Thank you so much for thinking about me, it's so kind of you. Please accept my virtual hugs to cheer you up as your message has cheered me up x
Its lovely your kids want to share their love again...I've NEVER been without an animal in my life and now it feels so odd. They give you humanity and teach you kindness.
I'm glad you are in the mind set to give your home to another, if you're like me you'll never forget your George but you have that love in your heart to care for and protect those great creatures x

Golly, that's very tough to hear but I can identify with all of it. A dogs presence is often about the little day to day mundane things and when they're not there it really hits home. This morning I had a bacon butty and a piece of bacon slipped out onto the floor.....course you know who would have been straight onto that!! Also Sundays (roast dinner) was George's treat day, so sad to not see that little optimistic face looking up at us.

We had a montage photo thing made up with George's pics as DS (aged 15) said he was worried he'd forget what George looked like. I had it up for a week but unfortunately I'm afraid it was making me burst into tears constantly, so it came down for 2 weeks and I decided to rehang it yesterday. The dust does settle eventually but it really isn't easy. All you can do for your DC's is let them get it out of their systems, when they want to. Thoughts are with you. Big big hugs!!!!!

Tinkobell...I relate to the bacon and Sunday dinner moments all too sadly...i stand there in the shop thinking what she'd like for Sunday roast! Her last Sunday roast was beef...i chose that for her not us! I thought o I know what she'd like, I slow cooked it for her too cos as she got older she just wasn't up to chewing. The sunday that has just passed I looked at the beef there on the shelf and cried...in the supermarket! Then I realised I'd now have to prepare them without her in mind.
Im currently doing a board of her adventure through life with me, I have a few pictures up in places where I always look but I get what you've described perfectly...bursting into tears moments...they just stare back at you and you want that response, that eye brow raise, that turn of the head...you reach out for it mentally and it's just not happening. She was such an important part of my life I felt like she'd be with me when I was old and pottering around...you just never consider how short a life is when there's so much love. It's so lovely that your son was worried about forgetting him...shows the depth of how far George meant to your family...also makes me aware that I'm not alone in my experiences with a great friend who just happens to have a short life x

@NotAnotherNightIn
.....a bit of excitement amongst the gloom....perhaps. Off tomorrow with some enthusiasm, to see a litter of one week old golden Cockapoo girls. A very different doggy to George who was a westie. I am hoping that my heart will melt and this might help ease the sadness inside. Will let you know outcome. We wouldn't have pup til May, so time to get ready mentally and also sort the garden out for it! Kids are very keen, so is DH! Xxx

Nobody could replace George btw. We just loved him!

I always think that when you lose a dog a little bit of your heart goes with them, but wh n you get another it gives you a chunk of its heart to fill the gap. As you go through life and love many dogs you end up with a patchwork heart made up of different dog's love. You can never replace a dog, but you can love and be loved by another, it's not letting the old dog down and it doesn't mean you'll forget them.

When I was younger we alway s found a new animal abandoned within a week of losing a pet, it was spooky! We live near the moors and things used to get dumped (strangely not so much nowadays, perhaps there are more rescues locally?). Our pets found us.

I saw an advert for a rescue lab a couple of weeks ago, it was 9 months old and manic. That's what our second (remaining) lab was like, he'd had four homes before us and was only a year old. He was hard work, but has turned into a fantastic dog. I'm so tempted, but our remaining lab is 9 now and getting arthiritis, so I don't know if it would kill him running around with a youngster (he's not the type to rest!). Yet he misses his best friend and the Labrador games they played. He plays with our fluffball terrier, but they're not on the same level. But from a me point of view I like having two dogs rather than three. It's hard!