Thanks for all the nice welcome messages - I'm sorry that I posted and then went dark, but the combo of full time work, kids all back at school and new pup have left me with absolutely no time to breathe, let alone post!
I knew that a dog would take work but wasn't anticipating the massive time commitment around organising stuff, daily grooming, washing, cleaning....you know...!!! 



Anyway, Fillypup is settling in well and we've now had 5 nights in a row in his crate 11-7.30, dry and with no crying. Feels like a huge step forward, tbh, as that was really stressing me.
Now I need to crack crate time during the day: until he's totally reliably toilet trained (a little way off, I'd say), he needs to be in there for at least 1 hour every day, and he totally hates it. I'm waiting for our litigious mean neighbours to put in a complaint with the council or contact the rspca as he cries nearly the whole time. It's odd, as he will happily spend hours at a time fast asleep in the living room, but the minute I pop him into his crate (in utility room, facing a window) he's wide awake and won't settle. Grrr. The minute he's out (after initial absolute joy), he's fast asleep under the table again!!! 
But apart from that he's doing really well. Not too many accidents, about one a day at the moment, and super chilled - almost no barking, not much biting, not too much inappropriate chewing. So I count myself lucky. And I've found some local day care support so he's got a lovely lady who collects him on empty house days for an hour walk with other puppies, gives him lunch and settles him back. Which means he's never alone for longer than 2 hours at the moment.
I read some of the pps and nearly cried. Dh has been questioning this whole "dog thing" from day 1 and made it clear that he really really doesn't want us to have a dog. His view is that dc3 is now 7 and we are finally past the hard stuff, so why on earth have I made life tough all over again? I'm worried he might be right, and even more worried that his attitude will end up making that true. Very difficult. He's agreed to give it some time and is being lovely to the dog - he likes him just fine, but I know he just doesn't really want him there in the first place. So tough.