Regretting getting puppy

[fessmess]

15 weeks old and I couldn't rehome her but I regret getting her. I finished a work contract and decided to concentrate on my studies, whilst looking after the puppy. The reality is I am with the pup, unless my dh is around, for 24 hours a day and my world consists of my front room, the garden and a walk round the block. I sleep in the lounge with her, her in crate, and cannot leave the house or she howls. My teenage dds have gone from "yes, we'll help with the dog so you can do x, y or z" to disappearing into their rooms and leaving me to it. Final straw was having to cancel a morning's induction for a volunteer job(to do with my studies) and my eldest saying she can't have pup due to her anxiety. It's a disaster. Don't really know point of this post except to say my dh thinks I'm lucky to be at home with it and I should stop moaning. So, I'm moaning here! Soz.

Had a very proud moment this morning when my lovely 12mnths lab shot off to see her 'friend' a little Patterdale terrier on our walk, excitedly said hello then came bounding back to me. She then did the same with another walk buddy. She's not the finished product yet but after 2 days of spontaneously walking to heal (after running off the initial energy burst) she is a pleasure to walk.
Three months ago it was a very different story!

OP my sympathies. My DH chose our springer poodle cross and she is adorable ( I wanted another lab😂) He looks at her with bemusement, sabotages training accidentally but doesn't learn from it, carries on his own life regardless of pup. Our old lab was 4 years old when he met her so never experienced puppyhood.He loves her though but I do know how alone you must be feeling. It will get better. Pup is 8 months now. What about giving her a kong, the bone shaped one is easy for a young pup to manage, in her crate and then moving in and out of the room ignoring any whining and gradually extending the time. That way she will understand that you always come back. May help with leaving her during the day. Also important that someone else looks after her regularly for an hour or so, same lesson learned, you always come back.

WIlldoit...can you expand on how you have taught reliable recall please. I am really struggling with this. Pup is very easily distracted and at the moment is spending most walks on a lead.

Can only endorse what everyone says. I lost my adorable lab a few years ago and we're too old now to have another dog and I couldn't go through the puppy stage again! My DH was working away when we had the pup and I had 2 teenage sons at home. One night I was crying on the phone to DH that I'd made a "terrible mistake" and didn't think I could keep her. He thought I'd lost the plot! He was not around though to see her antics. She was a complete nightmare - biting everything in sight, and those needle sharp teeth were SO painful - my boys had bites all up their arms! One of the boys was very good and took over a lot of her care. We had to be "armed" with pillows to stop her jumping on us and biting wherever.....sometimes it got so bad we had to shut her outside and she tore up and down the garden. BUT she grew up and was simply adorable. We never got her to walk to heel as the local park was just up the road, so we didn't bother. Oh god when she died it was utterly terrible.

Then my son when he got married they got a black lab (a dog) and he was much more willful and a bit of a nightmare. I used to walk him most days as they were at walk. I had some hairy times with him - my son had one of those stupid long leads that retract as he wouldn't let him off the lead because he wouldn't come back! I was having none of that because if you don't let them off they never learn to come back. It was relatively easy with labs as they love food so much, so I let him off and always gave him a food treat when he came back - I never chased him - that's the road to nowhere - and just stayed still or even walked in the opposite direction and was stressed if he went out of sight but knew he'd eventually come back.............thing is the dog doesn't want to lose you any more than you want to lose the dog. And dogs want to please their owners, but as they've only got doggy brains they don't know what they need to do.

SO hang on in there ..............you might have a stressful 12 months but then you've got a lovely dog for may years. Can I just ask is this a cockapoo? They've become very popular haven't they - my DGD who is 7 is desperate for a dog but it's a no go as her mom doesn't like dogs and would never have the patience which you need in bucketsful in the first months.

Keep going OP, you're doing everything right and all the work you're putting in now will result in a grown up well-balanced dog.

Please please ignore anyone telling you to let the dog howl - it will cause bigger problems later. You sound like a very responsible dog owner so I'm guessing you know this already.

It will get easier!!

Are you doing clicker training with your dog too? If not it might be worth looking into as it will help you bond and keep the puppy's mind active, perhaps if the children got involved too they might find they want to interact with the dog more too (ie give you a much deserved break!).

Good luck OP, I hope things start looking more positive soon.

Didiplanthis - just chortled reading about your labrador hanging off examiner's fleece!

I went to Kennel Club dog training. Most stressful experience of my life . All the other dogs appeared to be ready-trained and were marching round the village hall weaving in and out of cones and gates etc. My dog hadn't a clue. We had to spend quite a bit of time in the "sin bin" in the foyer whilst all the other dogs smugly did their exercises.

Funnily enough out and about I've met about ten owners and dogs who have also been thrown out of Kennel Club classes!

We also did Positive Training. Dog laughed in the faces of the Positive Ladies. You can't just tell a dog (or child, for that matter) what's right and never what's wrong.

Dog now is a paragon of virtue. With his personal trainer we used a mixture of positive and a few fiercer commands. He knows if I bellow "LEAVE IT !!!" he gets his nose out of something nasty or drops something he shouldn't have -stolen- acquired.

Congratulations on new puppy and echo others... it will get better.

I haven't seen any mention of what you do in day to keep her occupied mentally in house and on walks as that will help pupates sleep more and not bother you so much.

Things like king toys with treats that take some effort to get to, treat balls they have to roll around to get treats ( you can use healthy ones like dried liver) . There are great books with lots of games you can play to tire them out ... sorry I am on phone so don't have links.

Just like kids they do need structured play. Time spent now plus the help of a 1- 1 behaviourist will be well worth it.

Training club imo failed you if they could not solve the issues. You could try agility type club... another great way to exercise brain and body... most have a puppy session.

RhodaBull your post made me laugh. I do find the 'only positive and never anything negative' approach only works for some dogs and interestingly in the group sessions my dog was never picked when trying to demonstrate their approach

I have since found a one to one trainer who is great with my dog and I do the 'leave it' bellow as well :)

Very reassuring to read all of this. We have a 13 week old Irish Terrier. Previously had four border terriers, still have a 4 yo girl. It is such hard work dealing with the pissy puppy, as he is known. That or the land shark. Such sharp teeth that really hurt, endless mopping. But he didn't poo inside last night for the first time which feels like such a break through,
I try and keep his day structured a but like having a baby. Eating, exercise, toilet and nap. Repeat. Outside to the toilet every 15 minutes. He is being socialised a lot, short training sessions throughout the day.
But when he is cuddled up asleep being very cute, I wouldn't change a thing.

You don't have a puppy problem, you have a lazy teenagers problem! Tell them to pull their weight or the dog goes - they don't have to know you don't mean it! I had a puppy when I was a young teenager and she was entirely my responsibility - walking, feeding, clearing up - they wanted the dog, they need to contribute.

I feel your pain. My dog had terrible separation anxiety as a puppy, he would howl and cry when left alone. He's 3.5 now and he's still not hugely fond of being alone but he copes; he's not left alone for hours on end as our situation allows this fortunately.

There is a massive amount of advice on dealing with separation anxiety, most of it I found fruitless but we found leaving him with an 'amazing' treat he only gets when he's alone, leaving an old t shirt with your scent on and leaving him plenty of things to occupy himself with worked somewhat.

Persevere, it's usually well worth it!

Thank you for your responses. To answer a few questions; she's a labradoodle (but mostly poodle), I do clicker training, play tug and fetch and take her on socialisation trips (like the bus to my dh' work place.) She seems to have changed her routine this week and sleeps 8-10 so I take her out then. Sleeps again about midday. My youngest dd has done some training with her, and taught her to wait for treats and "high five " 🙄. My eldest has an amazing way with pup, dd speaks and pup obeys but dd has panic attacks and feels she can't cope. The dds have lost a bit of interest last couple of weeks and I find it hard being a sahpetowner , tbh. Walls closing in etc. But, I feel brighter today, only one accident in three days and a halti harness has stopped the pulling. Thank you for all your advice and support. One day I'll have a good laugh about this. Maybe. Off to parents this weekend, WITHOUT dog, can't wait!

Can I say that I think you should train not to pull, rather than using a harness. A labradoodle can grow quite large. My dog just pulled harder wearing a Halti, and did my shoulders in. Training not to pull was a hard slog, but soooo worth it in the end. Also it's very important to train a dog not to jump up. A puppy jumping is fine, but a big dog... nooooooo. Every time my dog jumped I bawled "FOUR PAWS" at him (my own invented command!) and now he never even thinks about a limb leaving the floor.

A labradoodle will soon be house-trained - don't worry. They are a combination of two intelligent dogs!

Excellent! Yes, we turn and ignore jumping up. I find she doesn't pull with halti on and I've been teaching a "walk" command, praising and marking good walking. I still do that, even with harness as I hope to mark the good behaviour.

Positive works for all dogs. The idea that some dogs need harsher methods is just wrong. Errorless learning IS possible and any trainer who says it isn't is just plain wrong and needs to educate themselves.

And there's no need to bellow or bawl anything. Sure punishment works but there are always kinder ways.

Not punishment, but using a sterner voice is absolutely necessary on occasion. If your child, for example, was about to touch something hot would you tempt it away with a treat or encouraging words, or shout "No!" ?

I never yell, shout or am angry with my dog. But he does have a couple of commands which means he has to obey right that second. When I spotted him with a packet of paracetamol in his mouth (it had dropped out of my pocket...) it was much better to bark "Drop it!" at him than go off searching for a high-value treat as a bribe and lose valuable time.

I have had this argument on here before: of course "harsh" is wrong, but being firm is good, especially if you have a breed inclined to stubbornness. Bribes have a place, and praise definitely has top place, but always trying to distract instead of letting a dog know what you don't want it to do (and as I said, the same goes for children!) is woolly, muddled thinking.

Some old fashion methods such as smacking a dog or rubbing their nose in a toileting accident are obviously wrong but the all positive training and no negative or a raised voice in a 'bad' situation reminds me of the arguments for training children. There are fashions which come and go and not everyone will agree with everything.

I only think it becomes a problem if one side of any argument shouts the other side down then people aren't encouraged to discuss the pros and cons. I am not saying that is happening here but I have seen some black and white opinions on the internet which suggest if you have a different opinion then you are totally wrong and don't even bother to suggest otherwise in terms of owning or training a dog.

Oops when I said training children I meant educating children

Only a couple of commands?

My dog is trained to respond to ALL her commands "right this second" with no shouting required.

Equating distraction with training, as in your paracetamol example, is muddled thinking. Distraction isn't training. Distraction is part of management, which is used until the dog is trained. Of course you don't tempt a child away from something hot, or out of the road with a treat. Of course in an emergency I'd shout, or grab. If it came to it, to prevent my child falling over a cliff I'd grab it by the hair if that was the only other option!

The point is, until they're able to understand and obey instructions reliably, we do our best to MANAGE.

We hold their hand next to roads. We don't let them near cliff edges. We keep them away from stoves and fit hob guards.

You say you don't shout - what is bawling then?

Omg! You sound just like me, I can relate. Puppies are hard work, he’s 5 months now and it has got easier I clearly didn’t think it through getting a puppy, loss of freedom has effected me deeply. Also my anxiety and depression has returned probably down to puppy blues, I decided to keep him as I was worried about were he’d end up.
Am I happy..... NO.

Yeah - I found the puppy harder work than the babies.

It does get better though. We got a cocker spaniel by mistake He's insane, I swear. I couldn't be without him though the old mutt

I felt the same about ours for a while. Her problem was she never seemed to sleep! Manic zoomies, peeing every 15 minutes, biting you with needle sharp teeth. It was hell. But now.... at 11 months, she is wonderful. Obedient, housetrained, loving and a brilliant companion. I promise you it gets better, and you will (almost) forget about the problem months.

Hats off to to you OP. So many of these types of threads start with someone who really hasn't got a clue of how to bring up a puppy and has found themselves totally unprepared for life with one. In contrast, you sound like you are prepared and know what you're doing. You're just having that "oh shit!" moment we all have .

Someone - I think on mn - once replied to a puppy post "puppies are arseholes, you will have weeks of this" and it made me laugh so much that we quote it all the time in the house now. Puppies ARE arseholes. They are cute, adorable, funny but also arseholes.

My own experience is that the love you feel for a puppy is very much for worrying about it and feeling responsible for it and therefore having to care for it. You get some joy from laughing at it or from seeing how lovely it looks asleep but having a puppy is 75% hard work and only 25% fun times. The kind of love we all want with our pets (friendship and a close bond) comes much later when they are adult. We have to get them through the baby/child stage first.

Everything you are doing sounds like the right things to do. It just that puppies take so much consistency and repetition to get there, but they will get there.

If your puppy listens to your DD but she feels overwhelmed could she do something like sit with the puppy in the crate while she is asleep so you can get on with other things without having to keep an eye on pup? Even if not, your kids could certainly do things to help that don't involve direct interaction: getting the puppy's food ready, picking up poop, tidying puppy toys away etc.

Wow. The resurrection of my old thread is an eye opener. I'd forgotten how miserable I was then! Ten months on and she is the most loving, obedient, funny, confident and friendly dog anyone could wish for. She sleeps in a crate in our room (we gave up on lounge months ago) and can be left at home 2-3 hours. She still tries to hump me out on walks if she's frustrated but no teeth involved now. I fell in love with her at about 9 months old once she started to mature and I could walk her a decent distance. Since her season at 11-12 months she has improved further, calmer and less interested in other dogs. Nearly had her a year! Get all tearful when I think I regretted getting her.

Here's a pic, bless. Sulking because I was ignoring her.