Help - New Puppy

[Pennywise64]

I'm expecting to get flamed.

We collected our puppy Cockapoo on Sunday. I am really struggling with her. I have two young children and she keeps biting and attacking my youngest. He is now scared of her. Keeps saying that he wish les we never got her. He stays away from her but she keeps going for him.

She is only 10 weeks. She is a lovely girl pup but I am concerned that I have taken on more than I can deal with. It is making me anxious and I am sat here in tears.

Any advice on what is best to do would be greatly appreciated.

I have a friend with two dogs who said she would take her if it all became too much for me.

I've got him to feed her to teach her where she is in the pecking order

This worries me and tells me that you haven't researched as much up to date info as you should.

Also your comments about toilet training.

I too am going to hide this thread now.

Plus, that little puppy will be adjusting from leaving her mum and litter mates, how about seeing it from her side too?

OP I would recommend reading the puppy survival threads on here. A lot of us are on the 'part 2' thread which you should join. People on there are either going through the new puppy stage or have recently done so. You will pick up a lot of tips and also see how different all our puppies are in terms of how long toilet training and other things take to master.

"We have a neighbour who will feed and visit her on the 2/3 days that we are out for more than 7/8 hours. She won't be on her own for more than 4 hours a day"

Say what now?? She won't be on her own for more than 4 hours a day yet you admit there will be 2/3 days when you are out for 7-8 hours?? A neighbour popping in doesn't stop it from being 7-8 hours without any company and stimulation. Four hours tops in any day at all, not per sitting is what you should be looking at for a puppy. It won't be fully grown by Sept I hate to tell you.
Is the neighbour offering to stay for a few hours and take it for a half hour walk? Every day for 2/3 days a week?

You really haven't done any research at all have you?

One of the biggest problems is the fact you got a cockerpoo....

A very hyper cross breed.

Needs ALOT of exercise especially when she reaches teenager

Make sure she has plenty of tug toys and chewy toys.

Every time she starts to bite, distract her with the toy.

Let her know chewing the toy is good, chewing you is not

And yes "pecking order" is bullshit. She's a 10 week old baby who has been torn from her parents and siblings, thrust into a new home with new smells and all new people.

It's going to take time.

I deserve to get flamed. I am so ashamed and worried I won't be able to give her a good life. Also the amount of people who have given me conflicting stories is making me even more doubtful. A lot of people I know leave there dogs for extended periods. I am told they are all fine.

On the days that we are not around for long periods she will be walked by a dog walker for an hour. We will be with her up until she is 6 months and then our work routine will change which is why we will require the walker.

A neighbour will visit as well. She already does that for another neighbour. So she will be 4 hours on her own. An hour walk with the walker then 3/4 hours on her own again. Is this too cruel? Be honest. I want what is best for Matilda otherwise, I really do.

Thanks.

It is a big thing for a pup to go from constant company to suddenly being left alone for 8 hours

Even with a dog walker and a neighbour visiting

Have you been practicing? Leaving her for a little bit to get used to it?

Have you thought about doggy day care?

No we haven't built her up because it is early days. We intend to build her up over the next 4 months.

Be honest is it cruel to do that to her three days a week? I mean with an hours walk in between. I'm told that if they get a good walk in the morning and one in the afternoon they sleep for the rest of the time.

Yes it is actually
Especially with no practicing

I've got an almost 16 week old chihuahua, and I've been leaving her little bits since we got her. Even it ifs just locking the house and walking down the road and returning 5 minutes later.

The longest I've left her so far is 3 hours because to pick dh up from hospital, but I leave her about an hour-2 hours maximum a couple a times a week.

She's used to it and just goes to sleep on the floor. She likes to cuddle up to my slippers so I leave them with her and I leave the TV on for her too

I left mine for 2-3 hours as a young pup but I worked up to it. He then goes to day care so he has company when I am at work.

Each dog is different and just like raising a child you will be given conflicting advice.

Would you consider letting her go to day care on the days you work?

She gets plenty of excercise and socialisation

And she is knackered when she comes home

Win win

If you build up to it it should be fine. And you will be able to tell nearer the time whether or not she will be able to cope. If not you could investigate dog daycare or have two dogwalkers. You will work something out.

We have a 1 year old Labrador which we got when he was 8 weeks. I was exactly like you, thought what the hell have I done. My children were also scared but with consistency he stopped chewing them very quickly. The teenage years are tough but he's starting to calm down a lot now (although still has his moments!) and is a wonderful addition to our family.
I would also echo crate training, there is no harm in putting pup in there when you need a break too.

Seven to eight hours (even with breaks) several times a week is a long time for a dog to be left, particularly one that is likely to need a lot of both exercise and mental stimulation as an adult. Will you be walking her/doing training/playing brain games/etc. before and after work on those days as well?

Day care is a possibility but you need to be careful to check what the places local to you are like. So many just turf all the dogs in together to run riot all day which really isn't what you want. It's a recipe for confident dogs to become bullies and less social ones to become fearful. You want somewhere that the dogs are in small, appropriately matched groups with plenty of human supervision and interaction.

Are you signed up for puppy training classes? If not I'd suggest asking on the FB group I linked to in my earlier post for recommendations. You can also have a look and see what is available locally to you but definitely go along to watch a class or two first before signing up so you know what they're like.

I hope you are not planning on leaving her in a crate for the extended periods you are out of the house , as even with a walk and a visit that is way too much time to be shut in a cage , particularly if she is shut in again overnight . I would broaden your reading and also try some different forums as I find on here most people tend to say they found puppies really hard and that's not always the case , compared with 4 horses on DIY livery ,stabled at night all year, a puppy is a breeze.

I am open to doggy dare care or a dog share for those days when we are out for long periods.

We are sighing up to puppy training.

The most I would crate her for is 30 minutes during the day. Then build that up to 2 hours max. She has will have the run of our kitchen when we are out for any longer period. The kitchen is safe and large.

She is quite confident now. She will go into the conservatory and sleep on her own. I just found her in the kitchen on her own sleeping on the tiled floor probably to keep cool.

She goes to the door to be let out when she needs a poo or wee. I have been working with her to let me know.

Truth be told I love her and want her to have a good life even if that means admitting that might not be me.

We got the happy puppy book before we brought our pup home.

I found it really really helpful and now just use that book and disregard anything I read that conflicts with it. It's written by someone who has labradors and assumes that good works wonders - Our puppy isn't massively food motivated or I haven't found anything that he goes wild for yet. That said it's still really useful.

It's such early days with yours. I agree with other posters about making sure you don't leave it alone for long periods. Also our puppy is only allowed in the kitchen (where his crate is) nowhere else. I think having a small space is good for them at this stage, he feels safe and settled.

We have a whippet and they're good at toiletting but I've had to be super vigilant which meant taking him out every 30 mins while awake for the first two weeks. Now he's ok but not house trained by any means. I still get up once in the night to take him out and expect I'll be doing that for another 3 or 4 weeks.

You're brave to come on here and be so honest. If it's really not going to work for you and you end up resenting the dog then you can give the puppy back to the breeder. People do. A friend of mine did for similar reasons to you. It's not ideal but it is an option. Have you spoken to the breeder? If they're any good they should be able to help you through this.

Heidi thanks so much. I will get a copy of the book.

I wouldn't give her back to the breeder because I want to make sure that if I can't give her a good home that she will be someone really good.

I have a friend who works from home and has two dogs. She is very experienced with dogs. She has said that if it gets too much and I can't cope that she will take Matilda. I'm going to give it my best shot but if I think Matilda is sad or isn't getting a good quality of life I will hand her over to my friend where I know she will be loved and cared for.

Thank you to everyone for all your advice.

I wouldn't give her back to the breeder because I want to make sure that if I can't give her a good home that she will be someone really good.

Presumably the breeder wasn't a good one then? Did they not offer any ongoing back up? Or say they'd have the pup back (or at the very least assist with rehoming) at any point in the future if necessary?

Yes she did. In fact she said I could also contact her anytime with queries/training tips.

I just feel like it is my responsibility to look after Matilda. If I have to give her up then it is my responsibility to make sure she goes to a home where I know she will be safe and happy. As much as a breeder may ask and try to check how will she possibly be 100% sure.

Passing her back to breeder would feel like I had let her down. I don't want to let her down

With regard to her being left on her own, and the fact that you know loads of people who do it and say their dog is ok left home alone for a few hours, you should watch Mark Evans programme 'Dogs: Their secret lives'. Here's a quote from him
'It all began back in 2013 when I helped convince Channel 4 to commission a one-off documentary that explored, through surveillance filming and science, what dogs get up to when they’re home alone. The film revealed the shocking finding that 85% of dogs may suffer some degree of anxiety when they are on their tod.'

This show had owners in tears when they were shown footage of how stressed and anxious their dogs were when they were left home alone. Almost every one of the owners had previously thought their dog was fine when they were left home alone, presumably because of a lack of visible evidence, like chewing, toileting and/or neighbours claiming there was a lot of barking. A lot of the signs of extreme anxiety and stress are much more subtle than that.

I realise it's only hypothetical at this point but if the breeder is a good one (though I have my doubts given how unprepared you were and how long you're intending to leave the puppy for) it's really unfair to rehome the puppy without at least involving them. A decent breeder would be devastated at not only having made a mistake with picking a suitable home but finding out that home has shunted the puppy on elsewhere.

Have you even let them know you're struggling?

Have you enrolled her into puppy class? Doing some first basic training will be great for bonding. You can show your youngest how to teach "sit", "down" or even "fetch" and "drop". This will make the dog more predictable for him and hopefully take away the fear.

Please don't stop the hand feeding! If she is rough, take the treat/ food away. Use it to teach a "leave" and "have it" command. It can teach your dog to be gentle when taking food from our hands and helps with impulse control. Something that is so important with children around!

Don't forget, it's early days, you puppy needs time to learn the ins and outs of being a family pet.

Shunted is a strong word. No one is shunting the dog.

It's good advice to speak to the breeder. I will raise it with her and see what she says.

The lady you are suggesting I will shunt her to has been a close friend since school. I trust her implicitly.

I'm leaving the thread now. I have had some really good advice on here. My concern is the amount of conflicting advice I have received from various forums.

I am taking her to the vet tomorrow and I will have an honest conversation with the vet.